Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.
There will be no updates for the next two weeks due to a vacation with no internet connection. Sorry!
"I picked out each one especially for each of you!" Garcia crowed. She waved the thin packages around in the air. She stalked toward JJ.
JJ leaned back subconsciously.
"I matched your noodles to the colors of the animals, too!" Garcia continued.
Morgan glanced at his pink noodle. A pink animal? This could not be a good sign.
Garcia walked slowly across the concrete, letting each step slap loudly in the terrified silence. She stopped in front of JJ.
"This one is for you!" Garcia told JJ, pinching her cheek. She grabbed JJ's hand, pried it open, and shoved a rectangular package into it. Garcia gently closed JJ's fingers around the plastic-wrapped rectangle.
JJ stood silently, waiting for Garcia to move on to her next victim.
Garcia tapped her foot. "Well?" she asked.
JJ shuddered. Clearly, Garcia wanted to see each victim suffer before moving on to the next one.
JJ picked at the plastic packaging. She tore it off nervously.
Garcia hovered, waiting.
Three pieces of orange plastic tumbled out of the packaging into JJ's hand. JJ pulled at the largest chunk of plastic, unfolding it. It was an inflatable pool ring, frighteningly orange, to match JJ's noodle.
The air was filled with insane tension. JJ prayed for Garcia to at least blink. This was really creeping her out.
The bulge on one end of the ring was an animal's head, of course, and JJ straightened the bulge to make out the face.
"A puppy," JJ said, smiling nervously. "Thank you."
Garcia scowled and snatched the ring out of JJ's hands. She whacked poor JJ over the head with it before giving it back. "It's a fox, JJ. Get it right!" Garcia complained.
"Thank you for the fox, Garcia," JJ whispered, terrified. "It's very nice."
"Aw, you're welcome, darlin'!" Garcia smiled. Her tone had changed from dangerous to sunny. The smile suddenly dropped from her face as she pushed an air pump at JJ. "Now, put it on."
"Okay." JJ complied. She stepped into the middle of the ring, wriggled it up to her waist, and opened the air valve. She filled it up with air as quickly as she possibly could.
She couldn't help but notice that Reid was smirking at her from the pool. JJ glared and stuck out her tongue. Reid's eyes opened wide with fright and he scooted toward the other side of the pool, the duck costume and noodle bobbing comically. That's right, JJ thought. Run away, Reid, run while you still can.
As JJ slipped her water-wings on, Garcia nodded her approval. "You can handle the rest," she told JJ. It was more of a warning than a comment.
Garcia moved on to her next victim. She wheeled about aimlessly for a moment, making everyone nervous. Then, she decided on her next target. She stalked toward Prentiss.
Prentiss looked around, hoping someone would help her. Then, she realized that she didn't need anybody's help; she wasn't as pathetic as Reid. She wouldn't just wait for someone to build up the courage to save her from Garcia. Prentiss would build up that courage herself. Maybe she could jump the fence…
"Hi, there!" Garcia grinned.
Too late. Prentiss gulped and turned to face her fate.
Garcia noticed the thoughts of escape written on Prentiss' expression.
"Annihilation of your very existence," Garcia hissed. She poked a slim package into Prentiss' hand.
Prentiss was determined to minimize the drama. She didn't want to be everyone's focus of attention, not like this. She snatched up the package and tore off the plastic wrapping. She grabbed the largest piece of plastic and unfolded it. It was the green color of a highlighter. It matched her noodle perfectly. She pulled at the animal face, careful to analyze it correctly.
"Thank you, Garcia," Prentiss smiled. "It's a frog."
"Good girl!" Garcia beamed. She patted Prentiss over the head. She gave her a different air pump and moved on to the next target.
Garcia had wanted to give Morgan his present next, but Morgan had nonchalantly inched his way around the cement so that he was the farthest from her. She sighed and resigned herself to changing the order of her torture. She grinned evilly as she realized that the next victim was Hotch.
Hotch found himself backing away.
Next to him, Rossi chuckled softly. "Scared?" he jibed.
Hotch glared at Rossi. He stood still and waited. Hotch turned his blue foam noodle over in his hands. What animals were blue?
Garcia pressed a package into Hotch's hands. He opened it carefully and extracted the largest of the three bright blue plastic chunks. He unfolded it and stared at the bright blue smiling animal face. What the…?
"Um…" Hotch said. "How… nice."
Garcia waited. She raised an eyebrow.
Hotch cringed. He needed to stop being scared of this woman; he felt like Reid. But still… no animal could possibly naturally be this unearthly blue.
"It's a cow," Hotch said. "A blue cow."
Garcia grinned. "Yes! A cute little blue moo-cow!" She did a little dance.
Hotch couldn't help it. He was scared. Why was he suddenly scared of the women on his team? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense anymore, especially not this hideously bright 'moo-cow' costume.
Garcia glared at him. Hotch paled and stepped into the pool ring. She left him with yet another air pump. Garcia went off to scout out her next target.
Rossi had slipped over to Morgan during Hotch's moo-cow humiliation. Morgan stepped behind Rossi. Rossi frowned and stepped behind Morgan. Morgan stepped behind Rossi again.
Garcia saw them and started walking toward them, a feral grin on her face.
Rossi pushed his way behind Morgan.
"Get out of the way, man!" Morgan hissed. He pushed Rossi in front of him. Rossi scowled and ducked behind Morgan. Morgan went to shove Rossi in front of him, but it was too late; Garcia had given him a thin plastic package.
Morgan gulped. He held his pink noodle in the crook of his arm and tore open the package. Fluorescently pink plastic poured out. He groaned. Why pink? Why? Wasn't he supposed to be manly?
Morgan bent to pick up the largest piece of plastic. He shook it to unfold it and pulled at the animal face.
"Really, Garcia?" Morgan asked.
Garcia pouted. Her eyes went wide and her voice went high. "Don't you like it?"
"Baby girl, it's from you, so I love it," Morgan assured her. "It's just that it's…"
"A pig!" Garcia finished for him. She bounced. "Pigs are so cute!"
"Well, that explains why she likes Morgan," Prentiss whispered to JJ.
"Ha! Burn!" JJ giggled. She high-fived Prentiss.
Morgan reluctantly pulled on the ring, smiling encouragingly at Garcia the entire time.
"See?" Morgan said. "I absolutely love it." He didn't really. But if Garcia didn't think her gifts were well-received, there was no telling what she might do. Morgan would rather suck up to her than face her wrath.
Garcia left him to put on his pink water-wings and gave him another air pump. She slid up to Rossi, who was cowering under one of the willow trees.
"A present for you, good sir," Garcia smiled. She gave him the second-to-last package.
"Um… er… thank you," Rossi said. He accepted the gift. Garcia watched him with glee as he ripped the plastic packaging off the pool ring and water-wings. Everything was bright purple, to match his foam noodle. Rossi straightened out its face.
"It's a horse, right?" Rossi said hopefully, even though he knew that it was most definitely not a horse. Please don't be what I think you are, he thought to the pool ring.
"No, Rossi, it's not a horse. You know very well what it is!" Garcia told him. She tapped her foot and pouted.
"It's a wonderful… um…" Rossi couldn't quite bring himself to say the word. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage. "Unicorn," he finished.
Garcia clapped. She handed him an air pump and skipped over to her lounge chair.
"What's yours?" Prentiss asked, indicating the last package.
Garcia grinned and opened her own gift. She held up the red plastic ring for all to see. "A kitty cat!"
JJ groaned. "Why are you the only one to get a normal animal?" She asked.
"Hey!" Morgan said. "You're not the one that has to wear a pig!"
Garcia glared at him.
"Er… A wonderful, pretty pig," Morgan corrected.
Garcia nodded in approval. "Okay, everyone! Grab your horsie-noodle-cannons and get in the pool!"
"Finally!" Prentiss exclaimed. She was freezing out in the air, and the pool water felt like bathwater.
Everyone slid into the pool.
"Are we splitting into teams for this?" Morgan asked Garcia. "Because if we are, then I call Emily to be on my team." He had learned his lesson well.
"So do I!" Hotch was quick to raise his hand. Rossi followed suit.
Garcia thought for a moment. "Mmm, no, I think I'd rather have this be more of a desperate, violent, free-for-all," she decided.
Prentiss turned and aimed her cannon at Morgan, grinning with malice.
"Whoa!" Morgan put up his hands. "Even if we aren't on a team, can't we at least work together somewhat?"
Prentiss thought about that. "Actually," she said, "No offense, but I think I'd have more fun beating you up than working together."
Morgan backed away.
"Alright, my sweet little animals," Garcia announced. "Let the game begin!"