A note from the author:

Making a guy work on his birthday... that's horrible, you know. I'm not even working my own real-world job on my birthday since, well, they wouldn't pay me time and a half to have people yell at me for eight hours. Shame, I'd have made $120 today if they did. :p

And no, I'm not lying... today really is my birthday. Well, July 31st, that is. This isn't some desperate attention grab. Enough people are reading this story (and slowly spreading word on it, as my occasional Google searches show) that I don't need to make such attention grabs.

If you're a long-time reader of this story, or if you're one of the people who've just stumbled upon it and stuck with it, I'd certainly appreciate a review as a birthday present. Note that I did not demand – I merely said I'd appreciate. I'm not one of those authors who will ask to "read and review" every single chapter (If anything, I find that vain and self-serving, as I believe people will review if they think it's worth their time and shouldn't be expected to do anything!) but I think a person is entitled to be a little more selfish than normal on their birthday. Thus, this request, especially since it's been awhile since I've had a pretty good review.

Alternatively, the page for this fanfic on TVTropes could use some updating as well. Just search for it on there; you'll find it. It interests me to see what tropes people think with my story... and a few that had predicted story events made me smile. I promise that, aside from my initial edit, I have not touched that page (or if I have, it's for very minor corrections; never deletions, nor additions after my initial ones) so I'm curious to see what kind of tropes you think I'm running – some intentional, some just a very lucky accident.

A third option is a little free publicity. It always interests me to see this story pop up on other forums, in other places, and read other opinions. Occasionally I find myself wishing I could reply, as I don't mind striking up correspondence with people who are reading my work, but admittedly, I haven't even been able to post in my regular forums all that much... though I have struck up regular correspondence with a few people, and they're rather interesting folk.

Anyway... merely consider one of those. My real-life job is kicking my butt, and I've not done any real writing in the last few months due to a lot of events in my life in the past three months or so, but I've continued to meet a weekly update schedule, every Sunday, for this story for the past sixty-one weeks and I plan to continue doing so until the story concludes in fifteen more. I don't care if the review is good or bad (if anything, bad reviews are more interesting than good ones because they demonstrate flaws, perceived or otherwise) but it's a birthday present that doesn't cost you money; merely time.

We now return to your regularly scheduled chapter.

Chapter 61: "Foregone Absolution"

Viewpoint: Seo Akira

"…...Mmmf."

I rub my eyes as I wake up. I was so caught up in what Tohno-senpai said, that I couldn't sleep at all...

"Finally awake, eh?" A familiar voice calls out.

I sit up and look in the direction of the voice. Rio is sitting in a chair, her legs propped up on another one, as she casually looks at me. A open book on psychology is on her chest, held by her hands. Waking up must've interrupted her studying time.

"...What time is it?" I shake the lingering tiredness from my head.

"About 4:30. What the heck did you do last night, Aki-chan? It's not like you to sleep all day." She scowls. "I keep telling you to treat your body better, you know. Drinking alcohol is going to stunt your growth if you keep it up."

"...Oh, quit with the nagging, Rio! You're sounding like an old granny."

"I can't help it," she says with a bit of a laugh. "It's the job of the wise to make others like them."

"Yeah, well, sometimes your wisdom sucks." I stick out my tongue to let her know I'm joking.

"Well, what can I say?" She offers with a shrug and a slight smile. "The wise aren't always one hundred percent correct. And they'll admit that, too."

I laugh a little. Rio somehow is always able to do this, to have me ticked at her for her flaws and then have me laugh from traits I like. I guess it's why we go well together. "Actually…... I've been thinking about what Tohno-senpai said. I couldn't shake it out of my head, so I couldn't fall asleep."

"Mmm," she says, immediately turning serious. "Bothering you that badly, huh?"

"Well... yeah... I mean, wouldn't it bother you if a girl told you she was in love with you? Especially a girl who was your senpai and older than you were?" I blink.

"Bothered? Nah, not really. But I'd definitely have to think it over, definitely. That isn't the sort of decision to just make at a fingersnap... for either party," she muses. "First thing's first... what is she to you, really?"

"Really...? Well... Tohno-senpai is senpai," I begin. "A close friend. Someone who picks on me, and she can be mean like that sometimes... but at the same time, if I'm in real trouble, I can count on her, I think. I mean, I might not be here right now if it weren't for her..."

...No, I probably wouldn't be. I would have been absolutely crushed flat by that heavy pillar that had nearly fallen on me. And she definitely trusts me with her secret, which I haven't told anyone. I don't want to die yet. I want to live a full, long life... at least another 60, 70 years.

I know we can't live forever... but I also know I'm way too young to die.

"What else is she to you?" Rio asks, setting her textbook aside for now.

"Well... I fear and respect her, I guess. I mean... there's not many people who I can both admire and be scared of, you know?" I say with a shrug. "So... I guess the best thing to say is that she's someone I want to be friends with as well as someone I don't want to be on the bad side of."

"Probably a pretty smart idea, yeah. Oh yeah..." She snaps her fingers. "I almost forgot. She showed up while you were passed out." Rio stretches in her chair.

"...S-She did?ǃ Why didn't you wake meǃ?" Damn! I wanted to talk to her...

"Last time I tried waking you up about eight hours ago, I nearly got kicked in the mouth." Rio shrugs. "You should take up martial arts like I do. If I wouldn't have, I'd probably be missing a few teeth because I was unable to dodge it." She laughs.

"…...Sorry," I say with a blush. "I didn't mean to... you know you'd kick my butt in a fight..."

"Yeah, I know. You get real touchy when you're sleeping. I know you by now." She laughs a bit. It helps me feel a little less embarrassed, at least.

"...What did Tohno-senpai say when she came over?" I get off of my bed and stretch hard. I can hear and feel some of my joints popping.

"She wanted to talk to you tomorrow," she says matter-of-factly. "Seemed unsure of how I'd take the message... or you, for that matter."

...I feel my throat tighten and dry up a little.

Talking tomorrow... well, that can mean only one thing...

She wants to talk about... well...

"...Do you... think she wants to ask how I feel about what she said...?" Suddenly, I feel a little hot, too...

"Probably. I guess she's gotten over saying that to you now, so now she wants to know how you feel about it. Have you decided what you're gonna tell her?" Rio smirks a bit, almost as if she knows what I'm going to answer.

"...Well... I've never been in a relationship like that, you know that..." I look down.

"There's a first for everything, you know. And I think she's quite serious that she'd love you." Rio smiles a bit.

"But... well... she's... a girl..." I blush, pushing my fingers together a bit.

"And? It's not like that's generally a bad thing. You won't get pregnant, for example." Rio laughs. "Besides... you wouldn't be this torn up about it if you weren't seriously considering it, would you?"

Truth be told... I'm not sure how to react to that. I mean... Tohno-senpai isn't the kind of person who would just say that, even as a joke. That's not her. But still... she IS a girl. So am I. Neither of us can escape those facts. And the last thing I really want is someone spreading all sorts of nasty, ugly rumors... It's not like I don't like boys, I do, I just...

"Well... no, I guess..." I say with a sigh. "I mean... if it didn't bug me at all, then I'd definitely have gotten over it a long time ago..."

Rio lifts her textbook from her chest, and after she gets up from her chair, she walks over to me. "Look, Aki-chan. Sometimes you don't know whether or not you'll like something until you try it, you know. What's the harm in trying something? If you don't like it, you can just say you don't like it, after all. I think she'd understand."

"...W-Well... I don't want to disappoint Tohno-senpai... I mean... what if she expects me to be... you know..." I can't finish the thought. Tohno-senpai definitely would be expecting that... right...?

"...Not a virgin?" Rio smirks slightly, which makes blood fill my cheeks. "I think she's pretty much figured out you are. You can just sort of... tell when someone is. And you're not really the type to be promiscuous or anything..."

"O-Of course not!" I shout, shocked. "I've never done that with anyone! And—"

Rio laughs. "What are you telling me for? I know that already, silly. Don't worry about all of that. She's not doing it just to get into your panties." She smiles. "She's not the sort of girl who would just want a relationship for the sexual aspect of it. No, a woman like Tohno-senpai is someone for whom relationships have lots of meaning. I don't think she'd allow herself to be in one that was just for carnal pleasure."

...Well... that's not Tohno-senpai's style, anyway. And from what Souka-san said about her... she was a virgin too. I was spared the details, but she said it was just... cute to watch how she reacted, somehow. I don't really get it. How could that be cute...? I mean... they make faces... so...?

"So? Gonna do it?" Rio looks at me and smiles. "You're gonna be without a boyfriend for awhile otherwise, you know... at least, one you could see regularly. Actually... now that I think about it... didn't you like a boy whose last name was Tohno, too...?"

...Shiki-san...

"...That's her brother," I say with a slightly embarrassed blush as I look down.

Rio bursts into laughter. "Oh, wow. Runs in the family then, does it? Like they exude some kind of natural charm..."

"Idiot, stop making jokes at his expense!" I stamp my feet slightly as I yell. "He's not even here to defend against them!"

"Calm down, Aki-chan." Rio laughs. "I'm just teasing, you know. You don't have to get so super-defensive. Then again... you wouldn't defend him so hard if there wasn't something there, would you?"

"That's not it at all!" I complain. "It's not nice to say things behind people's backs like that no matter who they are! It doesn't matter that it's Shiki-san or not!"

"...Shiki-san, eh? So you know him on a first-name basis..." She smirks a little.

"Rio!"

She just laughs... but finally stops with her teasing. "Anyway... how would he react to his sister dating his friend, huh?" Rio smirks.

"Th-That's for them to deal with!" I stammer. "Look... this is tough enough to decide without you being mean, Rio! Please stop!"

"Aww." She pouts. "It's only because you're so wound up, you know." She reaches over, and hugs me. "Just relax a bit... it's not like you're making some heaven-or-hell decision, you know. At worst, it's just an experiment, at best... well, you'll be in love and find out all the fun of that." She smiles.

...Rio brings up a good point. It's not like this is something that has to last forever. And more than that, it's not something that you can't back out of if you decide it's not for you. I mean, if Tohno-senpai knew you didn't like it, it's not like she'd force you to stay in it, right...?"

"Well, no..." I confess. "I mean, I think she wants me to pick what I'm happiest with... so I shouldn't really focus on it being such a super big deal."

"Right," Rio says with a nod. "It's an important decision, yeah... life-changing, maybe... but it's not one you're stuck with. If you like it, great, if not... just back out. No long-term harm done, right?"

"I guess," I say, sitting back down on my bed. "I'm just... well, kinda nervous. I mean... Tohno-senpai is someone who's hard to read. This thing came out of nowhere, so..."

"Wouldn't surprise me that you're so nervous," Rio says. "I was my first time, too, you know."

"...You've done that?" I blush deeply. Rio's... actually done this sort of thing before...? All of a sudden it's like I'm the only one out of the friends I know who hasn't...

"Yeah... but truth be told, the guy was a bit of a jerk." She shakes her head. "It was a hard lesson, I'll admit, but it's a lesson I definitely learned from. That's how I can tell Tohno-senpai is looking out for you. A girl isn't going to be like a guy there, for one... even girls who like girls tend to desire mutual relationships as opposed to pure sex." She states this like she was some kind of mother figure. "Number two, from what you've said about their family, they're pretty interesting people. They're well-known, of course, and Tohno-senpai is doing a good job representing her family by being constantly top place in the school's grades. Number three, you're always excited about going over there, aren't you? So then how is this any different from any other sort of time that you'd want to go over there...?"

"Well yeah, but that's because Tohno-senpai and Shiki-san are my friends," I admit, a little embarrassed. "It's a little different if I'm going to have a relationship with them, Rio..."

"All that's going to change is that you two are going to have a romantic interest in each other. You'll want to be with Tohno-senpai as much as you can, and she'd want to be with you." She nods. "It's not like you two have to be attached at the hip every single day all week, you know... though I'd bet that for awhile, you two would be wishing that you were." She laughs.

"...Rio! It's not like I'd ever be so... petty that it's all I'd want out of Tohno-senpai!"

"Sure, sure... you want more, of course. But the simple fact is that time constraints are going to limit your time... so basically, when you two get time together, you're going to spend it together as much as you can... and it's not unrealistic to think that eventually it'd be something dirty." She laughs.

...I feel the heat filling my cheeks.

It's not like I'm doing this just to get under Tohno-senpai's skirt! I mean, it I did agree to it, it's not something that I'd just accept for that petty reason. I like Tohno-senpai for a lot more reasons than her body... especially since she already feels uncomfortable about her body. I've seen her comparing my bust size to hers more than once... she looked almost worried that one day, I'd somehow top her in the chest department... not that I really care very much about any of that sort of stuff.

No... I'm doing this because I have a curious feeling about this relationship... a sort of feeling that I haven't had before. One that says "It's not your usual sort of choice, but it can't hurt to look, can it...?"

And... I guess it's right.

I'm beating myself up over this pretty badly, and if I know Tohno-senpai like I think I do, she probably went to bed without resolving to do anything, because the way that she was raised, things are only finished and will go through with her word and her word alone.

Rio chuckles slightly. "You're worrying yourself far, far too much, Aki-chan. This isn't the sort of thing that you need to really stress yourself over so much. Look... I'll get right to the point, alright?"

"Please," I say. I'm beginning to get sick of this conversation... but more importantly, I'm beginning to get sick of feeling so wound up over this. It's not like me to ever get this wound up... but, as she pointed out... it's probably because I value this so highly, that it's why I'm worrying over it like I am.

"Like I said earlier, just give it a shot. You don't know if you like something until you try it... either way, you'll find out if you can do it or not. And I don't think she'd hold it against you, so to speak, if you figured out you couldn't." She nods, confident in her predictions as always. "Do you think you can do that, Aki-chan?"

"…...…...…I guess," I finally say after thinking it over for a few moments.

She does have a point, really. The reason I'm so nervous about this is because... well, it's because I haven't done any of this before, not with a boy and certainly not with a girl. I've kissed a few boys on the cheek, but that's about it... so I'm afraid I'd disappoint her, or do something wrong, or who knows what to make Tohno-senpai angry... and Tohno-senpai's anger might as well be the wrath of the god of gods.

But Rio's also right... I'm nervous because I don't know what to expect, really. Having never been in a relationship like that before... well... on one hand, I'm glad someone likes me like that, but I'm also journeying into uncharted territory. I'm not too fond of that. It's like my visions... I'll see something, but I'll have no idea if they'll come true or not. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. It's fine when it's just something small like me having a mint and chocolate chip ice cream cone...

…...But when I begin seeing corpses and bodies piled up... it's terrifying.

So is this, in a way... all because I had a vision of what looked like an older me and an older Tohno-senpai kissing. It may not even be her... it may be someone else who looks like her, as I bluffed and said it was originally. But the simple fact of the matter is... I just KNOW that it's her. There's no avoiding that... the girl I was kissing was Tohno-senpai.

And worse... I also know what happens when people don't heed my words, or change themselves, whenever I have a vision...

…...What happens is that it comes true, without fail.

Is... that going to come true, then? If so... I won't know for awhile. Assuming it WAS both myself and her, then I'd definitely be fully grown up, and obviously so had she. Even then... that looked like we were a definite couple... we had no problem showing such affection publicly, like we had taken a "come what may" sort of attitude towards whoever would see us. Like it was something we'd done for years. Like it was the most perfectly natural thing in the world.

And I know I wouldn't have to worry about some of the stuff I worry about now... Both Shiki-san and Tohno-senpai are special people. Not just in the usual, figurative sense... but in the actual sense. They are both strong, in their own ways. She may think of both Shiki-san and herself as monsters, but the simple truth is... I disagree with her.

I don't know the details of Shiki-san's abilities, but from what Tohno-senpai said, they're pretty incredible. Something with his eyes, and the fact that he can kill anything... or almost anything. A murderer who isn't a killer. Is such a thing even possible...? If so, Shiki-san is the one who's a good example of it.

...And then, of course, there is Tohno-senpai's own abilities. A superhuman form, of sorts... where she was able to lift a heavy pillar off of my legs. She looked like she was in a bit of shock in transforming... something like that must be somewhat hard on her body. But she did it to save me... and then when we got to her house, she told me a bit about herself and her abilities.

She trusts me. She trusts me enough that she would open up that part of herself to me. Because... she loves me. She loves me as more than a friend, or more than even a good friend.

She loves me... as one would fall in love with a stranger. To want them. To hold them. To make them a part of their life...

…...Tohno-senpai wants to spend her life with me.

And here I am, like some silly little girl, doubting myself... doubting that I'm good enough, or experienced enough, or in some cases, even worthy of Tohno-senpai's affection. That'd all be good if this was me just having some sort of silly, Class S crush on Tohno-senpai...

...But the problem is that it's not. Because Tohno-senpai is the one who said those words herself. And while it's entirely possible for a person to dismiss their own thinking... it's impossible to change someone else's opinion of you, unless you do a lot of hard work... or destroy the relationship.

…...And needless to say, I'm not about to destroy my relationship with Tohno-senpai just because I'm acting like a scared little girl who doesn't know what to do.

Rio is right. So is Souka-san. Tohno-senpai wouldn't care that I'm not "experienced." My experience there is probably the furthest thought from her mind. All she wants is someone to give her some measure of happiness, peace, and stability. Stuff that, from what little I know from Tohno-senpai, Shiki-san, and Souka-san, she's never really had... so I can't blame her for it, I guess.

...I guess it can be tough on someone like her. Dad is pretty well off, and although he raised me well I think, he was never on that sort of "proper lady" level that Tohno-senpai, Souka-san, or Rio went through. Rio and Souka-san rebelled nearly completely... but Tohno-senpai, she seemed to succumb and resign to that fate.

…...Even though she submitted to it, though, it seems to have not changed everything for Tohno-senpai. It's not very often, but little flashes of a more free spirit do come out. She's considerably less formal with her friends unless out in public... and she also wore that one outfit last Sunday. She didn't have to... but she wanted to.

Truly... Tohno-senpai seems to sometimes be two different people in the same body.

When I first met her, she and Souka-san would bicker endlessly about silly little points of etiquette. Tohno-senpai would always argue about why Souka-san should be proper, and Souka-san would play devil's advocate, showing why she should not be. Sometimes, Tohno-senpai would win, and sometimes Souka-san would win. And whichever one lost would swear up and down that they would win the next argument over etiquette, even if it meant cheating.

It was highly competitive.

The strange thing is, the more I was around for these arguments... the more I saw they not only had them, but actually looked forward to them. It was rather like watching a tiger and a dragon fight, and then afterwards they would go out for beer together. It took me only a few weeks to see why these two were able to get along so well... and that was because Tohno-senpai and Souka-san were both kind of links to their other sides.

For Tohno-senpai, Souka-san represented everything she wanted to be, but could not be - a free spirit, and a free thinker. Able to use common, simple language instead of excessive formality. Casual dress that was completely unlike what a "proper" lady should wear. Even things like biting her nails, or occasionally spitting. Souka-san was the "forbidden" side of Tohno-senpai that never developed.

For Souka-san, Tohno-senpai was, obviously, a reminder of what she was supposed to be, and trying to avoid. She must have been able to see or sense how... browbeaten... Tohno-senpai must have been, and having managed to escape from that... I guess she took it upon herself to slowly get her to change her thinking, change her actions...

...Change her life.

And slowly, I guess she did. Tohno-senpai is less scary now than when I first met her. Back then, she was cold and unapproachable, and she slowly over time began to worry less about what was "proper" and simply began thinking of what was "right" in her mind. This was especially true after her father died. I never even saw Tohno-senpai cry over it. If she was saddened by his passing, she sure wasn't for long.

She is still a bit proper... but that fits her. Tohno-senpai wouldn't be the same without that air of coolheadedness, I think. But she's warmed up to the idea of others being important to her, slowly but surely. I was... kind of floored when she asked to have lunch with me. That's why it hurt so much when I realized she did it to trap me. But I felt guilty about snapping, so I went to apologize, and it turned into a sort of mutual apology.

And then we had lunch together, and I asked her about god. And we both regretted having to stop it, so we planned for next week, and then... well, I got hurt.

But I'm not going to let that stop me. No. I'm going to keep pursuing this... even if it bites me in the butt later, that's probably the best thing to do right now.

"…...…Alright then," I finally say as I nod with conviction. "I'll think about it some more..."

Rio smiles and hugs me. "Good luck, Aki-chan."

...I'm still not sure if I'm making the right choice...
...But Rio is right. I need to just be brave and willing to try things.
Who knows... maybe I'll even surprise myself...?

Next Week (8/7/11) – Chapter 62: "Spiritual Stew"