Rating: NC-17 with WARNINGS, see first chapter.
**A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry this update took so long. Hope you like it. Please review if you get a chance. :)
UPDATE: I made a few changes tonight to fix some readability issues. Sorry about that. Luckily nobody brought it to my attention, but I'm still kinda embarrassed, lol.
Dr. Archie Hopper showed up at the Storybrooke Public Library entrance at exactly 7:45am, and checked his watch. Knowing he had some time to kill until Belle was expecting him, he decided to stop by Granny's to grab coffee for the two of them; he wanted to do whatever he could to start their morning off on the right foot. He walked over to the diner and made his way inside, shrugged off his coat but kept his jacket on, and made his way to the counter before taking a seat on a stool. Eugenia caught his eye and winked, just finishing up with another customer. Archie looked around the place, loving how it smelled, how it felt in here. . . before his heart did a little leap. Something – or someone, rather – was missing, he thought sadly, knowing Red had a way of making everyone more comfortable, her laughter contagious. And right now, her absence was distinctive and upsetting. He felt a tap on his shoulder, bringing him out of his reverie.
"What can I do ya for, Archie?" Mrs. Lucas asked him, a twinkle in her eye, bolstering herself up by her hands flat against the other side of the counter. She always managed to keep a stiff upper lip in the face of tragedy. He greatly admired that about her.
"Eugenia, I greatly admire you," he vocalized, reaching across the counter and placing one of his hands over one of hers. "I don't know how you're managing to hold up right now, but it's nothing short of miraculous." Then he whispered, "Considering. . ." They let the word hang between them for a moment before Eugenia spoke. "I have more faith this time, Jiminy." She smiled lovingly at this man who was her best friend in the entire world. She could count on him to be there for her no matter what - just like he had been all those many years before.
"Not many have friends truer than my Jiminy," she smiled, flushing lightly. "Now what brings ya in this morning?"
Archie swung off the stool and stood, signaling at the coffee pot. "Two drips, straight up, creamer and sweetener to go, please. I thought I'd surprise Belle with a little pick-me-up this morning since she's going to be helping me with my research."
Eugenia winked at him, "You always did think on your feet, you cute little bug!" They both chuckled, then Mrs. Lucas turned to grab him the coffee. Soon they were at the register settling up the tab. As he was putting his wallet away and turning to go, it was Eugenia who reached out and put her hand on his this time. "Thank you, Dr. Hopper," she stated sincerely, her eyes warm and grateful, and gave his hand a little squeeze. Archie gave her a little grin and a slight squeeze back before removing his hand to embrace the coffees. "You are a wonderful role-model, Gen. Never forget it." And with that he swung his coat around him and was back on the street headed for the library.
It was 9:00 am. Belle had opened her doors and led Archie into the Library a little after 8:00, and he had wasted no time setting up shop at the largest table in the restricted section. He was currently making a list of the topics he thought would be most helpful in his research and had just moved over to the library computer. He wanted to start cross checking titles of publications that might shed some light on his subject matter, pencil laying horizontally across his lips. Occasionally he'd twist the end when deep in thought, running the edges around on his teeth. He'd heard Belle shuffling around up in her loft earlier, but was slightly startled when she suddenly showed up behind him. "Anything I can help with, Dr. Hopper?" she asked sweetly. He looked over his shoulder at her and pivoted in his chair, removing the pencil from his teeth, and giving her a subtle once over. She was dressed today and she had showered; it was a good start.
"Actually, that would be great. Here's a list of journals I'll need. Just stick to the five at the top of the list for now. . . one thing at a time, eh?" Archie wasn't just talking about the publications he needed, but he didn't expect Belle to catch onto that just yet. Baby steps. Getting Belle involved at all in his research could help her immensely and give them a foundation to start from; he'd been pretty sure the beautiful bookworm would have difficulty steering clear of such an exciting research opportunity. Seems he was right, and it would hopefully be beneficial for them both. He really did need the library's resources and he really could use an assistant in this matter. . . and, above all, he wanted to help Belle. Hopefully, he could get her to open up to him. All, in good time, of course, he surmised, watching as the fragile woman next to him wandered away into the stacks searching for the publications he needed.
Several hours later, Belle again returned from the bookshelves, arms laden with the latest three medical journals and two books Dr. Hopper had requested. It was noon and the petite librarian found the psychiatrist deeply engrossed in his research, table haphazardly covered in reading material she'd already procured for him. She gently placed the items on the table beside him and he muttered something that sounded like, "Thanks," and then something about "brain chemistry vs. motivation. . .that makes sense" before deteriorating into mumbles and scribbles on notebook paper, followed by rapid keystrokes on his laptop. She smiled at him fondly, happy to be around someone so studious, loving his ambition, and feeling it was slightly empowering. She found she really enjoyed helping him, and that she even felt a little better, truth be told, having something important to do. She'd even run to Granny's to get some lunch for them, her first time out of the library for more than a moment, and she'd only thought of Ruby briefly while she'd been there. She'd returned to find him in exactly the same state she had left him in, and it had made her smile– reminding her of how she had been in the old days, in their old land. He paused for a break, long enough to eat the egg salad sandwich and two pickles she'd brought him, before diving headlong back into his work.
As he burrowed into his research, she found herself wandering the stacks a bit and eventually found herself at the front desk where she had, almost a week ago, abandoned the latest stack of books needing to be shelved. She looked at them longingly, running a delicate hand over a few dusty spines. The touch was, as always, comforting. That's how books made her feel. Without thinking much of it, she began lifting them off of each other and reading off their titles. "Automobiles of the 1940's", "The Civil War: Families At War," "Odds of Winning at Poker - and Most of Life", and – Well, what was this? she wondered. She'd come across an ancient book, truly huge, and by far and wide more dusty than the rest. It had brown water stains on the cover and she grabbed a kleenex from over the desk behind the counter to dust it off more thoroughly. It was thick and full of parchment, like the books from The Enchanted Forest. It was mostly a deep crimson, with a gorgeous illustration of wolves running through a snow covered forest on the front. The title was ornate and seemed to be gold leaf, reading simply, "A Field Guide to Lycanthropes" and down beneath it in smaller calligraphy, "by Lawrence Talbot". Belle's eyes widened, suddenly mortified, that night of pure terror unexpectedly pouring over her. She dropped it at once, like it was red hot, and backed away until her backside collided with a weight-bearing pillar. She held her hand up against her mouth, open in shock, never removing her eyes from the monstrous volume. Slowly, she breathed, willing herself to relax. It was only a book. Several moments later, she had chided and calmed herself dramatically, and cautiously approached the counter. As she grew closer, she grew more brave. Foolishness! It's just a book, silly Belle! she admonished herself, and bent over the thick tome. She lay her fingers on the cover, feeling the old leather wrinkled and stretched under her fingers. It smelled very, very old. She found her heart racing again, but this time more out of curiosity than fear. She began to open the book just as she heard Dr. Hopper call out for her, inadvertently startling her. She took a deep breath, clutching at her chest, and called back to him, "I'll be right there, Dr. Hopper." Under her breath she added, "But I'll be back for you later," and patted the old book before heading off to the doctor's location.
When she reached the good doctor at his table, he was resting back in his chair, tie loosened around his neck, sleeves rolled up, looking thoroughly exhausted. He smiled warmly at her as she rounded the row of books nearest him. "I have to tell you, Belle, this is going to take quite awhile for me to sort through all of this information, but I am incredibly grateful you've allowed me to be here."
Belle grinned in response and moved to the chair next to him, holding onto the back of it. She flexed the fingers of both hands gently around the tips of the heavy old chair, seemingly lost in thought, and examining all his books and papers laid out all over the place. Archie let her have the moment, and just observed. Soon enough, she spoke. "Archie, forgive me if I am being obtuse but," she paused, pulling out the chair in front of her and taking a seat next to him. "Why do we owe Regina this trial? Why are you looking into a cause for her actions? Isn't it obvious how incredibly, well... evil she is? I mean, she cursed us all! She left me holed up in a psych ward for twenty-eight years!"
Archie turned in his chair to face her more completely. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?" But his eyes twinkled and Belle had the impression there was something she was missing. "A person's life is more than we get to see on the outside, Belle. Regina is gravely misguided perhaps, but not truly evil. There is a difference."
Belle looked unconvinced, so he continued, "We have no idea how people react when faced with severe trauma, and everyone reacts differently. Motivation does matter. Even very bad deeds can come from a loving heart." He sighed, thinking over the publicly known details of Regina Mill's life. "For instance, we don't know what Regina suffered at the hands of her incredibly controlling mother, how she reacted inside to her true love being murdered in front of her, how it hurt her that her father never protected her, how she was forced to marry a man she didn't love or even know, and forced to lie with him, night after night, probably against her will. . ." Hopper let himself trail off for a moment, lost in imagining the difficulties the Dark Queen had faced. After a pause, he continued again, "And all because of a child. Woman though she is now, it all began when Snow was a child and Regina put every illness, every slight, every moment in which the Universe was unfair to her, solely on Queen White's shoulders. She blamed Snow White, and her alone. Again, misguided, but not evil. We cannot know what this woman truly suffered and how those tragedies broke her. Nor can we judge her for how it led her heart astray. Again, motivation matters. . . a great deal, in fact."
Belle looked down at her hands, knowing tears were threatening to overwhelm her but not knowing why the topic was affecting her so profoundly. They were discussing The Evil Fucking Queen, not her and Ruby! Weren't they? Well, maybe he was but she wasn't? Maybe she was hoping for more out of this exchange? She shook her head, wishing she could fucking think clearly for just a minute and break through the fog of depression consuming her. Archie saw the conflict and misery in the brunette and tucked his finger under her chin, bringing her eyes up to his own. "Dear Belle, what's happened?"
Belle choked on her first attempt at a reply, and he patted her knee with his other hand in comfort. "It's ok, you know, you can tell me anything, We're becoming friends after today, aren't we?" Belle saw the genuine compassion in the doctor's eyes, and felt herself wanting to tell him everything. In fact, the totality of her horrifying experience was practically bursting white heat from her chest, up her throat, where the words suddenly died. She just didn't know how to begin, or maybe she just wasn't ready yet to talk, either way, she found she was able to ask something. "Do you think that's true of everyone? I mean," she wiped a few straggling tears off her cheek and rolled her eyes to the ceiling, willing herself to continue. "Do you think it's possible that everyone was once good underneath the bad things they've done?" Archie watched her carefully, choosing his words with caution.
"Maybe not everyone, per se. But Belle, not only do I believe that most people who do bad things were good people once, I also believe most of them can be that way again. We are not the sum total of our parts. . . my behavior does not define me, nor does that of others. Who we are is in our hearts, in our souls, and that doesn't usually change, even if some people put on amazing facades trying to make themselves appear truly evil. The truth is that the reasons people do the things they do are often situational or emotional and most are a combination of the two. I believe that even when those things lead to bad behaviors, if people find they want to change, if they find they truly want to redeem themselves, then it is almost always possible."
A few more tears slid down the brunette's face before he wiped them away with his hand. They were both quiet for a moment before he looked down, braced his hands on the table with some finality, and pushed his chair back from the table, effectively ending the discussion. He didn't want to overwhelm her, not just yet. She needed time. "Now, I think it's been a long day, don't you?" He smiled at her again, and stood, hunching his jacket and coat back over his shoulders. He then looked back down to see her head bowed in contemplation, eyes focused on her lap. He delicately lay a firm hand on her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. "I can be here by eight am most every morning, if that still works for you?" he asked.
"It does," she responded. He lifted his hand off her shoulder and expertly slipped his brown wool hat back over his head.
"Good. Shall we?" She smiled, dragging herself from her other thoughts and stood, happily taking the arm he offered gentlemanly and wrapping hers around it. She felt herself truly enjoying the contact, feeling relief at her sadness lifting, if only temporarily. When they got to the door, she leaned up and gave him a little kiss on the cheek. He smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, Belle, sleep well," and he winked at her and smiled before stepping out onto the landing.
After closing the door behind him, she watched him walk away for a few moments more before finally sighing and glancing away. She absentmindedly lowered the blinds in the foyer and on the door itself before retreating into the lobby, intending to head up to bed. On the way, she passed by the circulation desk and her eyes caught sight of the ancient book. She couldn't believe she'd almost forgotten about it! Her breath caught in her throat and before she knew what she was doing, she was clutching it in her arms, still headed upstairs. Maybe this would have some answers for her, she hoped, always having found safety in information. . .or at the very least, the potential of finding some. She desperately hoped that would be the case here because she felt there was so much she was missing, was failing to understand. Dr. Hopper's words came back to her from this evening, Motivation matters. A great deal, in fact. She sat on her bed, musing over those words, distractedly tracing the golden inlay of the book's title with her fingers. She began to wonder. . .Could Ruby truly have had no control that night? And more importantly, Does it really matter? To me? Suddenly, her heart beat faster, expectantly, and she chided the crazy muscle for it's wonton craving for all things to be fixable. Don't get ahead of yourself, Belle, she warned. As if on cue, Dr Hopper's voice chimed in again, One thing at a time, eh?
5