Bring Me Home
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Fox
A/N: After much consideration I've decided to only add certain parts of the last nine episodes into this fic. Since the story picks up in senior year, I've had a bit of wiggle room cannon wise. The only major difference is that Shelby did seek Rachel out and ditched her soon after but she did not adopt Quinn and Puck's baby, obviously. She does adopt another child and she quits coaching Vocal Adrenalin after they took Nationals.
Chapter 5: There Are Worse Things I Could Do
"They so slept together." Kurt announces to the table at large after Puck and Quinn departed from the diner.
"Which one?" Mercedes snorts and rolls her eyes in derision. This shits been going on since sophomore year, swapping sex partners like other people change their hairstyle. For being labeled such a loser geek in high school, Rachel Berry had left a trail of wounded hearts in her wake.
"Probably all three of them," he says in that hoity tone specially reserved when speaking about his nemesis, "why else would someone willingly defend Rachel?"
"Maybe they are just friends, I mean you were being pretty rude." Matt tries to intervene but knows from years of experience that he'll most likely be ignored.
"I didn't state anything that wasn't already a proven fact, just because she became friends with the quote/unquote A listers doesn't mean she's immune from constructive criticism."
"True, but you know what the most difficult part about constructive criticism is? Most people don't know how to give it." at least Matt had the balls to call a duck a duck, no matter how useless it may be. Kurt has had a serious hate on for Rachel right from the beginning and with her growing success, that's not likely to ever change.
The park near her parents house is particularly crowded today, Quinn surmises watching Sophia and a small army of kids running back and forth from the swings to the monkey-bars. Man, what she wouldn't give to be so carefree that all it took was a couple of swishes through the air suspended by steel chains to make her happy. Stretching her neck until it cracks loudly, she sighs and rubs at the knots causing her such discomfort. What started out as a nice chance to catch up with old friends quickly dissolved into a total bitchfest, led by none other than the resident hater himself, Kurt Hummel. And let's not forget his ever loyal puppet, Mercedes.
Quinn has had an issue with Kurt ever since she cottoned on to the fact that he tried just as/if not more, hard as Rachel to seduce Finn away from her back in high school. While Rachel's approach was straightforward and brash, Kurt was devious and sneaky. He took her advice in giving Rachel a makeover but then tricked the fashion victim into embarrassing herself by pretending to be the exact opposite of what Finn considered sexy. Actually, that was kind of funny and Rachel did look really hot sashaying down the hall in that outfit. But what Quinn didn't find so amusing was Kurt's brilliant idea to have Finn sing that stupid ballad to her parents that ultimately got her kicked out of the house. But the cherry on top of his crazy cake was definitely the Poison Ivy-esque scheme of fixing his dad up with Finn's mom, now that was just all types of delusional obsessions.
Plopping down heavily onto the bench, Puck snags the ziplock baggie of seedless grapes held aloof from Quinn's left hand and pops a couple into his mouth.
"We gotta fix this shit and fix it fast."
Quinn spares him a disinterested look then turns her focus back onto the playground.
"Am I speaking in Parseltongue, did you not hear what I just said?" he's not whining, really. The Puckasaurus, and yes that moniker is awesome no matter what Q says, does not whine like a little bitch. He's just speaking…emphatically or whatever.
"What Brittany and Santana do is none of our business, Puck."
"Since when do you pass up the chance to get all up in someone else's business, Q?"
"Since we stopped being a bunch of stupid hormone driven teenagers," quirking her mouth, Quinn sneaks a glance at Puck and nudges his shoulder, "well most of us anyway."
"Alright, first of all bite me. And second, you know that whenever Brittana gets together, that explosive lesbo drama is like imminent and shit." Puck flicks his fingers out, mimicking the atomic blast that's sure to erupt soon. "So call Berry and figure out what we're gonna do about it."
When Quinn makes no move to get her phone, Puck cocks his head to the side, studying the far off look in her hazel eyes.
"S'wrong with you?"
"I heard my mother talking to one of her nosy ass friends the other day. She was asking for the number of a private investigator that Mrs. Donnelly keeps on retainer."
"What the hell does she need a P.I. for? You in some kinda trouble, cause you know I can help keep you and little S safe."
"No, it's nothing like that." Quinn sighs, rubbing her forehead to help stave off the headache she just knows will be making an appearance soon. "She thinks my father's cheating on her but because of the pre-nup she signed when they got married she needs tangible proof before she can file for divorce."
"Wow, that sucks. Who woulda thought you dad was the roaming type, huh?"
"Apparently hypocrisy is a family trait."
"Look if you want, you and little S can come crash at my place for a while. It's not much but I mostly sleep at the Firehouse these days so you'll have the place to yourself."
"Thanks but, no we'll be alright." Quinn smiles gratefully at him. Was there ever a time that she didn't think Puck would be a good father or friend? How could she have been so blind as to think Finn was the better man?
"So then let's get started on this other mess."
"Puck I'm really not in the mood to bust up someone's relationship, especially if they're happy."
"They're not gonna be happy for long." Puck rolls his eyes and heaves a long suffering sigh, "Look I like Britt but no offense…she's gonna be stuck in Lima for the rest of her life and working at some crap job."
"You're working in Lima." Quinn points out, feeling a little affronted on Brittany's behalf.
"Yeah but my job has medical benefits and a pension."
"We both know the main reason you chose to become a fireman was so that you could fulfill your self proclaimed destiny to become 'Mr. July' in the fireman's calendar." Actually Quinn was just kidding but the look on Puck's face doesn't refute the claim. "Maybe we don't have to do anything, I mean Britt and Santana have been in love, real actual love since they were like seven years old. Maybe they can make it work for real this time?"
But even as the words leave her lips Quinn knows it's not likely to happen. Yes, Brittany and Santana love each other but emotionally, they've never been in the same place at the same time. And now with San living in New York, it's highly unlikely that what's happening between her two friends is little more than a summer romance. So Quinn reluctantly fishes her cell out of her purse and dials Santana's new bff, to get her take on the situation.
Shifting her position for the third time in less than five minutes, Santana shakes the growing numbness out of her right leg and propels herself closer to Brittany. Making out in the front seat of a Ford Focus may not have been her brightest idea of the day but any time she gets to spend with B is well worth being uncomfortable, especially when the blond is sucking on her tongue like it's harboring the last drops of water on Earth.
"Aren't you gonna get that?" Brittany asks in a breathless whisper.
Santana is so dazed from the heated kisses that it takes a few seconds for her to hear the familiar ring tone blaring from her bag on the backseat. But as Bette Midler crooning about a 'Rose' continues to play, Santana spies that sad look creeping over Brittany's beautiful face whenever Santana gets a call from someone back in New York.
"It's just Rach." she casually dismisses. Then makes a mental note to stop leaving her phone unattended whenever Berry is in one of her puckish moods and decides to choose her own ringtone. Come to think of it, she still owes her new roomie an ass-chewing after 'Milkshake' interrupted her study session with Professor Hamilton last April.
"You're not gonna answer?"
"She probably just wants to complain about that Shelby-bitch trying to worm her way back into her life."
"Shelby?" Brittany questions, furrowing her brow as she tries to recall who exactly this person is.
"Corcoran, former coach of Vocal Adrenaline and the gold medal winner for World's Worst Mother, three years standing. She called Rachel out of the blue a few months ago and was all like, 'Hey I'm getting married and starting a new family, and even though I've been a total super-bitch to you, now that you're making it in the business where I bombed, let's get together and play family.'" Santana contemptuously scoffs, "Seriously, Corcoran just dropped in out of nowhere with this new kid she and her finace adopted, expecting Rachel to just forgive the shitty way she dumped her."
Brittany could only sit in silence as she watched her…girlfriend?, she's still not really clear on what to call their reunion, get worked up over her roommates family issues. Brittany nods her head in all the right places as Santana continues to rant, slamming her palm into the steering wheel to emphasize her displeasure and cursing Shelby Corcoran for her wishy-washy feelings towards her biological child.
"Is Rachel dating anyone?" Britt randomly questions, catching Santana off guard and in mid rant.
"Not really, there's this hot ass cougar she casually hooks-up with. Rizzoli's a cop so her hours are weird, they mostly just grab a drink and fool around."
"So no one she's serious with?"
Santana takes a minute to really give the question some thought. It's obvious that Brittany's digging for info, subterfuge is not one of her stronger personality traits but the sudden interest in Rachel's love life is a topic Brittany wouldn't bring up unless she was doing someone else's dirty work.
"Bubby Tovah's dying to set Rachel up with one of her friend's niece's but she's been so busy lately with the Dr. Horrible's show and all of the promotion she'll have to do, dating pretty much the last thing on her mind. Why?"
"It's almost time for my shift, walk me inside." Brittany quickly dodges the question, grabs her purse and is out of the car before Santana can even wrap her mind around this situation.
"B, what are you up to?" Jogging up beside the blond, she opens the glass door to the Lima Mall Entrance but blocks the other girl from entering. A middle aged woman huffs an aggravated 'Excuse Me', at the girls standing in front of the door but Santana shoots her a glare that clearly states 'Bitch, use one of the other five fucking doors!'.
"Nothing bad, I swear." the blond reassures her friend, holding up her thumb earnestly.
"You swear with your pinky," Santana gently corrects "and I know that look, so spill."
"Quinn has a crush on Rachel," Brittany darts her eyes around looking for any eavesdroppers. "she's been sad ever since she hooked Rachel up with Lindsey, you remember Lindsey right? Anyway, Lindsey said she had a thing for Rachel back in high school and Quinn gave Lindsey Rachel's number, only now she's jealous because she's starting to realize that she like likes Rachel and doesn't want her to be with anybody except for her."
"And you're what, trying to get them together?" Santana laughs mirthlessly at the absurdity of that relationship ever happening. "Good luck with that. Quinn might have been able to get over her hang-ups and becomes friends with Rachel but there's no way her tightly wound, severely closeted ass is ever going to really confront her feelings for Rachel."
"She will," Brittany insisted, vigorously nodding her head. "Quinn isn't as churchy as she used to be. I think she's always liked Rachel but didn't know how to show it and they're friends now so it should be easier for her to feel comfortable about having those feelings for Rachel."
" Britt I know you mean well and even if what you said about Quinn is true, do you really think that just because Rachel was able to forgive all of the bullying we all put her through that she'll allow herself to fall for Quinn?"
"Mr. Schue always said that 'The heart wants, what the heart wants'"
"Schue is a complete fucktard!"
"That's not nice San." Brittany gently scolds
"I know B, I'm sorry but Schue's not a nice guy. He was just as mean to Rachel as we were and he didn't even try to hide it. But anyway, how do you know that Quinn is jealous of some chick Rachel talked to on the phone?"
"They didn't just talk on the phone, when Rachel came back here over Christmas break, Quinn said she slept with Lindsey."
"Really, she didn't tell me that?" Santana scratches her head in confusion.
True they don't share every little detail about their lives but Santana thought that she and Rachel were close enough that the girl would at least mention that she slept with one of their old classmates. Rachel's incredibly open about her sex life, she certainly had no qualms about texting Santana at 2:45 a.m. yesterday, just to report how much better police issued handcuffs were in comparison to the novelty pairs sold at their favorite sex shop in The Village.
"I don't think she wanted it to get back to Quinn, fat load of good that did. Lindsey couldn't shut up about how great the sex was, I thought Quinn was gonna punch her for sure after she said the words, 'Mind Blowing Orgasm!' for like the seventh time."
"Who would have guessed that Berry was a dynamo in the sack?" Santana laughs, even though she's gotten confirmation of this fact from Aubrey, a couple of girls at Julliard and most recently, Rachel's cougar Detective Rizzoli, it's still hard to imagine adorkable Rachel as some kind of sex goddess.
"I knew!" Brittany enthusiastically announces, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Santana is sure she'll get whiplash, what with how fast she snaps her head to stare incredulously at the blond.
"What the fuck Britt?"
"We had a dance class together," the bright smile slowly slides off of her face at the angry glare her girlfriend gives her, "Rachel's really flexible. She should have been a Cheerio."
"Oh, right…um sorry." Santana sheepishly apologizes. She wants to kiss away the frown marring Brittany's lovely face but there's a group of nosy old women gawking at them because of her vulgar outburst, so she settles for subtly squeezing the blondes hand affectionately.
Brittany gives her a small smile in return and thanks Santana for the ride, before heading into the store.