Chapter 50: "Two Unexpected Gifts"
"Akiha-sama?ǃ " The worried voice of Hisui rings out as I enter the mansion. No doubt she can see the bandages and ice pack that are wrapped around its circumference.
"I am fine, Hisui, do not worry," I reassure her. "I merely fainted and must have hit my head on the way down. I have a slight concussion as well, I think..."
"C... Concussion?ǃ " Hisui seems a little horrified.
"Well, of course... if a person strikes their head like that, a concussion is, usually, the unfortunate result," I remind her. "Besides... it is not the first one I have had, and certainly will not be the last one..."
...That is true. To protect this city – MY city – I have had to come home with injuries before... ranging from merely annoying, to life-threatening. It was not an easy thing to have to subject Hisui through, even it if were by proxy...
…...But the simple fact of the matter is that Kohaku is not here as much as she formerly was. She does come earlier on emergencies, but for most injuries, Hisui provides palliative care until Kohaku arrives on the weekend, and stabilizes my condition more thoroughly. If I am conscious, I can help her through some of it... although things that Hisui gets more squeamish about, I will just do myself if I can. Things such as re-socketing bones, as the crunch of such an act would no doubt make Hisui faint.
"...Please go rest in your room, Akiha-sama," Hisui announces with a worried, but firm, tone and expression. "I will take your bag and prepare something for you, so please rest."
...Normally Hisui would not be so forthright. But I am not exactly in a condition to really argue with her at this point in time. As much as I do not like to admit it, I am still feeling fairly dizzy and a bit disoriented.
"...Thank you, Hisui," I say, as I give her my bag, and hold on to the railing as I head upstairs to my room carefully. Step by step, with feet that are somewhat unsure and legs that feel as if they cannot hold their usual amount of weight.
…...Is 45 kilograms really that much to ask of them? I am not fat at all, so it should be no problem...
Truly, the human body is an incredible machine. It is able to maintain a balance that those in advanced medical fields call "homeostasis." And yet, it is also surprisingly fragile – the right kind of injury can throw all of those mechanisms off until it is able to recover.
...Even if the body is in a life or death situation.
Adrenaline and Endorphins will be its response, attempting to kill the pain and disorientation until it reaches a time when it can safely recover. And it may... or it may not. Once a human is knocked unconscious, they are able to be killed without resistance. Or if they are too dazed to intelligently defend, it is nearly as easy.
I could solve this by inverting... but inversion is not something I like to do, for many reasons. It brings me closer to the darkness, to the madness that is inherent in my soul. To being the me that I do not want to be. Such absolute power corrupts absolutely, and so I will use it only as I must... and no more.
If I do it too much, I run the risk of being less human and more demon. And although Tohno Akiha is damned to this dual existence by fate... I cannot let it rule my life. I will conquer it! I will not fail as Otou-sama or "he" had. Otou-sama said my blood was of the weaker kind... still absolutely powerful to a normal human, but not on the level that should turn me into the Crimson Red Vermilion...
…...Not unless I want it to. And I do not.
Therefore... it is probably best if I just rest for the rest of the day. The work I have can wait until later.
I enter my room, taking careful, slower steps when I cannot support my weight against anything but my muscles' trained responses to gravity. Walking over to my bed, I crawl carefully into it, rest the uninjured side of my head on my pillow, and close my eyes, drifting off into dreamless sleep.
I awaken a few hours later, feeling my head carefully as I sit up slowly. It seems the dizziness has rescinded itself somewhat. I do, however, hiss slightly as I feel the pain and a small bump on my forehead.
"...Great," I murmur to myself. My injured state will no doubt be visible to anyone who takes even a cursory look at my head.
The door opens, and a slightly worried-looking Yumizuka-san comes in. It seems my utterance has been heard by her.
"...Yumizuka-san?" I am surprised she is awake. A look outside the window reveals it is still light out, so why is she...?
"Akiha-san, is everything okay?" She walks over, looking at me, and carefully inspecting my head. "Mmm... she wasn't kidding about the bump. Jeez, Akiha-san. You're lucky you didn't fracture your skull..." A small frown crosses the face of this girl.
She is probably correct on that. I might be stronger than normal humans, but I can die of blood loss just as easily as any of them. I do still need it to live, after all.
...But that pout is not something that should be on a face such as hers. Yumizuka-san is simply not the type who one would want to see frowning. In fact... I try my best to remove the frown from her face as quickly as possible.
"It was only a short distance, so nothing to worry about, Yumizuka-san," I tell her, in order to try and dismiss this whole affair. "Besides, it was my own fault. I was not paying attention to what I was doing, so it is my own fault that I had an accident."
"...Well, obviously you're not going to tell me you purposely slammed your head on the ground, are you Akiha-san? That'd be kind of silly." Yumizuka-san doesn't seem surprised by this, somehow.
"No," I say with a sigh and brush my hair over my shoulder a bit as I look away. "I was using the bathroom, and began thinking about things, and I forgot to pull my underwear back up... so when I stood up and tried to walk, they kept my legs in place, and I stumbled and fell."
...It is embarrassing to mention. But at this point... what point would there be in hiding such things from Yumizuka-san? There is no reason to. The girl is not going to tell anyone. And... she is family now, I feel, and a family cannot keep secrets from those inside of it. To do so is pointless.
It does not, however, help that Yumizuka-san giggles a bit when I say it.
"It is NOT funny, Yumizuka-san! This is no laughing matter!" I cross my arms and glare at her, a little angrily.
"N-No, it's not, sorry," she says, trying to stifle her giggles. "I just can't help it." She exhales sharply, having regained her composure. "Well then... what were you thinking about to make you forget about something like that? Usually you're so composed, Akiha-san, so thinking about something so heavily that it'd make you forget something like that must be something pretty serious."
I sigh and look away. "I do not know if you would understand, Yumizuka-san."
"Understand what? I don't know if you won't tell me." Her face turns into an expression of questioning.
...She has a point. How can she understand if I do not tell her? That would be like telling someone "You will never know something" because you are unwilling to teach them what they want to know.
Furthermore... Yumizuka-san was one of the people who I was thinking about at the time... it, it does mean I have a slight interest in her, I suppose... but I do not know how she would react, honestly, to such a revelation. She... does not seem to be the type who would be promiscuous. No. She is the sort of girl who kept her romantic and sexual fantasies to herself.
I know the main focus of them was Nii-san. That goes without saying. But... what of others...?
"...Could you ever see yourself loving someone else other than Nii-san?" I ask her.
"...Somebody else?" She blinks a bit.
"Yes. Somebody else. Especially if they are... well, of your gender."
"...Other girls?" She blinks again, and swallows a bit nervously in reflex.
…...Damn it. I knew this would not work. I should not have bothered.
"...I did not think so," I say with a sigh. "Forget it, Yumizuka-san. It is something I wi–"
"N-No, it's not that, Akiha-san!" She quickly announces. "It's just... well, I never really tried, so I don't know. I guess if I did, I'd find out though."
"...What, and touching and feeling me does not count?"
…...That is what I WANT to say, anyway... but saying that... might make me learn that it was just an arousing dream and make life very awkward for myself and Yumizuka-san and Nii-san, so I bite my tongue to prevent it from coming out until I regain full control of my mind – and my tongue.
"Well then? Do you ever see yourself as being able to?" I look at Yumizuka-san.
"...Well, considering that I spent a year completely alone and by myself... I'd probably just care more about someone wanting to make me feel happy more than their gender..." Yumizuka-san speaks thoughtfully. "I'd have to know about them really well, though, and be sure that's what I want to do, but I guess if I felt that strongly about someone, boy or girl, I'd care more about being happy than whatever sex they were."
…...Unusual wisdom indeed, Yumizuka-san. Becoming a Dead Apostle seems to be like being given an injection of philosophy.
"...That is my problem. I am not sure if that is what I want." I lay back in my bed with a sigh. "I still love Nii-san, but over the last few days, I have been thinking of what other alternatives I should pursue in case I cannot have him, for some reason or another..."
"...So you're thinking about being a lesbian, Akiha-san? Is that it?" Yumizuka-san boldly asks.
"No!" I quickly reply. "I like both, I am bisexual!" It comes out quickly, without me realizing it. I quickly blush when I do. "Ah, I-I mean... I, I am considering such things, I do not like both at this time!"
Yumizuka-san giggles. "No, it's okay. That's the truth if it came out so freely. But obviously, you're used to loving Tohno-kun, not another girl... so if you're thinking about girls you could love, I could see why you're having difficulty."
I sigh. She does understand me, then... perhaps even better than I had thought she would. On one hand, it is a relief... on the other, this might change her perception of me.
"You just want someone you feel strongly about, isn't that right, Akiha-san?"
Unfortunately, silence meets her.
In a way, I feel almost like admitting such a thing would be some kind of gross violation of Yumizuka-san's innocence. It is strange. This girl is a Dead Apostle, one who is no longer human or even technically alive – it is more of an "unlife." She knows a lot about me, and presumably about Nii-san now, as well. There are few remaining secrets that the vampire, Yumizuka Satsuki, does not know.
...So why am I so fearful of just admitting that it is the honest truth? That I am considering this?
…...No, I do not think it is that I am uncomfortable in admitting this... alternative lifestyle, I think the main problem is... I have seen her potentially in this role as well...
"...Uh…... it's... not me, is it, Akiha-san?" Her eyes appear to have been reading my face, and my expression.
"...You?" I say in a slightly dry voice. My expression must have betrayed my thoughts...
We both blush.
Truth be told... I had forgotten about Yumizuka-san, somehow, for awhile. But yet... she was there in my dream... if it was a dream.
And I cannot say in good conscience that I have no feelings for Yumizuka Satsuki. She is a Dead Apostle indirectly because of me. I blamed myself for this, so I decided to take her in, in some attempt to restore as normal a life as possible to her.
...And then when I began having my nightmares, my stress, wanting to get away from it all, who was there...? Yumizuka-san. Who accompanied me on my walks? Yumizuka-san. Who did I wind up speaking so easily about the dark, evil side of Tohno Akiha with?
…...Yumizuka-san.
An emotional gumshoe, I had called her. It may indeed be a fitting epithet. The humanity has yet to be driven from this girl. A girl who, if she knew you, sounds like she would help you if she could at all.
And now... she can help quite a bit. Indeed... I would say that if Yumizuka Satsuki gets her requisite amount of blood, and contact with people... she may never lose that sense of humanity, of empathy for others.
Of course... some day, we will all die. Kohaku. Hisui. Nii-san. Myself. The only ones who will not die of age is Yumizuka-san and Len, so I suppose that once our times come, they will be forced to finally set out... well, unless I happen to have an heir or adopt one... but this is so far in the future that it is not something to really concern myself with right now. I am only seventeen, and physically fit. It is too soon to be thinking about death, for the most part. If death comes this soon, it will be in combat... and unlikely to be of some natural cause.
After all... am I not an unnatural being?
"...I don't know," I say. "There are... several people I am thinking about... including you, Yumizuka-san, but I am not sure if you are the one for me."
"You... really mean that, Akiha-san...?" An expression of surprise crosses Yumizuka-san's face.
Our blushes both deepen.
…...That is not a very easy thing to digest, mentally or psychologically. As people, we all know some people have feelings for us, even though we may not realize it ourselves. And oftentimes, if feelings for another are deeply rooted enough... one can love without even realizing that they have done so, and by the time they do, they love the other person so much that it is hopeless...
"…...I would not mind if it were, Akiha-san."
...And this sudden announcement jars me completely out of my thought.
"...Yumizuka-san...?" I blink, and look up at her.
It is just in time to be a helpless observer as she wraps her arms around me with frightening speed, and presses her lips to mine.
A sudden, impulsive, but pure and honest kiss.
My eyes widen a bit in surprise... especially when I find myself pressing back against them with my own without even willing myself doing so.
Yumizuka-san's lips... they are very soft, and taste faintly of blood.
Before I realize what I am doing, I find myself licking them. She looks down at me as I do so, and when our eyes meet, we both realize what we are doing and quickly separate.
"…...S-Sorry..." She quickly bows and hastily exits my bedroom.
"…...Yeah..." is all I can reply, long after Yumizuka-san has gone.
Am... Am I really that attracted to her? Do I want this that badly?
...Does she want me that badly?
"...She... likes me too?" I ask the evening air.
Souka found things to like about me... has Yumizuka-san done the same?
…...That is a silly question. Of course she has reason to like me.
I took her away from a life of hell and killing, of having to drink blood from drunken, homeless people, and gave her a chance at something resembling the life she knew. The life she craved.
...The life I saved.
These alone would be a great reason for me to like anyone, had they did for me what I have done for her.
The answer is simple. I have fallen for Yumizuka-san and consider her in that "group" because of the simple fact that I sought to bring some sense of normalcy to her life once more. In kind, she has come to depend on me, trust in me, and I have earned her loyalty.
Therefore... a relationship is fully possible between us, for strong feelings are attached to the other.
For me, a desire to give her something of a normal life. Acceptance. Company. Make her feel human.
For her, access to the one she cherishes. Safety. Shelter. Companionship. Necessary blood.
…...It is stupidly obvious, when one thinks about it. The shock of that does not wear off, however, even long after Yumizuka-san is gone. The fact that not only did she predict she would be among that number... but also that she gave a logical, reasonable, and even rational explanation as to why I might feel the way I do.
The simple fact is that Yumizuka Satsuki developed her feelings for me because I had saved her from a damnation of a life, as a lonely vampire to wander the streets and eventually bitterly curse humanity.
Then, I only need to look at the parallels in my life.
For someone, saved mine. Nine years ago. With cicadas chirping on a hazy summer day.
...And what would I do for this person?
Anything. Anything at all.
I would give my all for them. I would fight for them. I would kill for them. I would die for them.
…...I would give my body to them.
Then, it is no wonder why Yumizuka-san kissed me.
Then... she would lay with either "Tohno-kun"... or "Akiha-san", if either of us wanted it...
…...Because to her, we are the things she desired. Admired.
Nii-san, the boy whose simple ways had stolen her heart. The mere act of rescuing a stranger caused feelings, strong feelings, to swell up in her breast.
And the girl Yumizuka Satsuki fell in love with the boy named Tohno Shiki.
Five years later, that name was dead to everyone she had known and loved. Even Nii-san thought she was no more.
…...Even the person who was named that was beginning to forget it, herself.
A chance meeting, brought about by the fact that I had smelled of Nii-san due to his presence near me. A smell that she would be very familiar with. Attempting to appear threatening, only to clutch her stomach and vomit up the blood she had drank from the poisons in it, thus resulting in detente and a sharing of histories, leading to a position of willing servitude in exchange for something like that life back.
...And the girl Yumizuka Satsuki fell in love with the girl named Tohno Akiha.
…...I blush at the memory that comes racing back. Of her feeling me, and licking me, and saying those things by my ear as Nii-san and I...
...A throb under my skirt. In my underwear. My body is getting aroused... but once again, I have nobody to take care of that.
"...Damn it... you are really annoying, you know that...?"
Its only reply is a weak throb. A plea for someone to do something to it.
I sigh, and get up to go to the bathroom. Perhaps if I can trick my body into voiding, it will go away...
I walk inside. As I am the only one here, I run no risk of anyone coming in, so I simply remove my underwear entirely, lifting the skirt of my sailor uniform as I sit down on the toilet. I will NOT make that mistake twice in one day. I do not desire matching lumps on both sides of my head, and I do not particularly think that Hisui would like to have to see that sort of sight, either.
I sit, and wait, hoping for something. Anything.
"…...…...…...…...Come on!"
…...But nothing comes out. The throbbing, and the desire for stimulation, remains.
I give up after a minute or two. Discontentedly, as a purely reflexive habit, I fold some toiletpaper and wipe my anatomy.
But I did it in such frustration, that not only did I wipe the parts that are supposed to be wiped, but I wiped something... more.
My eyes widen at the sensation initially, but before long I cannot help but close my eyes at the feeling of pleasure that begins to course through my body. That maddening, addictive sensation, just like when Souka did it.
Only this time, it is so much more focused and so much more intense... just from touching there, I'm getting that feeling again...
...I blush in embarrassment, and the folded toiletpaper falls from my fingers. As if it were purely automatic and normal behavior, the fingers that had been holding the paper wad now seek out and find that part that was not supposed to be wiped.
…...The part that, as a response to the rub of the paper, has swollen and engorged with blood.
The part that quivers and throbs only harder as the fingers find their mark, and begin to carefully touch. Working as if they had a mind of their own. Feeling around. Circling. Trying to find just what it likes.
"...Hm... aah..." Small, appreciatory gasps emit from my throat and my lungs.
…...And all I can do is look down, half-embarrassed, and increasingly aroused, as I watch my fingers as they conspire with my body. To make up for the lack of stimulation...
Slowly, they get into a motion. Small, circular movements. Parting sensitive flesh, indulging in the maddening desire to be touched there.
Slowly, my body responds to what is happening to it. Thoughts of stopping progressively flee my brain. My weight settles back more fully against the seat. Legs part to accommodate easier rubbing. The top of my uniform gains what look like two eraser-tips sticking up through it, as the nipples of my breasts harden just as that small bump between my legs has done.
My body finally wins out over my mind, and eventually I simply close my eyes and listen to my panting, as if it were some kind of primal rhythm, for the three or four minutes that my body takes in order to please itself.
My toes curl and I hear a weak cry emit from my throat as, sure enough, fluids end up leaving my body... but not the fluids I was expecting. My right hand clutches my knee, to keep myself from toppling over.
My left... is feeling the muscles between my legs quiver and convulse as the necessary relief ravishes the whole of it.
I pant deeply on the seat of the toilet. The sensation has gone from pleasure to pain, and I lift my body higher up so that it stops.
It flushes as I leave it, but that is not what my mind is focused on. This condition... the condition of a post-orgasmic state... it has drained my strength and my mind. All I want now is my bed...
I manage to keep conscious long enough to walk with shaking legs over to it. Not even caring that I am going to bed without my underwear, I crawl into it. Within moments, sleep overtakes me once more.
…
Next Week (5/22/11) – Chapter 51: "Sweet Dreams are Made of This"