Flying Lips of Doom
Qui-Gon goes on vacation alone and leaves Obi-Wan in the care of Bren and Brazo. Will either be able to handle the boy and his flying lips of doom?
Oringally posted in 2002 - Third in the series that consists of "Braidless in Coruscant," and "Stressed."
(Qui-Gon sat back, sinking into the lounge chair. Closing his eyes, he soaked up the warm rays of the sun. He'd been on the planet of Varu for almost a week now and had never felt so relaxed in all his life. He had received several messages from the front desk of the hotel where he was staying. But he'd chosen to ignore them. If they had been of vital importance he would have been informed of that. He was content to stay here as long as needed. Until all his stress was in the past. Back on Coruscant, Obi-Wan was spending his time away from his master divided. Days with Brazo and evenings and nights with Bren.)
Brazo: Obi-Wan, okay. This sparring does not seem to be working. I believe our height difference is preventing us from doing these exercises correctly. You keep hitting my knees with your blade. Healer Terran has treated me for burns the last three days. I suggest we try something else.
Obi: Like what? You know I am a growing kid. You have to keep my mind occupied or I might find my own ways of amusing myself. I like sparring. I really do. Master Qui-Gon only lets me spar after I have mediated though. He wants me to be rested when before I get a saber in my hands. Something about me not being focused when I spar. I am focused, Master Brazo. I am. I just need some guidance sometimes. What did you say you wanted to do next?
Brazo: Uh, something less painful and ah, quieter. Yes, quieter. Meditation. That's good. Where is your favorite place to relax?
Obi: My bed.
Brazo: Okay, other than that.
Obi: Um, oh I know. The meditation gardens! There's a spot where Master Qui-Gon takes me all the time. He tells me that I have a very unique way of meditating and tries to make sure there is no one else around to disturb us. He's a great master. Always thinking of me.
Brazo: Yes, he is. When he's not trying to get away from you.
Obi: What?
Brazo: Huh? Oh, nothing. Come on then. Let's go to the gardens.
(They sat on the soft grass just a short stroll away from a small flowerbed that hugged the far corner of the spacious room.)
Brazo: I can feel the Force already. Close your eyes, Obi-Wan. Let it absorb you.
(Obi-Wan closed his eyes and became still. He reached out.)
Obi: OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. OMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Brazo: What are you doing?
Obi: Shh, I am becoming one with the Force. OMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. OMMMMMMMMMM.
Brazo: Obi-Wan, stop it. You have to do this quietly. Everyone is staring at us.
Obi: I know. That's the real reason Master Qui-Gon brings me to this part of the gardens. He doesn't like all those eyes on him. You know how he is about his reputation. If he can't reach a certain depth of meditation, then he is a failure as a master. My master is not a failure.
Brazo: And he can't reach that depth because of your...uh...unique way of meditating.
Obi: I think so. He spends most of the time telling me to shush. He's so funny.
Brazo: Can you meditate a bit quieter?
Obi: Sure.
Brazo: Good. Let's try this again.
(They both closed their eyes and reached for the Force once more.)
Obi: Ommmmmmmmmmm. Ommmmmmmmm. Ommmmmmmmm.
Brazo: OBI-WAN!
(Brazo yelled so loud that the boy jumped up, saber blazing, ready for anything.)
Obi: What happened? What's wrong?
Brazo: Sit down, NOW! Put your sword away.
Obi: You startled me, Master Brazo. Don't do that. I was deep.
Brazo: No, you were just making noise. You have to do this SILENTLY! Otherwise you interfere with all the other Jedi around. No more Omming. This should be a peaceful exercise not something that causes stress.
Obi: Oh, it's not stressful for me. Don't worry. It really helps to calm me down.
Brazo: It's stressful to me. And I am beginning to see why Qui-Gon left for vacation in such a hurry. Perhaps meditation is not what we need right now. How about some lunch? You're a growing boy, you need food.
Obi: Yes! Master Qui-Gon is always feeding me interesting foods. Usually they are very chewy. I don't know why, but he says chewy foods help to keep my mouth busy. But no more JuJu Trolls, please. I got sick on those last time. He and Master Bren were on the couch doing some adult mush cuddle thing and he stuck me in my room with nothing but JuJu Trolls to eat. He made me eat all six boxes. I was so sick the next morning. Anything but those.
Brazo: (taking several deep breaths) Very well, let's go to the dining hall.
(By the time the evening rolled around, Brazo was worn out and very close to needing Force assistance to help him rest. He dropped Obi-Wan off at Bren's apartment.)
Bren: Brazo! Obi! Hi! Come on in.
Brazo: No thanks. Take him. I have to go. Bye. (Brazo ran off down the corridor.)
Bren: Brazo?
Obi: He's a nut, isn't he?
Bren: Yes he is. Look what I have, kid. The newest Lima holo on the planet. K-19 Troll.
Obi: WOOHOO! You are the master! I love you. Let's go watch.
Bren: Not yet. I want you to get a shower. We'll eat and then we can watch Lima. Got it?
Obi: I sure do.
(Within an hour, Obi-Wan had showered and eaten. He was ready for Lima. He and Bren huddled under the blanket on the couch and hit PLAY. The boy was silent the entire two hours of the holo. Once it was over, Bren instructed him to take in some light meditation before getting ready for bed.)
Bren: Sit on the floor here. I have to send a message to Qui-Gon to let him know how things are going thus far. I can't believe he's already been gone for a week. Seems like just yesterday he left.
Obi: Okay, Master Bren. Tell him I said hi.
(Obi-Wan sat cross-legged on the floor, lay his hands in his lap and closed his eyes. Without a sound, he slipped into the Force for a short time.)
Bren: (speaking into the com-panel) Qui, this is a voice message for you when you get it. Nothing too exciting. Obi-Wan is a joy. So well behaved. I've not had a problem all week. I'll be in touch again soon. Hope you are well. Love you.
(She allowed another half hour to pass before she disturbed the peaceful boy in the common area.)
Bren: Okay, Obi. Off to bed with you.
Obi: Okay. I am tired. Good night, Master Bren.
(A hug and he was off to bed. Bren relaxed for a while longer before turning in as well.)
(The next morning, Brazo arrived right after breakfast to take Obi-Wan from Bren so that Bren could attend to her classes. She took note of Brazo's slightly frazzled appearance. And his usual jovial morning attitude was nowhere to be found.)
Bren: You okay? You look kinda...you look a mess, Brazo.
Brazo: Just a little trouble sleeping is all. Good morning to you both.
(Obi-Wan jumped up and crashed into the big man's chest. His morning hug.)
Brazo: Hello, Obi-Wan. Okay, that's a good enough hug for today. I have a day planned for you, are you ready?
Obi: Yes sir. Can we meditate in the gardens again?
Brazo: No. No meditating or sparring. We will do some Force control exercises today. Ones that focus on still and quiet. Okay?
Obi: Okay. Bye, Master Bren.
Bren: Cya, kid.
(They spent a good part of the day in the gym. Brazo was attempting to find anything to keep the boy busy for long periods at a time. But it was little use. Obi-Wan seemed to have this need to talk about everything.)
Obi: Master Qui-Gon loves for me to do this Force control stuff. I'm pretty good at it too, aren't I? What can you lift, Master Brazo? Can you lift a speeder? Master Yoda can. Or he says he can. I think he likes to show off. All that talk about size doesn't matter. Did you ever notice how scary the members of the council are? First there is Master Yoda, he's a troll. Enough said. Then there is Poofy. Now THAT guy is freaky. Long neck and all. He loves to mock my master. All the time. His head goes baaaaaaaaaaaaack and forrrrrrrrrth...baaaaaaaaaaaack and forrrrrrrrrrrrrrth. I think that's why Master Qui-Gon defies them all the time. Because he doesn't want to be near them. Creepy. Then there is Master Adi with the snakes in her hair. And that furry guy who looks like a wookie reject. And Master Clown or Kloon...whatever. Then the cone head guy, what's his name? Oh and Yaddle. Don't forget her. Did you hear about what she and Yoda do in the hot tub? Oh, it's icky. Don't get me started on that.
Brazo: Obi-Wan?
Obi: Yes?
Brazo: Can you just lift the rock without the commentary?
Obi: Oh, right. I can try. But I enjoy talking to you, Master Brazo. I truly do. I used to think you just hugged everyone and that was your job. But now I know how important you are. I mean you teach stress class and you...uh...what else do you do?
Brazo: We'll talk about that later. Just lift the rock. Please.
Obi: Okay. Look how high I can lift it. Almost as tall as you. I bet I can hold it here for a long time. You want me to show you how long I can hold it? I have great control with these small objects. The larger ones are more of a problem. But I am just a padawan. I'll grow into that, and the bigger I get the more I'll lift. I might be able to lift you one day.
Brazo: Yes, that would be something. Put the rock down now.
Obi: But I've only been holding it for about ten minutes. This is no problem for me. I bet I can hold it for twenty minutes.
(Obi-Wan continued to keep the rock suspended until his control began to slip. Without warning it slammed to the floor. Landing smack on top of Brazo's foot.)
Brazo: OW! SITH!
Obi: I didn't make it. I'm sorry. Are you okay? Do you need the healers? Can you walk? Let me help you. Take my hand. We'll go see Master Terran.
(He yapped all the way to the healers. When they arrived, Terran was talking to the temple Shrink, Nev Daloon.)
Nev: Obi-Wan, Brazo. Good to see you. Problem?
Brazo: You have no idea.
Obi: I dropped a rock on his foot while I was practicing Force control. I thought I could hold it longer but I lost my focus and the rock fell. I think his toe is broken. You should see to it, Master Terran. If left unattended, an injury like that can worsen until infection sets in and then...death. I don't want Master Brazo to die. Please help him.
Terran: Thank you, Doctor Kenobi. Brazo, sit down here. (He patted the exam bed and did a quick once over of the injured foot.)
Nev: Obi-Wan, how are you doing this week without Qui-Gon to keep you busy?
Obi: Great, Mr. Nev. Master Brazo is the best. And so funny. He tires me out though. I have been exhausted lately. Master Bren keeps me company at night. I love her. If you need any help with anything, just let me know. I am pretty good at getting things done without a lot of nonsense. Have I ever told you how much I enjoy the sessions I have with you? They leave me so refreshed. Like I am ready to take on the galaxy. I wish you could help my master though. I feel bad for him sometimes. Sometimes he stares at me with that deer in the headlights look. I think he zones out. I've caught him talking in his sleep before. Saying something like 'bad pad' over and over again. I don't know. I worry about him. Can you help him? You were meant to help him.
Nev: Uh...um...ah. No. Not right now. Shhh.
Terran: Okay, Brazo, all done. Just a deep bruise. No break. You'll be fine. Just keep flying rocks away from your feet and away from the apprentice as well. Give it a few days and if it's not better, come see me again.
Brazo: So, it's not enough to keep me off my feet. Something that would FORCE me to stay in bed with NO visitors for the next week?
Terran: Um, no it's not. You are cleared to continue in your training of Obi-Wan.
Brazo: Oh, happy day.
Terran: I don't sense a bit of sarcasm do I?
Brazo: No, you think? Come on, Obi-Wan. I shall try again to find something quiet for us to do.
Obi: We can try sparring again. That was great. You could get on your knees this time though. So I don't burn them anymore.
Brazo: Yes, I'd rather you burn my eyes instead. No sparring. What do you do for relaxation?
Obi: Lima holo's.
Brazo: All the time?
Obi: Pretty much. I could watch Lima act all day long.
Brazo: Okay, fine. Lima it is.
(They went to Obi-Wan's quarters and sat down to watch, Moulin Troll. One of Obi-Wan's personal favorites.)
Obi: Watch this part. Lima sings like nothing you've ever heard. I had no idea he could sing. I mean, I knew he was a great actor, but he just blew me away with this one. I wish I could sing like that. Master says I sounds like a drowning duck. He's one to talk. He'll stand in front of the mirror in his underwear and do his Issac Hayes thing, deep voice and all. I HATE it when he does that. There is something about deep voices that give me chills. Like that guy on that news channel, JNN, the Jedi News Network...that voice. It's so...familiar. I have strange dreams about it. The voice gets in my head and says "your powers are weak old man." Oh wow. Creeps me OUT!
Brazo: I thought you wanted to watch this holo.
Obi: I do. But I've seen it so many times that I can talk while I watch and still follow it. So if you miss a part, just let me know, I can tell you exactly what's going on. Like here...they...
Brazo: Obi-Wan?
Obi: Yes?
Brazo: Excuse me, I have a call to make. I'll return in a few moments.
Obi: Okay. You want me to pause this for you? I don't mind. That way you don't miss this next part coming up. Or I can just tell you about it when you come back.
Brazo: You decide. I have to call someone.
(Brazo ran to the com-panel, and punched in the number for the hotel where Qui-Gon was staying.)
(That evening, before Qui-Gon turned in for the night, he finally gave in and decided to check the messages that had been delivered to him. If for no other reason than to make sure that his apprentice had not burned down the temple. He read the last message first. The one from Bren from the previous day. Things sounded as if they were going well. Then he found the six calls from Brazo. All took place within the span of three hours.)
Brazo Message 1: Qui-Gon, I need you to call me. I don't know what to do to make Obi-Wan stop talking. Everything he does is loud. I just want a little quiet during the day. I don't know HOW Bren is able to deal with that mouth at night. He goes on and on and on about nothing. Please call me as soon as you can.
Brazo Message 2: Qui-Gon? Did you get my message? I am waiting for your call. He's getting worse. I thought I could tire him out and he'd quiet down, but it works the opposite way. I've been to the healers five times already because of him. And every time he meditates he does this OMMM thing. What is that all about? CALL ME! TODAY!
Brazo Message 3: Damn it, Qui-Gon! Where the hell are you? You won't believe what he's doing now. I told him to get a shower, so he's running the apartment in his boxers pretending he's Lima from that Moulin Troll holo. I might knock him out soon if you don't get in contact WITH ME! QUI-GON! I know you hear me! I don't need this. I have enough in my life to deal with. QUI-GON!
Brazo Message 4: If you don't get your hairy chin back here and soon, I will be mailing this boy to Hoth. Does he EVER calm down? QUI-GON! YOU'D BETTER ANSWER THIS MESSAGE! I EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU AND SOON!
Brazo Message 5: That's it. I am going to kill him. You had your chance. Please, Qui-Gon, do something. Get this boy away from me. Or just make him shut up. I can't take this anymore. I can't. I don't know what to do with him. Make it stop. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee make it stopppppppppppppppp. He's trying to kill me. I know it.
Brazo Message 6: You will pay for this Qui-Gon. ANSWER ME!
(Qui-Gon sat back, a smile spreading across his face. He could only laugh. He spoke to himself out loud.)
Qui: Now you understand what I suffer through on a daily basis. All of you thought I was nuts before. You are living this now. That boy can drive anyone to drink. Sorry, Brazo. I can't help you. I am on vacation. You can handle Obi-Wan without my interference. Enjoy!
(Several more days passed and Brazo was deteriorating at a rapid rate. He was dragging himself to get out of bed in the morning. Knowing what awaited him. What he couldn't understand was how the boy never seemed to run out of energy. He had been careful not to feed him a lot of sugar, so that wasn't a problem. Slowly, he dragged his weary body out of the bedroom and out of the apartment. Then down the hall towards Bren's quarters.)
Bren: Good morning, Brazo. What happened? Run over by a herd of trolls? They can be dangerous in numbers. Obi-Wan will be ready for you in just a few minutes. He's just finishing up his breakfast. Have a seat.
Brazo: Just give me the kid and get away. Have you heard from Qui-Gon?
Bren: No, I left him a few messages, but he's not returned my calls. I didn't expect him to unless it was an emergency. Obi-Wan has been a doll for me. A sweetheart. But you shouldn't wear him out so much during the day. He can hardly keep his eyes open to watch the nighttime Lima holo. Go easy on him today.
Brazo: Go easy on him? Go easy on HIM? He's the one running his lips non-stop. All day, every day. I ask him one thing and off he goes on some tangent about something completely off the wall. Don't you find that irritating?
Bren: I don't know what you are referring to. Obi-Wan has been wonderful. He listens to me, he respects my orders and he...
Brazo: Stop. I don't want to hear another word. That is not the same child that I have been dealing with. He's putting on an act for you.
Bren: Or maybe it's because I know how to handle him. A woman's touch can never be underestimated you know.
Brazo: Just give him to me so I can get my suffering over with. I hate my life.
Bren: OBI-WAN! Brazo is here for you.
(The padawan came bounding out of the kitchen and was about to run into Brazo's arms, when a large hand landing directly on his head stopped him in his tracks. Brazo had his hand out and was preventing Obi-Wan from coming any closer.)
Obi: Um...Master Brazo?
Brazo: Don't start. I don't want a hug. I just want this part of my life to be over. Let's go.
Obi: Okay. Can we meditate?
Brazo: NO!
Obi: Spar?
Brazo: NO!
Obi: Force control?
Brazo: NO!
Obi: Lima?
Brazo: NO!
Obi: Uh...Kata's?
Brazo: Come with me, I have to find something else to keep you busy and keep me from calling Nev for a yellow robe fitting.
(They wandered the halls, Brazo desperate to find anything that would occupy the young motor mouth beside him.)
Obi: What are we doing?
Brazo: Walking.
Obi: Yes we are. Are we walking towards anything in particular?
Brazo: My own personal hell.
Obi: You've never had a padawan have you? I don't think you have. But how did you become a master if you never trained an apprentice? Do they just give that title to any fool who walks in and asks for it? I would hope there is some kind of test you have to take at least. I am my master's third apprentice. I think he'll retire after I'm done with him. Last year his hair was as brown as can be. It's gray now. Even his beard. I bet if he had a braid, it would be gray too. A braid. What a funny picture that is. Master Qui-Gon as a padawan. A short spiky hair cut. I bet he looked like a larger version of me. You were never an apprentice where you, Master Brazo?
Brazo: I was. A long time ago. My life was so...quiet then. Silence. I enjoy the silence. Don't you enjoy silence, Obi-Wan? I certainly do. I would like to enjoy some now.
Obi: You should come meditate with me in the gardens. It's very quiet there. Just like before. Master Qui-Gon can always find peace there.
Brazo: No. That was not enjoyable or quiet.
Obi: So what do we do? I have to do something. I can't wander the temple all day. What if I get lost? Or hurt? That would be bad. Can I help you with your stress management class? Don't you have to prepare for one soon? I can help with handouts or I can introduce you. I can even...
Brazo: NO! QUIET! I NEED QUIET! SILENCE! Is that to much to ask?
Obi: You sound like Master Qui-Gon, he's always telling me that. He thinks I don't listen to him, but I do. He's my master, I have to listen to him. But he always wants quiet. I don't get it. What's the fun in quiet? If you go around being quiet all your life, you'll never meet anyone new. You'll never learn and grow. You'll never become exposed to the rest of the galaxy. All you will have is peace and silence.
Brazo: Please stop talking to me. Please stop. STOP IT! STOP! I can't hear you anymore...lalalalalalalala.
(Without further warning, Brazo took off running down the hall, skidding around the corner and disappearing from sight. Obi-Wan stood in confusion.)
Obi: What did I do?
(The boy spent the rest of the day looking for Brazo. He asked every Jedi he could find and looked in every cranny of the temple. No sign of him. Finally he stopped in Nev's office.)
Obi: Hi, Mr. Nev. Have you seen Master Brazo?
Nev: Yes, he's hiding in my closet. He told me that if you came looking for him for me to tell you that I hadn't seen him.
Obi: Hahaha. You're a funny guy. Hiding in your closet. Well, if you see him, tell him that I will be waiting for him at home.
Nev: He's really in the closet...oh, never mind. I'll tell him.
Obi: Wow, you got a new couch! It's about time. That old one was murder on my back. It was not designed for padawans that's for sure. I'll have to make an appointment with you so I can try it out. I know I don't need you anymore. I have things under control, but I miss the old days. Time spent in here was like an escape from reality. I could get away from all my troubles. You're a really talented shrink, Mr. Nev. I want to be like you when I grow up. Able to help people overcome their problems. Do you think I could train with you sometime? I'm an excellent student. My master can attest to that. As can Master Brazo. We could talk about it over lunch one day. How about it?
Nev: Obi-Wan, don't you have some place to go?
Obi: No. Master Bren does not take over until dusk. And since I can't seem to find Master Brazo, I think I'll just stay here and talk to you. You wouldn't want me out wander the streets at this time of day would you? There are lots of bad people out there. Trolls and things. I went to the lower levels of the city one time with Master Qui-Gon and boy was I scared. I think I hid behind him the entire time. I tried to hide in his robe, but he told me to get away, that this was no time for a hug. I don't know about you, Mr. Nev, but when you are scared, that is the perfect time for a hug. Do you enjoy hugs? I do. Master doesn't. He likes to tap my shoulder though. Sometimes he'll ruffle my hair, but only if he's had to much to drink. Master Brazo, now THERE is a hugger. Wow. He almost hugged me into unconsciousness one time. It was the only time that I actually asked for a hug to be over. Would you like a hug, Mr. Nev?
Nev: No, I don't. Please just be quiet for a few minutes. Shh. Can you do that?
Obi: Sure I can. Master Qui-Gon is always telling me to go sit in the corner and talk to Doveen until I can control my lips. So I sit there. Do you know how hard it is to carry on a one-sided conversation? I mean, you have to keep talking and talking. It gets tiring after a while. You have no idea how much talking can wear you out. Whew. Um...Mr. Nev? Where are you going?
(Nev had sprinted out the door and ran into another healer's office across the hall. He slammed the door and the sound of several locks being clicked into place was all the could be heard.)
Obi: Adults. Who can figure 'em?
(There was a quick ruffling sound coming from the closet. Obi-Wan approached cautiously.)
Obi: Anyone in there? (He pulled the door open to find Brazo huddled in the corner. A robe half covering his body.) Master Brazo?
Brazo: Nope, sorry. No one by that name here. You have the wrong closest.
Obi: What are you doing? You shouldn't sit like that for to long, it's not good for your posture. It can lead to serious back problems, especially for taller people. I hid in the closest one day because my master was trying to make me watching the troll wedding holo again. So I hid the whole day. I was so sore that night. Turns out, Master Qui-Gon knew I was in there, but he wanted to see how long I could last. I gave in eventually because I was hungry. I'm always hungry. It must be a padawan thing. I could eat an entire cheeken myself. Can you? I bet you can eat three of them. I love cheeken. It's my favorite food. Sometimes my master burns it though and gets all dried out. He's not the galaxy's greatest cook, but he tries.
Brazo: Please leave me alone. I will give you anything if you leave me alone. I'll pay you. I'll do ANYTHING. Go away. Please. I can't handle a padawan. I was wrong. I thought I could, but this is to difficult. My blood pressure has gone way up. My hair is falling out. Please, Obi-Wan, just go. NOW!
Obi: Oh, it's okay. I know I'm not the easiest padawan in the temple, but I am entertaining. You have to admit that.
Brazo: I'd rather shave my head with my light saber than train with you for one more day.
Obi: Ouch. Okay, but let me help you out of the closet. Then I'll walk you home. You don't look well. I should call the healers. They can help you. They were meant to help you.
Brazo: NO! Please. Just go. Leave me be. I will find my own way home.
Obi: But you were put in charge of me. What will I do until Master Bren takes over? You are responsible for me. You are my guardian. My master entrusted me to you. My life has been put in your hands. A young boy has been left in your care. You've been trusted with Master Qui-Gon's greatest possession. His padawan. His student. His apprentice. His learner. If you leave me alone, I fear what will happen to me. I have a bad feeling about this. The boy is dangerous. They all sense it, why can't you?
Brazo: What?
Obi: Did you know that I hate to fly? I don't know when or why this started, but I really dislike it. I guess it's because my master is such a reckless pilot. Yeah, I know...on the surface, he's cool and calm. Collected. But put him in the pilot's chair and Mr. Calm and Collected goes out the window. Hello,
Mr. Physco. I should know. I've flown with him enough. I used to sit in the co-pilots seat. Not anymore. No way Jose. My butt is in the bathroom until we land. Where my friend Mr. Toilet Bowl
is close by. I should like to fly right? I am a Jedi after all. It's part of everyday life. But the more I do it, the more I hate it. Of course, there is no hate, right? Well I strongly dislike flying then. I think it has something to do with that boy. There's something about this boy.
Brazo: (who was slowly making his way out of the closet) Obi-Wan, I think I need to lie down for a bit. Let's go to your apartment so that Bren will know where to find us. And I can relax there.
Obi: Okay. Take my hand.
Brazo: No no. I don't think I should touch you. It might make you think that I will hug you next, and I can't do that. Just walk and I will follow.
(They walked until they reached the apartment. Once inside, Brazo collapsed onto the couch. He was moaning as he closed his bloodshot eyes. Obi-Wan found a blanket and pulled it over the big man. He then sat down to watch a Lima holo until Bren arrived. When she finally did, she was amazed to see Brazo out cold and flat on his stomach.)
Bren: Obi, what did you do to him?
Obi: Nothing. Honest. Just my normal daily routine. He can't handle the pressure. I'm glad he's decided never to take a padawan. It's something that he isn't able to deal with. Poor Brazo. He's so stressed out. He's starting to look like Master Qui-Gon did before he left for vacation.
Bren: Yes, he is. Speaking of which, guess who's coming home tomorrow?
Obi: Really?
Bren: Yup. He called me a few hours ago. He said he's rested and relaxed and ready for anything. And he said he missed you.
Obi: Awww. I knew under that gruff exterior that there was a mushy guy in there.
Bren: I wouldn't say mushy, but he does care about you. So, after tomorrow, Brazo and I are off duty.
Obi: I think Master Brazo is down for the count.
Bren: We should wake him. Otherwise we don't get the couch to watch that Lima holo, Eye of the Troll.
Obi: Oh yeah! Master Brazo! WAKE UP! Time to make the donuts.
Brazo: No, no more, Obi-Wan. Won't live much longer. Need vacation. Calgon take me away.
Bren: Brazo, wake up and go home.
Brazo: Huh? I can go?
Bren: Yes, and after midday tomorrow you will be free from padawan duty. Qui-Gon is on his way home.
Brazo: Don't lie to me like that. You get my hopes up just to watch them come crashing down.
Bren: He IS coming home. So you and Obi-Wan will have to do something special tomorrow to celebrate your last day together.
Brazo: You mean my nightmare is almost over? I am almost free?
Bren: Uh, yes. I suppose that's what I mean.
Obi: You are so funny, Master Brazo. Your nightmare. Hahaha. Master Qui-Gon says the same thing. Have you two been talking about me?
Brazo: No, but he and I are going to have a LONG talk when he gets home.
Bren: Right. Okay, you can go now, Brazo. Go find your bed. You need it.
Obi: Remember, Master Brazo, it's important that you sleep on your back most of the night. It's healthier for you and after spending all that time in Nev's closet today, anything you can do to help your back you should do. I like to lie on my stomach a lot. But if my master and I are on a mission, I always get pillows thrown at me. He claims that I snore. How can a thirteen-year-old boy snore? Isn't that a bit impossible? My lungs aren't fully developed yet. He's the one who snores. Force, the man sounds like a herd of bantha's trampling a herd of trolls.
Bren: Nice analogy, kid.
Brazo: I have to go now. I really have to go. Please let me go. Don't hold me prisoner here any longer. I want my home. I want my bed. I want my nice peaceful, quiet, solitary life back. I must go. Don't follow me. (He took off out the door.)
Bren: Set up the Lima holo, Obi!
(Obi-Wan had fallen asleep with his head resting on Bren's lap. And the next morning, he was in the same position. Opening his eyes only when his stomach started rumbling.)
Obi: Do you think Master Brazo will come to get me this morning? Last night he seemed very...um...out of sorts.
Bren: I think so. But he might be a bit...(there was a chime at the door). Come in!
Brazo: I want the kid dressed and in the hall in two minutes. Don't make me say it again. Boy. Hall. Now. Got it?
Obi: Oh, this should be a fun day. I would say that the Master Brazo I used to know, is no longer.
Brazo: One minute thirty seconds.
Obi: Not even a hug? Or a 'GOOD MORNING'?
Brazo: One minute.
Bren: I don't like the look in his eyes, kid. Go get changed. Hurry. Easy there, Brazo. How about a hug for your old friend, Bren? Huh?
Brazo: I am not kidding. Do I look like I am kidding? Thirty seconds.
Bren: Um...Hurry up, Obi!
(Obi-Wan came running back out. He was dressed, but sloppily.)
Brazo: That will do. Let's go. Now. Don't talk. Just move your feet beside mine. Follow me.
Obi: Uh...um...ah...Master Bren?
Bren: Go on, kid. You'll be okay. Just watch the mouth today, okay?
Obi: I'll try, but once it starts, you know how hard it is for me to stop it. Bye, Master Bren. (He turned to the tall man beside him.) Master Brazo? Where are we going?
Brazo: I have to keep you busy for several hours until Qui-Gon's shuttle lands. I have something for you to do.
(The boy was leery as they entered Brazo's apartment.)
Obi: Hey, you got a holo player for your monitor!
Brazo: Yes. And a very special disk for you to watch. It was recommended to me by Master Yoda.
Obi: Oh, ah...okay.
Brazo: Sit on the couch and do not move. I don't care if you yell or scream or talk to some dead Jedi in the Force. Be as loud as you wish. But you will watch this. And you will watch this until the end. The Wedding of the Trolls.
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You can't make me watch that, Master Brazo. Please. It'll give me nightmares for ages. And I'll be in the bathroom throwing up my breakfast, lunch and dinner for weeks. I beg you, please spare me this...horrible...icky...event. I'll do whatever you want today, just NO troll wedding. Please? Please? Please?
Brazo: There is one thing I will trade this for. That is quiet. Silence. No sound. You sit here today, without uttering a word and I will spare you the troll holo.
Obi: Oh man, that's hard. Okay, it's a deal.
Brazo: Okay, then quiet. Starting now.
Obi: But...
Brazo: Troll.
Obi: Um...
Brazo: Wedding.
Obi: Ah...
Brazo: In slow motion.
Obi: Ewwwwwww. You should have been there to actually see that wedding. I was there. Oh, and I had to sit next to Mr. Poofy on the flight there. He did nothing but mock us the entire time. Head going baaaaaaaaaack and forrrrrrrrrth. Then we got to Degobah and oh man...the smell was enough to knock you out. Then...then...after they were married they started...started...kissing and...worse. GAH! Don't even make me think about it. I ran away, but Mr. Poofy followed me. I think he still wants me as his padawan. You ever seen that festival game where you throw rings and try to loop them around the neck of a glass bottle? Well, I bet we could play that game with Poofy. Ring about the neck. Did I tell you that I saw he and Lama necking in the hallway the other day? First trolls and now Poof. It was frightening to say the least. Some kind of weird courtship dance. If nine months from now there are tiny little poofies roaming the temple, I am gonna be sick. Imagine them all standing in a line. All the little heads going baaaaaack and forrrrrrrrrth. Like tae's in da wen.
Brazo: SHUT UP! Doesn't your mouth ever rest? Can't you stay quiet for...for...just a little while? Is there some reason your mouth has to run every day all day? Do you know how to relax? Do you know how to keep you mouth shut? Do you know how much stress you are causing for me?
Obi: You need to get into your stress management class. You teach it but you don't practice it do you? My master says never teach what you yourself don't do. He's so wise. I'll be just like him one day. Do you know that? Well I might be a bit shorter, but I'll be a great Jedi someday. A great negotiator just like Master Qui-Gon.
Brazo: Yes, you will talk the warring parties to death. Either that or they will be so desperate to get away from you that they agree to peace if you will just leave.
Obi: Now you're getting it. Master Brazo? Are you okay? Wait...where...COME BACK!
(Once more, Brazo ran off. But this time he was screaming.)
Brazo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Obi: Um...
(Obi-Wan wandered for the next hour eventually letting himself into Bren's office. She was teaching a class at the moment but he didn't know where else to go. A little while later she entered the room.)
Bren: Hey, kid. Where's Brazo?
Obi: I think he took a one way trip to Happy Valley. He ran away from me screaming at the top of his lungs. I've never seen him run so fast before, or scream so loud.
Bren: Remind me to tell your master never to leave Brazo in charge again. The man is not a stable individual.
(Bren's comlink sounded.)
Bren: Bren Anders.
Voice: Master Anders this is Steevan Bluwool from the temple communications tower. I just received a message from Master Jinn. He wanted me to let you know his ship is on final approach and will be landing in twenty minutes. He also tried to contact a Master Brazo but the only response he got from that comlink was this loud horrifying screaming sound.
Bren: Yes, that's what I expected. Thank you for the message. (The transmission ended and she turned to the padawan next to her.) Well, Obi, Qui-Gon is on his way home.
Obi: Finally. Sheesh. He's been gone for so long, you'd think he was trying to avoid me.
Bren: Well...oh never mind. Come on. Let's go meet him in the docking bay.
(The docking bay was busy this time of the day. Ships landing and taking off at regular intervals. Obi-Wan saw a small silvery glow as one ship approached and he knew it was his master. The landing was smooth. A few minutes passed before Qui-Gon came down the ramp. He looked as relaxed as Bren had ever seen him. And nicely tanned as well. Obi-Wan ran as fast as he could straight into the man's arms. Qui-Gon hugged his padawan.)
Obi: Master! I missed you. How was your trip?
Qui: I have to admit, I missed you as well, Obi-Wan. My trip was very refreshing. And I assume you behaved yourself while I was away?
Obi: I was my normal charming self.
Qui: And Bren still has all her hair, this is a good sign. Where is Brazo?
(From out of nowhere, they heard a scream. Followed by the sound of feet moving as a very fast pace. Looking over to the entrance to the docking bay, they saw the cause of the disturbance. Brazo, with a bag in his hand, was running full tilt for the ship. Without a sound, other than the terrifying screaming, he ran up the ramp, into the cockpit and within seconds he and the ship has blasted away from the planet.)
Obi: I hate it when he does that.
Qui: Does what?
Obi: Screams. It's so loud. And he does it a lot.
Qui: What?
Bren: Brazo is a bit...ah...stressed. Seems he's not ready for an apprentice like Obi-Wan here. Next time, leave the kid with me. Brazo needs some time away. Far away.
Obi: You know how you get when your cousin Jim comes to visit?
Qui: Ah, yes. I understand now. It's kind of the same feeling I get when your lips go into overdrive. Which is why I had to take a vacation in the first place.
Obi: He got really upset when we went to meditate.
Qui: The whole OMMM thing, huh?
Obi: You know it.
Bren: Well, Obi, it's been a joy having you with me for the past two weeks. Even if it was only in the evening. If you need someone to watch Lima holo's with you, give me a call.
Obi: I thought you and Master Qui-Gon would be to involved in adult mush when he got home.
Bren: Hmm...now that you mention it. Qui?
Qui: Sounds good to me. Let's go. (They began walking towards the apartment.)
Obi: Wait! Hold it! What about me?
Bren: You can stay in your room and be the good little padawan that you've been for the past couple weeks. My little Sweet Knees and I have some business to attend to.
Obi: I just had to open my big mouth, didn't I?
Qui: It's what you do best, Padawan. Why do you think Brazo left the planet traveling faster than the speed of light?
Obi: The trolls were chasing him?
Qui: No, it was you.
Bren: Don't worry, kid. Brazo will be back...eventually. Now come along, Qui-Qui, you stud Jedi you.
(They entered the Jinn/Kenobi quarters.)
Obi: Oh, Force. Can I just sleep in the bathroom tonight? I might need to throw up.
Qui: You can sleep wherever you like, Obi-Wan. Provided you are quiet and you don't peek.
Obi: I can't even bear to listen to you two talk about adult mush. Why in sith's name would I want to watch it?
Qui: I did indeed miss this while I was gone. Quiet days on the beach are wonderful and help my stress enormously. But somehow the sound of my padawan's flying lips is enough to comfort my soul.
Obi: You should remember that the next time the veins in your forehead start popping out of your skin.
Qui: Yes, I should.
Bren: HELLO? Adult mush! Remember me?
Qui: How could I forget. Obi-Wan, hold my calls. (Qui-Gon pushed Obi-Wan towards his bedroom.) And try and keep the noise down, okay?
Obi: You have problems, Master. And those problems go way beyond me.
Qui: Go in your room, Padawan.
Obi: What if I have to use the bathroom?
Qui: Then this will be a good lesson in discipline and patience. You will learn to hold it.
Obi: Only you can find a way to make a teaching lesson out of my need to use the bathroom.
Qui: That is why I am the master. Good night, Obi-Wan.
Obi: But it's not even dark yet!
Qui: And your point is?
Obi: Do I ever have a point?
Qui: No, but your mouth is still running. Go, now. And shut the door behind you.
Obi: Can I try and call Brazo? He might have his comlink on.
Qui: Yes, I'm sure he does. Just waiting for a call from the boy who sent him over the edge. Go ahead, call him. Humor yourself. Good night.
(Qui-Gon closed the door as Obi-Wan planted himself on the bed and punched in Brazo's comlink frequency.)
Brazo: Brazo here.
Obi: Hi, Master Brazo. It's me, Obi-Wan. I thought I would give you a call and talk to you until your ship lands on whatever planet you are going to.
Brazo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (CLICK!)
Obi: Master Brazo? Hello?
(In the common area, Bren and Qui-Gon sat on the couch. They heard the scream from Obi-Wan's room.)
Bren: What was that?
Qui: Oh, that would be Brazo. Obi-Wan insisted on calling him.
Bren: Ah, okay. Poor Brazo. Do you think he'll recover?
Qui: In time, yes. I've had to put up with Obi-Wan's mouth for a year now. Brazo's only been subjected to it for two weeks. He should consider himself lucky. I have to live with that.
Bren: Awww, my poor Qui-Qui. But you have me.
Obi: (Yelling from the bedroom.) YOU TWO ARE DISGUSTING!
Qui: Let's put him up for sale. See what kind of offers we get.
Bren: Nah, let's make him suffer. Adult mush all night long will drive him crazy.
Qui: You are so evil. Do you know that?
Bren: Yes, I do. Don't you just love me?
END