CHAPTER 5: ON THE TRACKS
After we met up with Teddy and Vern, I finally exploded and told them all the story of the gun and Gordie's great skill with it.
Vern, ever the pussy, said, "Well, what do we need a pistol for, anyway?"
"It's spooky sleeping out at night in the woods. We might see a bear," Chris explained. He turned to Gordie and quipped, "Or a garbage can."
I laughed, and Gordie eyed me knowingly. I cleared my throat and turned away towards Vern. I noticed something coming out of his pocket. "Hey, Verno, what's that in your pocket?" I asked.
Vern grinned, obviously proud of himself about something. "I brought a comb!" he said, producing the small, yellow, plastic object from his pocket.
Chris eyed Vern. "What the hell are we gonna need a comb for?"
Vern looked a tad crestfallen. "Well, if we get on TV, we wanna look good, don't we?"
Gordie rolled his eyes. "That's a lot of thinking, Vern."
Vern grinned, "Thanks!"
I sighed. Poor Vern just hadn't quite grasped the concept of sarcasm yet. Which was really sad, since he was the subject of everybody's sarcasm, and had been since anyone could remember.
Finally, we arrived at the train tracks. "How far do you think it's gonna be?" I asked.
Chris cocked his head to the side and studied the tracks, long and hard. "If we take the tracks all the way into Harlow… it'd be about 20 miles. That sound right to you, Gordo?"
Gordie nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, it might even be 30."
Vern sighed. "Jeez, maybe we should just hitchhike."
Teddy scoffed, "No way."
"Why not?" Vern asked as we started walking, trying to plead his case as best he could. "We could hitch to that street by the Shiloh church, then down the Back Harlow Road; we'll be there by sundown!"
"That's pussy," Teddy explained, finalizing the issue.
"Hey, it's a long ways," Vern grumbled as we walked along.
"Did your mother ever have any kids that lived?" Teddy asked.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I sighed and turned back to the both of them. "Will you two just shut up and enjoy the trip?"
"Enjoy the trip, sure. Shut up? Not a chance," Teddy laughed.
I rolled my eyes and smiled as we walked on. We walked for a couple hours, singing the theme from "Palladin" all the way. Then, Vern asked the $64,000 question: "Hey, I'm hungry, who's got the food?"
Teddy stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh, shit! Did anybody bring anything?"
Chris shrugged. "Not me. Gordie?"
Gordie shook his head. "How about you, Joey?"
I put my hands on my hips. "What the hell am I, your food wench?"
"Oh, great. That's just great," Teddy sighed. "What are we supposed to do? Eat our feet?"
Chris looked shocked. "You mean you didn't bring anything either?"
"Well shit, this wasn't my idea! This was Vern's idea!" Teddy then advanced on Vern. "Why didn't you bring something?"
"What am I supposed to do, think of everything? I brought the comb!" Vern defended himself, holding the comb for all to see.
"Oh, great, what did you bring a comb for? You don't even have any hair!"
"I brought it for you guys!"
"HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!" Gordie yelled, breaking the scuffle between Vern and Teddy. "Let's see how much money we got," he suggested, and we all sat down and emptied our pockets. "I got $1.02," he said. "$0.68 from Chris… $0.60 from Teddy… $0.45 from Joey…" We all looked at Vern. Vern dejectedly put his money in Gordie's hand. Gordie counted it all up. "…. $0.07, Vern?"
Vern shrugged. "I haven't found my pennies yet."
Gordie shook his head. "Well, $3.45's not bad. Quidicello's is just down the road, past the junkyard. We can get some stuff there while we're refilling our canteens at the junkyard."
"Train coming," Chris warned. We all leapt off the train tracks as fast as we could, even though the train was still a ways away. All of us jumped off the tracks… except Teddy.