Close to the final chapters now. Thank you for the reviews and comments, some of which I can't respond to. If reading about suicide is difficult for you, the next two chapters might be triggering. Please be safe and happy.

Sweet Persuasion

Chapter 17

Time To Say Goodbye

Jane studied the boxes in the fading light and tried to make out what was written on each one. There were some boxes of books, too special for Jane to give away all those years ago. Another box was labeled "Carny" and Jane smiled at the idea of what was inside, precious mementos of his days living a nomadic life with the carnival circuit and his friends the Barsocky's. Ahh Pete Barsocky, what a crazy, wonderful man. Jane felt sure Pete had saved his life as a kid, many times over and he owned him everything. A box caught Jane's eye and he read the printing on the side. "Charlotte's treasures". This was the box he needed but it would take everything he had in him to open it up and look inside.

Jane stood for some time contemplating the contents of the box, waiting until he got his nerve to slice open the tape holding the box sealed for all these years. Shaking his head with dread and anticipation, he stepped forward, grabbed a box cutter and with one swift motion, sliced the brown packing tape in half. The knife clattered to the floor as Jane slumped to his knees, his hands gripping the edges of the top of the box. With a deep breath, he pulled the flaps open and looked inside.

There in a nest of dolls and books and trinkets from birthdays and Christmases past, lay a soft grey koala bear. A sweet strawberry scent wafted upwards and melted any resolve Jane had to be strong. A sprinkling of tears rolled down his face he gently lifted the koala out of the crowded interior of the box and stared into its dark eyes.

"Hello Sydney" he smiled, remembering how Charlotte chose that name because her Daddy told her real koala bears came from a country far away, and one big city there was called Sydney. Bringing the bear up to his face, he inhaled the scent of his child, preserved in darkness all these years. A flood of memories hit him like a hammer, but it was a soft hammer, constructed with love. Scent memories were like that, sometimes stronger than a memory preserved forever in a photograph. Studying the bear for the first time in years, Jane smiled to see Sydney's nose, which had once been black, but Charlotte's thumb had rubbed the leather so often the nose was now bare and a soft brown colour. Jane's shoulders shook gently as he wept for the first time in a very long time, tears of remembrance, of love and of grief. He held Sydney up against his neck and snuggled it like a baby. Thank God he'd had the foresight to keep Charlotte's things, somehow knowing one day he'd need to see them again. His shoulders curled inwards as he hugged Sydney to his chest, kissing the soft fur on its head. Charlotte had kissed Sydney many times, and just knowing some small part of her DNA still existed on the bear gave Jane immeasurable comfort. Kneeling on the hard wooden floor, cuddling the koala bear, Jane was a shadow in the ebbing light of the low sun. He stayed there for as long as he could, but soon he had to pull himself together and put the flaps of the box back together, stand up, and leave the room to get ready for his trials tonight.

The walk back to the kitchen was slow but determined. He had so much to do and time was getting so, so short.

Far away, Claire was speeding to Malibu, hoping to avoid being stopped by a police speed trap. Even farther behind her, Agents from the CBI were racing to get to Jane before Claire could do any more harm. Sirens and flashing lights forced the drivers in front of them to make way so the two large black SUV's could cut through the early evening traffic rush. Lisbon had called ahead for additional police to escort them on their way and a State Trooper drove ahead of Lisbon's vehicle with another following Rigsby and Van Pelt. The traffic parted like the Red Sea, magically creating an unobstructed path to Malibu. Lisbon used the time in the car to tell Cho about the recording, which he found horrifying. He had already told her about the discoveries made at the Clinic. That, coupled with the story about the wedding shrine and the contents of armoire in Claire's guest bedroom, were damning proof of Claire's dangerous lunacy. Behind them, Van Pelt and Rigsby had also shared the same information. Whatever crimes Claire could legally be charged with would be up to California law, but she needed to be in handcuffs in a secure location where she could do no more harm.

"The sun's going down. If we get there too late…" Lisbon said softly, to herself more so than to Cho.

"We'll get there on time. Jane will figure something out" Cho assured his Boss, but he wasn't at all sure it was true. If Claire had been drugging Jane for long periods of time, what messages were going through his head, messages that could be triggered by going to his house in Malibu, surrounded by tragic memories? Is that why Claire pushed Jane to go there? Knowing what had happened in that house years ago could only send Jane spiraling downward towards the self-harm he had so narrowly survived all those years ago, when he ended up in an insane asylum. The SUV lurched forward as Lisbon unconsciously put her foot down on the gas pedal even harder.

The sun was very low in the sky. The waves were dark and foaming with a slight wind. Jane came out of his house with a small shovel and a burlap bag filled with firewood. He walked to the spot on the beach where he and Angela used to go with Charlotte, swimming and playing in the sand. Their days often ended with Jane making a fire on the beach with driftwood he and Charlotte had picked up throughout the day. He and Angela would roast marshmallows over the flames, showing Charlotte how to do it without setting the marshmallow on fire. Wrapped in blankets against the cool night air, the little family of three would stay out until Charlotte fell asleep in her mother's arms.

Jane tried to keep these memories out of his mind as he set down his bag of firewood and grabbed the shovel to dig out a hollow in the cooling sand to create a firepit. Then he gathered some driftwood and built a base for his fire. The wood from the bag could be fed to the flames when the fire was strong enough to light them. Once he had accomplished this, he returned to the house one last time before he settled down in front of the firepit for the evening. 45 minutes later, Jane felt he was as ready as he ever would be to do what had to be done. All the planning and thinking about his current life and past life as a family man had led him to this moment, in this sacred place. He walked out of his back patio door and down the steps to the beach in the gathering darkness, guided by the sun that was about to kiss the waves one last time today. He carried a small beach chair and a bag with some personal items, most importantly, a soft grey stuffed koala bear. He bent over the fire pit and bundled some old newspapers under the driftwood, creating a funnel so that the air would pull the flames up and set the wood aflame. As the fire sprang to life, a soft golden glow surrounded the fire pit, illuminating Jane's sombre face. When the flames were strong enough, Jane began to feed the fire with the dry wood he had brought down to the beach earlier. Soon a roaring fire burned brightly on the abandoned beach and Jane settled into his chair, the koala bear clutched close to his chest. The air was cool, too cool for just a thin linen shirt, but the fire kept Jane warm. He sat quietly with his dark thoughts for what seemed an eternity, but soon soft footsteps approached through the shifting sand. Jane stared at the fire, seemingly unaware of the approach of a stranger. When the footsteps stopped, he glanced up and there, across the flames, on the other side of the fire, a face appeared in its orange glow.

"Hello Mr. Jane."

Patrick stared into the smiling face of Claire Mayer. He gathered the koala bear even closer to his body and showed his surprise that the woman had come all the way to Malibu to find him tonight.

"How, how did you know where I was?" he asked innocently.

"Well you are an open book Patrick" Claire said. "May I call you Patrick?"

Jane frowned, not wanting anyone, not even Lisbon, to use his first name. That was reserved for Angela. But the deed was already done.

"Why are you here? How did you know about this beach?"

"There's this little thing called the internet Patrick, and your life story is there for anyone to read about. Sorry if this is a surprise to you" Claire said, a mocking tone slipping into her voice.

"Ah yes, the internet. The great destroyer of privacy. So you know about my past" Jane said without enthusiasm. "My tragic past and my failure to catch Red John. Everybody knows."

Claire came around the fire and stood in front of Jane. "I was shocked to read about what happened to your wife and daughter. I am truly sorry for your pain" she said, seemingly with sincerity. "You were happy once, weren't you?" she dared to ask.

Jane refused to look at Claire, the impudent young woman. How dare she bring up his family life like she was his confidant? When he didn't reply, Claire tried again to engage him in conversation.

"I know you loved them very much. Charlotte was such a beautiful child" she said, causing Jane's head to snap up with an angry glare. "Is that her stuffie you're holding Patrick?"

"None of your business Claire" Jane said angrily.

"But it's your business, isn't it Patrick? I bet Charlotte held that bear when she went to sleep at night. Did you give her that bear Patrick? Was it a birthday gift? One of the few she had before Red John killed her?"

Jane shot out of his chair, ready to push the woman away from him, but Claire stepped back, not wanting to lose control of the situation.

"I'm sorry Patrick, I meant no harm, just talking…"

Jane looked at her with disgust but didn't have the energy to argue, so he slumped back down into his beach chair and studied the flames again.

"They're mesmerizing, aren't they Patrick? The flames…dancing and changing colours second by second" Claire said softly, soothingly.

Patrick nodded his head slightly. They were mesmerizing, almost hypnotizing. You couldn't resist staring into the red inferno. He wanted to be alone with his memories.

"How are you feeling Patrick? Can I give you a free massage since I'm here? Take the chill out of your shoulders so you sleep well tonight? I don't mind …"

Claire took a step closer. Jane looked at her and considered her offer. His shoulder was aching in the chill night air. A massage would feel so good just about now and he desperately needed sleep. No matter why she was here, the offer sounded good.

"If you don't mind, it would be nice" he relented, seemingly forgiving her rude talk about his family.

"Ok then, just let me get some cream I always carry with me" Claire told him. "I'm staying with friends tonight and plan to give massages, so I came prepared" she explained. She opened up a large beach bag and pulled a plastic pot out of it. The pot held the same blue cream she always used on Jane during his treatments at the Clinic.

Jane watched Claire with curiosity. She had driven for almost 6 hours to be at the same beach where Jane once lived with his family. She was obsessive. He was sure she was lying about visiting friends. She walked closer to Jane and stood behind his chair, dropping her bag in the sand and easing his shirt off his shoulders. Jane helped her by unbuttoning the first few buttons on the shirt to facilitate her treatment. Claire quietly slipped plastic gloves on her hands while Jane stared into the flames, letting the young woman once again massage his tired body. Claire dipped her hand into the pot of blue cream and put the pot down on a nearby flat stone. Then she began to slowly massage Jane's neck muscles and as far down his back she could reach. She worked silently, waiting for his eyes to close and his body to slump in relaxation. Gradually he lost his will to study the flames and his head dropped forward onto his chest. He was out. Claire stopped rubbing his chilled skin and leaned forward, whispering in his ear.

"I'm so happy to be here with you again Patrick. It's beautiful here in Malibu. Now I know why you moved your family here. Why would anyone want to be anywhere else?"

Her hands moved slowly across his shoulders. "Are you seeing them in the flames Patrick? Can you see Angela and Charlotte there, so close you can almost reach out and touch them? Is that what you'd like to do Patrick? Reach out and touch them and finally embrace them again?"

Jane's head bobbed 'yes' in a weak reply. He could hear every word she said echoing in his mind.

"I know a way you can do that. You know how to do that too, don't you Patrick?"

Jane moved slightly, finding it hard to speak.

"Remember how we talked about going to them? Remember how you understood that today is your special day?" Claire said slowly, reminding Jane of their conversation earlier during his treatment.

"So what are you going to do about it Patrick? What are you going to do to show Angela and Charlotte you still love them?" Claire said with urgency. "Show me you know what to do. Make me believe you love your family Patrick" she said softly, digging her fingers into his flesh.

Patrick's head jolted up with the pain of her fingers grinding into his skin. He saw Angela watching him, Charlotte clinging to her mother's long skirt. He gripped the koala bear tighter, hugging it instead of his child. Claire noticed.

"What is it Patrick? Do you see them?"

Jane nodded his head, knowing that his family was watching him intently. Claire smiled wickedly and knew he was almost ready to do it, to take the big step and give himself up for the sake of his love for his little girl and wife.

Miles down the highway, the police motorcade raced towards the beach in Malibu. Lisbon felt like screaming with frustration. If only the CBI had allowed them to borrow a helicopter to fly here this whole episode might already be over and done with. But budgetary constraints had to be considered, she was told, take a company vehicle, she was told. Even if it led to the unfortunate death of her Consultant?

Cho stared at the ocean as Lisbon drove on, her face hard and determined to save Jane. They had long ago stopped talking to fill the hours on the road. There was nothing more to say. He wisely kept his thoughts to himself and prepared mentally to face a terrible scene when they finally found Jane. Lisbon slowed down as the lights of the city faded and the area became more and more a beachfront community. Jane's house was close, she was sure of it. Would they have to break down the door or would he be on the beach somewhere in the dark? She was glad that she had uniformed officers with her and her team. Who knows how long it would take to find Jane? Gradually she began to count the roadside markers until she saw his long driveway ahead on the left. A police cruiser in front of her pulled up the drive and she followed. Behind her Rigsby, Van Pelt and the other cruiser did the same.

Once the vehicles had parked out front of the house, Lisbon took control. Turning to the two officers, she ordered them to walk the grounds and look for anything unusual and to watch for Claire Mayer in the vicinity. She then directed Rigsby and Van Pelt to do a thorough search of the house for Jane and Claire. Now she turned to Cho.

"Let's check out the beach. He might have gone there if being in the house was too much for him."

Then she addressed all of them. "If you don't find anything out here or in the house, make your way around the property and find us on the beach. We'll make alternate plans if we can't find Jane."

"Yes Ma'am" came the chorus of replies. Everyone moved away to do their job, with Cho and Lisbon looking for the way down to the beach. Lisbon was unfamiliar with the hidden pathways and shortcuts, and it was dark, so it was slow going.

The fire was in need of wood, so Claire stepped away from Jane and threw another log on the glowing embers. He didn't so much as blink. Now she stood in front of the man, enjoying herself immensely. This is when it got good, the payoff for all her hard work. Each one of her 'projects' had been different, requiring more or less work to get them to accept their fate.

Frank had been so easy to work with, bless his heart. He was a lonely old man, who once confided in her that he had been deeply in love with a sweet girl when he was barely 21 years old. He was sure she loved him too. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. He was overjoyed and began to imagine his life with the beautiful girl. It all came crashing down when he saw her kissing and groping his best friend at a party, the man he was going to ask to be his best man at the wedding. The betrayal of his girl and his friend nearly drove him crazy. When he confronted his girl, he sadly told Claire, his girl just laughed at him. She didn't love him at all, not since she met his best friend, and with that, she gave his ring back to him. Frank never recovered from her betrayal, never dated again, because he couldn't trust any woman that much again. His hoarding started soon after, feeding his need for comfort and security in things rather than people. Claire had an easy time with Frank, sending him off on his way to happier places with more trustworthy people.

Victor had been much harder to win over. He truly believed he was happy. Life had been good to him and he was grateful. His businesses were all successful and his family was his pride and joy. Claire heard his stories about his 25 years of marriage to his lovely and undemanding wife. But just because he had had 25 good years, that didn't mean it would continue. In fact, now that his kids were getting older, the hard times would surely come. Tensions would escalate, arguments would arise and his wife would become shrewish. If he thought his happy life would continue, Claire made sure to convince him that his best years were behind him. There was only one way he could go and that was down. The 25th Wedding Anniversary party wasn't a celebration of a happy marriage, it was the end of a dream and the special day he could set himself free. Nothing lasts forever, Claire made sure to whisper in his ear for weeks on end during therapy. Getting herself invited to watch his big moment was the icing on the anniversary cake, Claire snickered to herself.

Then there was Lucy. Oh Lucy. So sweet and kind and so so in love. It made Claire sick. Surely Lucy knew that love wasn't going to last! How could she be so naive? Lucy babbled on about her wedding plans during lunch and coffee breaks at work and shared her plans with Rhonda, Maya and Claire. Claire couldn't stand it. Then Lucy made the stupid mistake of writing in her diary one day on her coffee break. She told Claire she had already filled two other pink diaries when she was younger and then when she first met Will. This diary would be her wedding diary, her record of the days leading up to the wedding and then, her honeymoon.

Claire knew she had to rescue Lucy from her own delusions of happiness. When Lucy hurt her leg, Claire wanted to be the one to treat her, but in her special way, like she had done with Victor and Frank. Birch felt that Jerry should treat Lucy since he had more experience. While it slowed down her plans, it didn't stop Claire from finding a way to help Lucy come to her senses. When Lucy invited Claire and the others at work to her wedding, Claire came up with a workable idea. She would give Lucy unlimited free massages as her wedding gift, to help her cope with the stresses of planning a wedding and to stay calm. Lucy loved the idea and soon Claire was massaging Lucy a couple of times a week, on lunch breaks and when Will was out of the house, so they would have privacy. Claire had to laugh, thinking about how Lucy slowly came to understand, with the help of the drugged blue cream and Claire's soothing voice, that marriage to Will was the biggest mistake of her life, one that would only lead to misery. She had to make it stop, had to send Will a message. It took a few weeks, but gradually Lucy understood what Claire was telling her. She had to find her own special day before the wedding and end it all.

Claire stared at Jane and was lost in her thoughts. She was doing good in the world, she knew it. Jane shifted in his chair and she stopped her musings to study him. It was time. She stood over him, blocking his view of the flames.

"Why don't you give me that bear Patrick?" she said, holding out her hand.

Opening his eyes, Jane held it tighter to his chest, shaking his head in apparent befuddlement.

"Give me that bear Patrick. You don't need it anymore. Charlotte doesn't need it anymore. She only needs her father" Claire said more seriously.

Jane raised his eyes up to Claire's and shook his head. This was so hard to do, even for Charlotte's sake.

"I said give me that bear!" Claire barked, grabbing the bear out of Jane's hands, taking him by surprise.

"This is what you need to do with this bear Patrick! You need to send it back to the earth, without remorse. Like this!" she yelled gleefully, throwing the small grey koala bear into the flames. Jane shot out of his chair and tried to push Claire away, but the fire consumed the stuffed toy in mere moments, its glassy eyes melting in the heat, leaving a sad sneer on the bear's face as it collapsed into the embers.

"Noooo! Not her bear!" Jane cried out, horrified by its rapid destruction. He wanted to reach into the flames and retrieve it, but not enough of it remained to even try. Rounding on Claire, his fists were clenched in rage.

"It was Charlotte's bear! Her favourite bear!" he gasped, shock setting in.

"I know, I know, but now she finally has her bear again" Claire said soothingly. "She wanted it all these years but you kept it from her. I gave it back to her. I think she's happy Patrick" Claire said, placing her hand cautiously on Jane's forearm. He turned to stare at her and somehow understood what she was saying. Yes, of course. Charlotte wanted her bear. Why hadn't he understood that years ago? His breathing slowed and he relaxed his fists. Claire smiled so sweetly, she was so wise. So kind.

"Come, sit down. Let me help you" Claire said softly, guiding Jane back to his chair. He didn't fight against her.

She gazed into his cloudy eyes. Yes, it was time.