Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

Author's Note: I promise the police will show up next chapter! I meant for them to show up in this one, but then it got too long...

Prentiss gave Morgan a solid whack with her green noodle. She laughed maniacally.

"Oh, you think that's funny, do ya?" Morgan growled.

"Yeah, I really think I do," Prentiss told him. She kicked him in the shin. Morgan bent over to tend to it, hissing curses. While he was down, Prentiss flew at him and sent him splashing down.

"Good gracious me," Garcia said to JJ. "Prentiss is really killing Morgan today, isn't she?"

"He never should have challenged her in the first place," JJ replied. She reloaded and blasted Hotch with her noodle cannon.

Hotch was actually whimpering. He groaned inwardly. Honestly, he was getting to be as pathetic as Reid!

Thinking of which, where was Reid, anyway?

Hotch looked around wildly. If he could just maybe hint to Garcia that Reid was floating around unassaulted, he could take down JJ himself and make his grand escape! Oh, yes, Hotch was a formidable strategist today.

Hotch spotted Reid floating around the deep end, just a few feet away.

"Hey, look, there's Reid!" Hotch told Garcia and JJ.

"So?" Garcia asked. She shot him with her red noodle. "Yee-hee-hee!" she laughed.

Hotch wiped the water out of his eyes. "So, he isn't shooting at anyone or being shot at! And isn't that the point of the game?"

"Huh, you're right," Garcia conceded. She turned to JJ. "Go take care of that, will you?"

Hotch paled. Oh, God, he couldn't be left with Garcia!

"Actually," Hotch said, "I think it might be better if Garcia went off to take care of Reid." He smiled, and tried not to look conspiratorial.

Garcia seemed to think about this for a moment. She smiled slowly.

Nonchalantly, Garcia turned to face JJ. "JJ, honey, take a sniff. What do you smell?"

JJ was confused. She obediently sniffed. "Chlorine?"

"Anything else?" Garcia asked. Her voice was dangerously soft and melodic. JJ shuddered. Where was this going?

JJ shook her head in reply.

"No matter. I guess you just don't have the nose for it. But I do, and guess what I smell?" Garcia leered.

"What?" JJ said.

"The air just reeks of an escape plan brewing, and it's coming from over there!" Garcia jabbed a finger to where Hotch had been cowering.

But he was no longer there. Hotch had had the good sense to bolt.

"How dare he!" Garcia shrieked. "He deprived me of my dramatic ending!"

"Uh-huh," JJ agreed.

Garcia curled her hand into a fist and narrowed her eyes. "And for that, he must die!" she hissed.

"Yup," JJ said. She backed away towards Reid. Garcia won't turn her rage onto me if I am busy attacking Reid, JJ reasoned.

JJ spun around with her fox pool ring and headed for Reid. Reid was looking off to his right, staring at Rossi with a concerned look on his face.

JJ gently poked Reid in the back of the head with her orange noodle.

"Ow," Reid sniffled. He turned to look at her. "JJ?" he said with surprise. "Not you, too!" He looked about to cry. "But we're friends!"

"I know, but Garcia's mad, and this is self-preservation we're dealing with, not snack time," JJ told him apologetically.

"Snack time," Reid echoed wistfully. He subconsciously rubbed his 'tummy'.

"So… Look. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to attack you now," JJ said. She looked over her shoulder at Garcia, who was milling around the deep end, making plans for revenge.

Reid sniffled. "Okay," he said. He braced himself for the attack, which meant cringing and trying to hide behind the head of his duck pool ring.

"Um… Aren't you going to even try to defend yourself?" JJ asked him. She pointed at his yellow foam noodle cannon.

"Oh, right." Reid loaded his cannon and half-heartedly raised it to his mouth.

"Sorry," JJ repeated. She would have to make a show of being occupied by the game in order to escape Garcia's wrath. She loaded her cannon and aimed it at Reid's face. She took a deep breath and blew as hard as she could.

Meanwhile, in the shallow end, Prentiss was beating up on Morgan. Still.

Morgan needed to show her up, needed to reclaim his place as alpha, but damn it all if he wasn't in pain from his scalp to his toes. He decided that he would be able to come back stronger than ever if he just had a little break.

"Come on, Emily, just give me a few minutes here!" Morgan pleaded. He pushed her away from him and raised his hands in surrender.

Prentiss crossed her arms and grinned at him. "Giving up so soon?"

"No, I just need a break. A tiny break. A miniscule rest. Come on, please?" Morgan begged.

Prentiss sighed and shook her head. "And just what am I supposed to do in the meantime?"

Morgan shrugged.

"HA, HA, HA! DIE, REID, DIE!"

Prentiss' attention was drawn by JJ's shriek. She spotted JJ beating up on Reid. Her eyes lit up. "That looks like fun!" Prentiss exclaimed. She swam over to JJ and Reid, leaving Morgan forgotten for the moment.

Morgan sighed and sat down on the pool floor. The water came up to his chin. He patted the pig's head and closed his eyes, thoroughly enjoying his rest.

"Dave, you've got to hide me," Hotch told Rossi. He hung on to Rossi's pool ring, eyes wide and haunted.

Rossi swatted Hotch's hands off the unicorn and frowned at him. "Why should I?"

"Dave, please! Garcia's after me!" Hotch hissed. He gestured at Garcia, who was wringing her hands evilly and muttering to herself.

Rossi thought for a moment. "Get me a cocktail."

"What?" Hotch was very confused.

"Get me a cocktail, and I'll distract Garcia for you."

"There's no alcohol here, Dave!"

"Hm, you're right! Guess you're on your own, then," Rossi shrugged.

"No!" Hotch grabbed the unicorn ring and held it in a death grip. "Please!" Hotch begged.

"DIE, REID, DIE!"

Hotch and Rossi were distracted by the demonic yells of JJ and Prentiss as they attacked Reid.

Rossi narrowed his eyes. He noticed the injustices being put on Reid, and his sense of fairness rose within him. Rossi straightened up in his 'saddle'. He sat tall in his seat and tried to look formidable and awesome.

"Come, Betsie," Rossi said majestically. "It is our duty to help the helpless, to right all wrongs. Onward, to certain death!"

Rossi yanked the unicorn from Hotch's grip and kicked off the side of the pool. Rossi sailed to Reid's rescue.

Hotch floated in the deep end for a moment, head tipped to the side, mouth open in shock. What the heck?