Hello, hello, hello, what's happenin' readers?

This is partially the long-awaited fight against the demon clan/noob exterminators. The noob exterminators won the poll, though, so mainiac will be fighting them.

If anyone is interested, I've written a prologue in chapter one, just reminding you if you haven't read it.

Enjoy!

Chapter 72: Home Sweet Home

I woke up groggily. I stood up, stumbling around and slipping. I was being showered with water; where was I? I rubbed my eyes, trying to protect myself from the massive spray of crystal-clear liquid. My vision cleared, and I saw that I was lying down in the Falador fountain. I was earning myself odd looks from the passing people. My clothes were sopping wet. My armour was still in Capablanca's house, along with my belt.

I was confused for a second. It was still quite early in the morning. How did I end up waking up in the Falador fountain? I growled as only one word came to my head: Osrie1. I jumped out of the fountain, running through the streets like an enraged bull.

I smashed through Capablanca's door, bouncing up the steps two at a time. I burst through our bedroom door, and saw Osrie1 sitting on his bed, arranging his armour. He looked up innocently at me.

"What's wrong buddy?" he asked, on the verge of laughing. I bent my head to the side angrily, and water dribbled from my ear.

"Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I woke up this morning in the Falador fountain?" I replied sarcastically. Osrie1 put on a rather surprised face which masked a massive mischievous grin.

"Well, since my shouting and my poking wasn't stirring you, I only found it convenient to get some of our friends to pick you up and dump you in the fountain," he replied. I roared with rage, and jumped forward.

Suddenly, Osrie1 grabbed his pillow, and threw it into my face. I spluttered, spitting feathers out. I jumped forward, and tried to throttle Osrie1. He choked for a second, before jumping backwards and tripping over his own bed. He got up, dusting himself off, glaring at me and carrying on at the task of arranging his armour. I chuckled silently to myself. Our mock-fights always ended in him tripping over something.

I changed into dry clothes. I decided to organise my own weapons. Recently, while fighting, the massive weight on my belt had been a big problem. I took a look at myself in the mirror. I was wearing full steel, with my Easter cape on my back. I nodded at my reflection, and took my weapon belt off to organise it. I needed to cut down on which weapons I was most likely to use.

Altogether, I had my steel sword (the one I got for Christmas), Silverlight, my scythe, my emergency iron dagger, my Easter carrot hammer, my stone Barbarian hammer, and Pestilence's mace. I took the carrot hammer off reluctantly. It was a rather useful weapon, but it was too big and heavy to carry around constantly. I took off my scythe. That was also a useful weapon, but it wasn't as good as my other weapons, so I decided to keep it safe in my bank.

The Barbarian hammer and Silverlight were both weapons that were used regularly, so I decided to keep them. As for Pestilence's mace, it was really powerful. It was worth the weight.

I left the room, giving Osrie1 a playful punch on the shoulder as I passed him. I needed to get revenge at some point.

Recently, after visiting Dream Decay/his girlfriend's house, I'd gotten a liking to houses. I was tired of sleeping in Capablanca's house with a mischievous Osrie1 as my roommate. I didn't want to wake up in the fountain again another morning. So, today, I'd arranged to meet Dream Decay in the bank, and we'd go to the local 'RuneScape homes' store (where Dream Decay's girlfriend got her house) to arrange the buying of my own house.

To make money for my new house, I'd spent long days mining silver in the dwarf mines, turning them into bars, and selling them to the local blacksmiths. I'd only encountered the Brown Beetle once since the day we were introduced to the mines, and in his attempt to rip me apart, he buried himself in a landslide. I already had quite a bit of money, but it was always nice to have a bit extra, because you could never be sure when you'd need it.

I went to the nearby bank, and I saw Dream Decay standing outside, hands in pocket. It was a sunny day (for once), and the light reflected from his mithril armour. He grinned at me, waving a hand in the air. We walked inside.

"How much money do I have in my bank?" I asked. The lady behind the protective glass gave me a kind smile, and pressed a few buttons in front of her.

"You have 67, 565gp in total in your bank," she replied. Dream patted me on the back.

"At your level, that's quite an achievement," he noted. I thanked him for his compliment.

"I've been saving up for a while now," I told him. "How much do you think I'll need to buy a house?"

"If I were you, I'd brink at least 30, 000gp, because you don't know what you'll end up buying," he replied. I nodded, and that was what I withdrew. I put my Easter hammer and my scythe in the bank, on my holiday reward shelf, and we left the bank.

I'd grown to become good friends with Dream Decay. It was him that saved my life from the giant mole a month or so ago. I had quite a lot in common with him; we both enjoyed good fights, good weapons and meat sandwiches. But there was still a very uncomfortable, edgy feeling he dragged around with him constantly.

We walked towards the market, and Dream led me towards a shop. It read 'RuneScape homes' on the sign, and in the shop window, pictures of houses had been pasted up. We entered the shop.

A large, beefy man with a black moustache, wearing a tan cape with a picture of a saw on it stood behind the counter. Several comfortable chairs stood against one wall, while a desk covered with pamphlets stood on the other. The man smiled at us.

"Hello," he grinned. "I am the Falador estate agent, and if you want to buy a house, this is the place for you. Are you here to buy a house?" he asked. I nodded. "Very well, I have a lot of explaining to do then. Please bear with me until the end."

"Here, you have a choice of two types of houses; local houses and build-your-own houses. Build-your-own houses are a lot cheaper, but you get a lot less, and you have to build most of it yourself. Which one are you interested in buying?" he questioned.

"I'd like to buy a build-your-own house, please," I confirmed. He nodded.

"Very well," he said. "A build-your-own house will be nowhere near Falador. You'll be given a teleport tablet, and when you mutter a spell while touching that tablet, it'll teleport you there, along with any friends that happen to be touching it too.

"There are many packages you can buy, but since your construction level is only one at the moment, there is only one package you can buy, which is the beginner package. This package costs you 7, 000gp to buy. It includes a basic garden surrounded by a whitewashed fence, containing a teleport portal and a mailbox. It also includes a one-room house, containing a table, a chair, and a free large supply crate, courtesy of 'RuneScape homes'." I raised my eyebrow at the mention of 'supply crate', and he estate agent chuckled. "I guess I need to explain supply crates to you," he said.

"There are four types of supply crates you can get. There is the free sample, which is a small crate. You can't buy these normally; you get one of these every week in the mail for free. The second crate is the basic supply crate. It's a fairly large crate, about half your size, and it costs 5, 000gp to buy. The next type is the large crate, which costs 12, 000gp to buy. The last one is the extravagant crate, which is absolutely massive, and costs you 30, 000gp. You'll find the extravagant crate outside your house if you buy it, simply because it is so big." He seemed out of breath from all the talking.

"So, basically, the large supply crate is the one I get for free?" I enquired. He nodded.

"Yes. The crate itself can be taken apart and used as supply wood," he said. "If you spend an additional 1, 000gp in the price of your house, you'll get another large supply crate, so it'll cost you 8, 000gp in total. It's a bargain, considering what the large supply crate costs on its own."

"Is there anything else you believe I should know before I rush into any purchases?" I queried. He nodded.

"If you buy a local house, which is a house that can be found in Falador, it would cost you 56, 000gp, as well as weekly tax," he told me. "Well, it could be more or less, depending on the quality of the house, but that's the approximation. The benefits of that house are that it's all pre-prepared especially for you, so you won't have to worry about construction. Also, if you buy a build-your-own package, you'll get a beginner's pack in the mail."

I'd made up my mind. "I'll buy the beginner's package, please, with the additional 1, 000gp for the extra supply crate," I said. I scooped out some coins and handed them to him. His face split into a wide grin.

"Good choice," he remarked. "You'll have to wait for a few minutes while I set everything up." He disappeared into a back room. Dream and I settled into chairs.

A girl walked into the shop. She wore tight pink leather, and there was a pink backpack on her back. Her eyes were a velvety pink (she must have enchanted them to become that way), her hair was dyed shocking pink, her lips were pink, and almost everything about her was pink. It didn't look unnatural on her, though. It seemed to suit her well. She turned towards me, shooting me a cheeky grin. She was pretty, but I'd seen prettier.

"Hello," she purred. "Do you know where the estate agent is?"

"He's in the back room," I said indifferently. "He'll be back in a minute."

"That's OK," she said. "My nickname is the Pink Butterfly, by the way." She turned around, walking out of the shop.

I sat there, confused. Why had she even bothered to come in if she wasn't going to buy anything? The fact that she called herself the Pink Butterfly seemed suspicious within itself, considering who the leader of the Demon Clan called himself, since that type of nickname never meant anything good.

After a minute or so alone with Dream Decay and my thoughts, the estate agent reappeared, beaming. He was holding a stone tab with a picture of a house engraved on it. "It's all arranged," he told me. "Your house has been set up. This stone tab can teleport you to it. Just hold it, and wish for it to take you to your house strongly. You can only teleport inside certain cities, which should be listed in your beginner's pack. It's very simple. Enjoy, and thanks for purchasing a house with 'RuneScape homes'!" He handed me the tab proudly. I held onto it tight, and so did Dream. I wished myself to appear in my home, and I felt a mysterious force drag me away.

I felt like I was being forced through a thin pipe, which was the normal feeling of teleportation. I fell onto damp grass. I stood up, and dusted myself off. I heard a thump as Dream arrived.

My house was exactly the way the estate agent described it as. I was in a small garden surrounded by a whitewashed fence. Beyond that, there was wild grass stretching out into the horizon. In front of me, a rather small house which was the size of a room stood. It was made from bricks. Next to the door, a large stone mailbox stood.

I opened the mailbox up, and a big parcel stood there. I pulled it out, and ripped the paper off. A thick book and a note fell onto my lap, along with a small metal box. The note read:

Thank you very much for buying a home with RuneScape homes! We hope you are pleased with the home you have purchased.

This is a beginner's pack. It contains an information books and a beginner's toolbox which are designed to help you build your house the way YOU want it. Don't worry over what everyone else wants; this is YOUR house.

The book is 'a beginner's guide to construction', designed to help you start off building. It goes through all the basics with you, including how to cut planks properly, how to brick-lay, and the basic know-how of building supplies. It also teaches about add-ons to home security, and information about prices, offers and supply packs. The book has a chapter devoted to what you can build specifically at which construction levels. It even teaches you how to make a cup of tea, because tea is important when it comes to building.

'RuneScape homes' offer you a teleport system which will allow you to teleport to your house. But, this wonderful system comes with limits. It isn't cheap for us to set up a system of this sort, so you will have to pay for every time you teleport. Every week, an empty envelope will be sent to you along with a letter telling you how many times you've teleported and what the total will come to. You will need to put the money in. Leave it in your mailbox, and our postman will pick it up.

Following is a list of towns where you can teleport to your house from:

Varrock

Falador

Lumbridge

Ardougne

Seer's Village

Karamja Village

Rellekka

Rimmington

You can't teleport in towns not listed, or in places that are nowhere near the towns listed. You can teleport from the outskirts of these towns, but the teleport will be a lot slower.

Please enjoy your new home, and expect more newsletters and free supply samples in your mailbox as time passes.

I opened the toolbox, and inside I saw a large array of useful construction tools. They included a saw, a construction hammer, a hand-operated drill, a pair of scissors (for cutting cloth), a construction chisel, and a measuring ruler.

I put the tools back in the toolbox, and walked inside the house. As promised, a table, a chair, and two large wooden crates were inside the house. It was as austere as houses could get. The floors were tiled with wood, the walls were made from stone bricks, and the whole place seemed slightly boring.

I went towards the crates. A crowbar lay next to one of the crates. Due to the shape of the tool, I presumed it was used for opening the crates. I hooked the curled end of the crowbar around one of the planks that made up the crate, and pulled. The plank fell down. I peeped inside. A builder's paradise would be the best way to describe the mountains of metal bars, bricks, and nails that consisted of the inside of the crate. I added the crowbar to my toolbox. I placed the toolbox on the table, along with the book.

I heard several thumps from outside. I froze suddenly, listening intently. I heard a cackle.

"I'd guess that this house would belong to Mainiac97," a loud, obnoxious voice sniggered. "He's such a stupid noob."

"Where is he?" another voice said. This one sounded very cool and silky.

I was panicking. I could very easily guess that there intruders were the Noob Exterminators. How could I escape without running into them? How did they get inside my house?

I heard the door open, and Madrey1 walked in. He looked stronger then ever, and he wore an evil smirk on his face. Phantom and Rogue followed. Rogue looked as sexy as ever, with her leather skirt and her red lips. I tried to stop looking at her.

"How did you get in here?" Dream demanded.

"Well, the Pink Butterfly kindly directed us towards the estate agent's shop," Phantom explained. "Wow, she is a fine gal. It's a shame she is already a member of an evil group. Anyway, she directed us there, but you weren't there. After interrogating the estate agent for a while, he admitted you'd come to visit your new house."

"But how did you get in here?" Dream repeated angrily.

"I'll field that question," Madrey1 butted in. "There is a very simple answer. The estate agent is a pushover. All I had to do was kick him around a bit and he caved in and teleported us to your house."

"I don't appreciate intruders," I growled angrily. I felt myself getting very ticked off at these ignorant people who always had the urge to bully me. "Leave now." Madrey1 howled with laughter.

"Why don't you make us, noob?" he taunted. I unsheathed Silverlight, getting ready for the fight of a lifetime. Madrey1 pulled his dragon sword from his belt, while Rogue held her yew bow firmly. Dream pulled out his bronze scimitar, glaring at Madrey1.

The fight didn't start off very well. Madrey1 picked me up by the scruff of the neck, and threw me outside. I stood up, groaning, but he picked me up again and slammed me into the floor again. He repeated this process, and I crawled away, coughing up blood. I saw Dream fly overhead, crashing into the grass, spraying dirt everywhere. I stood up, and swung Silverlight towards Madrey1. It clanked against his Guthan's armour noisily. He swung a fist towards me. I ducked, and it missed.

Phantom sent a dark curse towards me, and it hit. I found myself floating in the air, screaming with pain. It felt like I was being pierced with a thousand knives. The curse wore off after a minute, and I fell on the floor in a heap. I stood up, running towards Madrey1 with as much energy as I could muster. I grabbed Pestilence's mace, and swung it towards Madrey1's face. He grabbed it gingerly with his hands, and swung it back towards me. It hit me full-pelt in the head. I collapsed, moaning. Dream was struggling nearby against Rogue, dodging showers of arrows.

My entire body was aching. I was covered with cuts and bruises, and I had a black eye. I spat blood onto the grass.

Madrey1 approached me, cracking his knuckles. I flipped through my brain for ideas, panicking. If I could distract Madrey1, even for a moment, I could probably do some harm to him. I thought about how I'd beaten him before, and I realised it was purely luck and quick thinking. I could use emotes to my advantage, but I had a better idea.

I jumped up, using what remaining energy I had left, and I grabbed Madrey1's helmet. I yanked it off, and Madrey1 roared.

"Give that back!" he spat, swiping towards me. He hit me in the side of the face, and I let go of the helmet by accident. It flew into the swirling purple portal which led back to wherever the person that entered came from. Madrey1 swore loudly.

While he was distracted, I climbed onto his back and poked him in the eyes. He bellowed, and sent me flying off. Dream bounced towards him and started striking him with his bronze scimitar.

Rogue pranced towards me, grinning seductively.

"Hello," she whispered. I raised my eyebrow at her. She was trying to seduce me so she could make a hole in my defences to attack, but I wasn't falling for it. I grabbed Silverlight and struck her hard on the shoulder with it. Leather was very effective when trying to defend against arrows, but not so effective when combating swords. She fell back, screeching with pain, dragging me down with her.

I was trying to get back up so I could attack her again, but she was forcing me against her. I felt uncomfortable, because I was being forced to look at her beautifully pale face and rosy-red lips. It felt both awkward and appealing at the same time, being crushed against her. She winked at me.

"You're not going anywhere," she giggled. I felt a terrible pain in my gut, and I saw that she'd sneakily sunk an arrow deep into it. I groaned, and collapsed, weak. She grinned triumphantly as she leant forward to kiss me and use her drugged lipstick to make me fall asleep. I leant forward too, but not to kiss her. I gave her a violent head-butt. She screamed once, and pushed me off her. I gave her a mocking simper before sending Pestilence's mace crashing down on her face.

"I don't give mercy like that, even to the pretty ones," I informed the comatose form of Rogue.

I grabbed her limp figure by the feet and swung it around as hard as I could. Victory was energising me almost as much as coffee beans, despite the fact that she was heavier then she looked. I sent her unconscious body flying into Phantom, who was too intent on trying to murder Dream to pay attention to me. He gasped suddenly, and he was knocked out.

Madrey1 swore. "You stupid noob!" he cried. "You'll suffer greatly for this!" He grabbed me by the neck, and he began applying pressure to it. I choked, struggling desperately. Dream tried to rescue me, but he was knocked away like a doll.

As a final resort, I summoned a confuse spell, and sent it towards Madrey1. It hit him, and he stumbled around, letting go of me. I sent a fire strike flying towards him. It hit his armour, but it still caused him pain, judging by the shriek he let off. I snorted.

"Madrey1," I said. "You may be a bulging lump of muscle, but you really don't know that much about the combat triangle. Magic is very effective against combat." At that, Dream and I sent a large array of spells at him. He was burned, confused and splashed into oblivion. Injured, he ran towards me. I side-stepped and he flew into the purple portal.

After much effort, we pushed Phantom and Rogue into the portal too. I smiled, satisfied. Dream huffed. He looked exhausted.

"Well, if there's one thing the Noob Exterminators have learnt today, it's that intrusion doesn't pay off," Dream chortled. I nodded. I stared behind me. Blood pooled around my garden, and I was amazed that the house had survived the fight. There were a few chunks missing from the brick, though. Arrows were scattered everywhere. I gathered them and pocketed them. Maybe I could sell them to the general store a bit later. We stepped into the purple portal.

We landed in the estate agent's shop. It was full of white knights. Madrey1 was being restrained by at least five white knights while he struggled hopelessly. The unconscious forms of Phantom and Rogue had been tied up nearby. I spotted Jamie, and I stepped up to him.

"Hello," he greeted us. He looked sombre. I was about to ask him why, but I saw why for myself.

The estate agent lay nearby. His chest had been split open, and the contents of his chest had been spread out nearby. White knights surrounded him, examining him.

"We received a report from the estate agent that a bunch of thugs had bullied information out of him," Jamie whispered. "We all came here to investigate, but this is what we were greeted with. We started studying the body, and this oaf appeared among us."

"So it obviously wasn't him," I added, nodding towards Madrey1, who was growling at me like a rabid dog, screaming profanities at a high speed.

"No," Jamie confirmed. "Besides, the Noob Exterminators wouldn't murder people this ferociously."

"Do you know who did it?" I asked, shivering with shock.

"Not specifically," Jamie responded. "But we're assuming it was the work of the mysterious Falador murderer. Don't leak this, please. Sir Amik Varze would rather people not know."

My blood froze. Giving Madrey1 a final nervous glance, I left the shop, Dream following.

I was shaken by the events of today. Why did a disaster have to happen at every turn of my life? Could I even buy a new house without being attacked the moment I stepped in it? The Noob Exterminators hated me more then any other low-level in the whole of RuneScape. Why was this?

The murders were getting out of hand now. About twelve-fifteen people were dead because of him/her. The murderer really needed to get caught, or King David would do something drastic to stop him/her. I wasn't even sure if King David could be trusted nowadays. Everyone you met in the street was frightened. Nobody could be trusted in these tough times.

Why were so many people that named themselves after insects appearing? The Black Fly was bad enough on his own, but now I'd met the Brown Beetle and the Pink Butterfly. Would the mystery ever stop? My head felt uncomfortably bloated. It didn't help that I was badly injured from my brawl with the Noob Exterminators. I always had a cut, bruise or burn from someplace or other.

On the other hand, I was pleased with my new house. I had very big plans for it, but before I could carry them out I'd need to gather more supplies. Although the two supply crates in my house had a lot of supplies, I doubted they'd be enough to build a whole room. I was going to have a busy few months.

This was my take on the construction skill and POH's in general. I'm open to suggestions on what Mainiac should do with his. By the way, Pink Butterfly has got a cool weapon, but I'm not revealing it yet.Just a reminder that Dream Decay is owned by Haseo the Terror of Death, who I'm having a shared universe with.

This should be something you will all enjoy; a new competition! This one is a character competition, but with a twist! As you may have already guessed, the Brown Beetle and the Pink Butterfly all have something to do with the Black Fly. What I want you to do is design a new character similar to those three! This time, anyone can take part, but there will only be one winner. I'll give some runner-ups who will earn themselves a spoiler or two, but the winner will see their character in the next chapter!

Here are some other things you need to know about this competiton. The name of the character must be a colour, and an insect name (like Black Fly). This person must be wearing leather, but with a colour of your choice! You can include details like weapon choice (for example, Black Fly's electric sword and Brown beetle's drills). Other details that will earn you extra marks include history, personality, description, and originality. Please take part, even if it's a small entry.

THE COMPETITION IS NOW CLOSED, PLEASE DO NOT ENTER. Thanks to those that took part!

Until next time, toodles!