We've Had That Conversation Before - A Yappy Obi story
13 year old Yappy Obi is at it again after he's informed by another Jedi that Qui-Gon can see the future.
Posted - January 2022
Obi: Masterrrrrr! Oof! Oh, there you are.
Qui: Obi-Wan, get off me. Why are you running around the Temple halls. Again?
Obi: I'll have you know that I have not been running them as often. Not since Master Yoda started tripping me with his gimmer stick when I got too close to the Council chambers. How he knew I was there at any given time, I'll never know.
Qui: He foresaw it.
Obi: He can see the future?
Qui: No, he just knows your time schedule and you being the annoying creature of habit that you are, he knew exactly when you would be in that area. Change your schedule, Obi-Wan, if you wish to harass the Council. Better yet, stop harassing them. We've had this conversation before.
Obi: Yeah, yeah. Okay, so speaking of seeing the future. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Qui: I have no idea when you will be a Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan. That's up to you and your training.
Obi: No, not that, and I already know when that will happen. Twenty-five. But we've had that conversation before.
Qui: Twenty-five is far too old. Be better.
Obi: Fine. But that's the timeframe of my conversation. I was talking to Master Thee'oryze and he told me that in order for balance to happen in the Force and for Jerk Boy to go all dark-side, you let yourself die when I'm twenty-five! And, get this, you let yourself die right in front of me. Master, that's wrong. Can you not do that?
Qui: How many times have I told you to stop listening to Master Thee'oryze? He gets in your head. I suspect he mentioned that he can see the future?
Obi: He did.
Qui: Did he give you any actual factual demonstration about that being true?
Obi: Well, he said he foresaw himself getting a sandwich at the dining hall. And then when he got there, someone handed him one.
Qui: He wanted a sandwich and he ate one. That is your factual evidence?
Obi: It is, but well, it seemed real when he showed me, but I should probably be questioning that, right?
Qui: We've had that conversation before as well. About you being gullible to other Jedi who run their lips too much.
Obi: Like me?
Qui: Similar, but worse.
Obi: Worse than me? You said that wasn't possible.
Qui: I've said it wasn't possible to be as annoying as you.
Obi: Same difference, isn't it?
Qui: No.
Obi: Okay. So, you don't see the future and you don't die on purpose?
Qui: I can't imagining myself doing that, no.
Obi: You can't imagine it, but that leaves a window of opportunity.
Qui: An opportunity for me to let myself die. On purpose.
Obi: Master, stop saying things that I say and making them sound less insane when you say them.
Qui: Then stop listening to Jedi who know who you are and choose to play with your mind. Mostly to get back at me, I'd assume.
Obi: They hate you that much?
Qui: No.
Obi: They're jealous of your hair?
Qui: I shouldn't think so. Although, perhaps…
Obi: Oh, I know. All that high and mighty stuff you babble about, you know, how we should live in the present and not manipulate the Force to do our biding. We should be one with it and all that hullabaloo?
Qui: High and mighty?
Obi: That's what Master Windu calls you. And Master Medusa, Master Plo Kloon, and the other guy that looks like a Schnauzer.
Qui: Her name is not Master Medusa. Obi-Wan, please call the Council by their accurate names. I know for a fact we've had that conversation before. I'm sure it was just within the last month that we discussed it.
Obi: What's the point? They hate me. They hate you. And on and on.
Qui: They do not hate. Hate is not the Jedi way.
Obi: Fine. They strongly dislike. But Master Windu really does hate you, Master. His eyes get all red and the veins on his neck pop out.
Qui: That happens when he talks to you.
Obi: I am reflection of you, Master. And I'd still prefer you to not throw yourself onto another's sword to leave me alone to train the brat just so he can…
Qui: Turn dark-side, yes, I know, I know.
Obi: We've had that conversation before?
Qui: A few moments ago. What else did Thee'oryze tell you?
Obi: That was pretty much it. Maybe he said more, but I was traumatized after that and ran away screaming. That's when I ran into you just now.
Qui: Please don't run away screaming. From anything. Ever. So, let me ask, after I allowed myself to die - for the good of the entire galaxy apparently - what did you do?
Obi: He didn't say, but my past dreams seem to indicate that I killed a Sith and then you died in my arms. I cried. It was sad. We've had that conversation before, Master. Remember?
Qui: So, I don't die immediately?
Obi: Nah, you draw it out in dramatic fashion. It's very like you, Master. But with you being able to see the future and all, you knew what you were doing.
Qui: Obi-Wan, I cannot see the future. Please don't spread that rumor. I'll have every nutcase in the Temple at my door.
Obi: And you already have me and that's enough for you, right?
Qui: Correct.
Obi: One nutcase is enough.
Qui: Exactly.
Obi: Good thing I didn't tell anyone then.
Qui: Obi-Wan.
Obi: I swear I didn't. Not… intentionally.
Qui: What did you do?
Obi: Well, when I was running away screaming - which I now know is wrong - I sort of screamed about what I was running from and the words Master Qui-Gon, future seeing, and we're all gonna die, kinda slipped out.
Qui: I see you've not lost your flair for the dramatic.
Obi: I have not. Thank you for noticing.
Qui: It's not a compliment.
Obi: Eh, depends on your point of view.
Qui: Obi-Wan, if… wait… who is that back there? Is that a crowd forming at the end of the hall?
Obi: Not a crowd so much as a mob?
Qui: That does not make it better.
Obi: We should go home now, Master. But not run. You said not to run in the halls.
Qui: So you choose now to listen to me?
Obi: Circumstances dictate my world.
Qui: Of course they do. Hurry now, let's get home.
Obi: Will our door lock hold them out?
Qui: Would it hold you out?
Obi: Not if I was that determined.
Qui: Then let's not go home. Where can we go and no one would think we'd ever go there together?
Obi: Well, you sort of avoid taking me most places, so anywhere that is not our apartment?
Qui: I do avoid taking you places, don't I?
Obi: I don't blame you, Master. I can be a handful.
Qui: We've definitely had that conversation before.
Obi: We've had a lot of conversations, haven't we?
Qui: About an odd many things that I never expected to have conversations about.
Obi: So, where are we going? And oh, okay, we're actually running now. Going against your own rule about running in the halls, but I guess when you do it, it's not wrong. That makes sense. Master, your legs are really long and fast!
Qui: Keep up, Obi-Wan.
Obi: If you just tell me where we're going, I can maybe take a shortcut.
Qui: If we can get to the pool, we'll be safe.
Obi: Master Cyan will save us! Yes! What a great idea! He'll just take off his shirt and thud everyone in the mob.
Qui: What? No. What? That's not what I mean.
Obi: How else will the pool make us safe then?
Qui: We jump into it, go under water. You do have your breather, yes?
Obi: Ah, er, um, uh. Why would I have that?
Qui: It's part of your standard Jedi equipment that should always be on your belt.
Obi: Master, I'm in my sleep clothes! You did notice that, right? I have no shoes on, much less a belt.
Qui: Why are you in your sleep clothes? It's midday.
Obi: Yes, but yesterday you told me I could have a free day today. Doesn't that mean I can do what I want on my own time?
Qui: Well, sort of, yes. I suppose it does. So, during your free time you were running the halls of the Temple and talking to Master Thee'oryze in your sleep clothes? That's different.
Obi: I was relaxed. Although, I think maybe that makes me more gullible.
Qui: Sure, we'll chalk it up to your clothing. Keep running. You'll have to swim in your sleep clothes then. And no breather. Or maybe Cyan has one.
Obi: Pretty sure he's not wearing a belt, Master. Pretty sure he's not wearing much of anything.
Qui: What the hell goes on in this Temple anymore?
Obi: A lot of weird ass stuff.
Qui: What… wait. Are you telling me that Cyan is naked?
Obi: Not completely, he probably has swim trunks on, but they're most likely not very um… concealing. Why do you think the pool is always packed when he's there and most of the people are either unconscious or drooling into the pool.
Qui: You're not affected.
Obi: No, it would interfere with my ability to talk to him. It's interesting though. He and I will talk and people will come in and just fall over. Sometimes, if several people walk in at once, they tumble like dominoes.
Qui: Dominoes?
Obi: Never mind. You really want me to jump into the pool in my sleep clothes?
Qui: I will sacrifice you to the mob behind us if you'd like.
Obi: Sink or swim, Master! Last one to the pool is a drooler! Cannonball!
Qui: No cannonball! Grab a breather and meet me underwater until the mob relents.
Obi: Okay. Master Cyan! Hi! No time to drool or talk now, I need your breather, can I have it? Just for a few minutes until the mob is gone. They're chasing us because I kinda sorta let them believe that Master
Qui-Gon can see the future, so they probably all want their futures read. Not sure why, it could be really really bad, like a complete slaughter or something. Or maybe we all get attacked by a herd of trolls. That might
be worse, and all slimy, but that's not the point. So, can I borrow your breather?
Cyan: Obi-Wan, my boy, we've had that conversation before about you coming in here and being too talkative while my people here are in their zen state of unconsciousness.
Obi: You're right. I'm sorry. I'm not sure that they can hear me though. The drool is really thick today. Oh, I see. You've got a fresh tan, don't you? That's why. Oh and you bleached your hair even blonder. Nice!
Qui: OBI-WAN! NOW!
Obi: Oh, right. Can I borrow your breather?
Cyan: Yes, just be careful in the pool. I think there are a few unconscious Mon Calamari Jedi in the bottom there.
Obi: Weird, but it goes with the day. Thanks, Master Cyan! Keep on thudding! CANNONBALL!
Cyan: Boy! You cannonball in here and I shove that breather down your throat.
Obi: Ouch! NO CANNONBALL! Just a gentle entry into the water, tippy toes and I'm in. Hi Master!
Qui: Stop talking. Breather in. Underwater. Go.
Obi: They need to design these things so I can talk while I use it. I'll think about that while I'm under.
—-
Obi: Ugh! Bowah! Blach! Hooooah!
Qui: What is wrong with you?
Obi: Master, we have absolutely had that conversation before. I even made you a list the last time.
Qui: It was quite the list. But why are you making so much noise? Did you forget how to use your breather? You learn the breather before age seven. No excuse.
Obi: I took it out too soon and got mouth full of drool.
Qui: That's disgusting.
Obi: And now you understand.
Qui: No sign of the mob. I think my plan worked.
Obi: Master Cyan! Hi! Is the mob gone? Here's your breather.
Cyan: Keep it.
Obi: Thanks! I'll take it home and… ah… no?
Qui: No. You'll have it cleaned and return it.
Obi: But…
Qui: No. The last time someone gave you something, that person held it over my head for the next month. No.
Obi: Fine. I'll clean it and return, Master Cyan. Did you see where the mob went?
Cyan: They thundered by here about ten minutes ago. Haven't heard anything since. I suspect Master Yoda has threatened them all by now and they've dispersed.
Obi: He is a powerful troll.
Qui: Obi-Wan, please. We've had many conversions about referring to Master Yoda as a troll.
Obi: I know, I know. You can call him that, I can't. I can't wait until I'm a master. I can do all those things that I can't do now.
Qui: You are standing here soaking wet, in your sleep clothes and bare feet, spitting out drool, after informing half the temple that I could foretell the future.
Cyan: Ah, so that's what all of that was about. I figured the boy was behind it. But no worries. It breaks up my day. Pool life can be a bit boring.
Qui: Cyan, you're a field Jedi.
Cyan: True. I am. I am also a Pool Jedi.
Qui: That's not a thing.
Cyan: It wasn't until I invented it. I am the first.
Obi: Master…
Qui: No. You cannot be a Pool Jedi. It's not a thing.
Obi: But…
Qui: No. Let's go home.
Obi: I'll get in trouble for dripping pool water all over the Temple hallway floors.
Qui: As will I. Unless we're not seen.
Obi: You mean we have to run again? All squishy and wet?
Qui: Unless you want to be yelled at. Again.
Obi: Eight times in one day is too many. I'll run. Let's go. By Master Cyan!
Cyan: Until next time, my boy.
Qui: All right, lets run!
Obi: Master, look! At the end of the hall. Master Yoda is there. Stomping his gimmer stick. I think we're in trouble.
Yoda: Not run, you will! Had this conversation before, we have! Confined to quarters you will be!
Qui: Not if you can't catch us!
Obi: Master, you sound like me!
Qui: There are times, Obi-Wan, when your way works better than any. It's not often. One in a million times really, but it does happen. Let's run, get home, change into dry clothes and pretend we don't hear him when he's pounding on our door with that damn stick. Run, Obi-Wan, run!
Obi: Aww, Master, I like this version of you. Can he visit more often?
Qui: No.
Obi: But he's nice and fun and… fun. You're never fun. You're usually like a stick in the mud.
Qui: You're insulting me, are you supposed to insult your master?
Obi: I know, yes, yes, yes, we've had that conversation before. It wasn't an insult though. It's okay if this fun side comes out to play every now and then. I won't tell. Or I'll try not to tell. I like telling people about you. I'm proud of you being my master.
Qui: That's a very nice thing to say, Obi-Wan. Thank you. Keep running.
Obi: Hug?
Qui: No.
Obi: Damn. I had to try.
Qui: I appreciate your determination. Here, our apartment. Get in. There, locked up. Safe.
Obi: And wet. I should just throw these clothes away.
Qui: Just have them washed. Don't be wasteful.
Obi: I have more sleep clothes. Maybe ten other pairs.
Qui: Are you hoarding?
Obi: No, but when the housekeeper droid offers new sleep clothes in my size, why would I say no?
Qui: Because you already have a pair?
Obi: And now I have ten.
Qui: Obi-Wan.
Obi: I can get you extra pair too if you want, Master.
Qui: No, wait. Ah. Hmm.
Obi: You wear size 'Giant tall man' right?
Qui: That is not a size.
Obi: Oh, 'big and tall'?
Qui: Obi-Wan.
Obi: But you are big and tall. I am skinny and short. What's the problem?
Qui: Getting smart with your master, I see. We've had that conversation before.
Obi: It's who I am. I'll get you a new pair. Soft and comfy. And then we'll be twins.
Qui: Please don't tell me the sleep clothes are identical.
Obi: They are.
Qui: Sigh. Okay, fine. I'll give you this one thing. But I will not be parading the halls with you in my sleep clothes. Not ever.
Obi: I know, but tiny victories are victories all the same. Hug now?
Qui: No. We've had…
Obi: That conversation before. Snore! Okay, I'm done. Gonna go get dry now in the bathroom. Bye, Master!
Qui: Whatever you say, Obi-Wan.
END