The Gap

spockjasperlokizukowriting

Three- Photography

My lungs burned, my backpack slamming against my shoulders as I tore through the crowds, weaving between confused peers as I stumbled in the direction I prayed dearly lead to my salvation. My heart thundered in my chest, my face feeling bright red and uncomfortably warm, the jacket over my shoulders suddenly feeling constricting, air once more hard to get. I skidded to a halt, staggering briefly while I regained my balance, bracing myself against my immense embarrassment while I steadied myself with a hand against the locker.

I leaned down, inhaling and exhaling, trying to control myself, wondering if that had really just happened. Had I really just run over the boy I sat next to this morning? A boy who lived close by, most likely? On my first day of school? I was in denial, but the ache in the back of my head said otherwise. I glanced at the watch on my wrist and wrinkled my nose, realizing that I only had one more minute until class was to start. I tilted my head back and look ahead, pushing off the locker and walking unsteadily forward, reading the words emblazoned above the classroom doors, looking for photography. A young, red-haired woman rocked back and forth on her heels, smiling broadly and folding her hands before her, looking down to admire her bright red nails as I approached her timidly.

"Er, excuse me ma'am," I began shyly, bringing out my schedule to complete the appearance.

She looked up, her eyes wide and expectant. "Yes?"

"Do you know where I can find Photography?" I asked, a little bit unsure of myself, still dazed from crashing into someone much taller than myself and light-headed from nearly choking. "This is my first day here and I'm struggling to find my classes."

The woman smiled and then giggled. "Yes, you must be Isla Selvig, am I correct?" She put her hand out for shaking, white teeth glistening in the light. "I'm Ms. Greene, and welcome to Photography!"

Relieved, I shook her hand as she lead me inside, the bell ringing as we neared her desk. The room had a different atmosphere to rival Mr. Clark's, with gray and lilac walls and neatly arranged, framed black and white photos. The desks were individual and set out into columns, a little more crowded than Mr. Clark's with nearly every desk full, save for a couple randomly scattered out. The surfaces were immaculate, computers lining the edges of the room, printers assorted in accessible places. Ms. Greene struck as the woman to be organized. Her students followed me with their curious gazes, several whispering among them as they stood about, hardly any of them in their assigned seats, but they drifted to their proper places when Ms. Greene gave them a reprimanding smirk. I took a brief glance of the room before hugging my schedule to me, loathing being in the spotlight once more.

Ms. Greene filched a camera from her maple desk drawer, tapping up to me in her ballet flats and briefly straightening her tunic-style dress before handing it to me, turning to the class and smiling. "Class, I'd like you all to meet Isla Selvig! She'll be our new student for the rest of the semester. I'm sure she has questions for you guys, but for right now, why not ask her some questions yourselves?"

The class quieted down and shifted, an agonizing silence sinking in before a small, dark-haired girl raised her hand hesitantly. Ms. Greene immediately perked and gestured to her. "Yes, Darcy?"

The small girl shifted, but didn't look particularly interested as she asked, "Where are you from?"

"New Mexico," I responded, smiling and nodding.

A fit, square-faced jock raised his hand slowly, immediately being picked by the cheerful Ms. Greene, inspecting me like a pig for slaughter. "Uh, why'd you move?"

"My father was invited here for a teaching and research position at the University and my mother wanted us to come along," I replied flatly, the answer feeling exhausted and rehearsed. I'd lost count on how many times I'd had to introduce myself just in the last three days. The questions were beginning to lack little flare.

A manicured, cheer-leading type girl with relaxed hair and a face painted with make-up shot her hand up, smacking the gum she was chewing obnoxiously. She began speaking before Ms. Greene could call on her. "So, I heard that your dad is like this boring physics professor, and that's good and all, and your mom like doesn't work at all, and that you like have a hot older brother, and I so yeah, I was wondering-"

Ms. Greene cut-in with an uneasy smile. "Ashlee, unless you have an actual question, I would refrain those comments until we go outside or start working," she advised, giving me a tense laugh.

Ashlee brooded, slumping back and pouting as she gave a disbelieving, annoyed look to her pack of friends.

"So, my wonderful learners!" Ms. Greene continued, clapping her hands together. "We have an agenda to stick too! Isla, why don't you take a seat next to Connor, who'll give you a brief catch-up on our project, and then I'll turn you all loose on the school to continue taking your pictures! Connor, please raise your hand."

A short, brown haired boy with oval glasses, a blemished face, and a raggedy tee shirt raised his hand, the camera strapped down his neck and several binders and folders dumped on his desk. I quickly strode over to the desk next to him and sat down as the class began to busy themselves, taking out their cameras, asking each other questions, and reviewing a rubric of what material they needed to have. I got out my binder, placed the camera before me, and smiled over at Connor, who was staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

I continued to smile, a little uncomfortable under his intense gaze, and cleared my throat. "So, what's our assignment, Connor?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes and opened up one of his binders, revealing file after file of photographs and notes, including charts and guides to different styles in which to take a picture. "Look, I know that you're new here and don't have a clue what's going on, but I work by myself and have a strict to-do-list to stick to, so I'll cut to the chase. Get a rubric of the list of photos and styles you need to have from around the school and your home, it's all due in two weeks, get a pass and just roam around. Good day," he snapped and got up, bringing the binder with him as he grabbed one of the pre-signed hall-passes and pushed out through the door.

Taken back and slightly stunned, I rubbed my temple and set my backpack beside my seat, slipping my camera around my neck and walking up to a side desk with stack of papers on it. I briefly searched for the rubric, finally finding it after the small girl, Darcy, pointed to it. I smiled at her and then grabbed a hall-pass like I had seen Connor do, nodding towards Ms. Greene and following the group of students leaving out into the hallway.

Once out, I looked around before I started back in the directions of the stairs, curious of my scarf and wondering if the boy had left it there. My footsteps clapped against the vast walls like a staccato beat, the hallways now surprisingly empty compared to how they had been during passing period and the ten minutes before school. But when I arrived to the foot of the stairwell, I saw nothing but the plain tile floor. No hint of an accident, no hint that anyone had fallen down just minutes earlier.

Slightly annoyed, I exhaled and wandered around, searching the lower floor for an office for which there might've been a lost and found. I read the signs on the doors, relieved when I finally found something. I entered through the open doorway to a large waiting room, desks sectioning off the back while a gathering of cushioned chairs seated two Gothic looking boys, bruised and slightly bloodied, as if they had been in a fight, a concerned looking mother, and a few sick looking others. I walked to the front desk, easily attracting the attention of the clerk, who peered up through her half-moon glasses and gave me a tired smile.

"My I help you?" she drawled.

"I'm looking for the lost and found," I answered, a little unsure, feeling awkward for my voice to be the only one in the room. Several pairs of eyes burned on the back of my neck and I instinctively stiffened.

She directed her gaze to a large cardboard box labeled as such in the far corner of the room. I thanked her and headed in its direction, looking down and checking the contents. I pushed through the layers of clothing and old lunchboxes, even several binders, but saw nothing of my scarlet scarf. I bit my lip, thanked the clerk again, and walked out, navigating my way slowly until I was routed back to Photography, passing the stairwell until I heard voices, low and whispering, interrupted from their conversation as a girl giggled uncontrollably. I paused and glanced to my side, seeing a couple of students grouped underneath the stairs, laughing and whispering together, but their voices carried in the otherwise silence hallway.

"I know, right?" one of the boys snickered. "And she just left him there with the stupid scarf."

I went rigid and turned bright red, suddenly realizing what their conversational topic was.

The girl who had tried talking to me earlier, Ashlee, laughed and smacked one of the jocks playfully on the arm, her camera forgotten at her feet. "Ohmygod, how weird is this girl going to be? If I had fallen on top of him, I wouldn't have left in such a hurry. I mean, I wouldn't have like left at all!"

I shook my head slowly and started back in the direction of Photography, suddenly desperate to leave, feeling like a complete idiot, my face still bright red. I clenched my hands into fists and crossed my arms over my chest, keeping my head low as I trudged back to Photography, letting loose the breath I didn't realize I had been holding when I saw Darcy framing and focusing her camera on a specific, damaged locker, bent inwards in the middle. I slowed to a halt a couple feet from her, feeling flustered and irritable when Darcy started to speak.

"You know you should ignore Ashlee and her herd of cows, right?" Darcy droned, focusing the camera and clicking to take the picture, letting it fall to her chest as she gave me a questioning look.

I pursed my lips, taken back. "I..."

Darcy flipped her hair out of her face, adjusting her dark jacket and plaid hat while she narrowed an eye at me. "They make up crap all the time."

I shook my head and rubbed my temple. "I'm just a little bit confused right now, that's all. Normal first day of school stuff."

"Hell, do most normal first days of school start by running over one of the more silent students in our grade?" she asked suspiciously with a raised eyebrow. "You know how to make an entrance, that's for sure."

I looked away, pursing my lips. "I didn't mean to."

"Course you didn't," she replied curtly, raising her camera to take a picture of me looking away, bright red. There was a click and I flinched, Darcy smiling in amusement. "Tons of people saw it, so don't assume that it won't travel around lightly."

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "Well, at least that's what I'll be known for now. How wonderful..." I mumbled, averting my gaze to the floor.

Darcy stood with me in silence, smacking her lips before grabbing my elbow. "Come on. I can't let you stand there looking all pathetic."

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused but reluctantly willing to let her drag me out the double doors at the far end of the hallway, walking out into an expansive sporting area of different fields covered in snow and wilted school gardens.

"Here," she stated, letting me go and giving me a small smile. "This is the best place to clear your head. A lot of people don't come out here at all to take pictures, so you won't be bothered. Not all of us like the snow. Good day." With that, she turned tail and headed back inside without a second glance.

I smiled after her, slipping on my gloves and pulling out my beanie, adjusting myself for the cooler weather and gripping my camera in both hands, grateful to be alone. Darcy may have been remarkably impassive, but I knew that she was still slightly looking out for me. It felt better to know I had a small ally in this class.

I stumbled along the sidewalk, looking down at the athletes running on the nearly frozen track, snowfall gently lifting down around them. The frost-lain plants in the small garden rows inclined over the soil, almost craning like a swan's neck. Kneeling down, I raised the camera to my eye and squinted, adjusting the angle before taking several pictures of the garden, concentrating most of the images around one particularly sad looking crop of cilantro, some small flowers poking from the weeds growing amongst the other plantings. The whole thing was neglected, but the sad, abandoned look about it made for some heartwarming pictures.

I must've spent the rest of the hour outside, exploring the outer school grounds, laughing as the PE students slipped and slid on the icy track. Eventually, I was lured to a small grove of trees on the far side of one of the fields, leading to a small gathering of picnic tables. I decided quickly that this was my favorite spot, thin feathers of white falling down, drifting through the canopy of the trees, naked branches clacking and snapping in the soft breeze, brushing my cheeks as I looked up at the thick, gray sky of clouds. The snow covered my winter clothes and layered upon exposed roots, the pines and oaks almost shivering from the cold, truly in yule spirits while the glacial air bit against my lightly tanned skin.

The winter was magical, and I made sure to preserve the moments and images in the pictures I took in place of the sketchbook I had left back in the classroom, waiting for me in my backpack. I frowned when I remembered that I could've fixed the drawing I had of the black-haired boy, but decided to leave that for later. Odds are that I would only run into him later today on the bus, but I had Tom and Finley and Sif to help keep me company and distracted, so I wouldn't have to face the embarrassment.

I held my head back, blinking as snowflakes fluttered between my lashes, little more than flecks caught in a gentle celestial dance. I was utterly alone in my grove of trees, sultrily standing against the tall trunks of the groves of trees, sinking in slowly with every fresh wave of snow. I clenched my fists, drew my eyes shut, and inhaled, grateful for the moments of solitude.

My watch warned me with the time two minutes before class was to end. I trudged reluctantly back up to the main building, pushing past the freezing handles of the double doors to enter the hallway again. My boots were soaking around the edges, my gloves wet, my camera icy to the touch, but my face was flushed and I felt renewed. I saw Darcy hovering around the lockers, once again framing that particular locker when she looked up and smiled.

"So, how was the outside, newbee?" she questioned, a small smirk on her face.

I nodded and smiled. "Great, thanks. Did I miss a call in or something? Because I know that it's kind of late..."

Darcy shook her head and walked with me to the classroom, opening the door for me as she plodded inside. "Nope, not at all. Ms. Greene could care less whether or not we come back at this point." Ms. Greene jovially waved at me, trying to be cute in the almost kitten-like way as she sat at her desk, attending something at her computer screen.

I walked back to what was now my desk, Connor sitting and sorting through his already printed out pictures. I smiled weakly at him, but he didn't notice me, pouring over his work like a mad scientist. I simply slipped the rubric and camera into my backpack and sat there, waiting for the class to end. Darcy laughed with the person sitting next to her, giggling about something, and I silently wished I could join them. The door acted like a revolving one as students walked in, filing in the lines their groups formed. I watched, measuring their countenances, looking for people I would want to be friends with. The mere thought of friends made me miss Tom his cousins all the more. Why, o why, did they have to be seniors?

I stared at my hands, conversations whispering around me, the noise escalating to an uncontrollable point as the crowding began. Some words stood out through the rest, however, and I intently listened.

"Hey, you bruising yet softie? Or did she not hit you hard enough?" A masculine voice laughed as someone shuffled around with their bag a couple seats behind me.

A softer, gentler voice answered, "No."

"Oh come on, seriously? No scarring? This chic must weigh nothing," the other voice laughed. "Like, seriously, she got you from behind."

"I'm honestly undamaged," the soft voice argued. "No harm done."

"I heard she spat in your face," a gruff voice snickered. "Betcha that did some harm."

"She didn't do anything of the like," the soft voice countered.

"At least she left you sitting there, crazy bitch," chortled the first voice. "Hit and run, isn't that what it's called? Don't understand what's going on in her head."

"It's her first day," snapped the soft voice, suddenly taking a harder edge. "Leave her alone."

"Ooooh," the chorused. "Softie's defendin' her."

"What's gotten into you, dude?"

The bell rung and the class jolted in unison, snaking out through the doorway. I sat there quietly seething, knowing well and truly they were talking about me. I stiffly threw a glance over my shoulder, turning bright red as I saw the black haired boy stand beside his desk, the other three teens shouldering past him, one of them whacking him in the back of the head as they chased after the girls filing from the room. The black-haired boy momentarily leveled his green, emerald gaze with mine before he looked away and left, following the class with hunched shoulders, his expression unaffected.

I sat there, quiet, stunned, unwilling to move. The boy had been in the class the entire time? My face turned bright red, darkening as I felt the guilt and twists of embarrassment wreck my stomach once more, my throat feeling clogged and my head pounding. Not only was he in the class, but the other students had quickly found out about the accident and were morphing it in all kinds of directions. I rubbed my temple, suddenly wishing to go home, or to be anywhere but here. What I thought had been a promising day was turning out into my worst nightmare.

I shouldered my backpack and stormed from the classroom, seething in my own emotions.

"Bye-bye!" Ms. Greene pitched on my way out, and I gave her a weak smile in return, knowing that she was nice enough, but I wasn't in the mood. The hallways were once again swarming with students, but I didn't see any of the ones I wanted to have rescue me. No sweet Tom, no fun-loving Finley, hearted Vlad, temperate Hayden, or mordant Sif. Only a thousand I didn't know amongst a building so foreign to me.

I stood against the wall, hoping for someone to come, feeling small and insignificant until I heard a familiar voice shout, "Isla!"

I glanced over my shoulder to see a tall, blond head bobbling through the crowds, shoving until he reached me. Tom was grinning more widely than ever, rubbing the back of his neck timidly as he laughed. "Found you!" he smirked.

I smiled back and nodded. "Yes, thank you," I implored. "I was starting to wonder where you were." More than just wondering, really.

He shrugged sheepishly. "I couldn't remember what class you had, but Sif did. We're waiting for you in the courtyard."

I frowned. "Courtyard?"

He nodded. "Yes, come on!" He offered his arm to me, for which I gratefully accepted as I let him tow me along once more, feeling the blush leaving my cheeks now that I knew I was safe once more.

He weaved through the crowds and broke down different hallways, passing stairwells and locker after locker until we breached another set of double doors and were immersed in a large, stone courtyard. Small statues dotted the place, large potted plants equaling their size, ringing in figurative designs. Students were gathering in minute clusters, but this place was far less crowded than I had expected it to me. Only streams of students walked along the sides, passing through the doors and walking up and down the concrete stairs. Arching over the expanse was a tall ribcage of metal work holding up a strong mesh of canvas, hiding away the snow but still letting sunlight fall through like a pool of light.

Near the center lined several rows of picnic benches, also made from stone. Sif, with her long, rivering black hair, sat at the edge of one side of the bench in the middle, opposite Finley, Vlad, and Hayden, Finley playing a small slapping game with Vlad while Hayden sat quietly eating his lunch. The cemented ground was damp as we walked across it, Tom leading the way, laughing out in greeting, "My cousins! Look who I found!"

Finley immediately brightened, waving at me and laughing with a wide grin. Sif turned around and leered, narrowing her eyes as Tom sat between me and her. I let my backpack fall down at my feet while Vlad's eyes twinkled merrily. I grinned- he almost reminded me of a red-haired, young Santa Claus.

"So, Isla," Finley smiled. "How's the first day coming along?" He took a giant swig of whatever was in his thermos as I nodded.

"It's fine, thank you! I think I've made some new friends already," I affirmed.

Vlad raised both fluffy red eyebrows. "Oh, is that true, then? Besides us?"

I laughed. "Including you, I've become acquainted with Jane Foster, and I think this girl named Darcy."

"Darcy? Darcy Lewis?" Sif asked incredulously. "The irritating small pixie thing? The one always carrying around a camera?"

Tom went rigid and shoved her before she could go on. "Sif, be nice," he urged between his teeth. "It's not as if your opinion has to be the same as Isla's."

"I thought that she was very nice," I protested, gazing at Vlad and Finley for help. "She's a little bit distant but she helped me out when I felt confused."

Vlad shrugged and stole Finley's thermos, prompting an annoyed look from the smaller cousin. Hayden carefully measured me while Tom decided to speak. "Well, whatever the case, at least Isla's finding some welcome in her classes," he argued, giving me a small smile. "I think for that we should be proud of her!"

"Amen to that, cousin!" Finley managed between hiccups.

"Well, that's all well and good, but how did you find Jane Foster?" Sif pressed. "She's a complete and utter dork, isn't she?"

I shrugged. "I thought it was kind of endearing how enthusiastic she is," I replied, reaching in and drawing out a bag of chips from my backpack, offering some to Tom. "Besides, she's one of the few people outside of my mom who finds my dad's work interesting. I think that's a huge compliment. Her dad is working with mine at the University, so it's understandable that she wants to be friends."

Vlad chuckled. "True, but you'll still probably be one of her only friends, bless her heart," he stated. "She's a sweet girl, just clumsy."

I laughed, uncomfortable that the people I thought had been nice were being minutely bullied. "Well, that's not the only thing I did this morning," I began again, the seniors once again taking an interest in my words. "I fell down the stairs."

"Clumsy meets clumsy," Sif muttered, prompting another reprimanding kick from Finley. Hayden looked concerned as Vlad gasped.

"Wait, you what?" Tom asked, worried as he scooted back to give me a once over. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine, just a slight headache..." I lied.

"Well, that's certainly an eventful morning," Vlad said, taken back with surprise. "Stairs, Darcy, and Jane Foster all in one. I wonder what the afternoon will hold."

I laughed and nodded, an inching feeling of dread pitting at the base of my gut. "I can't wait."

The rest of the lunch had gone smoothly after that. I laughed and learned as Sif left and then came back with a map of the school. She showed mt the different landmarks around the place, highlighting routes with marker to all of my classes and circling shortcuts to different locations, such as the office, cafeteria, and the courtyard. I listened avidly as they spoke about their family life, and what they were all going to do with themselves upon graduating.

I learned that Vlad and Finley were fraternal twin brothers, oddly enough. Sif was their cousin but they treated her like a sister, and Hayden was her adopted younger brother, all around the same age. Their parents had to go work overseas, so Tom's parents had volunteered for the task of taking them in until their parents got back, a date which they knew was far, but didn't know specifically. Tom, strangely enough, stayed the most silent out of the lot, sitting by my side like a loyal guard-dog, reprimanding Sif when need be and occasionally explaining some of their comments.

Tom's father was a political figure-head in the army while his mother worked as a detective for the Homicide department of the police force. Luckily, work for them was rare, as the city remained relatively peaceful. Sure, there was the occasional robbery, but thanks to their work, the city hadn't known a murder for almost twenty-five years. Tom looked proud when he spoke of them.

"And as for me," he continued as he slung his bag over his shoulder, leading me away from the picnic table, "I want to be a fireman."

"A fireman?" I laughed, simpering as we shoved through the double doors and started to head up a flight of stairs.

"Yes, a fireman," he affirmed.

"But why?" I asked.

"Well," he began. "I figured that I had the body for it, it was a grand position in society, the girls would come easily-" he winked at me, "-and I could enjoy the benefit of knowing that I made a difference in people's lives. I'd probably move to somewhere, like to the state of California. They have tons of wildfires. It'd be nice to get out of the snow- into the heat, near an ocean that didn't provide nearly as many storms. It'd be a rather comforting change of scene."

I nodded as we rounded a corner, heading down a hallway with my map in hand. "Sounds logical enough to me."

He grinned down at me before looking ahead, passing couples leaning against the walls, hiding during the last several minutes of lunch. "And what about you, Miss Isla? What do you want to be when you graduate?"

I frowned but shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know," I admitted honestly. "My mother wants me to become a scientist, like my father, but that just isn't me. If the world were perfect, I'd want to become an artist- to make a living from my drawings."

I then laughed and looked down. "But it's stupid to think that that could happen. I'm not nearly good enough and have no connections whatsoever."

"Who's to judge whether you're good enough?" Tom challenged. "If you have a dream, you should follow it."

"Yes, but there are too many starving artists clinging to that dream, but the dream itself won't put food on the table forever, Tom," I reminded. "I need something I could realistically live on. And drawing, chances are, isn't going to be that thing."

Tom pursed his lips, taking my hand gently. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," he insisted, giving my fingers a gentle squeeze. "Most of the artists I've met are their own worst critic."

I laughed. "I'm dreadful, believe me! I'll show you my awful drawings on the bus," I promised.

"I'll hold you to that," he warned, stopping before a door labeled 'trigonometry'. I sighed as he let go of my hand, giving me a large smile. "Well, this is it. Welcome to hell."

I gave him a skeptical look. "It can't be that bad," I drawled.

He shook his head, "Oh no, it is, and it always will be." He then reached down, took my hand and kissed it once more. "I must go, but I'll see you later, Miss Isla." With a sly grin, he turned and walked down the hallway, his chin held back proudly as he nodded at some of the older seniors. I caught Jane watching him from the locker she had open, her binders and books in her hands as she gazed wistfully after him. Tom vanished around the corner and she looked away, blushing, hiding her face as she threw me a considering, hurt look and disappeared into the nearest classroom, not bothering to close the door behind her.

My smile quickly fell and a sting of guilt shot through my chest, interrupting my heartbeat as I turned and opened the door to the classroom, shutting the door behind me and taking the nearest seat, wondering what I had done to unsettle the school so much in just a little under four hours.