Chapter 15

Images in his head shifted and swirled. Jewel kept merging with some dark shadow, reaching out for him, picking him up and throwing him off a cliff...and he would fall toward the mirror at the bottom which would shatter. He could laughter. Jewel's laughter as he lay among the broken shards of glass. He tried to get away, but the Jewel shadow was everywhere he turned. Then, he saw her with Matt and Judith. Jewel had Chris in her arms...

"Timothy, wake up, lad."

The voice cut through the chaos and Tim struggled to break the hold the visions had on him...but they were so strong and the darkness was so thick around him.

"No...no! Leave them alone!" Tim shouted and tried to run toward Jewel. Her smile became cruel as she stroked Chris' face with one sharp fingernail.

"Timothy!"

Tim felt something sharp on his face, a swift slap, perhaps.

He was suddenly feeling very dizzy.

"You're dreaming, lad, wake up."

Tim was trying, but it was like he was fighting through molasses to get his eyes to open. His dream kept pulling him back down into its swirling chaos.

"Help..."

"Come on, Timothy, wake up."

The gently-entreating voice began to penetrate through the nightmare. He was still afraid and the nightmare seemed impossible to escape.

"Timothy."

He managed to open his eyes briefly and see...someone...but then, his eyes closed and he was sucked back in again.

"I saw that, Timothy. Try again."

A hand was on his arm. Tim felt another hand on his forehead.

"That's it, lad. Come on back. I'm still waiting."

Tim tried to get free of the dream, of his subconscious mind. He pushed it away and tried not to believe what he saw was really happening.

Jewel took out a gun, aiming it at Tim's friends, looking at him all the time. Matt and Judith couldn't see the danger.

"NO!" Tim screamed and came awake, sitting up...much too quickly. His head started to spin and he wobbled.

He might have fallen over, but that hand was still on his arm. It became a steadying presence as Tim took in deep gasping breaths and tried to get his head to stop spinning. He blinked...and then blinked some more, trying rid his vision of those dangerous black spots.

"That's it, Timothy. Calm down and breathe."

Tim followed the instructions, happy to lean on whoever was there while his brain tried to re-engage with the world around him.

"Ducky," Tim said, realizing who it was.

"Yes, lad."

Tim blinked again and lifted his heavy head. He met Ducky's smiling gaze and sighed.

"A bad dream?"

Tim tried to think and then his eyes opened wide. "Matt! Judith!"

"Calm down, Timothy. They're fine. In fact, they called me to let me know they were on their way over here to see you."

"No. No, they shouldn't," Tim said, trying to get the words out before he forgot them. "No, I'm too dangerous. I'm not safe. They should stay far away. They shouldn't..."

Ducky's smile vanished and concern took its place.

"Why would you say that, Timothy?"

"I'm going crazy, Ducky," Tim said. "That's why. I'm going crazy and I'm going to turn into the same kind of person I was before...and I don't want that. I don't want people to see me like that again. I need to go back to the loony bin. I need to be locked away. I can't..."

"Timothy, what happened? Matt told me that someone had attacked you."

"I thought that was what happened...but why would someone attack me, Ducky? There's no reason! I don't do anything of importance anymore. I don't investigate crimes. I don't do anything of value! No one would be attacking me! I'm turning everything into what I see in my nightmares and I don't want that to become real! Not again!" Tim could feel his stomach twisting at the very thought.

"Deep breath, Timothy. Take a deep breath."

Tim took a lot of deep breaths. All in a row.

"No. Slow, deep breath. And hold it for five seconds."

Tim took one shuddering deep breath.

"Good. Now, let it out slowly."

The exhalation was shaking but slow.

"Good. Now, why would you choose to believe that you had imagined an attacker, Timothy? You told your friends that you had seen someone."

"I was dreaming, Ducky. It was Jewel. I was just dreaming," Tim said. "Jewel...she's..."

"She is dead, Timothy, not alive, not real...and she has no power."

"I know...and I saw her. That means it was all in my head. I've never hallucinated someone before, Ducky...and I did. I'm going crazy. I hurt myself this time...what if I hurt someone else next time? What if I hurt my friends?"

Ducky shook his head. "No, Timothy, don't let yourself fall into the trap of second guessing yourself. It won't help."

"It doesn't matter what will help, Ducky," Tim said, feeling the nervous energy drain out of him. "It doesn't matter because we both know that I'm losing my mind."

"That's not true. I think you're trying to force your mind to break because that will make more sense to you than the possibility that something truly is happening to you that is not your own doing. You're trying to remove the idea that it could not be your fault, Timothy, and that is more worrying than the attack on you."

"There wasn't anyone there, Ducky. I thought I saw Jewel when I woke up. She's dead. It couldn't have been her."

Ducky gently eased Tim back down onto the bed. Tim resisted slightly, not wanting to sleep again and face that dream, but he didn't have the strength to fight. His head was still spinning and it ached, he now realized.

"Perhaps not, but that does not mean that you did not see anyone."

"I won't ignore it this time, Ducky. Pretending there was nothing wrong is what made me..." Tim's voice dropped to a whisper. "...Thomas..."

Ducky sat down on the edge of the bed. "No, Timothy. Do not compare what is happening now to what happened then. It won't help."

"Nothing will help."

Ducky's voice became stern. "Timothy, don't do this."

"What?"

"Don't let your tendency to believe the worst of yourself keep you from seeing reality. It was not Jewel you saw, but I find it difficult to believe that you saw no one at all."

"Why?" Tim asked, wishing that he could believe the same as Ducky.

"Because you did not tell Matt that you saw Jewel. You saw someone. If it had been Jewel you saw, in your dazed state, you would not have hesitated to say her name."

Tim just shook his head and closed his eyes...but only briefly. The dream was still much too fresh in his mind. He didn't want to sleep. Not now.

There was a knock at the door and Tim opened his eyes as Ducky turned.

"Come in."

"Hey, Tim. You're looking a lot better."

Tim found a smile somewhere. "Hey, Matt. You, too."

"How are you feeling, Tim?" Judith asked, Chris in her arms.

"Like I almost drowned."

Matt smiled and then laughed softly as Chris gooed and reached for Tim.

"You feel up to holding a squirming almost-one-year-old? He's been asking for you."

Tim pushed himself up and then grimaced when Ducky propped the bed up so that he could lean back.

"Sure. For a little bit."

Chris smiled as Tim held him on his lap. He settled against Tim and got a tight grip on Tim's hospital gown.

"I think he was scared for you, Tim," Judith said. "He hasn't been calm since we were all running around like headless chickens."

"I'm sorry," Tim said.

"Oh, no. It's not your fault. We probably could have reacted more calmly...but we didn't and Chris could tell that Matt and I were terrified. Thus, he's terrified. Only, we can calm down because we know the danger is past. He just doesn't understand that yet."

"Maybe, he's right," Tim said and lifted Chris up so he could stand on Tim's legs. "How you doing, Chris?" he asked. Then, his dream reasserted itself much too strongly and he closed his eyes.

"Tim, what's wrong? Should we get someone?"

Tim shook his head. "No...just take Chris...okay?"

He heard Chris whine when Matt pulled him off Tim's lap, but he tried not to freak out. He knew it was only a dream...but...what if it wasn't...

The two-fingered hand on his arm made him tense.

"Tim, what is it? What just happened?"

"Nothing."

"That wasn't nothing."

"Just a dream."

"About Chris?"

Tim opened his eyes and looked at Matt who was sitting beside him and then looked at Chris and Judith...and then at Ducky.

"I'm going crazy. I keep...keep seeing...her and...and I know it was only a dream. Jewel's dead. I killed her, but..."

"What did you dream, Timothy?"

Tim closed his eyes. His head ached. "Jewel had Chris. She kept...kept touching his cheek. She was going to kill you all. ...and when I woke up...I saw her, and I know she's dead. I'm going crazy again. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Matt's hand pulled away.

"Tim, that's..." He stopped.

"Timothy, would you like me to call Dr. Lewis and have him come and speak to you?"

Tim nodded, keeping his eyes tightly closed. "Yes. Get him. He'll know. He'll see."

"All right, Timothy. I'm sure your doctor will want to look you over now that you're awake. We'll go and get him. Do you mind being alone for a few moments?"

"No."

"All right."

Another hand on his arm (this one with all five fingers).

"Don't doubt yourself, Timothy. You are allowed to be correct."

Tim didn't answer.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Why did you stop me, Ducky?" Matt asked. "Tim doesn't need to believe that he's going crazy! Enough people think that already!"

"I know, but he's not going to listen to you, nor to me. Not in his current state. Personally, although I have no claim to being certain, I think he wants to have all this be a product of his mind."

"Why?"

"Because then, no one would be in danger...and none of this could be his fault... which is what he fears. Don't be surprised if he tries to find somewhere else to go once he is released."

"Where will he go, Ducky?" Judith asked. "He doesn't have anyone else here, unless you or Abby can take him in now."

"Impossible, I'm afraid. Until he is officially cleared of suspicion, I risk people questioning my objectivity...which they may do anyway, considering my obvious attachment." Ducky smiled. "Abigail is in the same boat. I don't know what the current status of the investigation is, but I do hope that the evidence is leading them away from Timothy. What did you see?"

"Nothing," Matt admitted reluctantly. "All I saw was Tim...in the pool...bleeding. I don't want to see that again, Ducky. I don't want to...to see Tim like that ever again."

"I completely understand. I have seen Tim in states I hope are never repeated." He sighed. "If someone were trying to make him lose his gains over the last year, they couldn't have been more successful."

"Wait, what did you just say?" Matt asked.

"If they were trying to..." Ducky trailed off as he realized what he had said...and let out a very undignified swear word. "Who would–? ...oh, dear."

"What, Ducky?" Judith asked.

"Past that is not past. I must contact Dr. Lewis and let him know that Timothy is in need of his help, but I also need to speak to Jethro and tell him. Don't tell Timothy about this. He will only feel more afraid."

"If...If you're right about this, Ducky, shouldn't he be afraid?"

"Perhaps, but he won't be afraid of the right people. He will only fear himself and what harm he could bring on others. He won't be afraid of someone hurting him."

Judith shifted Chris to her other hip. "If this is as bad as it sounds, you shouldn't waste any time. We'll call Dr. Lewis. You call NCIS. Let them know."

Ducky nodded and pulled out his phone. He didn't know how all these pieces fit together, but he had a sinking feeling that Tim was indeed at the center of the murder at Soft-Tech...just not in the way he might have thought.

Jewel, indeed, Ducky thought. Could he have known subconsciously just what was going on?

Who knew. Timothy was not likely to have any idea...and that ignorance could be deadly.