Chapter 38: Coming To An Understanding
It was mid-morning before they returned, but they had been successful in taking down a large buck. Standing at the kitchen table, Bishop cleaned and prepped the hide while Nimbrethil divided the meat into various portions. Casavir stood silently watching for a time, hesitant about interrupting them. The way they handled the knives was deft and precise, speaking to years of practice. It galled him to admit that the ranger was good for anything, but he certainly knew about hunting and preparing game. As they finished and started cleaning up, he stepped through the doorway into the kitchen.
"I was wondering how long you were going to stand there Casavir," Nimbrethil stated calmly, not looking up from the sink.
"Forgive me for interrupting, but I need to speak with you," Casavir replied. "In private please." He saw Bishop stiffen and scowl angrily as he stepped up next to the girl.
"Why paladin, so you can upset her again?" the ranger snarled, hands clenching into fists.
Casavir watched as Nimbrethil stood on tiptoe and whispered something in the ranger's ear and saw him nod, albeit reluctantly. Before leaving, Bishop picked the elf up to give her a deep kiss and then set her down, hugging her for a bit. The look he gave the paladin was both feral and possessive, a clear warning to stay away from his territory. Casavir merely stared back, thinking that the ranger sometimes behaved more like an animal than a human being.
Nimbrethil turned to the back door, indicating for Casavir to follow her. She knew that Casavir was upset with her about many things and it was time to clear the air so to speak. She knew that their views and beliefs were very different and, if they could not reach some kind of understanding, then she would have no choice but to ask Casavir to leave. She didn't want to do that, but she couldn't afford to have any more tension or strife amongst her companions than there already was. They needed to find some common ground. When she was sure they were alone, she turned to face him. "Okay Casavir, what's on your mind?" she asked quietly.
Casavir gathered his thoughts, wondering where to begin. "Yesterday I upset you with my words and that was not my intention," he began. "I was not judging you, rather I was trying to give meaning to Sir Grayson's actions."
"I don't need an apology from you Casavir," Nimbrethil sighed. "What I do need is answers," she saw him looking at her in puzzlement. "Grayson said many things yesterday, and he was not just talking about myself and Bishop. He mentioned your name as well, and not in a kind way either. When we first met, you told me you once served Neverwinter, yet you never told me why you no longer did. Grayson implied some kind of dark secret and traiterous actions. To top it all off he implied that I was sleeping with you and that's why you had returned. Insults to me I can deal with because, quite frankly, the opinions of outsiders don't matter to me all that much. However, I can't just stand by and let my friends be put down as well. I have never been one to pry into other's personal lives, and you don't have to go into detail, but I need to know the nature of the problem you have with this city and anyone else in it. That way, if something like this happens again, I'll understand why."
"Why didn't you say anything yesterday about this?" Casavir was confused.
"Why?!" Nimbrethil snorted. "Because there is enough tension between you and Bishop without adding more fuel to the fire, that's why. He was pissed by what Grayson had implied about me. If he knew the whole story, then I hate to think of what he might have done. Besides, the whole world didn't need to know all the nasty details."
Casavir felt even worse now that he realized that she had been protecting him. She had enough to worry about without his adding to her burden. "When I left Neverwinter I never told them why I was leaving, and I didn't ask for permission. I betrayed my oath to my order, not because I no longer believed in it, but because I had lost faith in those who rule Neverwinter. Very few people know the full story, and I am sure that many rumors abound about what happened. I looked for justice but didn't find it and that is why I left."
"Well, obviously since they haven't arrested you or anything, then it must mean that they are willing to let the past go," Nimbrethil said when he finished. "However, given Grayson's words, I must assume that some nasty rumors have circulated about it. Daeghun told me to never listen to gossip and rumors, for they stemmed more from other's boredom than actual fact. I consider the matter closed, so I want you to try to put it in the past where it belongs." She saw him nod and then took a deep breath. "Now, onto more immediate matters," she continued. "I know that you are bothered by the way I handle certain situations and I want to give you the opportunity to get it off your chest. I don't want to have to stop and explain myself everytime I do something simply because it clashes with what you believe is right or wrong."
Casavir watched her silently for some time. He found her blunt, no-nonsense attitude annoying at times, but it was also refreshing. She never said anything she didn't mean and she never tried to use words to trap you. He would do her the courtesy of being just as blunt for she would no doubt appreciate it. "First off, you have made numerous snide remarks about humans. While you may very well have valid reasons for believing the things you do, it is unfair of you to paint all humans with the same brush. You travel with humans, you are living in a city filled with humans, and most of them are decent people."
"Okay, my reasons are simple," Nimbrethil stated. "I am eighty years old and I was one of only two elves in my village, Deaghun being the other. On a few occasions, Daeghun took me to visit with the wild elves who raised him. He also took me on trips to other elven villages so I could see how other elves live. The differences were staggering, to say the least. Among the elves there was cooperation and harmony. If disputes arose, they were brought before everyone and discussed and then resolved. Granted there have been wars between the different races of elves, and even between elves and other races, but not once did I see them beating up their own people over something trivial. Back in West Harbor, I witnessed humans fighting and hurting each other over such stupid things as the way someone dressed or words spoken. While as a whole they were decent and fair, the depths they were capable of sinking to were almost unimaginable, especially after they had been drinking. As a race, you can be extremely petty and cruel to your own kind, for the worst of reasons. In fact, the only race I know of that are worse are the drow. Yes, there are those among you that are decent, but they seem outnumbered by those that are not. I have yet to see anything to change this opinion, even here. However, if it will ease your discomfort, I will try to keep my opinions to myself from now on. Next subject."
Casavir felt a smile tug at his mouth. She certainly knew how to make a point, and some of what she said was unfortunately true. Humans could be extremely cruel to each other, the slaughter in Ember just one example. "There is of course your service to Neverwinter. While I had a reason for becoming disenchanted with those in power, from the beginning you have been resentful of them, even before you were made a squire. You are merely paying lip service to your oath and this does not sit well with me."
"Casavir, surely you are aware that their motives are no more sterling than mine," Nimbrethil snorted derisively. "They are afraid of trouble with Luskan because they have still not recovered from the last war. We all know that whatever said trouble is, it revolves around the shards I carry. That means that they can't just show me to the gates, because it would remove a powerful pawn from the board. That is what I am, what you and the others, as my companions, are to them. Pawns in a game that they intend to win. I know that I will need help beyond what you and the others can provide. I will do whatever I have to in order to survive the coming storm, and insure your survival as well. However, once the storm is gone I will be gone too, and I can safely say that Nasher and Nevalle will be most relieved. It is a political game Casavir, as old as time itself, and the sooner you acknowledge that, the better off you will be. Never have I pretended to be other than what I am. Your problem stems more from your religious beliefs, rather than political view. Paladins are notorious for not swearing to something they don't intend to honor."
Casavir couldn't suppress a sigh, for she seemed to have a better understanding of him than he of her. "You have made some good points, I will think on your words," he nodded. "Then there is the subject of Lorne and how the fight ended. I know there was bad blood between you, but still your actions seemed to speak of revenge more than justice. Those who give themselves over to seeking revenge find their life to be a lonely one."
"Justice means different things to different people," Nimbrethil said quietly. "As for Lorne, you are right, I was motivated by the need to take revenge for the past. However, I did offer to show Lorne the mercy he failed to give the people of Ember. If he had begged me for mercy, I would have given him a quick death. He didn't for he was too full of hate to do so. He even sneered that it would be worse for me to let him live and face Garius. I could easily have done that, but he would have suffered much worse at his master's hands. So in a way, he did get off easier than he had any right to expect. After everything he had done, he didn't deserve to live, but no one deserves to die in agony and torment, not even someone like him."
Casavir realized that he had once again judged a situation before knowing the facts. He also felt admiration for the way she was able to state so clearly and openly her opinions and beliefs. She didn't try to make excuses for what she did, not to him, not to anybody and he found her honesty to be refreshing. It was clear to him that she had matured quite a bit in the few months he had known her.
"Now I imagine that the only thing left for us to discuss is a certain ranger," Nimbrethil stated, amusement in her voice. "Go on, tell me why you think I am making a big mistake by getting involved with him."
This time Casavir couldn't keep a smile from his face. She certainly seemed to be able to read him better than anyone else. Then the smile faded as his thoughts turned to the man that was the thorn in his side. "I'm sure that others have told you this, but I have to say it. Whatever dark past he has, it obviously still haunts him. He is a dangerous man, one loyal to no one but himself. He knows how to say and do things to get his way and he will not hesitate to betray someone if his own life is at stake. He is manipulative, abrasive and potentially violent. If you are not careful, then one day you may find his dagger in your back and I would not see that happen."
"I am aware of all this Casavir," Nimbrethil stated calmly. "I have been aware of all this since we rescued Shandra from the githyanki. While most people seek out lasting relationships, I am not one of them, for I have come to realize that I don't want to be tied down. Maybe the attack on my village had some benefit, for I was forced to leave Bevil behind. If I had stayed, I might have ended up tying his life to mine and that would have been a big mistake, for both of us. I am not cut out for the domestic life. Furthermore, I am an elf, and because of that, I will outlive every single one of you. A decade to you is a mere passing of a season to me. Barring an early death due to outside influence, I can expect to live for four or even five-hundred years. Any human I become involved with would grow old and die before my eyes. I know Bishop is dangerous, and I intend to watch my back, no worries there. However, I am just as dangerous and capable as he is and he knows this, even if the rest of you seem not to. He doesn't completely trust me and I don't completely trust him. I am attracted to him and I want to spend my time with him for as long as it lasts. Hopefully, you can accept this because frankly I am getting tired of worrying about whether or not the two of you are going to come to blows over it. It's bad enough dealing with Duncan's attitude as it is."
"Once again I misjudged you," Casavir responded. "I thought that perhaps you were caught up in the moment and were unaware of the dangers. I had the impression that your..uhm..experience in such matters was limited," he finished, unable to keep from flushing a little at the personal nature of the words.
"You are right about that, but I do have decades of observation to go on," Nimbrethil smiled.
"Then I will say only this," Casavir stated firmly, his eyes meeting and holding hers. "If he hurts you I will make him sorry he was ever born, you have my word on that."
"Fair enough," Nimbrethil nodded. "Was there anything else you needed to discuss?"
"No, at least not right now," he smiled slightly. "I am glad we had this talk."
"So am I Casavir," Nimbrethil said softly, turning and heading back to the Flagon. "More than you'll ever know."
That last statement was puzzling, but he was too tired to worry about it now. He felt drained emotionally, but he also felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Being able to speak his mind so openly had been just what he needed. He also had come to understand her much better than before. The only thing now was to make sure that, whatever trouble she faced, she would have all the help she could get. He had least could be depended on and he suspected that she would need him before all was said and done.