Chapter 1:
After being reunited with John, Sherlock felt that, surely, they would be able to get back to the way things were almost effortlessly. He had been proven wrong rather quickly, however, as when, only the day after reuniting when they hadn't known how to act around each other anymore.
It was only after discussing it and agreeing that they were both willing to put in the work needed to fix their relationship that he thought they would finally, finally, be getting back to normal.
And he really did hate being wrong.
A week had passed since then, and yet they were still moving tentatively around each other as if they didn't quite know what was acceptable or not. It was infuriating because Sherlock just wanted everything to be good between them now, but that wasn't happening. Instead, they were hesitant and uneasy and awkward with each other in a way they hadn't been in, well... ever.
Even when they had first admitted their feelings to each other, in a time when such a thing was outlawed and they were forced to hide just how close they were to each other, they had never had this phase of unease between them. Sure, there had been bouts of bashfulness, but they had always been quickly overcome with reassuring smiles and gentle hands.
There were no smiles, nor were there hands, to soothe the discomfort now.
While they had agreed to work on things between them, it seemed that neither knew what they needed to do to actually go about 'working on things'. Was there a procedure they should be following? How does one 'fix' a broken relationship? Are there guides? How-to's?
When it comes to relationships, Sherlock is entirely inept at them. It's the one aspect of life that he can say he has a distinct lack of knowledge about, because other than John, he's never cared to nurture relationships. He's fabricated them before, manipulated people into believing there was something between them when it was necessary, but never before had he actually cared to foster such a relationship. John was the exception, as he was with most things in Sherlock's life.
As Sherlock watched that exception, his partner, get ready for another boring day at the clinic, he pondered over what could be done to fix things between them. Surely there was something because John seemed to believe there was. They had had arguments before, and moments where one would storm off for some space, but they had always been able to mesh back together afterwards. This... tiff, that they were having now was unlike anything they'd faced in the past, but John had still been certain that all they had to do was work on things.
And yet, he wasn't putting his words into action. Did that mean that there was something Sherlock was meant to be doing? Was John merely waiting for the moment when Sherlock made everything better? Because Sherlock had no clue what it was he was meant to be doing in that case.
Still, as he watched John leave with a shout of goodbye, he remembered the times in the past when they would say goodbye. When they would exchange warm embraces and soothing kisses and loving words whenever possible. Their farewells of the past had always been far more emotional than the farewell he received nowadays.
It was disheartening, just as it was motivating. It spurred Sherlock into action as he sat up from where he'd been lying on the sofa and drove him to dig out one of the laptops - John's, but he wouldn't mind Sherlock using it for this.
Moving to the desk he turns on the laptop and waits for it to boot up before going to the internet. As he's staring at the search engine, he debates on what exactly to look up, but finally, slowly, he types, 'How to fix a rel-' and stops when he sees the suggestion 'How to fix a relationship that's falling apart'.
Fitting.
Hitting enter on the suggestion he waits impatiently for the page to load before scrolling through the offered links. There's an inordinate number of relationship quizzes at the top and he finds himself sneering at them. He doesn't need a dull quiz to tell him what he already knows about his relationship with John; he needs advice. A practical solution. Preferably a step-by-step guide on how he's meant to navigate this distasteful situation he's found himself in.
Instead, he finds articles on how to know when to leave a failing relationship, surviving betrayal, and even one on saving a parent's marriage. It's all useless to him, but then, he can't really expect there to be an article on, 'How-to-fix-a-relationship-after-being-cursed-by-a-witch-500-years-ago'. Still, shouldn't there be something that can help him?
After a few more minutes of scrolling, he's about ready to give up the search and move on to something else when something finally catches his eye. It's an article with a vague enough title about problems communicating in a relationship and it's close enough to what he's looking for that he clicks on it. It's as bad as a tabloid article, but there are a few tips that seem viable.
Grabbing a notepad and pen, he begins scribbling down anything he thinks might be useful in fixing things between him and John before moving on to a new search term and repeating the process. By the end, he has a rather lengthy list, and after reading through it he crosses out some of the more unhelpful ones or the ones that seemed to come straight from a teen magazine pandering to a more film-esque type relationship than a real one. Eventually, he's left with what he believes to be a good start and begins thinking of ways he could implement them in his and John's lives.
And with any luck, they would be back to the way they'd been 500 years ago.
0-0-0-0-0
'Go out and do something together. Something relaxing that you both enjoy.'
That was easier said than done. After all, he and John weren't exactly the 'go out on the town' type of people. Sometimes they went out for Chinese or Thai after a case, but that was mostly it.
Unless a case necessitated it, he and John usually stayed in. But that's not the advice the website had given, and so Sherlock strived to think up something that the two of them could do that they would both find enjoyable, as well as relaxing.
The first thing that popped to mind, naturally, was cases. But while they both found cases to be enjoyable, John didn't find them to be all that relaxing. Especially when they ended in Sherlock's life being threatened, even if he couldn't actually die. The stress came from the possibility of having others find out about their immortality should Sherlock piss off the wrong person and get himself fatally shot in front of the whole of NSY, or pushed off a ledge, or brained with a brick-
There were a lot of ways, viable or not, that John imagined him outing them to the police. The fact of the matter was, while they enjoyed cases, they were not relaxing, and so Sherlock was back at square one.
Since they had only been together for a month now, Sherlock didn't have a good idea of what John might like doing these days compared to the past, but he did know that his partner used to like going to pubs. Surely that was something that still made him happy today.
However, the thought of all those people in close proximity made Sherlock's skin crawl. Not to mention, the thought of drinking at all wasn't entirely appealing to him either, and so he scratched that off the list as well.
But then, what did that leave?
Maybe he could bend the rules a little. Why couldn't they do something in the flat? John seems to like watching crap telly with Mrs. Hudson-
Ah, that's right, he broke the telly before John came back and he'd yet to get another.
There had to be something that they could do! At this point, he was thinking of swallowing down his discomfort and going to the pub after all, because at least John would have a good time, and maybe that would be enough.
Yet, he was determined to get this right. This wasn't something he would allow himself to take shortcuts with, because the idea of having it fail, and in turn have him lose John, was not an outcome he was willing to risk.
And so, redoubling his efforts, Sherlock thought of all the things he and John used to do together and in turn what they might enjoy doing now.
Which is when he realised he was being an idiot. It was so obvious in the end, that he nearly smacked his palm to his forehead that he hadn't seen it sooner. Most of his time spent with John in the past had been them, travelling between towns and cities. While travel may be a source of stress for many, between the two of them it had always been the source of many fond memories and good times.
While they had no reason to go travelling anywhere at the moment, that didn't mean he couldn't recreate the experience. A simple walk should suffice, or maybe even a hike - not that there were many places to do that in London. As long as they were outdoors, it should be fine.
Plan in place, all Sherlock had to do was get John to agree to go with him. Which, really, should have been the easiest part of this whole thing, and yet he was finding it to be the most difficult.
"Honestly John, I don't see why you can't just call out," Sherlock says as he watches John shrug on his coat and pocket his keys and mobile.
"Of course, you don't Sherlock. It's got to do with boring normal people things." He says off-handedly, not paying his full attention to Sherlock as he scans the room in search of something.
"Which you are decidedly not." The consulting detective retorts from where he is sitting prim and proper in his chair.
"Uh-huh. Is there a case?" He asks, still distractedly as he turns back to the kitchen to search there.
"No," Sherlock calls while remaining still in his seat.
"Then I don't see what you need me to call out for. Christ, have you seen my wallet? I'm gonna be late." John says in annoyance as he comes back into the sitting room to search the same spots he's already checked previously.
"I need you to call out so we can go on a walk." Sherlock answers, steepling his fingers beneath his chin as he watches John start lifting the sofa cushions in desperation.
"What?" He asks, still not paying this the attention Sherlock thinks he should be.
"John," He says with an exasperated sigh that only makes John's annoyance rise.
"You could help, you know." He says in irritation.
"Seeing as that would be counterproductive to what I am trying to achieve, no, I will not be helping," Sherlock answers, earning himself a glare.
This isn't going well at all.
"Sod this, I'll bloody walk." The doctor mutters to himself as he stands, letting the cushions drop unceremoniously to the floor as he turns to leave the flat.
"John-"
"We can talk later Sherlock!" John calls back as he hurries down the stairs. When he hears the street door open and then close, Sherlock scowls and stuffs his hand in the space between the cushion and his chair and pulls out the wallet John had been attempting to find.
Displeased, he chucks the thing at the upturned cushion and stalks off to his room.
0-0-0-0-0
'Celebrate each other. Give compliments, show expressions of your affection, etc.'
With the walk not turning out as planned, Sherlock had moved right along to the next item on the list. This one, theoretically, should be easier to achieve seeing as John didn't have to do anything himself.
All Sherlock had to do was be nice. Not hard at all.
Like with the walk, Sherlock thought up a list of everything John liked that he could use to his advantage, as well as aspects of John that he could compliment him on. This wasn't as difficult as coming up with the walk, and in no time he was out shopping and coming up with ways to slip compliments into their usual conversation.
"You're a very good doctor." He says it after John finishes telling him about his day at the clinic and the multitude of runny noses and sore throats he'd had to with.
"Well, ta. It's not like I was diagnosing heart attacks or anything, just the common cold and flu." John says as he takes a bite of the Indian they'd ordered out. Sherlock hums at this response, pleased that this is off to a good start.
The next morning, Sherlock lays in bed and listens as John leaves the bathroom and goes to the kitchen to scrounge for something for breakfast. However, there is no sound of the fridge opening and he waits patiently as, several minutes later, John comes back into the bedroom with a confused look and a jumper in hand.
"What's this then?" He asks, holding it up higher as Sherlock turns to inspect it.
"A gift." The detective explains needlessly. It's obvious, after all, what it was. Especially seeing as it had been in a nicely wrapped gift box with a card that was filled with compliments on John's appearance when wearing his beloved jumpers.
"I see that. I meant to ask, why?" John elaborates as he looks at the jumper now and scrutinises it. Before Sherlock can answer, John suddenly looks worried.
"Hold on, I'm not missing an important date, am I? We've never celebrated our anniversary before, or the day we met. Valentine's Day passed already and it's neither of our birthdays..." He trails off as he tries to think up more dates that may necessitate the exchanging of gifts, but Sherlock decides to put him out of his misery as he sits up in the bed.
"It's just a gift, John." Sherlock assures. John watches him hesitantly for a few more seconds before looking back to the jumper and lifting it again.
"It is a very nice jumper. Thanks, Sherlock." He says eventually, smiling at him as he does. Sherlock finds himself smiling back, happy at how well this is all working out.
Over the next week, Sherlock continues to sprinkle in compliments about John's appearance, his admirable ability to stay calm, his strength, his bravery, even his talent for storytelling - though he could certainly do without the blog that John had felt the need to start concerning Sherlock and his cases.
It's when Sherlock gives the doctor another gift - an old pocket watch of John's that Sherlock had had repaired - that he says something.
"Alright, really. What's this about?" He asks as he holds the watch carefully in his hand. He'd mentioned to Sherlock that it had been one of his favourites until it broke, at which point he'd just never gone out to get it repaired. It was the perfect way to express his affection for John by showing that, not only had he listened to the story he'd told him about it, but he'd gone out of his way and put the effort in to go get it repaired. Now, however, John was starting to question his motives which wasn't ideal.
"What do you mean?" Sherlock asks off-handedly as he focuses his attention on his laptop rather than the piercing look that his partner is giving him.
"The jumper, the compliments, now this. Have you done something? Are you going to do something?" John asks in both worry and, what Sherlock thinks is entirely uncalled for, annoyance.
"You will have to be more specific. I intend on doing plenty of things." Sherlock says archly as he turns to look at John now with a put upon air. This doesn't do anything to calm John, and again, Sherlock is left wondering what went wrong. This is not the response he had expected, nor a response he felt fit his actions.
He was being nice. How was it that John was finding fault in that?
"Sherlock, you know what I mean. Should I be worried that you burned something of mine? Or went and did an experiment that may have gone awry. Something of that sort that would make me angry. Something you would feel the need to apologise for by being nice." John elaborates. Sherlock is ready to answer with a resounding, possibly even a scathing, no, but then he realises that that may indeed be exactly what he's doing.
He got them in that nasty business with the witch. He got them cursed. He got them separated for 500 years. It was his fault, and now he was apologising without even realising it.
And still, his efforts weren't working.
Because John saw the split second of hesitation where Sherlock realised this, and that seemed to be all the confirmation he needed as he spun and went to the kitchen to look for whatever it was he might have done.
He wouldn't find anything in there, and it would only make him all that much angrier, but Sherlock was too focused on his newest revelation to bother correcting his semi-false assumption.
0-0-0-0-0
'Remember that communication isn't all verbal. Consider what your body language communicates to your partner.'
He should have paid more attention to this tip before because now he was seeing the effects that not monitoring your body language could have. As a rule, Sherlock was usually very aware of his body language and how others perceived him, but with John, he usually didn't monitor so much and was just as happy to let his partner see what there was to see.
With the misunderstanding that came from his gifts and compliments, though, he was seeing that that might have been a mistake.
Even after two full days, John was still peeking cautiously around every corner to finally find whatever it was he believed Sherlock was going to do. He didn't relax upon finding nothing was wrong though and Sherlock wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do.
He couldn't exactly promise nothing was going to happen. He was only human after all - if an immortal one. He liked to experiment, and sometimes those experiments went wrong and would inevitably make John angry. That's not to mention, Sherlock isn't always a pleasant person to be around. John knows this, and as such he should realise the absurdity of waiting for the worst to happen when he already knows it's going to come at some time in some shape or form.
"I don't understand why you persist in jumping at your own shadow." Sherlock finally says, which earns him a petulant look from John as he carefully sits down in his chair.
"I'm not jumping at my shadow, I'm just aware that there's something I should be on the lookout for, and that it might be potentially harming to me." John rationalises as he grabs the book he was intending on reading off the side table.
"By that logic, you would act this way all of the time, even outside of the flat. There is just as much potential for running into danger out there as there is in here. More, even." Sherlock notes as he makes himself more comfortable.
"Besides, it's not as if we die. I don't know what you're so afraid of." He continues before John can say anything.
"Again, not afraid; Cautious. And we may not die, but we can still be hurt. I'd rather not experience that if it's all the same to you." The doctor retorts casually as he flips through the pages to resume where he left off.
Holding back a sigh, Sherlock thought back to the body language tip and attempted to open up his posture. Maybe if he expressed that everything was safe, that nothing was going to happen, then John would pick up on it and stop this nonsense.
However, this hinged on the idea of John being observant and paying attention to Sherlock, which was decidedly not what he was doing as he was too engrossed in his book to even spare a glance his way.
Trying to reign in his annoyance, Sherlock stayed in position and thought of ways to attract John's attention.
"John." Best to start simple and easy. No need to make things too convoluted when simply saying the man's name could have the same results. Still, it did nothing as John merely hummed without raising his eyes from his book. As Sherlock contemplated his options, another tip from the websites suddenly came to mind.
'Tell your partner how you felt, feel or will be feeling about something without blaming them. This can be tricky but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings.'
Well, it certainly couldn't hurt to try, no matter how averse to the idea of talking about his feelings he was.
"John, I feel it is outrageous that you are being irrational about my tendency toward danger. Yes, I tend to create situations in which there are hazardous conditions at a moment's notice, but, as a point of fact, you love danger." There. He wasn't blaming John - he had even admitted his own proclivity for causing peril - and he had explained his feelings on the situation. Supposedly, this was the most optimal way to communicate with his partner about how he felt and was apparently a good way of 'owning his feelings' as well.
Whatever that was meant to mean.
"I may enjoy danger, but as I also said, I don't enjoy pain. If you hadn't all but admitted you were up to something I wouldn't be so on edge." The doctor replies, still without looking up from his book. While he'd left his own statement blameless, John's was riddled with blame in Sherlock's direction, and with his open posture being useless and his 'expressing his emotions' not helping anything, Sherlock was at his breaking point.
Without another word, he stood and retreated off to their bedroom.
0-0-0-0-0
'Set aside time to talk when you will not be interrupted. Take it in turns to have air time - some people find setting a timer for five minutes, one speaking while the other listens, then reversing the process, can create a space for each to talk without interruption.'
Clearly, expecting John to be intelligent enough to understand that Sherlock wanted to actually work out their issues was asking too much, and so he needed to set aside a time for them to actually talk about their relationship.
Why he had to be the one to start this, he didn't know. He is certainly not a paragon of relationships - if anything, that would be John - and so leaving this whole mess up to him not only seemed unfair but also asking too much of the emotionally stunted man.
Still, he was willing to do it if it meant keeping John. Despite all of his previous tactics not working, surely there was no way this one could be brushed off or misconstrued. The two of them would be sitting down and talking, taking turns airing their grievances and letting each one talk before moving on.
It was fool-proof. If this somehow didn't work, Sherlock was then left with no other option than to confront John and leave it up to him to figure out this relationship, because at this point it felt as if he were the only one putting in an effort to work on things despite John having implied it being a joint effort.
Stepping into the sitting room, Sherlock noted that John was already sitting in his chair, looking at the fire they had lit and resting his chin on his fist. He had only just gotten home from the shops, and as such was still wearing his jacket, but Sherlock didn't want to risk waiting any longer and having the man turn in for the night which would only further delay this much-needed talk.
It was a quiet night, Sherlock had just solved a case for Lestrade the day previous, and Mrs. Hudson had already done her rounds. There was little chance of the two being interrupted, and as such, it was the optimal time to have this conversation.
"John, I think we should talk," Sherlock says once he's finally worked up the courage to say so. Gliding over to his own chair, he sits in front of his partner and observes as John turns his attention from the fireplace to him.
"Alright." He eventually drawls slowly, clearly wary of what this conversation may entail. The serious look on Sherlock's face and the strength of his words must have clued the doctor in on the importance of this aforementioned conversation as he sits up straighter and gives Sherlock his full attention.
Good. At the very least, this was starting off well and John was giving this the recognition it deserved.
"I think it is safe to say that our relationship isn't the same as it once was, as we have previously discussed." Sherlock starts, taking care to watch John's reactions carefully as he speaks. He would not be caught unaware. He would watch Johns face for every minute expression - every thought that may cross his mind - and do his best to avoid any more miscommunication than they have already had.
When John nods slowly, he continues.
"So we should talk about it. What's changed, that is. The problems that we are having. Yes?" The query is said hesitantly now, fearful of a dismissal. At first, he thinks that John really will shut this whole thing down before it's truly begun, but then the cautious look and stiff posture relax into something softer and he nods again, firmer this time than the last.
"Yes. You're right, things have been... a bit not good between us lately." He admits as he rubs a hand over his face tiredly.
Sherlock thinks back to this morning when John had all but flinched away from Sherlock after they'd brushed shoulders in passing and thinks that 'a bit not good' may be downplaying it too much. Still, they're in agreement that what they've been doing so far hasn't been working, and hopefully by the end of this they'll be on better terms.
"Precisely. In that case, I have devised a course of action for this conversation. I will be setting a five-minute timer in which you will tell me about what is bothering you. What problems you believe we may have. Anything you want to say. I will not interrupt or stop you from speaking, and once the timer goes off it will be my turn to speak for five minutes. We continue until we agree we are finished." The explanation is given coolly despite his warring emotions, but John seems to understand which is all he needs.
"Five minutes. Alright, that sounds like it could work. I'm going first then, you said?" He asks for clarification which Sherlock gives in the form of a nod as he sets to work on setting the first timer.
"Five minutes, starting now." He announces as he hits the start button, watching for a couple of seconds as the numbers begin steadily descending.
"Right. Well, I'm not really sure where to start." John says as his eyebrows knit together in contemplation. There's silence for precisely ten painstakingly long seconds before John finally orders his thoughts and speaks again.
"I guess, to start, we've been... distant with each other." He says which Sherlock feels is yet another understatement, but he resolutely keeps his mouth shut and turns his gaze away from the ticking seconds to John's face instead.
"I know you still love me - and I still love you, too, don't get me wrong - but it doesn't... It's not the same, which, I guess I shouldn't be expecting it to be and it's my own fault that I think it should be the same. Just the fact that we can openly be affectionate with each other is strange as it is, but I remember when I used to wonder if it would ever be like this someday. I wondered if there would come a time where we wouldn't have to hide our relationship or our feelings and we could be together openly without worrying about the punishment that came along with it." Shifting in his seat, John clears his throat and Sherlock glances at the timer.
Four minutes and counting.
"And now we can be. We can go outside right now and hold hands and even though we might get some looks for it, it's still something that is allowed. But we don't. We aren't. We're... skittish... We shy away from each other. We barely even look at each other lately and it..." His eyebrows furrow tighter together and his distress is clear to see for anyone who looks.
"I don't like the way things are right now between us. I don't like that it feels weird to hug or kiss you. I just... I don't know how to get what we had back. It was easier then, between us I mean - there was nothing easy about fear of persecution, not only for our relationship but our immortality." John clarifies before continuing.
"Anyway, maybe it was because it was new. Usually, normal people have a honeymoon phase for a couple of months, or years even, but maybe ours just lasted longer than most. We have a tendency to take longer than is normal for these things." He jokes lightly, eliciting a small smile from Sherlock as he thinks back to how long it had taken for him to figure out that his feelings for John were more romantic than he had first been led to believe. That wasn't to mention how long it took him to admit that out loud to John.
So maybe their 'Honeymoon Phase' had been proportional and rather than a couple of years, they had had a century of bliss together.
"We didn't really have any big arguments. Ones that we didn't resolve within a few days or a week at most. But this... well, we went 500 years unable to resolve things between each other, and with that separation and distance, we don't know how to even talk to each other anymore, much less maintain a romantic relationship." The phrasing brings a thread of worry and fear creeping into Sherlock's stomach because that sounds a lot like a lead-up to a break-up.
But he remembers the last time they had a tough conversation and he'd catastrophised and nearly ruined everything simply because he didn't let John finish speaking. So, honouring the timer as well as past experience, Sherlock stays silent and prays that his overactive mind is wrong for once and that John isn't actually going to suggest they separate.
"I said before, that this would take work, but I don't think I was actually aware of what that meant. I knew something had to be done, but I had no clue what that something was. Instead, I've been avoiding you and getting angry and brushing you off. Honestly, you've been amazing and I've... well, I haven't been." This time both of them glance at the timer displayed on Sherlock's phone. It's sitting face-up on the arm of his chair, and the countdown has reached only a minute now.
"So, I guess what I'm saying is, I've missed us and I want us to be able to be comfortable around each other again. I don't know how we're going to do that, but I want it. I do. Whatever it takes, I want us to stop being so scared of each other." There's a pause, and then the ringing of the timer as it announces the end of John's five minutes. As Sherlock resets it, he thinks over what John has said and tries to determine where he should start with his turn.
Once he's decided, he starts the timer and sits back with his fingers steepled beneath his chin.
"I've missed you as well. I've said it before, but the sentiment remains. I missed you while you were gone, and I've missed you even now that you're back. As you have said, things between us have been strained and it isn't at all how it used to be. I agree with sentiments that it may have still been new to us then and that this may just be how things are between us now, but I do not wish for that to be the case." Sherlock starts, eyes narrowed as he chooses each word carefully. He's watching John's reactions just as meticulously now as he had when he had been speaking, trying to discern how his words are being perceived.
"Emotions certainly are not my strong suit, of that we are both well aware. Relationships fall under this category as well. Acquaintances, friends, even family, I don't have many, as is a consequence of our immortality, but this was the case even back before knowing of our state of being. I never cared to try fostering a relationship with anyone besides the few family members I lived near. You, John Watson, are an outlier in that I wish to have a relationship with you, and not just any relationship, but a romantic one. One where we stay together for as long as is possible. I want you to follow me from now, to five hundred more years in the future. But as things are now, I don't see that being a feasible outcome." He pauses now to take a breath. Watching John as he is, he can see the distress on his face at the thought of them not being together for the rest of time as they had initially planned so long ago. It was reassuring that he at least didn't want that to be the case. Whether that would be enough to fix things though was still to be seen.
"Which is why I have been doing my best to learn how to take care of a relationship." There's another pause as Sherlock says this hesitantly. It's one thing to admit he doesn't know how a relationship is meant to work, or what his role in all of it is, but to admit that he'd had to go searching on the internet for advice from strangers is rather humiliating, and if it were anyone but John he would have kept his mouth shut about it instead of saying so.
"Through extensive research, I have come to the conclusion that to fix things between us, we need this conversation. We need to clear the air and discuss what we have been avoiding talking about. As my other methods were not working, mostly through your unwillingness to go along with them, this was my last resort, and if this does not work... then I am at a loss as to what can be done. I will have done all I could to fix things, and I will accept that, should I fail at this as well, it will be entirely up to you to fix things, or we will-" He cuts himself off here, having gotten lost in his near rant as his fear only escalated.
Clearing his throat, he glances at the timer and finds he only has a few seconds left to go.
"We will have to separate. This relationship... may no longer be healthy if we cannot resolve our issues and while I would rather not, it is still an outcome that I believe we will be forced to resort to. I love you John, but something needs to change." There. He had embraced his feelings - as god-awful as that was - and told John how it was he felt and what he expects to get out of this conversation. He felt rather proud of himself for taking this as seriously as he was, knowing that usually if he found that something made him uncomfortable or seemed tedious, he would avoid it.
As the timer went off yet again, he silenced it and gave John a moment to gather his thoughts as he reset it. When he looked up speculatively at the doctor he saw that he seemed to be taking this just as seriously as he thought over what he was going to say next before nodding to Sherlock to start the timer.
"First off, I love you too. You know that. And I don't want to have to separate either, but I see where that might have to become an option regardless of whether we like it or not. I wouldn't want either of us to continue with this if we felt it was unhealthy to do so." He starts once he sees the numbers begin ticking down.
"Also, is this what all of those gifts were about then? Trying to fix things by being nice? I appreciate it, but I don't think this is something that can be resolved with a nice jumper and watch. Still, it was a good thing, that. Getting me gifts and complimenting me. I definitely wouldn't be opposed to more of that in the future." He quipped with a small smile as Sherlock rolled his eyes.
"But yeah, maybe I haven't been the most helpful. Honestly, it felt like we did best when we were outside of the flat, you know? Out in public, solving your cases, things like that. It felt like we weren't putting so much thought into our relationship out there like we do when we're alone. I guess I would wait for the moments we could be together out there and wouldn't put much thought into the moments we were alone here in the flat." Eyebrows furrowed, John shifts uneasily before continuing.
"Alone, it's different. It feels like there's more pressure. Still, that's no excuse, and I should have tried like you've been to mend things so we didn't have to wait for the few minutes we were together in public." A pause now as he regathers himself.
"But then, that's why we're doing this, yeah? Because we've got problems that need to be resolved. So, to just put it all out there, the biggest problem is that we haven't talked about it, I think. About the witch and what happened back then." Sherlock steels himself as John finally steers the conversation to the main issue between them. It was inevitable that this conversation would lead there, because that had been the moment all of their problems arose, and yet he was still surprised to be hearing it mentioned.
With a nod from Sherlock to signal his acceptance of the topic, John continues after clearing his throat.
"Right. So, I guess I'll start by saying that it was... Well, frankly I was irritated, to put it mildly, that you would get us mixed up in something like that. Honestly, Sherlock, witches? Curses?" John asks incredulously, yet Sherlock remains silent as per the rules of this conversation. That doesn't mean he doesn't make his displeasure with the accusation known though with a sulking look that both amuses and exasperates John both in one go.
"I was bloody pissed that you would go and get us caught up in all that. Even after I told you to leave it you still went in with the intention of stealing - which, mind you, I had also warned many times before would get you into trouble. If you just listened to me, we could have avoided this whole mess, but you can't stand anyone else being right. You're the genius, which means you know best." Here, John stops and takes a deep breath. He's becoming flushed with anger and his fist is clenched on the arm of his chair, but Sherlock continues to remain silent from where he's watching with an ever sulkier look.
"Which is another issue; you don't listen. You can't let anyone else have some input. It's always you and your bloody enormous ego running the show, and God forbid anyone tries and slow you down or stop you. I'm okay with taking a back seat most times, you know that, but sometimes, Sherlock, I need you to listen. I can't just keep following you blindly like this, like a... like a lap dog at your beck and call. I need to have some kind of input in this relationship. I need to know that, sometimes, you'll actually hear what I'm saying and take it into consideration. Actual consideration, too, not an in one ear out the other type of situation, or telling me what I want to hear only to back out later." It seems things really are getting heated now as John continues to work himself up into a rage without any input at all from Sherlock. It's almost fascinating, if it weren't also worrisome, for the consulting detective to witness this quick descent and he wonders if John could replicate this in regards to a different topic.
Is it only Sherlock that elicits this type of reaction? If Sherlock were to bring up any of those sports that John likes watching, would John somehow find a way to devolve into a rage about those as well? Or has there been a specific set of circumstances that lead to this moment? The build-up of all of this for 500 years, perhaps. It's an interesting idea that - should this work out in the end - Sherlock decides he'll think more about later. For now, he needs to be aware of the fact that John is very much not happy and the timer is ringing shrilly beside him.
The sound of it surprises John just as much as it surprises him, and a hush falls over the room as Sherlock quickly stops the alarm from sounding. John's breathing is a tad too harsh which falls in line with his emotional mindset at the moment and it's the only thing Sherlock can hear in the otherwise quiet room.
Timer reset, he presses the button and begins speaking.
"I did not intend for this to happen. I hope you know that, John. I will admit, the mess with the witch was certainly my fault-" There's a scoff from John, and it's clear he wants to say something to that, but he keeps himself in check and remains silent. Frowning at the interruption, Sherlock continues.
"-But how was I to know that the woman truly was a witch? As far as we were aware, such things did not exist. A rather ignorant assumption on our parts, I'll grant you that. After all, why wouldn't something such as magic exist when we ourselves are two humans that never die? That in itself could be called an act of magic." His words elicit an eye-roll from John that Sherlock studiously ignores.
"That's not to mention, I do listen to you. Constantly. Well, certainly not anytime in the past five centuries, seeing as how we were apart from one another during that time, but before that, most definitely." He can see John fighting back the urge to scoff again, his disbelief clear on his face for anyone to see.
"It's true. I understand you did not know me before my failed execution for witchcraft, however, I certainly wasn't a well-liked person. My family, all of them were shoe-makers. I told you that at one point, I believe. How do you think they reacted when they realised their son, their brother, was going off spouting supposed nonsense about the existence of God being unlikely and taking an interest in the pursuit of knowledge rather than the trade that had been with my family for generations? I surely didn't listen then and submit to such a boring life as that. I didn't listen when I was told I would be smited for my eccentric ideas. But I listened to you, John. When we stood and watched Joan of Arc be burned, you told me not to get involved. And so I didn't tell her guards and executioner that they were idiots for believing her to have committed treason against God. I listened when you didn't want to follow Christopher Columbus across the ocean to the new continent that he had discovered. Imagine John, to discover a new land mass, with new people who had a way of life all of their own. Of course, Columbus was also an imbecile, but that is beside the point." There's a pause as Sherlock's mind wanders to all that he could have seen and discovered had he ignored John's request to stay in Europe, where they knew what to expect and how to avoid detection. It would have been marvellous, and he doesn't think there will be another moment like it unless they find alien life outside of this planet.
"You see, I listen to you. And only you, John. In fact, it's because I listen to you that we ran into the witch. If we had gone to America back when we had the chance, we would not have been anywhere near the witch. I would not have heard of her tomes, and I would not have been tempted to steal them. Because we would have been an ocean away, helping build the colonies. Granted, we also would have been helping murder the indigenous people of that land, but I'm nearly positive neither of us would have stooped to anything of the sort, even if pressured. In fact, there's a high likelihood we may have integrated with the Native people. Ah, but then there's the pesky disease we may have exposed them to. Why on Earth did you decide we shouldn't go again? Because as far as I can tell-"
"Sherlock, that is entirely beside the point. And, not to mention, I think you somehow blamed this whole thing on me!" John exclaims in outrage, his voice an unwelcome surprise with the timer still ticking, indicating that it was Sherlock's turn to speak.
"The rules, John. You're not meant to be speaking." He chastises, before realising that that may not have been the best thing to say with how furious John is beginning to look.
"Screw the five minutes Sherlock! Not when you're taking my decision to stay in Europe as the reason for why we were cursed. It's taking every action you did, every decision you made, and pinning it on me, despite my express dismissal of such actions. Many times. I was telling you long before Christopher bloody Columbus that you needed to stop stealing. I told you at the witch's house to leave well enough alone. I would have told you sooner if you would have communicated to me what it was you planned on doing!" John's voice was nearly within yelling range, and if they weren't careful, there was a high likelihood of Mrs. Hudson overhearing and deciding to check in on them.
"John-"
"No, Sherlock. I don't care about stupid timers and how much you think this is my fault! The only person you have to blame for this is yourself, and I won't listen to another second of you twisting my past words and actions to justify anything different. It's insane that you would-" The shrill sound of the timer stops his sentence dead and he glares at the mobile. Sherlock is quick to turn the device off, not bothering to reset the timer with how things have evolved. Or rather, devolved, in this case.
"This is exactly what I mean, Sherlock. You don't listen. You hear what it is you want to hear and you create a narrative surrounding it that fits your ideal outcome. The fact of the matter is, you went into that house despite my objections. You stole the books, and you antagonised the witch. You got us cursed, and there is no other which way about it." The words are blunt and harsh, but Sherlock does his best not to react to them besides a thinning of his lips as he presses them together.
"I think it's you who is not listening, John. How was I to know that the witch was real? If the situation were to arise again today, what would you have me do, hm? I could not have known magic was real. All I knew was there were books with information that could be interesting." Sherlock asks crisply as his own anger begins to rise.
"Books that you had to steal, you forget to mention. For starters, you could avoid the breaking and entering with intent to steal! You could avoid magic as well, while you're at it." John responds just as sharp.
"Again, how was I to know that magic would be an issue? If a case comes up where a witness claims a wyvern attacked them, would you have me ignore it on the basis that wyverns might be real?" He retorts contemptuously. The outlandish words don't deter John however as he sits straighter in his chair and nearly leans toward Sherlock in his blind rage.
"Maybe, yeah!" Now Sherlock rolls his eyes and scoffs.
"You want us to live in fear."
"I'm trying to keep us safe!"
"Uh, sorry to interrupt-"
"Do go away Lestrade, John and I are having an argument," Sherlock says snappishly to the DI as he enters the sitting room.
Not only have they strayed from the five-minute-take-turns-speaking rule, but now they're being interrupted. It was getting worse by the second.
"Yeah, no can do. Look, I'm sorry to ask, but I'm busy and Dimmock's got this case that seems off-"
"Lestrade, I really, truly do not care," Sherlock says as he turns a glare at the man.
"Sherlock-"
"Yes, John, what words of wisdom do you have to share? I assure you, I won't listen as you say them." Sherlock quips harshly, turning the glare his way now.
Without waiting for a response, Sherlock pushes himself up from his chair and stalks off to their room, ignoring Lestrade as he calls after him.
And so the next story begins! A lot of arguing this time around, but really, it's long overdue at this point. That's not to mention, Sherlock and John really aren't the best communicators in canon either, are they?
As usual, I'll try and get chapters out weekly, but we'll see. I'm excited for this installment, and I hope you all will enjoy it just as much!