Getting Better
Ziva woke up, confused as to why she was awake. She looked around and was sad to see that Tony wasn't there, but then she didn't have a nightmare did she? She didn't. She really didn't. But, then, why was she awake? She was shivering a little. Suddenly her bed felt very cold and lonely without someone next to her. She stood up and paced the room. She went into the living room, where she had left her phone last night, since she had nearly fallen asleep reading.
She picked it up. Her phone told her that it was three in the morning and she should be sleeping if she was not having nightmares. But, she felt so alone. She wasn't sure what to do. She couldn't just ask Tony to come over, could she? Perhaps she could message him. She knew that he would come if she asked him to with a nightmare, but what if she asked him to without a nightmare. They did have their routine.
She opened the messaging screen and typed out a message that she wasn't really sure she should send. Were things really going to end this soon for her? She wanted Tony there, but she was not sure that she should have him there every single night. She had gotten used to having him in her bed and sleeping in his arms. But now, she was alone and did not have an excuse to call him to come over. Should she? Or shouldn't she? She hit send.
I am confused. I did not have a nightmare, but I woke up. Zi.
She sat on her couch and played with the edges of her book absentmindedly while she thought. It was only a week since she had called him that first time and already she had allowed herself to become accustomed to his presence in her home, so much so that she felt lonely when he was not there when she woke up without a nightmare.
She was definitely confused. She was exhausted and yet she was still waking up in the middle of the night, regardless of whether there was a nightmare or not. She would have thought that she would not wake up if there was nothing waking her up. Her phone buzzed, interrupting her thoughts.
That is a good thing, though, right? You not having a nightmare? But, what woke you up?
She shrugged and typed out a reply. She wasn't sure why she had woken up, but she was going to be honest with him about it and not hide things, because hiding things had caused all this to take longer than it otherwise would have. She realized that she could be open with Tony through a text message, phone call or whatever.
I do not know, Tony. I just woke up and was very confused. It is three in the morning and I did not have a nightmare. My place just feels empty now and I am cold. It is not even cold outside. I turned off the AC.
She hit the send button and went back to her thoughts. She knew she was not going to find an answer to why she woke up so easily in her thoughts, but she thought she already knew the answer. She knew she was missing Tony and she was sure that was the answer that she wanted. But, inviting him over when she did not need his comfort was an entirely different thing. That was not asking for help from a friend who was something more on the side. That was asking for him to drop whatever he was doing for no reason at all, for her.
She shuddered half in delight and half in nerves. She knew that he would come if she asked him to. She would do that for him. She knew how he felt and he knew how she felt. This would start something that she wasn't so sure she was ready to start. No, starting was the wrong word. This would make whatever they had going grow and she was not even sure she was ready for whatever they had going. Her phone buzzed again, interrupting her thoughts, again.
You turned off you AC? Zi, you are one crazy ninja chick! It's not anywhere near cold outside. Perhaps you should open your window?
She laughed and typed a reply and read through it once before sending it off.
I will do that, thank you, Tony. You certainly do know how to make me laugh. That does not explain why I woke up, though.
She shook her head. Ziva suddenly realized that whatever her and Tony were doing now, they had to keep it quiet. They needed to cut back on the more public displays of affection. The kissing and hand-holding at the Navy Yard, mainly. Because it was going to get them caught and they would not have any answers for what was going on, since they had not talked about it. Perhaps they would have to decide that before she decided if she was going to randomly call him in the middle of the night simply because she was having trouble sleeping. Her phone buzzed as she thought about this.
Perhaps you are feeling lonely, Zi. I know I am. But, we have to be at work early tomorrow. Why don't you try to get some rest? I mean, we both know neither of us has slept a lot in the last several months. It would be good to get the rest while you aren't having nightmares.
She knew why Tony said this. She knew why she didn't ask him to come over. It was the same reason and she knew it and therefore wasn't at all disappointed with his answer. It was always easier to hear things from him. She typed one last message as she got into her bedroom and crawled back into bed, after going the dresser and grabbing one of Tony's T-shirts, so that she would smell him around her.
I will do that. Thank you, Tony. Goodnight.
She put her phone down on the bed and it buzzed one more time. The message only said "Your welcome, goodnight," as a reply. She smiled and drifted into sleep before she could think anything further on anything that had happened in the last week.
A/N – Uh oh! Ziva might not be disappointed, but I am! Tony, however, doesn't want to push the boundaries anymore than Ziva wants to push them. Kudos to Tony for not inviting himself over to her place and letting her have the final say in it! I'm not so sure Ziva is comfortable with this getting better thing now that she realizes that means she doesn't have Tony by her side. But, never fear, she will find a way around it I'm sure. Review and let me know what you think!