Pairing: Lily/Chas/Dominique

No one really knows about this way you feel.

- When The Rain Starts - Bertolf

:::

Here's a secret; people think she behaves like this, because she doesn't care. No one really understands.

She's just Lily Luna Potter and no one ever understands.

:::

Here's a secret: sometimes she wishes he would hate her.

She's mean and arrogant and she bitches to everybody about absolutely everything. She's reckless, doesn't care about rules, is rude to professors on a daily basis and she never, ever stops, even when it means she'll get in trouble. She flirts too much, wears her skirts too short, walks around the school like she owns the place. She makes fun of other people and shamelessly enjoys the way she can embarrass them with one single action. She misuses her powers, misuses the power of her father's name, keeps on acting cold and cruel all the time and still manages to be one of the most popular girls in school.

So sometimes she just wishes he would hate her. She wishes he would scream at her, the way that James screams at Nova Greengrass all the damn time – anger burning through his veins, all of his emotions boiling over. She wishes that someday he'll just snap, that she'll finally manage to do something so bad, so mean that it will drive him over the edge. She pictures him standing in front of her, brownish curls a wild mess, eyes flashing with hate, comments as sharp as a knife. Because that's what she deserves, doesn't she?

Instead he's her best friend in the whole wide world, even though she's conceited and horrible and a bitch. And whenever she does something mean again, he just softly (sadly) smiles at her and pretends he doesn't notice.

It kind of breaks her heart.

:::

Here's a secret: he was her first kiss and she never thought she'd remember it this clearly.

It's burning sunlight and the smell of freshly mowed grass and a boy and a girl and all sorts of might have been'sand could have been's and possibilities that never were supposed to come true.. He jokes and grins and he pushes her around, because it's summer and they're best friends and it's just what they do.

She kisses him, though, one day, completely out of the blue, and it's not the best timing, because Albus and James are right next to her, watching, but she does it anyway because she feels like it and she hasn't turned into the person she'll become yet, so it's still perfectly normal to not care what other people think.

She kisses him and he tastes like watermelon lemonade.

And just before her brothers get to him, she catches a glimpse of his shocked expression, the blush on his cheeks, lips still slightly parted, and she's feels extremely proud of herself instantly, because no other girl has ever made him blush like this before.

:::

Here's a secret: when they were little she and Dominique used to share everything.

Clothes, toys, talent, family, everything.

Then Dom starts dating Chas Levinson in fourth year and she just stands there, watching them, never included ever again.

(not everything is meant for sharing)

:::

Here's a secret: he might be a little bit like the boys in the movies.

He's not that handsome. Yeah sure, he's got those eyesand they match kind of perfectly with his hair, but their lightness is also a little bit freaky. He's tall, but not too tall, only a couple of inches taller than she is actually. His skin is a little too pale and his Hogwarts uniform is always messed up and there are probably a thousand of little quirks, she finds annoying about him. But whenever he wraps his arms around her on her birthday or on family gatherings or just because he feels like it, she notices that her head fits kind of perfectly in the crook of his shoulder, and she has to fightfightfight the urge to never let him go again.

He's not really her type. Actually, he's a little bit of a loser. He doesn't do spontaneous and he always follows the rules and he never tries anything new, which irritates her immensely. And yeah, sure, he jokes around all the time and he can make everybody laugh. But he's also kind of awkward, with his fascination for Astronomy (another thing she and Dom never shared) and the ink stains on his hands from falling asleep on top of his books again. He's way too kind too her (because let's face it, she is awful) and he has this weird thing for Famous Last Words. And he's a little bit of a loser. But at least he says things like they matter, and she kind of envies him for it.

But here's a secret: one day, when she's damned it all to hell and starts flirting with Professor Lupin right in front of the entire class, her skirt riding up her leg, batting her eyelashes at Teddy in the most affectionate way she can, a note drops on her desk.

You are too good for that.

She hates him and loves him for it at the same time, because it's exactly what would happen in the movies. And she just can't let him do that to her anymore.

:::

Here's a secret: she used to be the best at everything.

But whenever Dom walks into the room, it's kind of impossible to compete, because Dom is like the succeeded part of the friendship, while she is just the failure. Every single thing she cares about, Dom does it better. And sometimes it's a little too exhausting for a sixteen year old girl.

:::

Here's a secret: she cries when he tells her he loves her.

They somehow end up lying on their backs on the roof of the Burrow together on a blazing hot summer evening, just after graduation, and he tells her he asked Dom to marry him. She starts crying, right there, even though she never cries, because she absolutely despises it and she just doesn't do vulnerability.

He frowns. "Lils… Are you ok?"

"Yeah," she chokes out, because she's still the best at lying, even though Dominique beats her at everything else. "Of course. I'm just – I'm so happy for you guys."

He sighs, relieved, and he doesn't even know. He doesn't even have a clue.

"I love you," he whispers when he wraps his arm around her as her tears wet his t-shirt. "You know that, right? You're my best friend."

She nods into his shoulder. "I love you too,"

:::

Here's a secret: she says it and she means it, but it's all sorts of heartbreak at the same time.

And she's not sure that it will ever go away.