Chapter 29

"Abby, try to make sense," Gibbs said sternly.

Abby looked worriedly at Tim who was still sitting at the computer typing madly away.

"I told you, Gibbs! You guys need to come over here and do something about Tim!"

"Like you did when you snuck out of the hospital and didn't bother to tell us where you were going?"

"I left you a message!" Abby protested.

"You should have said something to me, Abby, and you know it," Gibbs said firmly.

"I knew you'd say no."

"And what are you doing with him that you need us there?"

"I...well, I let him..."

"Let him what?"

"I let him work on finding Collier," Abby confessed. "But before you yell at me, you didn't see him! He was so mad about what happened to Ducky. I was actually a little scared, but I've been here the whole time, Gibbs. He's not doing anything wrong. It's just that I can't get him to stop. He's been working on it for ages and he won't stop! You know how he could tune people out and just focus on the computers? Well, that's what he's doing now, but he's kind of scary, Gibbs...and I think he should stop for now, but I'm...I'm afraid to be the one to do it."

She heard the sigh.

"Really, Gibbs. Someone needs to come. I don't want to be the one to do it."

"Abby..."

"Please? Yell at me later and come and help now."

"Okay. We're going to look on Ducky and then we'll be over. If he does stop, make sure he stays there and doesn't go anywhere else. Remember that he's the one people are trying to kill."

"I know, Gibbs. I will."

Abby hung up and looked at Tim still sifting through layer after layer of information. She had tried a time or two to talk with him, but after the first hour, he had stopped responding. She had got food and set it by him...and he had eaten it but without really noticing it. His body had registered that there was food to be eaten and had done so...mostly without the participation of his mind. Every so often, he'd stop typing and just stare at the monitor, sometimes for as long as a minute. When that happened, Abby would say his name, hoping that he'd hear her, but he never did. He just started typing again.

There was a pause.

"Timmy?" she whispered.

Nothing. Just another click of the mouse, another window, another screen.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"So they are at NCIS?" Tony asked in exasperation.

"Yeah. McGee's working on tracking down Collier."

"Boss!" Tony said.

"I know."

"But he is safe?" Ziva asked.

"Yeah. Probably safest for him there right now anyway. She says he won't stop working."

"That sounds like McGee," Tony said and paused. "Like the real McGee, not..."

"Who he has been," Ziva finished quietly.

"We're going over after we check on Ducky."

The other two nodded and they headed to Ducky's room. Ducky's doctor was just coming out. He looked slightly exasperated that they were coming to disturb his patient, but Gibbs had already had it out with him once that day and he said nothing.

Tony smiled but remained silent also.

When they got into the room, however, they all were quiet. In spite of his doctor's assurances that Ducky would recover, seeing him like this was still shocking. Still...wrong.

Gibbs sat down beside him. He was sleeping, but Gibbs decided that he needed to wake up for a moment.

"Duck?"

Tony and Ziva both sat down as well, staying quiet.

After a few seconds, Ducky opened his eyes. They didn't quite focus at first but eventually, they rested on Gibbs.

"What is it, Jethro? Is Timothy all right?"

"He's fine," Gibbs said.

"No, he's not."

"How do you know?"

Ducky winced a little and then reached out and grabbed Gibbs by the wrist.

"Because...Timothy is not fine on the best of days. Why do you think I have...spent so much time with him? He needs someone watching out for him, Jethro. I can't do it right now. You have to."

"He won't want me...or any of us, Ducky. You know that. He doesn't trust us."

Ducky closed his eyes, clearly fighting the painkillers and sedatives.

"Of course not. You haven't stuck with it long enough for him to try it. Do you think I have his trust because I showed him once? It was hard...very hard...and there was no reason for him to question me. It will be harder for you...but he knows."

"Knows what?"

"What he needs. Don't let him fall back into the trap of blaming himself."

"Back into it?" Tony asked. "He was blaming us, remember?"

Ducky smiled wearily. "Only partially. He also blamed himself, for what happened to him, for what happened to the people around him, for the things he did and didn't do. It will be harder for him to forgive himself than it will be to forgive you. So...watch him."

"Okay."

"I mean it, Jethro," Ducky said, momentarily becoming fully alert. "You can't be aloof this time."

"Okay, Ducky," Gibbs said. "I hear you."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Are you all right, Ducky?" Ziva asked.

"I will survive...although I do wish that these attackers would stop targeting the parts of my body I need to do my job." He smiled and closed his eyes again.

"Don't worry, Ducky," Tony said. "You just work on getting better. That will help McGee a lot more than anything we could do."

Ducky didn't open his eyes, but he spoke one last time, clearly on the way to unconsciousness.

"Ah, Anthony, you truly have misunderstood. It was the mistake I made at the beginning. It is the mistake Timothy has made. Thinking there is nothing you can do...or that...what you can do will never be enough..."

Then, Ducky sighed and he was asleep again.

"Boss?" Tony asked.

"Let's go," Gibbs said and stood.

Ducky wasn't the real target. There were people here to watch over him medically and security-wise. Tim had to be their focus for the time being.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Time passed in a haze for Tim. He only wanted to find the proof that Collier had been hired by the drug dealers he'd investigated. If he could do that, then they could arrest him and the drug trial would be that much easier.

He had to focus on that. He had to. ...because every time he stopped, he could almost see Jewel laughing at him, could almost feel her stroking his neck with a fingernail, could almost hear her saying what he knew.

"You're just like me, Mac. Nothing you can do will change how black you are. You put on a pretty face...but it only covers how ugly you are inside."

Funny how words she'd never spoken could fall so naturally from her lips in his imagination.

...but whenever he remembered what he'd done before, the mistakes he'd made...the crimes he'd committed...it was always Jewel who reminded him.

"People die to protect you, Mac. How many more will you let die just because you need to be safe? How many people will rearrange their lives just to keep you happy?"

"No more," Tim whispered, but his voice was so soft no one could have heard it unless they were standing right beside him.

He refocused on the screen again. Anything to get away from Jewel, anything to stop remembering how weak and hurt Ducky had looked in that hospital bed.

Suddenly, he was vaguely aware of voices elsewhere...they must be real voices. He knew they weren't memories...because they weren't Jewel. ...but they weren't where he was...they were somewhere else, part of another world.

"How long has he been like this?"

"Since we got here."

"When was that? It is after midnight now."

"This afternoon."

"Abby, why didn't you call us before?"

"I don't know! Look at him!"

"Okay."

Then, Tim felt something...something stopping his work. A hand covering his and pulling it away from the mouse. No. No, that wouldn't do. He moved his hand back.

"Just do it, Abbs."

"Gibbs...are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Do it."

Suddenly, the screen disappeared. The work he'd been doing vanished. It was as though someone had slapped him. Tim jumped.

"Where'd it go?" he gasped...before realizing that was about the stupidest thing he could have said. The monitor was off. He blinked a few times and then looked around. Tony, Ziva and Gibbs were there...along with Abby. Looking at him. Concerned, perhaps? Or was it just worry that he'd lost it again? Or irritation that he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing? He couldn't tell.

"McGee, it's past midnight."

Tim blinked a few more times. It was as though he'd been forced into another dimension and he was having trouble assimilating.

The concern became more pronounced on their faces as he stared.

"McGee, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," he managed.

Uncomfortable, he searched for the one person who didn't make him worry. He saw Abby standing to the side and he smiled at her, but she too was looking frightened.

"Did you find anything?" Gibbs asked.

Tim pulled his eyes back.

"Nothing concrete...yet. I will," he said and though he had meant it to sound stubborn and certain, it came out sounding weak and tired.

"Fine. Get some sleep."

Sleep. No. No, he didn't want to sleep. He knew that he should, but there was no Ducky to run to if the dreams got as bad as he was sure they would. He couldn't go to Matt. He couldn't go home. Abby was good, but she wasn't Ducky.

He shook his head. "No. I'm not tired."

That was a lie. He was exhausted. He was almost asleep now, even with his tension and anxiety. Even with his fear.

Gibbs looked over toward Abby. Tim tried to keep up with the nonverbal messages being passed around but he couldn't seem to engage his brain enough to do it.

Abby came over to him, but Tim found that he was startled when she touched his arm. He knew she was there, but she had startled him. Why? He looked at her.

"Come on, Tim. I have the futon all rolled out. Just for you."

"No," Tim said. He stood up, but he started to sway and sat back down on the stool. "No, I don't want to."

Abby looked away from him for a moment but before Tim could decide to follow her gaze, her eyes came back to him and she smiled. She put an arm around his waist, urging him to his feet and away from the computer.

"No," he said again. "I don't...want...to go."

"Just into my office. It's nice and quiet and you can lay down."

Tim blinked slowly and focused on walking where she wanted him to go...even though he didn't want to go there himself. His brain was just so sluggish. He couldn't get himself on track again.

"Come on, Tim."

The door to her office slid open and Tim jumped again. Abby's arm tightened around his waist.

"I've got you, Tim. It's okay."

A few more steps and Abby began urging him to lie down. He kept shaking his head, but his body disagreed and nearly collapsed onto the futon.

"That's it. Just lay down and rest, Tim. You need to sleep."

"No. I don't want to."

"You need it, Tim. You're ready to pass out."

"I know what I'll see when I sleep. I don't..."

"What will you see?"

That was Gibbs' voice, but Tim couldn't summon the energy to look for him.

"Ducky...dying...and Jewel killing him. I don't need...don't want to sleep."

...but his eyes were closing.

"I'll be right here, Tim," Abby said, stroking his hair. "I won't leave you alone. I'm right here."

He couldn't fight the need anymore. Not while lying down on a soft surface with Abby gently urging him to what he was trying to resist.

"Sleep, Tim," Gibbs said. "For a few hours."

Tim made one last bid to deny that he needed it...but he fell asleep before he could say anything more.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Abby looked worriedly at the others as Tim finally relaxed into sleep.

"Jewel killing Ducky?" she whispered.

"You all right to stay with him for now?" Gibbs asked, not responding to Abby's question.

Abby nodded. "I'm tired, too. I'll just sleep here. Won't be the first time."

"Did he get anywhere?"

"He's been looking at financial records for the last few hours," Abby said, "but he didn't tell me specifically what he was looking for. I guess he had a plan in mind, but he wasn't sharing."

"Okay. If his dreams are as bad as he says..."

"They are," Tony said. "He screamed in his sleep a few times while we were with him."

"...then, he may not sleep through the night. Don't try to force him if he insists, but hopefully, he'll sleep for a while."

"How's Ducky?" Abby whispered.

"Sleeping mostly. It will take time, but he'll recover eventually. He's more worried about McGee. Let's try to keep him from working himself to death."

"Right," Abby said and looked back at Tim who twitched a few times before relaxing again. "He won't stop until he's found Collier. He had that look."

"Then, we'll just have to keep him from going too far."

"Can we?"

"Yes, we can," Ziva said before Gibbs could. "Even if he gets angry at us for it, we can do that much."

Abby nodded and bit her lip. Tim twitched again and then a soft moan escaped from his lips. She leaned over him.

"It's okay, Tim. I'm right here. Just sleep."

He relaxed again.

Abby looked at the other three once more and then settled down beside Tim, hoping that he'd sleep for a long time.

...knowing that he probably wouldn't.