Temperance walked into her bedroom to find him pacing her floor, in a flutter of nervous energy. Her eyes were instantly drawn to his half-naked body where the towel hung dangerously low on his hips from his frantic pacing as he waited for her to speak. "So?" Booth asked his eyes scanning hers for any hint of what Angela's reaction had been. "Angela said she would keep it a secret until we ready to tell everyone," Bones replied smiling as she saw the relief and ease turn to Booth's face. "Good. It isn't that I don't want them to. God, I want the world to know, about us. I want to flaunt you in front of them, everyone. But, we have to think rationally, in terms of our jobs. They could decide to reassign me or you. Or cut off or work relationship completely, if the bosses do not approve or Cam. And I could not bare not seeing you everyday all day at work," he grinned turning on the charm as he hid his true fear. His fear was telling Cam. What if she did not approve of this? He knew Cam to be jealous and bitter, but would she do such a thing. Booth shook his head not wanting to think about the consequences or worry his Bones about them. It was a bridge they would cross when the time arose.
"I know Seeley," she whispered her voice was lost somewhere in her throat, but it did not matter, he always heard whatever was uttered from her beautiful lips. "Are we alone?" Booth inquired his voice deep, husky, sensual, and seductive once more. "Yes. Why?" Bones questioned unsure why he would care if Angela remained as long she agreed to keep it a secret and allow them to enjoy the newness of their relationship without questions or awkward inquiries, or worse yet Sweets' therapy sessions once he found out they were a couple and sexual involved. It was not a prospected either of them looked forward to or considered a desirable one, but as long as they got to remain together the awkward painfulness of Sweets' questioning was worth enduring. But she soon found out why he had wanted to know if they were alone. In one swift movement, he was across the room drawing her warm body into a tight embrace as his lips ravished hers. His tongue worming its way into her mouth as he tasted her sweetness. It was a heavenly bliss as he moved with, pinning her against the door to her bedroom. His hands grasping at the mahogany door for leverage as he gave it his all his lips on hers. The fire inside him was ignited, as his touch sent shivers down her spine. And her touch drove him wild, it was enough to make him loose his mind.
Booth's lips parted from Bones' as he stopped inhaling when he felt as though his lungs were about to burst from a lack of oxygen. He grinned, his eyes were sexy and gleaming as his dimples shown back at Brennan as she suppressed a girlish giggle. Only her Booth, could reduce her to such a level. But she could not resist the urge to giggle jst a little bit, he looked so charmingly stunning, it was hard to avert her attention elsewhere. "Something funny Bones?" he questioned his tone going as deep and seductive as it would as he drawed out each word huskily, his voice oozing of sexiness. Booth knew exactly why she had giggled, but he loved to question her and watch the blush crawl upon her face.
"Just your big ears," she teased kissing his neck lightly as he frowned, it was not the shy coy response he would normally have gotten. But then the same grin was back as he realized the comfort level had returned for Bones had she was trying to show him, that she felt safe and secure around him by making a joke. He loved her subtle signals, as her lips devoured his neck her teeth playfully sinking into his neck. She did not bite him hard, just enough to taste him and grab his attention, it was lustful and playful, as the droplets of sanguine blood tickled her tongue. Its coppery taste stimulating, titillating her taste-buds as the playful gleam and air was back in her eyes. "Yes, Brennan," he mumbled his voice husky and deep as his eyes hazed with lust. "It's Dr. Brennan to you," she replied demandingly as her lips again rubbed over his skin preparing to sink her teeth into the tender flesh once again. "How about Dr. Feelgood?" he teased elicting a grin, from Bones who caught the reference to one of her favorite songs.
Her teeth sank into his skin, the senquine coppery liquid filling her mout. Dancing on her tastebuds as she grinned suggestively, eyed him seductively. "It hurts so good, Doctor," Booth drawled his intake of breath was a mere hiss as he joked around playfully with Brennan. But, the Brennan of old was back and she missed his joking tone. "Do I detect a hint masochism?" she asked her voice serious and her eyes burning with intrigue as she examined Booth as if he were a play toy. If he liked it rough, things could be very interesting, it was Brennan after all who examined is physique and toned body.
Booth grinned, it was wide and goofy as he thought of how to answer such an obscure question. Bones had no shame, she was blunt and aired everything out when it came to sex. Part of him wanted to say yes, just to experience the thrill of her on him, he knew she could take control. He had imagined it, that it would be enthralling and sexy. He imagined it to be steamy, seductive, dangerous daring, and so many things it bamboozled him. But his heart told him he respected her too much, to degrade her like that. She meant too much, she was his world, his heart, his soul, and he felt it would degrade and defile her eternal and everlasting purity if he had used her to act upon the things he had fantasized about her. It seemed wrong to do such things to someone who was your everything. He blushed, his grin fading as he whispered to her "That is for me to know and you to find out." There was no sexy mysterious mischief and playfulness in his voice when he spoke to her. Only a grim sadness of guilt.
"Seeley, you do not have to be embarrassed, if it is what you like. Or what you fantasize about. I am open to new experiences," Brennan replied a hand stroking his cheek lovingly as she tried to put him at ease. "It is not that Temperance. God no," he whispered his lips brushing against her lightly in a comforting manner assuring her, he was not ashamed in anyway or uncomfortable around her. "Then what is it Seeley?" she retorted her voice showed signs of agitation as her eyes glazed over icily as she took in his facial expressions. He could not understand her desire to explore sex, he knew she had a rough life as a child going through the system.
He did not know for certain what abuse she had endured, but he would bet his life she had been raped and molested. He could almost feel the pain in her, but if she were to ever tell him he would most likely go into catatonic shock. It would rip him apart, that someone had hurt his Bones and he could not protect her, even though he had not known her then."It is just, when you love someone, really love them yo do not view them as a sex object object. It is just wrong," he tried to explain, but knew the words had not came out right. "Is it because of your religion?" Bones inquired trying to make sense of his words, no one had ever taken account how these things had made her feel before. It made her feel loved, and special but at the same time angry because she could take care of herself and knew where to draw the line. "Yes," Booth replied simply giving up, not wanting to delve further into this debacle.
"It's okay to do these Booth. It is natural," she whispered against his chest as her body leaned up against his. She truly was a great a person, he had to admit. "I know Bones," he whispered softly into her hair as he held her close. "When I was younger I use to think sex was and role playing was bad. Like it was forbidden. I never discussed. Not until I got older," she admitted as she and booth sat on her bed. Booth tried to imagine his Bones, only younger and modes in her vocabulary. The idea was obscure and unfitting for her. "Really? What changed to make you view everything as you do now?" he asked pulling her close, his curiosity was piqued.
"Well, when I went into foster care and group homes it all changed. They always play up the success stories, but never the truth. All of the horrible things that occur behind the scenes," Bones whispered tears welling in her eyes as she hid in his bare chest. "It is okay Temperance, you do not have to talk about if it hurts," he cooed softly stroking her back lovingly. He already knew this was going to be a confession of some horrible sicko doing the unspeakable to her, and he did not want her to relive. Not for him, or for anyone, ever. He did not want to see the pain in her eyes or feel it in her heart. "You should know Seeley. You should know the screwed up broken person I am. You should know, what you are signing up for," Brennan sobbed into his chest feeling so useless and helpless. "Look at me love," Booth commanded as he took Brennan's face in his hands. "I do not care about your past or you issues. I love you no matter what. We all have issues and past, things we are not proud of. But it will never change how I feel about you. It will never, ever change the fact that I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I do know I want to spend it with you, wake up beside you. Forever, no matter what," Booth declared wiping the tears from her eyes.
"I know that. I do. But understand this the things I endured then I did not want to. But what I am offering you, is willingly. So do not think my past has anything to do with it," Bones said trying to explain it as she laid back trying to swallow the burning tears in her eyes, Why was love so complicated? "Okay, we will worry later," he whispered getting her to smile faintly if only for a moment. "For now can you just hold me?" she pleaded her eyes filling with tears as she averted his eyes. "Anything you want, Temperance," Booth cooed his voicce was sincere and soft as he spoke to her lovingly rubbing circles on her back. He dressed quickly in boxers, baggy ripped jeans, and tight white tee shirt before returning to his Bones. He wrapped his arms around her and embraced her tightly as if she worth a fortune and someone might snatch her away. "Booth, I can't breathe," she choked out as she wiggled from his tight embrace with a smile among her tear stricken face. Booth grinned trying to hide the blush but she saw it and remained silent as she resumed her position beside him.
Booth felt bad as his Bones still cried silently, her head burried in his chest. He lovingly ran his hnads through her hair. "It will be okay Bones," he whispered knowing whatever memories had been dredged up must have been dark and sadistic. It killed him that something could afflict her so. She was the strongest person he knew, and to see her reduced to nothing more than a crumpled heap and tears killed him. "No, it won't be Booth. It never has been and never will be," she declared feeling dead inside, so lonely and cold. How could she tell him what she felt inside? How could he know her pain? "I promise, Temprance you are safe with me. I will die for you," he whispere clutching his broken lover, praying she could just hold on to her sanity for him. She shook her head in portest. "I am not safe from the memories as long as they dwell with in mind. Festering inside me, nagging at my insides. Eating away at me. When night falls and darkness comes, all bets are off. I am not safe from the thoughts that consume me, the memories, the flashbacks, and the nightmares and terrors," she sobbed her fists pounding his chest trying to make him understand.
"What can I do, love?" he begged his eyes tearing as he saw her like this. Things began to make so much sense, why she had begged him to stay the night. Why she had barely slept, tossing and turning and why she was up at the crack of dawn. It explained why she worked until she dropped, why she got so engrossed with work, why it was her life. It was to kill the pain, to numb herself. It broke his heart in two, to see his hero fall and crumble before his eyes. She was like an super-hot superhero being exposed to its Achilles heel. And all he could do was try and comfort her, but he knew it was beyond repair for now. "Just listen to me," she pleaded and he nodded knowing Bones had probably never confided in anyone, and knew that this secret was eating her alive.
"It started not long after I walked into the doors of the group home. I began getting raped, by the male staff there and male residents. But I did my best to hide telling myself, Russ would come and save me. He always had, and at the time I believed my parents were going to return. But as the days turned into months before I found my first placement family. The rape became ever increasing, my hope faltering and it was no longer limited to just males. Then at my first home things went good for awhile, I was close to Russ, and he visited me often, he would drop in on me during school. I felt safe. But by the time I was sixteen the woman's husband began raping me. I never showed any signs, just buried it somewhere inside of me. I saw Russ and told him things were fine. But, then by the time I had been there for a year, I had changed. Russ could see I was broken, no longer his innocent sister. And at sixteen and half I was pregnant, with that bastard's child. When Russ found out he attacked him. Russ got sent to jail and I got an abortion and sent to a group home. Here I was left alone until I had been there for a month. Same thing as before. At seventeen, I found a second family, same story. Same ending. Me pregnant, broken. Except this time I wanted to die and tried to hurt myself, but no one knew. By the time I was eighteen I had been through eight families in three years and four abortions. I had an addiction to cutting and was depressed. But, that changed when I was in college, I felt independent and free. But, no one not even Russ knows this. Knows the truth," Temperance said her voice was crackling with emotion as tried to steady it and keep from falling apart at the seams.
"Oh, Temperance. I am so sorry," Booth cried as he held her tightly his ahnds rubbing circles lovingly into her back. How could anyone hurt such a lovely person? How? It was not fair someone had done this to his Bones. He knew his words were no comfort to her, but he prayed his actions were. A few tears fell from her face and she batted them away in shame as she turned to face him. "It is the past. Before you knew me. There is nothing you could have done, Booth," she argued trying to rationalize a situation that had no rational rhyme or reason behind it. "It does not mean that I am not sorry. And that I don't wish I could have been there It does mean that I promise I will be here for you, forever and always. If you want I will spend every night with you. Even if I just have to sit and hold you as you sleep so you feel safe. Whatever you want, I will do. If you want me to move-in to spend every second with you so you don''t have to think about I will," he whispered as he rocked and his words were true, he meant every word he had uttered. Everything he had said he meant, he would do anything and everything for her. All for her.
"Thanks Booth," she whispered and he knew she had not made any decision. Bones was just thanking him for his words, for showing his support, for showing his emotions, for his offer. Booth knew that Bones had never had someone tell her the truth and be completely honest with her, but he was determined to change that. He was going to tell her every truth. The truth that he loved her with all of his heart, that she was his heart, his soul, his mind, his body, his everything, and without her he was nothing. The truth that he wanted to spend everyday with her, an eternity with her. The fact that he wanted to marry her, the fact that he wanted to father her children if her mind would ever change about having children. The truth that he could not, would not go on without her. That her mere presence made him weak and was enough to make him explode. That he loved her from the moment he laid eyes on her and the first time he heard her speak. "Anything for you Bones," he whispered into her hair as his hands ran circles on her back trying to calm her and soothe her troubled mind. If he could he would take away her pain and bare the burden himself, just so she did not have to feel it.
"Can I ask you a question Bones?" Booth stated, he knew what he was asking was going to be a tough personal question for her, but he had to know the truth. He had to know what he was up against. "Anything," Bones replied forcing a smile as she trembled slightly in his arms and he just drew her closer and wrapped the sheet he was wrapped up in earlier around her for warmth. "Is that why you do not want to have children?" Booth inquired bracing himself for an argument or to be hit. He expected her to hurt him at the very least, at least verbally if nothing else. But she remained silent for a moment as if in thought.
"No. When I was young I wanted children. But after the rapes I trusted no man enough. After being abandoned I did not think, I could have a child and risk doing the same, putting them through what I had gone through. Bare in mind, I knew not the reasons why my parents had left, just that they were gone. But now, over the last few years that passion and desire is returning. I feel as though I can trust again, in one at least. In you. And now that I know why my parents abandoned me and Russ, I know I will never have to do such a thing. After the case with baby Andy, I knew the feeling was returning full force. But, the hardest thing is finding out if I can conceive. Because of the abortions, I do not know if any permanent damage was done harming me beyond reproduction. I never wanted the abortions or pregnancies in the first place. It isn't fair," she replied her voice mixed with so many emotions.
"Abortions would not cause that kind of damage," he whispered knowingly, hopefully as he recalled Rebbecca had an abortion before she had met Booth, and still was able to have Parker. "Correct, if they are done right and by modern definition. But times and circumstances were different then. It was not as though they coud go to doctor and get me an abortion because Russ was privy to all information. And he read everything, every trip to the doctor, every trip to the store I made everything. So he would have disocvered and have put those people in jail if he had not murdered them. Also, he would have sued the state and the rapist, and got money to support us. He would have won too, and he could have taken me out of the system and raised me and saved me. But they kept a secret, and I never spoke up. And believe me Seeley, I did not want that. I did not want the rapes to continue, the pregnancy to happen again and again. And another abortion and another. But it did, and still I remained I silent. I never wanted thata. Or this, to sit here and still feel the wounds." Bones pleaded and begged of Booth praying he knew in his heart she was being honest.
"I know, Tempe, I know. But, I am glad you trust me that much. Because, I love you Temperance, I do. And if you ever decide your ready to take that step I am here," he whispered as she curled against him, her body incapable of prouducing anymore tears as she hid in the comfort of his confines. "Really?" she murmered skeptically. "Absolutely, there is no one else I'd rather have," he replied stroking her lovingly, putting her mind at ease. She smiled slightly, a quick grin only for second which told Booth she wold be okay, that she did trust him. That she really was different than other girls, that this was not just talk, her actions and words true. It meant the world to him as he kissed her cheek, lovingly to show how the small gesture to some meant the world to him. He peeled back the blankets and allowed her freezing frame to huddle under the as he did too, holding her in an effort to warm her up.
Booth then drew Temperance closer to him as she simultaneously moved into his body. The end result was he was spooning her, his left arm under her body, his right arm draped protectively over her navel as their legs intertwined with one another. Bones had relaxed against his chest using his left shoulder as a pillow, snuggling close to him, the scent and aroma of her shampoo lingering in his nostrils long after he had inhaled.
It felt so right to lie beside her even long into the morning when he would normally be about, doing house work, watching television, hanging out with Parker, or working out. But the truth was there was nothing he would rather be doing than laying down with his Bones in his arms. The only thing that could make the situation even more ideal and perfect was if, she was truly his. His wife, and Parker was their son living with them. It was an idea he had kicked around often, getting custody of Parker. Rebbecca was not fit to care for his son, and he knew it. She left him alone, brought home strange men, and was often high, but with his job Booth could not take Parker. But, if his son were to come to him and complain about life with his mom as he had been of late it might force his hand.
Bones closed her eyes and let her tense muscles ease some against the comfort of Booth. It felt so right, it felt so good to be in his arms. So safe and so natural. It was almost sinful. But a divine sin, a heavenly sin. One she would never stop, if it could be helped. She could never recall the last time she had felt so safe whether she had felt so safe around someone before or whether she was alone. Or the last time she felt so loved, so wanted, so needed. She felt as though she belonged there, in his arms, with him, forever and always.