Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.
I still do not own Chex Mix.
Author's Note: I have a tendency to pick on Reid, just because he's easy to pick on. That being said, there are three standard pool toys you must be familiar with in order to understand this chapter. They are: water-wings, inflatable pool rings (also known in some places as 'inner tubes'), and foam noodles. If you are unfamiliar with any of the above, look them up on a search engine before continuing to read. Enjoy!
"I'd like to go home now," Reid whimpered. His hands were being held behind his back by Morgan. Garcia rummaged around in one of her Bags of Wonder. Reid didn't know what she had in mind, but if it involved him being restrained, Reid was sure he wouldn't like it.
"Oh, hush," Garcia told him, smiling evilly. That was not comforting.
"I'm not comfortable with this!" Reid wailed. "Won't somebody help me?"
Prentiss, JJ, and Hotch just stared at him. Rossi mixed another soda drink, seemingly unconcerned.
Morgan laughed. "I'm guessing this is some sort of retaliation on you for not being in the splash war, earlier," he said.
"I was in the war! I was the referee! See? My goggles are still wet!" Reid was getting frantic.
Garcia had found what she was looking for. It was a small, rectangular, plastic-wrapped package. She clawed at the packaging. It fell away into a Bag of Wonder, revealing something yellow.
Reid squeaked in alarm. He had never liked small, ominous, yellow things.
Garcia poked Reid in the stomach.
"Ah! My tummy!" Reid shied away.
"Shush. Be cooperative, and this will be painless. Well, mostly painless," Garcia told him.
Everyone watched in silence. Reid didn't like that. They seemed way too interested in what was about to befall him.
Garcia shook the yellow plastic thing. Two smaller yellow plastic things fell out onto the concrete. She unfolded the one in her hand. It looked to be an inflatable pool ring. She laid it out on the ground.
"Center him," Garcia ordered Morgan.
Morgan lifted Reid and set him down again. Reid's feet were now in the middle of the pool ring. Garcia picked up the pool ring and wriggled it up Reid's legs, resting it on his waist.
"Hold that there," Garcia told Morgan. Morgan transferred Reid's hands into one of his own and held the ring in place with the other.
Reid became aware that on the front of the ring lay a bulge of plastic. He didn't want to know what it was.
Garcia fished around in her Bag of Wonder and pulled out a portable air pump. She attached it to the air valve and slowly inflated the yellow ring.
In the pool, JJ whispered to Prentiss, "What's that bulge on the front of the ring?"
"I have no clue," Prentiss whispered back.
Hotch narrowed his eyes and leaned over to Rossi. "Why would any person, sane or not, bring an air pump to a pool party?" he muttered.
Rossi sipped his mixed soda, grimaced, and spat it out behind his chair. "Because that person is Penelope Garcia," he replied.
Hotch shrugged. That was the most reasonable answer he was likely to get.
The ring was almost entirely inflated now. Only the bulge of plastic in the front was still floppy. Garcia poked the ring to see if it was firm enough. Pleased, she detached the air pump and reattached it to a separate valve on the floppy plastic in front. The bulge inflated quickly and was easily recognizable.
Garcia grinned and waited for the team's reactions.
"Oh, you did not!" Morgan said, struggling to keep the laughter out of his voice.
"That is so great!" Prentiss giggled.
"You're the best, Garcia." JJ laughed and gasped for breath.
Hotch smiled before he could stop himself, and to keep the rest of the team from seeing this atrocity, he turned his head away.
Rossi poured another drink.
Reid almost cried.
The bulge had formed into a head. The head of a duck, to be exact.
Reid was, in effect, wearing an inflatable duck.
Garcia screeched with laughter and picked up the other two yellow pieces of plastic. "Water-wing time!"
"Oh, no, please!" Reid squirmed.
Garcia blew up the water wings. Morgan helped her shove them up Reid's arms. Garcia grabbed Reid and turned him to face the team.
"Behold; Reid the Duckling!" Garcia announced.
The team beheld.
"That is so perfect for him," Prentiss giggled.
"Shut up, Emily," Reid muttered. He ran his hands along the duck's head.
"Oh, but that's not all," Garcia grinned.
Reid whimpered and cringed.
"Can I have my Chex Mix now?" Reid asked.
Garcia ignored him.
Garcia dug into the largest Bag of Wonder. She came up with seven foam noodles, each a different color. The team watched as she circled the pool, placing a noodle on each of the team's lounge chairs.
Garcia placed an orange noodle on JJ's chair. She put a green one on Prentiss' chair. A yellow one for Reid. Garcia laid a blue noodle across Hotch's legs and a purple one across Rossi's. She placed a red noodle on her own chair. Lastly, she laid a pink noodle on Morgan's chair.
Morgan gave Garcia an odd look.
"Trust in my awesomeness," Garcia told him. "Now, everyone, please return to your chairs and collect your noodle."
Prentiss and JJ looked at each other and shrugged. They climbed the steps and sat on the edge of their lounge chairs, holding their noodles. Morgan poked his noodle before picking it up. He held the pink noodle close to his face. "I'm gonna show you who's boss," he hissed to it.
Hotch raised his noodle and jabbed Rossi, who had not yet touched his. Rossi glared at Hotch and set down his soda-filled wineglass. Rossi picked up his purple noodle and 'accidentally' let it flop onto Hotch's head. Hotch made a whiny sound and batted it away.
Reid was making his way toward his chair, but Garcia held out a red noodle to stop him.
"No noodle for you, just yet," Garcia told him.
Reid gulped. Garcia was smiling. Instinct told him to run, but it was difficult to walk in this… outfit… and there was no way he could run.
"Okay," he squeaked.
Garcia noticed that Reid was wearing his goggles. "Morgan," she called. Morgan showed up at her side. He was a good servant.
Garcia grinned. "Put the Duckling in his natural habitat, would you?"
Morgan laughed. "Gladly!"
Morgan walked toward Reid.
Reid backed away.
Morgan kept coming.
Reid backed away more.
Morgan reached out and grabbed Reid around his middle, just above the duck ring.
"Hey! No! You can't do this!" Reid yelled. He kicked and flailed, but Morgan couldn't care less. Morgan lifted him easily and held him out over the pool.
"Help!" Reid shrieked.
Morgan let go.
Reid yelled as he plummeted into the pool. The duck ring made a huge splash, but kept him above water.
"Let me out! Let me out!" Reid yelled. He flailed his water-wing-clad arms and yelled some more.
Prentiss noticed what a girly yell Reid had. She looked down, and saw the bright green noodle in her hands. "Hey, Garcia? What are we doing with these noodles?" she asked.
"Oh, right. Everyone, line up around the pool," Garcia commanded.
The team spread out along the edge and encircled the pool, noodles in hand. They looked down at the frantic Reid-Duckling.
Garcia looked around, giddy with glee. "The game we're about to play is one that I like to call Whack the Duck!"
Everyone laughed and raised their noodles.
Reid began screaming.