Realizing the Inevitable
Throughout the following week, Ziva's nightmares had been better. They were only once a night and there was even a night where she had had one of her so-called-normal nightmares, where she didn't need to message Tony. However, she had messaged him, because she wanted to share with him. It was subconscious.
They had created a new routine in that week. Tony would wake up and go get coffee for both of them. They would meet in the Navy Yard before work and talk about anything and everything. It wasn't always serious things, sometimes they would just sit, even. They would get to work on time and go through the day, always spending their lunch-break together. When they left work they would go for a walk around the Navy Yard and say goodnight there.
On the weekend Tony had decided that coffee to lunch time was his time with Ziva. He had asked her if she was willing to do that and she had agreed to it with a smile on her face. They had enjoyed Saturday and Sunday doing this and were looking forward to doing it again, though it went unspoken.
Ziva was giving this a lot of thought now. It was Sunday night and it was before she was ready to go to sleep again for the night. She was sitting on her couch with a book resting on her legs, which were curled up on the couch with her. She wasn't reading the book. Instead, she was thinking about her increased time spent with Tony. She smiled to herself as she thought about it.
This was really what made her happy. She realized this. Tony was there for her in ways that she would never trust any other man to be there for her in her whole life. Tony was there for her when she was emotional (not that that was very often, even with these persistent nightmares); he was there when she was happy; he was there when she was alone on the weekends; he was always there to answer a text message (no matter what time of the night, morning, or day); and he was just there. Tony made her happy.
Ziva, of course, already knew how she felt about Tony and was finally getting hit with the reality of his feelings for her. He felt the same. It was he, in Somalia, who had said he couldn't live without her first. She knew that she couldn't live without him. Was she ready for more? Not quite, but definitely moreso than the last time she had asked herself that question.
It was inevitable. Tony and Ziva were heading down a path that could not be corrected, readjusted, or changed in any way now. They were hanging out more. They were more open. They were talking about more things, serious and light. They were there for each other more. They were realizing how much they affected each other on many levels. This required a lot of thought for Ziva, because she was going back further than this year and thinking about it.
When she thought about it they had been on this path for a very long time. It was always inevitable, which she had once argued that nothing was inevitable. However, this was. She knew it was. She knew that sometime, and probably sooner than she was thinking, her and Tony were going to be what they desperately wanted to be. They would get together, finally. She couldn't wait for the moment when she was okay enough to be with Tony in any way. She was anxious for it and her healing was speeding up, she thought.
She smiled to herself again. She had never in her whole life felt so loved and so wanted all at the same time. She had always felt wanted, though. That was a part of being a beautiful woman in Mossad. You had to use your looks to get what you wanted, and therefore you knew how wanted you were by the monsters around you. But, Tony was definitely not another monster. He was a man, and a good man at that.
Ziva had never really felt loved. Perhaps when she was a little girl, before her father's infidelities were known to her and his love for Mossad. But, not in her actual memory had she ever felt so wholly loved and even needed. She smiled again as she thought about how she was feeling from her time with Tony.
There was something going for Tony already. Ziva trusted him. Ziva really trusted him. She had never trusted someone so much in her whole life. It scared her a little, but not like the fears she had been experiencing lately. This was an exciting fear, like the fear she used to feel before a mission or a case. This was a good fear. It was an adrenaline rush type of fear.
Ziva was no longer afraid of reaching out to Tony, because she knew that he would come when she asked. She knew that he would support her and comfort her and he would be fine doing it. She wasn't afraid of giving her trust to him, because she realized that he had it, no matter what, for better or worse. She wasn't afraid of being disappointed anymore, because when she had let herself get disappointed last week, she was pleasantly surprised by Tony's appearance outside of her apartment complex. She smiled again.
That had meant more to her than anything else that had happened. She had just admitted to Tony what had happened to her in Somalia and told her about the nightmare she had been having and she had been terrified of the thought of him knowing. She had, without thinking too much on it, told him what the nightmare was about and told him about what had happened, the worst of it. She had let herself get disappointed because he hadn't responded right away. But, the reaction she had gotten from him was unexpected.
Tony had read the text message and immediately put on shoes and hopped in his car. He had messaged her on his way to her. She knew that he should not be texting and driving, because it was dangerous, but she now understood his urgency. He had come to her, without her asking, but knowing what she needed and given her the comfort she was desperately seeking without a word being exchanged about that part of it.
Tony had not pushed. He had not asked anymore about the nightmare or Somalia. He had held her and comforted her and run with her. He hated running, but he had done it for her and told her he enjoyed it.
Yes, this was inevitable and it was going to happen. She was certainly happy about it and she could not stop smiling once that realization hit her. Perhaps tonight she would rest easy… but, she knew that was too much to hope for, though she liked the thought that someday in the future, she would be able to.
A/N – I guess I am full of chapters today. I am addicted to writing this story and loving doing so! Here we get to see a happier moment, when Ziva fully realizes what's coming at her. She knows that she is going to get Tony in the end of all this hurt and comfort. She knows that she is going to be happy. She already is beginning to be happy during the day, when she can't have nightmares. She is starting to heal! Leave a review and let me know what you think!