After composing herself, Bones washed her face hoping to efface any signs of the tears that had fallen. She had to be stronger than this. She could not let such irrational ideas take her over. Silently, she put on her best brave face as she quickly dressed again in the carelessly discarded clothes and then brushed out her beautifuk auburn hair that had a slight curl underneath. Before leaving her room, Bones then miticulously made her bed with a sigh of discontent as the not in her stomach grew. How could things go from stellar to utterly confusing by just one sentence?
She had no clue, but she hated it. why could he be like other men she had? Why could it be all physical and no emotional attraction or complications? Because, he was a suave, sexy FBI agent with a body of a god. Because he was Seeley Booth, her partner. Not just any Joe off the street.
She sighed as she regained her compusre and braced herself to enter the living. Here she found Booth lovingly sitting on the floor with Parker playing video games on her large flat screen television. "Hi Bones," Parker said bashfully as he heard her bedroom door close. Bones smiled at the sight of father and son playing lovingly together. Something about Booth and fatherhood made him much more attractive. He just seemed so right for the role, a natural as he patted Parker on the head and got up. She always liked children, and something inside her after seeing that made her yearn for a child to call her own. Some person to always be there for her no matter what.
"Hi Parker," Bones mummbled before going into the kitchen to asses what she had for dinner. She found on the stove Booth had made her a salad and cooked meat for him and Parker. The gesture made her smile. For a moment it made her forget all of the conflicting emotions she had whizzing and whirling about inside her. "Hey Bones you okay," Booth whispered as he found her in the kitchen staring at the salad with a blank expression and her eyes near tears.
"I'm fine," she declared unconvincingly. "Bones if this is about me and Parker imposing on your personal space. We will just go stay in a hotel," Booth offered. "No. I am fine," she replied again hoping she would believe the lie that spewed from her mouth. "You know in the AA and NA they say f.i.n.e really means fucked up, insecure, narotic, and emotional," Booth offfered. "Well that about sums it up," Brennan whispered her eyes pools of melancholy emerald.
"Bones," Booth whispered as he looked her in the eyes, his hands cupping her face. "Hmm," she mumbled unable to speak as sparks of electricity coursed through her body with his touch. "If you want to talk, about anything I'm here. I am all ears," he whispered before relinquishing her. He knew she would not take him up on the offer but he felt it needed to be said. "
Thanks booth, but I need to talk to angela or my dad," she whispered kindly. "It's okay I figured it was girl stuff," he replied in an effort to hide his worry that she was freaking out and having doubts. He knew he should have given her time. "Booth," Brennan called to his retreating figure. "Yeah," he replied spinning around. " Thanks for dinner. But if you don't mind I am going to meet Angela. You and Parker have fun and work out sleeping arrangments if I am not back in time," Brennan replied hoping Booth would opt to sleep with her and not in the guestroom with Parker. "Sure Bones," he grinned hiding his anxiety until she left.
"Where is Bones dad?" Parker asked when she left. "She is going to see her friends. See she is feeling sick, and they want help her," Booth explained not able to hide the worry on his face. "Is she going to be okay, dad?"
"I don't know, Parker. But, I hope so," Booth responded with a sigh of worry
"Why are you so upset? Do you love Bones?" Parker asked.
"I do bud. Very much so. I love her as much as I love you," replied with a sigh as Parker's wrestler pinned him in his distracted state making him loose for the first match on the video game ever.
"That must be a lot. Dad I beat you!" Parker yelled.
"You cheated and yes it is," smiled Booth as he challenged his son to a re-match.
"Oh well are you going to marry her?" Parker inquired.
"No. I don't know. But if I did you would know before hand so don't worry bud," Booth responded.
"Do you love me and mom still?" Parker asked with puppy dog eyes.
"Of course bud. No one could take your place. And your mom will always be special to me," Booth explained.
Parker nodded and continued playing video games with his dad.
Bones went out to her car. Once in its safety and all doors locked, she grabbed her cell to make several calls. First on her list was Max Keenan. Booth was right, she did need her dad. Now more than she ever did in her life. After a tearful conversation with her father, Bones was able to manage to get him and Russ to her tomorrow. Next on her list, was Angela. Brennan gave herself a few minutes to gather her composure and wipe away the dried tears before she drove away.
On the ride to Angela's, her mind was racing. She felt so confused and seemed as if she was having an out of body exprience. Part of her wanted to run as far away from Booth as she could- the conflicting emotions not only confused her but upset her. However, a part deep inside wanted Booth more than anything else. Part of her could not tolerate life or the thought of life without Booth.
With a deep sigh Brennan tuned into the radio. The song playing was he guilty pleasure Hot Blooded by Foreigner. A smile came to her face as she turned the radio up a noch or to. She remembered that dau at her apartment when Booth had her on protective detail. The very same song was playing, and then she could feel the passion in him as he stood near. And she, well her blood boiled as she came ever so close to her lips on body was on autopilot as she drove to Angela's house. Brennan knew she needed her friend to help sort this out. But, she just did not know how to.
Conversation and social skills had never been her forte. Yet she knew Angela would get her. She always had and always would. The tension knot growing deep within Brennan's stomach loosened some when she arrived at Angela's. Somehow just being near Angela made her feel secure. Gathering her composure, and wiping her dry red eyes she exited her car and began climbing the steps to Angela's. Once she reached the doorstep she allowed herself a few moments to figure out what to say. But, no words found her as she knocked upon the door.
"Hey Sweetie," Angela said warmly as she swung open her door to allow Temperance into her home. "Hello Ange," she replied in a tone of voice that expressed her discomfort. "What's wrong Bren?" Angela demanded as she sat on the couch with Temperance. "Nothing," Bones whispered, but the look on her face contradicted this. "Come on sweetie. Last night you were positivly beaming when you left with Booth," Angela replied hinting that she knew Booth was the cause of some of her distress.
Brennan shrugged stubbornly at Angela's probing, but Angela noticed how this ideal upset her. "So how did it go with Booth?" Angela insisted hoping to get Brennan to talk. "It was good," she replied with a slight blush. "Give me details," grinned Angela with a girlish squeal.
"No," Bones protested modestly which was something she had never done Angela which was refuse to give details about a date. "That bad?" Angela asked with a sly smirk knowing Booth was not bad in bed, she had heard Cam's stories. "Yes and no," Bones sighed messaging her temples before she divulged the events that occurred leaving out the bad. "So what's wrong sweetie? It sounds like everything you wanted it to be and more," Angela remarked. "Yes, but he said he loved me. How can I love him when love is so irrational and so bad for me," Bones pleaded as tears threatened.
"Bren, honey. Love is not that fairy tale fluff you were told when you were a kid. Love means never wanting be without that person, never wanting them to leave, to spend forever with them. That is love. So ask yourself that. Do you love Booth in that sense?" Angela inquired seeing her face lighten.
"Well, yes, but-" Bones started. "There are no buts. Nothing in life is certain or sure. People fall in and out of love all of the time, but that's because they rea;;y aren't inlove or willing to make a change. But I know Booth would do anything for you, and wouldn't "fall out of love" with you. Hell, he loved you since the moment he saw you," Angela argued trying to make Brennan understand just what she meant to Booth.
"Yes, but then why do I feel so uncertain?" Brennan asked hoping that love wasn't always going to have her doubting herself. "Because the concept is new to you, and you have been betrayed by others. But it gets better and easier. When you calm down you be able to revel in the euphoria we call love, " Ange beamed at Brennan. "I just don't know-" Bones started. "Look Sweetie to find if you love ask yourself this: if he just walked out of your life forever would you be okay?" Angela stated waiting for the verdict.
"I don't know Ange. I want him to be with him. But if I say I "love" him it is going against every rational notion in my head," Brennan concluded. "Honey, he would understand that the love you feel is different than most. Hell, he knows the hell you have been through, all the rapes and abuse. And, he still has not ran away. He loves you, and you well you need him," Angela explained with a smile. Brennan nodded not bothering to argue, she knew Angela was right.
As Brennan came to the revelation of her feelings that knot in her stomach seemed to dissapate rapidly. She was capable of love again, and she had fell Mr. Perfect. After divulging everything to Angela about what had occured: the good and the bad. Bones felt relief and she knew that now she just needed to thank Booth and wait for her dad to help sort out her feelings. "Bren, Booth really loves you sweetie," Angela offered as she knew Brennan would begin to analyze how he felt and work herself into a frenzy. "What makes you say that?" Bones asked her voice hopeful and her cheeks ruddy in embarassment. "Because sweetie, he listened to all you been through, and did not run. Most guys would run and not want to deal with it. But he is even trying to fix it for you, with you. That is love," Angela explained.
Bones nodded and left shortly after. She was anxious to tell Booth how she felt and prove it to him.