CHAPTER 18: CRY, CRY, CRY

As we walked along in the woods, we were all pretty silent. Every now and then, Chris would look over his shoulder and cast a smile at me, and Teddy and Vern would tease me about it, but it was all done in a very awkward way. Finally, we came to a clearing, and Chris called, "Teddy?"

"Yeah?"

"This the Back Harlow Road?"

Teddy studied it for a minute, then replied, "Yeah."

Chris nodded. "Why don't we all split up and search. Gordie and I can take over here, and Teddy and Vern can look over there."

I looked at Chris. "And where should I go?"

Chris replied. "You can stay here and let us know if anyone is coming."

Outwardly, I replied, "Sure thing, Chris." Inwardly, I thought, "No way in hell." The minute Chris's back was turned, I ran over to a place that was far away from both pairs of boys. I had looked on my own for a couple of minutes, and then I heard the yell from Vern: "I SEE HIM, I SEE HIM!" I immediately ran from where I was looking and stood by the boys. "Where?" I asked.

Vern pointed, and I noticed his hand was shaking. "There, over in the leaves," he whispered. I saw a Ked hanging by its shoelaces on a branch. Under there must have been the rest of Ray Brower. I could feel my heart pounding. I actually had to cross my arms in front of my chest because I felt like my heart would pound out of my body.

It was Chris who finally walked over to the bushes. He looked at us for a moment before he finally pushed the leaves away.

I had to turn away for a minute and let out a breath before I could bring myself to turn back around. He was the same age as the five of us, but he seemed so… young, lost and alone. His eyes looked so large and afraid. His face was all messed up with the cuts and bruises, and his mouth was still open a little bit, as if he were still screaming. I couldn't help it, but I then did something I had sworn to myself I would never, ever do in front of the guys: I started to cry. I cried almost as hard as Chris had last night, but a lot softer. I couldn't help but think that that little boy in the bushes with the eyes that didn't see and the heart that didn't beat could have been any single one of us.

A few minutes passed before anyone noticed me crying, though. Which I guess I was kind of glad about. Chris turned and saw me crying. He put his arm around me and whispered, "Hey, Joe, don't cry."

And then, Teddy, Gordie and Vern did something I never expected: instead of making fun of me, or teasing me for being such a girl, they actually comforted me. I guess we all changed a lot on that trip: I realized I wanted to be more than just one of the boys, Gordie became a little more assertive, Chris had become more open, Teddy (I didn't think it was possible, but) got a bit less crazy, and Vern… well, Vern was pretty much the same. One thing was for sure, the five of us weren't the same 13 year old kids who had left home yesterday. We were young men and a young woman. I might have been the only one who felt that change come over us so quickly, but still…

After the five of us broke out of our small, semi-group hug, Chris said, "Joey, you and I can get some leaves over there, and, uh, Teddy and Vern, you can grab some twigs and sticks." We all kind of uneasily went about our tasks. Chris kept holding my hand as we gathered up some leaves. Normally, I would have just shaken him off like it didn't matter, but now… it felt like I needed him there. All of a sudden, I felt Chris's hand slip away. I turned to see where Chris was going. Gordie was still sitting on the log, staring at Ray Brower.

"What's the matter with Gordie?" Vern asked incredulously as he and Teddy turned away.

"Gordie, are you alright?" I asked as I moved a little closer to him. Chris turned to me and whispered, "It's okay, Joe, I've got this." I shrugged and went back to gathering up leaves. I constantly had to force myself to not listen to their conversation. I had to hold down my tears as I heard Gordie weep, "He hates me, my own dad hates me."

I finally turned around and saw Chris with his arm around Gordie. He said, "You're gonna be a great writer someday, Gordie. Maybe you'll even write about us guys if you ever get hard up for material."

Gordie choked on his tears for a minute before finally saying, "I guess I'd have to be pretty hard up, huh?"

And that was that. I figured we could just take the body and leave. Maybe my sense of danger was off-kilter on that trip…. I was so wrong.