Dinner and Talk of the Room
"Should we eat in or go out?" Ziva asked him as they settled into their room after a long silence following their kiss.
Her cheeks were very pink and his were slightly pink as well. It was like a large elephant in the room. Neither one wanted to talk about it, but at the same time they both felt that something needed to be said.
"Let's go out," Tony said. "Either way we've got to spend company money."
Ziva nodded in agreement. She wasn't sure what to say to Tony now. Her cheeks remained pink. She grabbed a dress and put it on quickly in the bathroom, trying to reason with herself.
It was a kiss. Yes, that it was. It was definitely a kiss. She had kissed Tony. She had initiated it. What was she thinking? She knew that she trusted Tony. She knew that she loved him, even. She knew that she was head over heels in love with Tony. But, still, the thought of being with a man was difficult. She wasn't ready for anything.
She hadn't been ready to kiss Tony and open up that much to him. Yet, she had acted on impulse and perhaps that was they way she needed to do it, to know that she was ready for it. Because, if she was being completely honest with herself, she needed to kiss Tony and feel him all around her, protecting her and loving her like there was no one else in the world.
She knew that he felt the same. She had felt it through that simple kiss. Her body, though. What had her body done? Her body had reacted to his touch and closeness, though there was nothing horribly intimate about their kiss. They had not roamed or strayed from where their hands were placed and yet she still had a deep and desperate want for Tony already and that was with one kiss. What was she going to do with herself now?
She had no idea. She met him back in the main room and they walked toward where they were eating. It was a nice restaurant not too far from where they were staying. They sat down and ordered their food. While they ate, Ziva thought it was the perfect time to bring up sleeping arrangements.
"That couch is very small," Ziva commented, seemingly out of the blue.
"I noticed that. Don't worry, I'll take it," he said quietly.
"Do not be ridiculous, Tony," she said. "That couch is very small. Your back will be beyond hurting if you try to sleep on it. That bed is large enough. We are grown adults and we can share without it being awkward, right?"
He nodded in agreement, unable to argue with her. His face was confused, but he shook his head.
"Yea… yea, it's plenty big enough and we'll still have our own space on that bed," Tony agreed quietly and looked anywhere but Ziva, hoping that he could calm himself from what he was feeling.
She could see it though. She could see that he was fighting his own reaction to what had happened when they kissed. She was fighting her reaction too, just not nearly as hard. Because, every time she allowed her mind to wander toward that moment she would shudder with the memories of what was done to her in Somalia.
"Yes, we certainly will," she agreed, finally as their check came.
They were both tired. They had stayed up on the plane together and now they were feeling the whole jetlag thing and wanted to sleep more than anything. Dinner had been wonderful, although a little romantic. But, Ziva didn't comment, as she was sure Tony was holding back his own comments on it.
Tony paid and stood up. As Ziva got up he took her hand and held it in his own. She glanced down nervously at his hand and was very tense. When they were further away from the restaurant and she still hadn't relaxed, Tony gave her hand a squeeze and stopped them.
"No reason to be so tense, Ziva," he whispered to her and she looked up at him.
Sure there was a reason to be tense. She didn't know where this was going and where his head was at. She tensed a little more.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he promised her. "I won't do anything you don't want to do. I would have let go of your hand, but you have a death-grip on mine. I'm not going to push anything on you. I promise, Ziva, you're safe with me."
She nodded, but still didn't relax into him the way she wanted to. She was so nervous that he had expectations. She was so nervous that he had been treating their dinner more like a date than a dinner between coworkers who were sent to Paris on assignment.
Tony leaned in a little more and held her to his body. "Don't tense. Please. Relax. Everything is going to be okay. I promise, Zi. We're not going there tonight. We're not going there until you're ready. I don't know what happened to you there and I don't think I want to know right now, but I can see that you're not anywhere near ready for that. I get it."
She relaxed then. His words were a comfort. She knew that he was speaking the truth and only the truth to her. She sighed and squeezed his hand now. He didn't have any expectations, other than they were not sleeping together in the figurative sense; only in the literal one. She smiled as they continued their journey back toward the hotel room.
A/N – Here is another chapter for you. Tony and Ziva are having dinner and pretending that it doesn't feel like a date. Ziva gets a little nervous when she finally allows herself to realize it felt like a date and Tony reassures her. I love it when things work out happily like that.