Rating: NC-17 with WARNINGS, see first chapter.
In the waning firelight, Ruby stared down at her hands, weeping quietly, openly. She was incredibly grateful for her grandmother's love, but despite what the older woman had just shared with her, the younger Lucas still felt unworthy of being anyone's True Love– let alone Belle's.
"Gran, I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better, but I honestly don't see how Belle and I could possibly be any better off than you and your girl were. I've destroyed any chance we had."
Eugenia's heart broke open once more, her love for the child she'd reached for and now held fast in her arms flowed over her in waves. She held on tightly as the young woman's sobs grew more forceful, really letting go. Eugenia just cuddled her granddaughter close, like she had when Red was a baby, and waited for the crying fit to pass. On the outside, the older Lucas was strong, a fortress, and she would display no weakness to this child she'd raised, but inside. . . well, that was a different story altogether. She struggled with the situation, needing to think of something to help these poor girls. They had to know there was hope.
After a few minutes, Ruby's tears slowed and her breathing grew more regular. She began to wipe her eyes and gently push away from her grandmother's warm embrace. It was amazing, but honestly after that last cry, she did sort of feel better. Exhausted, but better. Gran had always told her that The Universe had made them who they were for a reason, that even The Wolf existed for a reason. Therefore, she knew in her heart, as difficult as it was to fully grasp right in this moment, that she was loved and that she was not yet beyond redemption. She was a woman who sometimes became a Wolf who, as another of Nature's creatures, she did not always have control of. She had no idea what would become of her and Belle, and for now, her heart was too broken to consider it. Baby steps. At least she was passed the ultimate despair she'd been lying in for the past two days. She had briefly considered ending it all - would have probably done it tonight actually, but in her darkest hour, the Universe had delivered her Gran to her and suddenly the world wasn't quite so bleak.
The elder Lucas took her granddaughter's hands and they rose from the couch together. "I have to get back to town, sweetheart. Maryanne and Sarah are going to be fit to be tied as is. But," Eugenia paused and brought her fingers under Ruby's chin, lifting Red's eyes to her own. "Please remember, darling girl, that you're not alone. You are never alone." The older woman kissed her granddaughter's forehead and they parted at the old wooden door. "I'll come every night and we can eat and just figure this out together, ok?"
Ruby smiled at her Granny, the sweetest, strongest, wisest woman she'd ever known, and they hugged one more time before the older woman took her leave. Red's smile faltered slightly as soon as the old woman had disappeared into the darkness and they had waved their final goodbyes. She closed the door and rested her back against it. She wanted to believe the wonderful old bat, she really did. With a sigh and a little push, she moved out of the entryway to get ready for bed.
Archie kicked back from his desk and let the rolling office chair sweep him over to the bookshelf. He was researching Pseudologia fantastica, otherwise known as pathological or compulsive lying, vs. true sociopathy, thinking he might be able to figure out a little more about Regina Mill's situation before he would be performing her psychological evaluation in advance of her upcoming tribunal. While it was his job to determine if she was even fit to stand trial, he also needed to find out as much as he could about the circumstances of her decisions in order to be able to make recommendations to the royal court on her behalf. He thought back to the old days, back in the Enchanted Forest, where this kind of judgment would never have existed. A "trial" would have been unheard of. Instead, Queen White, Prince James and their advisors would simply have made the decision on their own and handed down both verdict and sentence. He thought back to Regina's original attempted execution, and winced. He hoped that along with embracing this more civilized view of justice, his fellow fairytale comrades will have also banished the ultimate consequence from their sentencing. He would definitely be arguing that Regina did not deserve the death penalty, he knew that much. But where the Queen's court took it from there, he had minimal influence. He was thumbing through his copy of DSM-IV and deep in thought when the phone rang. With another push off the bookcase, he was flying back to his desk. He shifted the book to his left hand, finger resting in the semi-closed book to keep his place, and picked up the phone.
"Hello, Dr. Hopper here!" he said cheerfully. He was actually thankful for the interruption; the subject matter he'd been studying was rather dark and depressing.
"Archie, it's important. Can you meet me?" Eugenia Lucas's voice, strong, gruff, and insistent came through over the line. Archie was surprised to hear from her, but answered quickly.
"Of course. My office?" he asked.
"No, this is much too personal. Something has happened." The older woman's voice sounded strained and she seemed firm, serious.
"Ok, sure. Where did you have in mind then?"
The old widow thought for a moment. "You know what, nevermind. Everyone's a busy body around the diner and the inn. I'll come to you after all. Say twenty minutes or so? I just need to get the kitchen started on cleanup for the dinner rush."
"Sounds good, Eugenia. I'll see you then." Archie hung up the phone, his brow creased. He had a sneaking suspicion this wasn't going to be the fun distraction he had hoped for.
Eugenia Lucas was a prompt woman and showed up outside Archie's office knocking at exactly 5:45 PM. Her face screamed stress and worry, and he gestured her to the couch as he opened the door. She sat tentatively before relaxing somewhat against the leather sofa, seemingly solidifying her resolve. Archie took the armchair to her left. After a few moments of silence and watching the old woman nervously pick at her dress, he spoke first.
"Eugenia, what's happened? Are you ok?" He leaned forward in his seat, his fingers laced together, his eyes full of compassion. "You know you're safe here."
The elder Lucas looked up from her dress then and met his eyes. She saw the warmth there and it calmed her. "Archie, it's happened again."
Dr. Hopper took a minute before finding the memory she was referring to, and his heart slid in his chest. This was definitely not good news.
"Eugenia, I don't mean to pry, but I didn't think you experienced Wolfstime anymore."
The old woman took a moment before responding. "This isn't about me, doc. It's Ruby and um–" she trailed off, suddenly unsure of the information she was about to divulge. She swallowed and convinced herself she was doing this for the girls' own good. "For Ruby and well, Belle. In fact, Belle is the one who suffered the attack."
Archie's face fell with those words, terribly sad at this news. He had seen the two women over the past few months, had been watching them falling in love even if they hadn't yet realized it themselves. This turn of events was not something he had seen coming, but then again, he hadn't been looking. Storybrooke had a way of lulling its inhabitants into believing things like werewolves and fairies were not as serious, not as real as they had been back home in the Enchanted Forest. But, as he'd been realizing of late, it was a farce, a facade. Their very real selves from their very real home were very much a serious concern since the Dark Curse had been broken - and some of them, like Ruby, were potentially dangerous. He sighed. On one hand, this Curse had complicated so much. But on the other, it had simplified and/or civilized so much else. Buying milk from a store versus milking a cow, for instance. Having a trial versus immediate and irreversible condemnation or absolution, another. But having to remember that werewolves and other magical creatures existed when having lived in such a non-fairytale believing world for so long had been a tough adjustment for everyone. How do you reconcile two worlds where you had lived the equivalent of two separate lives? He shook his head, knowing he'd strayed from the topic in his own mind and had allowed silence to hang between them. He recovered from his wayward musings and sought the old woman's brown eyes.
"Tell me what happened, Eugenia."
The woman sighed. "I don't know everything, but I know Ruby– well, The Wolf actually– hurt Belle. Much like what happened with me all those moons ago. . . Archie, they're just kids. They need to have a chance. Have you seen how in love they are?"
Archie's eyes grew warmer and he reached out to clasp and squeeze one of Eugenia's hands in his own. "I have. I think it's beautiful– possibly even True Love."
The grey-haired woman bent her head, staring again at the hands in her lap. "That's what makes this all so, so awful. Doc, you have to help them. Belle especially. And neither of them can know I came here. Partly because I don't want my granddaughter knowing I'm meddling because I'd never hear the end of it, but also because I don't want my story to come out. It's better left buried. And if people knew they might start talking and putting things together and well–" Widow Lucas looked back up at Archie and he was literally stunned by the depth of emotion he saw in the old woman's eyes. "I'd rather that never happened."
Archie nodded. "I agree." He paused for a beat. "So you think Belle needs my help?"
The widow nodded in return. "Red has me, Archie, but who has Belle got? Rumpel? Please. What a self-righteous, egotistical, interfering, curse-making, sparkly old bas–"
Archie reached his hand out again, this time to gently rest on the elder lady's knee. "Gen, I get it." The older woman looked at him and stopped herself, and they both chuckled.
"I get carried away when it comes to my true feelings about that slimy old coot. Anyways, that poor girl needs somebody, too. You were the most qualified I could think of. Not necessarily because you're the town psychiatrist, you know. But because you were my friend back then, Jiminy. You remember what happened, how devastating it was for me, how broken I became. When I met you visiting at the orphanage they sent me to out of realm, you became the only person I could confide in. Honestly, if it hadn't been for you and all your prodding to discuss my feelings, I don't know that I ever would have survived that period in my life."
Archie moved over to sit next to his old friend on the couch and hugged her close. "I'll do what I can, ok? That's all I can promise. I'll drop by to see Belle tomorrow."
Eugenia forgot how wonderful being hugged by her best friend felt. "Thank you, you sweet, sweet, caring man," she said, pecking him on the cheek. He smiled, face reddening slightly at the compliment. It felt wonderful to be appreciated.
Belle woke on Wednesday the same way she had for the last three days, exhausted and numb. She considered actually taking a shower today, like she'd promised herself for the last few days since the– The Event. That's what she was calling it now: "The Event". She didn't want to think about it, look at it, or dissect it in any way, so she had given the whole horrible mess the most nondescript, clinical name she could manage. It helped her to compartmentalize, to categorize the situation, much in the same way as she had been categorizing and organizing the Library. She lay on her side, one arm tucked underneath her unwashed hair, warding off a panic attack she felt brewing. They had been rather common since The Event, and even thinking that sometime soon she would need to get up, get dressed and still somehow make it through another entire day was overwhelming.
By around noon, not much had changed. While she had, by no small miracle, managed to put on undergarments, a white slip, and two different length black socks, her motivation to finish dressing was quickly disappearing. She just wanted to climb back into bed. Belle sat on the edge of her mattress and flopped back against the sheets, hands in fists at her sides. She stared up at the ceiling, growling audibly in frustration. Damn this library and her desire to live on her own and support herself! It was ridiculous how hard it had become just to dress herself. It had taken her just under four hours to put on underwear! She was angry, she was sad, she was horribly lost. She took a breath and hoisted herself upright again to sit on the edge of the mattress, irritated with herself. Self-sufficiency had never felt so impossible. . . or lonely.
And the number one thing she thought about, that consumed her waking moments? Ruby. Her best friend. . . And dare she think it? So much more. She tried not to go there, but the harder she forced it away, the more her brain betrayed her. She'd picture Ruby's smile, her laugh, her amazing eyes and gorgeous long auburn hair, and oh God, her touch... she dwelled on that most of all. The unfortunate part was that these thoughts, as beautiful as they were, would, without fail, bring back that night, too. . .
The Event itself never unfolded the same way twice, flooding through her mind in fits and starts like a bad movie reel, highlighting different sounds, emotions, and sensations every time. She might feel concrete crumbling under her face, her cheek scraped and raw from the pressure and movement behind her, hear the sounds of heavy ragged breathing echoing in the empty alleyway, or feel her hands held unforgivingly behind her, the warmth of the other body on her back, smell the unique sweet scent of Ruby in the night air, the fabric of their skirts rustling and bunched up between them, Ruby's sweat mingling with her own as the friction between her legs increased, or even note the white hot agony of each brutal scrape across her skin, exposing her, and the relentless kneading of her breasts. But no matter how it began or in what order the scenes appeared, the flashbacks always ended the same... the thick cord of hot muscle between her thighs stiffening, then seizing, warmth spreading all over under her in spurts and starts, followed by abrupt absence, emptiness, the cold night air enveloping everything. The end result was also the same: immeasurable sorrow, heartache, and loss.
She had loved Ruby. Deeply. She was certain of it. And she was equally sure they had been on their way to building something truly special together. She sighed. The Event had changed everything. And so she cried a lot nowadays. Mostly for their friendship and uncertain future. For although she was unsure how to move on from here, the universe had been cruel enough to leave her with a Ruby-shaped hole in her heart. She missed the other woman profoundly. How fair is that?! For the past few months the sweet waitress had been her rock, her inspiration, and things had developed naturally from there. She had been so close to kissing the tall lanky brunette on many occasions, but had been too timid to initiate it. And she was almost positive Ruby had felt it too. I didn't want this for us, Belle, please know that. The words rang out in her mind occasionally without warning, perfectly tragic and perfectly clear. Small tears formed in her eyes. In the fleeting moments that she actually allowed let herself feel anything, Belle hated what had been done to her, physically and emotionally, but hated how their courtship had been so cruelly interrupted most of all. Falling for Ruby had been unlike anything she had ever experienced before, hot, sexy, warm, romantic, supportive, and all-consuming.
It was all so unlike what she'd had with Rumpel; that somewhat Stockholm Syndrome "relationship" (Leroy had been so kind to point out what that was and explain how it related to her) they'd so unhealthily grown between them. There was no desire to "please" or to "save" when she was with Ruby, just an immense feeling of acceptance for exactly who she was.
She groaned and pushed herself up off the bed in search of a dress; though whether it came from the closet or from the growing pile on the floor, it no longer mattered. If she could help it, she wouldn't see anyone anyways. As fate would have it, the general direction she'd wandered took her to the closet. Clean dress it would be, then. Lucky day.
As she reached for the first dress her hand came in contact with (she was so thankful Red had taken her shopping after she'd left Rumpel), her mind wandered a bit to her previous relationship. Love could not truly exist born of being someone's captive; it was all sorts of wrong. Yet, she just hadn't cared enough about herself in the past to let the reality of how screwed up it was really get through to her. What a mess that had been, er– well, still was a bit really. Rumpel had been trying to contact her relentlessly since she'd left him. Endless phone calls, texts, voicemails. . . and this week she'd had enough. She'd even stopped responding. Yesterday morning he'd been by the library, begging to see her, and she'd ignored him. It infuriated her how he just couldn't seem to let her go, couldn't deal with the fact that although she'd always care about him, even she had her limits. He'd blown it too many times, plain and simple. The fact that he refused to realize they were over, completely and thoroughly done this time, didn't help his cause any either.
She slid the dress off the hanger and over her body in one fluid motion, just as she heard knocking downstairs. She cringed inwardly. She didn't want visitors. Can't a girl drown in her sorrow alone? Despite her reluctance, however, she forced herself to the head of the spiral staircase and made her way down, pausing occasionally to slip on her shoes, then made her way to the foyer of the building. As she passed the circulation desk, her visitor's face came into view. She was surprised at first, but as she opened the door to greet him, a wave of understanding flooded over her, and with it, the taste of bile. She unleashed it on her unwitting victim.
"Dr. Hopper, I assure you that I am fine and you can tell Rumpel that I can take can take care of myself. Also, I think the fact that he brought you into this completely deplorable. Sorry to have wasted your time." She went to close the door, her anger hot, but Archie stuck his foot out and stopped it from closing completely. God, how she hated pneumatic door closers.
"Belle, Rumpelstiltskin didn't send me. I'm here on my own. In fact, I was hoping you could help me with something. I need to do some research on Regina's case and you have the largest medical documentation resource in Storybrooke. I was hoping, well. . ." he cleared his throat and watched her watching him warily. "I was hoping that although you're not technically open yet, that maybe you could make an exception for me. I promise I won't get in the way."
Belle found herself relaxing, now ashamed of her behavior. "Of course, Dr. Hopper. Absolutely, anytime." Her eyes had softened to a sweet, welcoming blue, and he was grateful. She moved out of the way to let him in and he stepped inside, Belle leading the way to the medical reference section. As he followed her, he secretly hoped that for her sake, getting her to talk would be as easy as this has been. Looking over her messy hair, lack of makeup and odd sock choice, she was an absolute mess.
Later that night, the door to the library creaked open and Eugenia Lucas slipped through, hoping not to make a sound and disturb the building's sole occupant. She moved quietly to the circulation desk and found a stack of books that Belle appeared to be actively shelving. She reached into the bag she carried and retrieved a large, ancient tome. As soundlessly as possible, she slipped it into the stack and made her way quickly back to the door.
"For you, sweet Belle. Hang in there, dear," she whispered softly, lovingly, before stepping back out into the night, locking the door behind her.
**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this update; it was hands down the most difficult to write thus far. Another shout to i heart mean girls (dots in between) for helping me find my muse. Please review if you get a chance, sweet readers; it means a lot to me. Thank you!