Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

"We are so dead," Kevin said. "Dead, dead, deader than dead."

"Kevin, stop it. I'm driving," Will told him.

"Dead, dead, dead!" Kevin continued his mantra.

The van had three rows of seats. Will and Kevin occupied the first row, while Jack and Henry sat in their car seats in the very back.

"We're so dead, dead, utterly, profusely dead," Kevin said.

"I know," Will agreed. He directed the car along the pretty park roads. He was going ten under the speed limit, trying to put off the impending doom. But he knew that they would have to go home sometime.

"Dead, dead, dead!" Kevin whispered. He seemed vaguely shell-shocked.

During their jousting match, Jack had bashed Henry in the head with his jousting stick and then proceeded to fall and skin his elbow. Henry had a large scrape across the left side of his head. Jack's elbow had bits of dirt embedded in it and tattered, bloody skin clung to it.

Although both boys had cried a bit when they received their injuries, they both sat in silence now.

Henry sniffled. "Uncle Kevin keeps saying 'dead', Jack. We're gonna die, aren't we?" His voice was small and hoarse.

Jack nodded. He gently touched Henry's 'fatal' injury, then his own.

"Ow," Henry said quietly.

"Sorry," Jack muttered. He fought the tears that were invading his vision.

The silence in the back of the car resumed.

"We'd better plan our funerals," Kevin told Will.

"We should probably be cremated," Will suggested. "Once JJ, Hotch, and Garcia are through with us, there won't be enough left to warrant a casket."

"I don't wanna die, not like that!" Kevin whined. "I'd rather explode or something!"

Will shuddered. "I'd rather be eaten by zombies."

"Yeah? Well, I'd rather get run over by a garbage truck."

"I'd rather get stapled to a lion," Will retorted.

"Stapled to a lion? What?" Kevin looked at Will, concerned. "Maybe you'd better pull over and calm down," he said.

Will pulled the car over and put his face in his hands. "What time is it?" he asked, not bothering to look up.

"Just after four," Kevin replied. "Why? Is it important?"

"JJ is expecting us at four-thirty. It's a forty-minute drive home from here and we're late as it is. If she gets too anxious, she might set up roadblocks and come looking for us. She knows how to do that, you know," Will said quietly.

He sighed, pulled himself together, and put the car back on the road.

"I still don't want to die like that," Kevin said. "What if you drove the car off a cliff?" Kevin reached for the steering wheel.

Will slapped his hand. "Not with my son in the car!" Will growled. "And Jack," he added as an afterthought.

In the back of the car, Jack turned to Henry.

"They were just talking about funerals," Jack reported.

"How come they're not even taking us to the hospital? Is it that bad?" Henry asked. His eyes were large and terrified.

Jack sighed. "I think so." He sniffled.

"So we're going home? Why?" Henry asked.

"I guess…" Jack's voice faltered. He took a deep breath and continued. "I guess it's to say goodbye to our parents," he explained.

Henry settled into his car seat and faced forward, face stony. His nose began to run.

"Okay, how about this," Kevin said. "Henry can wear a hat for the next week."

"And Jack is supposed to wear what, elbow pads?" Will said. He was getting frantic. "That wouldn't fly with Hotch. Anyway, JJ combs Henry's hair every day. She would take the hat off."

"Calm down," Kevin said. "Maybe we can call JJ and tell her that we're just going out for dinner because we're all having so much fun. We can stay the night at a friend's place, get some bandages and first aid cream, catch the next flight to France…"

"No good." Will shook his head. "JJ's grandparents have some relatives in France. They might find us."

"Sweden, then?" Kevin suggested.

"Yeah, yeah! Sweden! What language do they speak there?"

"Uh… Swedish, I think."

"Darn, we don't know any Swedish." Will rapped his fingers against the steering wheel, frustrated.

"I'm sure we could find someone that speaks English, like in hotels and stuff. Anyway, we would learn Swedish soon enough."

"Oh, you're right. Henry and Jack would learn it really fast, because they're still at the language-learning age," Will said. JJ had made him read a lot of books about children and parenting.

"Oh, no! Will, we don't have enough money with us for plane tickets to Sweden!" Kevin realized.

"Trains are cheaper," Will suggested.

"Trains? Will, you want us to take a train across the Atlantic Ocean?"

"Damn, forgot about that."

And so it went in the front seats for the next twenty minutes.

Henry cleared his throat softly. "Jack?"

"Yeah?" Jack wiped away some tears.

"I need a hug."

"So do I." Jack reached over to Henry's car seat and wrapped his arms around the younger boy. Henry did the same.

Henry's nose spouted mucus onto Jack's shoulder. Jack didn't really mind. They would both be dead soon, anyway.

"Henry?" he said quietly.

"Hm?"

"Well… You know, you're like a little brother to me. Sometimes I might act like I don't really like you, but that's just me being an ignorant meanie-head."

Henry tried to giggle, but the sound got garbled in mucus and tears. His nose frothed with bubbly mucus.

Jack smiled and continued. "We've had a lot of good times together. I just wish we could be here to have more. So, you mean a lot to me, Little Buddy."

Henry sobbed. "You're my best friend," he managed to choke out.

Jack hugged Henry tighter. He rocked back and forth, trying to comfort both Henry and himself.

They both cried.

The van turned onto Will's street.

"We could steal the BAU jet," Kevin suggested.

"Hey, yeah! We could- oh, whoa," Will said.

The car coasted to a stop just before their house.

Will and Kevin shared a look of worry.

There was a police car parked at the end of the driveway.

"Oh, Penelope," Kevin whispered. "What have you done?"