'Can we please start now?' Steve asks. They'd finally agreed that their friends weren't actually allowed to be present, mostly because Kirk and Uhura were off in space somewhere and Spock didn't think it fair to be the only one without help. So now they were all circled around with their phones on their knees, on a video call with whoever they deemed the most helpful. Nobody was really sure why Steve and Thor had thought Tony Stark and Bruce Banner would be helpful, as they had wasted ten minutes by first insulting, and then getting into a really deep scientific conversation with, Spock, Kirk and Uhura. But eventually the rest of them had managed to settle them down by threatening to turn off Tony's video and replace it with a picture of a llama.
'Sure. I'll get pie,' Dean replies.
Castiel glances at his image. 'But you're not here.'
'I never said I was getting it for any of you.'
'Right! Well, on with the actual contest,' Steve interjects quickly. 'We're going to just do movies this round, and you can only ask for help once per round.'
'So we're only allowed to talk once per round?' Kirk asks, gesturing to himself and Uhura.
'Yes, as you are most likely to know the answers,' Thor says. 'Otherwise we would not have phoned anyone. First question.'
'I will take it.' Spock leans over and selected a card. '"Which American rapper uses an amount of money for his name?"'
Cas looks confused. 'Surely his name would be 'an amount of money' then?'
'…Yes,' Spock replies, not fully understanding.
'He doesn't literally mean 'an amount of money', fairy-head,' Sherlock interrupts.
'Yeah, Cas. It'd be like if he used, say, half a dollar for his name,' Dean suggests.
'What?' Cas looks at Dean's image.
'Imagine if he called himself the equivalent of 'half of a dollar'. That'd be his name.'
Cas's eyes widen as he takes the hint. 'His name is 'half a dollar'.'
Sherlock has to duck away for a minute to hide his laughter. 'Once again, not literally,' he chokes as he re-emerges.
'So it's not half a dollar?'
'Well, no, it is.'
'So it is half a dollar?'
'No! Cas, use your head, dumbass!' Dean yells in exhaustion.
'Dean, I don't understand! I don't know American money!' Cas wails.
'Dear Lord, man, how can you not know the greatest currency ever invented?' Steve hisses. 'It's 50 Cent!'
'I do not think that qualifies as a point,' Spock begins, but Sherlock says, 'He tried very hard. He can have one for effort.'
Castiel looks pleased with himself. 'Next question.'
'Ok. "Which popular science fiction franchise aired its first episode in 1966?"' Steve reads out.
Spock and Sherlock look at each other, at a complete loss.
'Can we use our help?' Sherlock asks.
'Whoever answers doesn't get to help again until the next round,' Steve reminds him.
'How can you not know this?' Bruce mutters.
'Anyone?' Spock asks, looking at their two phones for help from the people they display.
Kirk and Uhura look blank, but John sighs and says, 'You're going to regret losing my wisdom. It's Star Trek. I hope you're happy, Sherlock, that was an easy one.'
'Star Trek is correct. You're not allowed to say anything until the next round, Mr Holmes,' Thor tells John.
'We're not married!' John tries to yell, but Sherlock has turned the volume of his phone down and so nobody hears.
'Can we do one that's less… recent pop culture-related?' Cas asks.
'No. You can't choose. But…' Sherlock continues, as he pulls out another card, 'you've gotten lucky. "What city were the Beatles from?"'
Cas mutters, 'I meant more like medieval. Shakespeare, for example.'
'I know!' Tony shouts, but Steve and Thor are thinking and ignore him.
'I know too,' Dean suggests, but Cas 'shushes' him. 'We're not going to ask for help unless we really need it.'
'Do any of you know the answer? No. Just ask us!' Tony demands.
'Silence, Metal Man!' Thor thunders. 'I, at least, intend to win this tournament. My team is talented, and we will get this question right. Now, tell us what country it was.'
'No help from us,' Sherlock says.
'Let me answer this question, blondies, or so help me I will set an actual metal man on your asses,' Tony hisses.
'You don't even know where we are,' Steve snaps back.
'Does anyone?' Kirk asks, speaking up for the first time since enduring Tony's questioning.
Everyone looks around. The room is plain, with everyone seated on their own sofa all gathered around a circular coffee table, but other than that there is no furniture. A thin corridor leads off of one wall, but other than that there are no entrances, not even windows. There is silence for almost five seconds before Tony blurts out, 'Liverpool.'
Sherlock whips around to scowl at him. 'I think I'd know if we were in Liverpool.'
'No, that is the answer to the question,' Spock reminds him.
'We seem not to be in your Mid – I mean, your Earth,' Thor says.
'Kirk, Uhura, can you try to get a read on where we are?' Spock asks.
'On it,' Uhura says at once.
John, who has been waving frantically for attention for a while, is finally noticed by Sherlock, who turns the volume of his phone back up. 'What's going on?' he says once he can be heard.
'We appear to be lost,' Sherlock informs him.
'How did you all get… wherever you are?' Dean asks. He doesn't appear to be very interested in their predicament, as his mouth is full of pie, but his question does make them think.
'Thor and I… we walked through a big blue door and found Sherlock and Spock sitting here,' Steve remembers.
'I was hiding from My – from unsavoury parties in London, and found this room,' Sherlock says. 'In fifteen minutes Spock appeared, and in another half hour, you two walked in.'
'How long was it until I arrived?' Cas asks.
'Another five minutes,' Sherlock replies.
'Spock, you – you don't appear to be anywhere,' Kirk says suddenly.
'Great. You're all floating around in space, Pretty Boy in the screen over there has decided to sacrifice his body to pastry, and still nobody has actually asked me for help,' Tony yells.
'You know where we are?' Cas asks quickly.
'No, of course I don't know where you are! I meant about the question.'
'Liverpool! Fine, take a point! Can we get back to the problem at hand, please?' Sherlock snaps.
Thor says, very tentatively, 'Loki?'
The four Avengers breathe a sigh of relief when there is no reply.
'So if this is not some trickery by my brother, then why are we here?' Thor asks.
'To play a very important game that some of us stopped work for,' Bruce replies.
'You don't have work. You're just messing around in a lab with Tony,' Sherlock reminds him.
'Are we sure that this is not Loki?' Steve asks. 'It wouldn't be like him to tell you if it was.'
'Who's Loki?' Cas asks, but nobody hears him.
'Loki is… I don't even know where Loki is now, but it would take power greater than his to gather us here. And for what purpose would he do this anyway? We are not fighting,' Thor says.
'Some of us are,' Tony mutters,
'We don't know where we are or how we got here. Loki may have engineered that, at least,' Steve replies.
'I do not-,' Thor begins, but he is cut off by the sudden appearance of a tall, thin, black-haired man.
Steve tenses, Sherlock regards the newcomer with sharp interest, Spock tries to see where he is hiding his transporter, Castiel is confused, and Thor jumps to his feet.
'You!' he cries.
'Hello, brother. Someone was saying my name a lot, so I decided to see why.' Loki grins. 'Are we playing a game? Excellent. Who's winning? I want to join their team.'
'You are not wanted here,' Thor growls.
Loki winces. 'Harsh, brother. Won't you let me stay? I see one team is a member short – I can help.' He glances towards Tony and Bruce's images. 'Why are you two so small?'
'Because we're not actually here, it's a video. And you'd better be glad of it, because if we were here we would be kicking your ass,' Tony says, leaning back and crossing his arms.
Loki knows better than to argue – the memory of New York won't go away quickly. Instead, he changes the subject. 'So, why were you calling me?'
'If we had known you would appear we would certainly not have been saying your name,' Thor says, sitting back down.
A flicker of hurt crosses Loki's face, but it is so brief that only Sherlock notices it before he has assumed his easy smile again. 'Fine. I'm definitely not joining your team.' He sits in a chair next to Sherlock, reclining with one ankle resting on his knee as though he was sitting a throne. 'I hope you two are winning.'
'Of course we're winning, we're the cleverest in the room,' Sherlock says, and nobody even tries to correct him.
'Wonderful. We even look somewhat similar. I have to say, I regard people more on the quality of their minds than on the quality of the braids in their hair.'
Thor looks down at his intricate blond braiding and scowls.
'Yes, brother, feel the shame. It looks like it's Team Brain against Team Brawn. And who do you think is going to win?'
Sherlock and Spock both grin. This new teammate will definitely be of use to them - even if he does only serve to anger Thor.
