Confessions Part 2

"I wanted revenge, Ziva," Tony confessed. "Do you remember what we learned about Gibbs, when Shannon and Kelly were killed? Do you remember what Abby told us about that?"

Ziva nodded lightly to Tony. She understood perfectly where he was going with this and her eyes were wide with that understanding.

"It was that kind of revenge that I wanted. But, I never had any intentions of surviving that mission," Tony stated honestly to Ziva and felt her flinch in his arms; he tightened his grip on her, knowing that hearing those words were hurting her. "Going in there, Gibbs had volunteered McGee to help me so that I would have to find a way out. They all knew that if I went in there alone, I would not come back out. They were trying to protect me in a way, I think. But, that didn't stop me from thinking of a way to save McGee and not myself. I had a plan. But, I had to change that plan when I saw you."

"You were going to die, because I was dead?" Ziva asked, even though she knew that was exactly what he was saying and why he said that. "Why?"

She needed to hear it from him. She needed to confirm what she was understanding from all this and she listened carefully to his response.

"Because I couldn't live without you, Ziva. Still can't," Tony confessed. "My thoughts, when I saw you alive… I was shocked, but very happy. I had never been so happy to see your beautiful face in my whole life. I had never been so happy to know that you were right in front of me and still too far away to hold and touch. I had to change my plan because there wasn't a choice anymore. I had to get you out of there alive and me, too. I had to."

The determination in Tony's voice was overwhelming, but the hurt and love in his expression was comforting to Ziva. She was definitely understanding his words. She had a few things to confess to herself. She lowered her head.

"When you shot Rivkin, I was grateful, Tony," she said quietly, still leaving her face in Tony's chest.

He reached out and lifted her head gently, so he could look into her eyes. He saw nothing but the truth and vulnerability there of things that they had held inside themselves forever and had never thought of sharing before this moment.

"I was grateful, because I was trapped with Rivkin. He was an assignment that my father had given to me and I hated it. I hated Rivkin and I hated my father. It was very much like the assignment that you were given with Jeanne in many ways. However, mine was only assigned because my father thought I was getting too close to you," Ziva admitted. "The only thing that kept me from talking to Saleem about NCIS was you. If I had not known you I do not think I would have kept quiet nearly that long, Tony. But, I had to. I had to keep quiet and endure whatever torture he could think of, no matter what it was. I had to protect you. I could not live in a world without you in it. I could not picture a world without you in it."

There were tears streaming down Ziva's face again. She was thinking about that dream and about how it made her feel to see Tony dead in front of her and she never wanted to see that again or think about it again.

"That brings us back to this nightmare," Tony said quietly. "They hurt you more than you're saying, don't they?"

Ziva nodded slowly, allowing her tears to flow freely while Tony looked at her. She was not afraid of showing her emotions right now. She felt safe with him there even though she also felt vulnerable, which normally terrified her.

"What do they mean to you? Aside from the fear and sadness?"

"They are telling me what I already know," Ziva confessed quietly. "They are reminding me that I cannot live without you. They are telling me that I need you in my life. They are reminding me of the way I feel for you."

And, that was the subject that they had both avoided for far too long. It was out now and Tony was going to ask the question that needed to be asked now that her words were spoken.

"And, how is that, Ziva?" Tony asked her quietly, afraid that she wouldn't answer.

"Tony," Ziva said warningly, her eyes warning him that it was his turn to be cautious about what he was asking of her. Her heart was racing. She didn't know how to say the words, but she had to find a way to get the point across to him.

"I need to know, Zi," he whispered, knowing that she needed the push now.

Ziva bent her head down. She pressed her lips cautiously to Tony's. It was her way of answering him. She didn't know how to answer with words. Her tongue touched his bottom lip, asking him for permission for more. His lips parted and their tongues met in a dance in the middle.

She poured her heart into this kiss and he responded just as passionately with equal emotions. Ziva's hand went into Tony's hair and Tony's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him and holding her tight against his chest. They kissed for several minutes, until they were both out of breath, their hearts pounding out of their chests and their bodies begging them for more.

"I feel the same way," Tony confessed in a whisper in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine and also letting her know that he got the message.

Ziva's face broke into a smile and she pressed another kiss to his lips. She was still cautious, knowing how they both felt emotionally and physically. What the hell were they supposed to do now? Could they break rule twelve? Were they already breaking it? What the hell was this? They couldn't define those things tonight, though. They couldn't think clearly enough to define those answers now.

A/N – So, everything that needed to be confessed was confessed in someway or another. And they finally kissed again and gave into something that they've been resisting for a very long time. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. This story has an excellent response and I am excited to keep writing for everyone! Let me know what you think!