Fearing Something

Ziva spent the next week not feeling quite like herself. She was nauseous most of the week and over the weekend she dared to look at the calendar. She turned to Tony quite suddenly and her mouth was hanging open and she remembered the words that her doctor had said to her upon her return from Somalia.

"Your chances of having a family are small, Ziva. But, if you do manage to get pregnant, you can expect complications. I would recommend waiting some time and healing first. The longer you wait, the lower the chances of miscarriage are and the higher the chance of you getting pregnant."

The words rang through her mind now. Tony hadn't even noticed the surprised expression on Ziva's face. She nearly sprinted toward the bathroom and that was when he noticed that something was off. She pulled out a small package of pills and looked at them. She was nearly done with the week of inactive sugar pills. She dropped the package on the floor and leaned on the sink for support. She didn't notice that Tony was staring at her in the doorway, because her head was dropped as she tried to process what she was going through at the moment and not knowing for sure was killing her. She needed to know. But, she was so afraid of that answer. They certainly weren't ready for this.

"Zi?" Tony asked, stepping into the room.

When Ziva finally looked up, her expression was wild, confused, and afraid. Tony jumped a little because he hadn't seen this expression out of her in a very long time and he was wondering what was going through her mind now. A tear spilled unexpectedly from her eyes as Tony stood there, unsure of how to react to this setback that she was having. He had no idea what was going on.

Ziva walked over to him and right into his chest. His arms went instinctively around her and she lost control; the tears spilled from her eyes and onto his shirt. She wasn't sure if they were happy tears or not, but she was definitely afraid as she remembered what the doctor said to her so long ago.

Tony could see what was on the floor. Those were her birth control pills. He could see that the pack was nearly empty. He knew that the only thing that could cause this type of reaction was something she wasn't expecting. His arms tightened around her as he understood the meaning of this and also began to understand why she wasn't feeling well that week. He took in a sharp intake of breath, realizing where her fears might be coming from.

"What did the doctors say when you came home?" he asked.

She continued to sob silently into his chest and he could nearly feel her pain in each sob that wracked through her body against his own. He tightened his grip a little more on her, realizing that it probably wasn't anything good.

"Ziva," he said gingerly. "Come on…. Please, talk to me."

"I might… I might have a… I might…," she couldn't say it. She squeezed him tighter.

"You might have a miscarriage," he finished in no more than a whisper, understanding her words and her fears. How could they have everything and be so terrified at the same time? How could they have everything and nothing at all? It didn't make sense to him, and yet they were going through this.

Ziva pulled back from Tony and looked into his eyes. "Tony, we're not ready for this," she whispered fearfully. "We're not ready to deal with the what ifs and the are we readies."

"We're going to have to be ready, Zi," Tony said quietly, stroking her cheek. "We're going to have to be ready, because obviously its happening whether we're ready for it or not. We can get through anything together."

She nodded slowly to him. He was right of course. They could do anything together. It wasn't as though they were careless. It was just one of those things. She knew now she was pregnant and she was sure of it. But, what if…?

"Tony, what if… what if I can't… what if my body can't do it?" Ziva asked, quivering a little in his arms as she voiced her concerns.

"Then we'll deal with that if it happens," Tony said quietly to her, holding her tightly. "We can do anything together."

"But, I might never be able to… to have children, Tony," Ziva said quietly.

Tony stroked her hair out of her face and looked deep into her eyes. She was concerned. She was very concerned. She was also terrified of how Tony would respond to that. He pressed a soft kiss to the crease in between her eyebrows that always appeared when she worried.

"I love you as you are, Zi," Tony said quietly. "I will always love you, just the way you are. If we can't, then we can't and that's fine. We'll leap that hurdle when we get to it. For now, let's just deal with the present. The present tells me this is a possibility and we have to deal with what is happening right now."

Ziva's tears began to flow again and she pressed her forehead into his chest, her heart aching with the love she felt for this man. He wasn't turning her away at the truth. Instead, he was embracing her and comforting her being fully aware of the truth.

"I suspected we might run into this someday, Zi," Tony said. "I may not know what happened to you over there… not exactly anyway… but, I'm not stupid."

"I know," she said quietly and knew that they would deal with this one day at a time and that was it. "I know. I love you."

And she really did love him, more than a few words could possibly ever express.

A/N – Uh-oh! Ziva break down!" but, Tony to the rescue! He's got her back no matter what happens! Review and let me know what you think.