Joe and I flapped awkwardly down a long black stone hallway that stood about 20 feet in height with a vaulted ceiling and lined with torches made out of skulls. We weren't used to our own new feathery wings yet, so we kept crashing into the walls and falling on the floor. Miraculously, we had so far avoided destroying any of the art statues that lined this hall as I tried my best to keep my flight even. As soon as I thought that, Joe smashed into me, which caused my left wing to smash against a clay sculpture of a Herald of Slaanesh riding a dragon, which in turn caused it to smash loudly against the floor into a thousand pieces. Oops. Party foul.
Jet-Fuel turned around, angry at our clumsy bullshit. With a wave of his claw, he had reversed time, and we were now flying in the same hallway, redoing our flight. Sadly, it took at least three more time reversals before we were able to make it to the end of the hallway without breaking anything, and at the third try, the statue somehow changed into a Bloodthirster instead. Our new wings weren't easy to use. I had no idea what kind of reality-altering magic the Lord of Change was using, but it felt stupid for him to force us to go down this hallway instead of just teleporting us where we needed to go. I wasn't about to argue with a greater daemon, though, so we just let him be the boss here. When I finally landed on the floor at the end of the hallway, I realized that I could have just walked the distance instead of flown, and I felt pretty stupid.
We were before a doorway. It was barred, and was being guarded by two black Chaos Marines that were so covered in spikes and guns that they looked like military sea urchins. Most Chaos Marines looked huge and scary by default, but these guys overdid it on the spikes, and ended up just looking silly. I usually avoided Chaos Marines ever since getting my head blown off by one in friendly fire during the Horus Heresy. They were very sensitive and emotional.
"Greetings!" Jet-Fuel announced happily as we landed near the barred door. One of the spiky marines immediately raised his bolter to shoot at us, and fired. Time paused and reversed, and the bolter in the marine's hand turned into a bluebird, which flew away. "We have invitations, my good men! We are VIPs!"
The spiny marines looked at us, and one of them simply said, "Invitation?" in a voice of evil metal.
Jet-Fuel happily produced his own invite scroll, and the marines went to reach for it. Unexpectedly, it burned up in fire when it left his clawed hands as the greater daemon smiled. This had apparently been a prank by the disguised Lord of Change, who had begun to laugh hysterically, but the sea urchin marines were not amused. These sorts of dudes were probably only amused by putting babies on spikes, and I would never want to piss any of them off.
"You are not permitted!" the two porcupines barked. Jet-Fuel continued laughing ahead of us as these guys brandished new bolters at us that had magically formed out of their armor. Oh man. Bad move thinking you can outmagic a Lord of Change, fellas, I thought.
"Don't say I don't do anything for you, little ones!" Jet-Fuel, continued laughing as the marines began blasting hell at us, their bolt projectiles harmlessly bouncing off a shield that had formed around us via the Lord of Change's magic. With another lazy motion of Jet-Fuel's claws, all the spines on the spiky marines turned inward, skewering the chaos marines and killing them both nearly instantly. This caused a big'n'tasty soul to jump out of each marine, with one heading right into my mouth. Wow, what a meal!
"Thanks bro!" I barked at Jet-Fuel. That guy was yummy!
"Yeah! You're great! I'm glad we're here instead of the races!" Joe explained with a belch.
Jet-Fuel smiled happily. "You're most welcome, little minions! Can't meet the great General Manson on an empty stomach! You might catch cold!"
That made no sense, but whatever. Just smile and nod at the insane greater daemon. Joe and I both smiled and nodded. We were good boys.
Stormclouds appeared above us, and the air became very cold. The greater daemon's expression immediately turned to ice.
"Why are you both standing there nodding like that?" Jet-Fuel's disposition made a dramatic left turn, and now, he was angry at us. The room became even colder as the ceiling began to leak blood on top of us with a thunderclap. Jet-Fuel suddenly transfigured into his more conventional Lord of Change form, vulture-bodied and dragon-necked and shrieking insanity like normal. He was absolutely too big for this hallway, and forced to kneel as he proceeded to scream at the top of his crazy lungs at us. He smashed his giant clawed fist against the floor. Joe and I immediately took to the air again in immortal terror, which caused Joe to smash into the Bloodthirster statue, which shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor.
Jet-Fuel used his daemon powers to force us to the ground again, actually melding our legs up to the waist into the floor. We couldn't run away now. The greater daemon continued yelling, and was now shouting accusations at us. "Are you making fun of me? You dare? Fools! Are you trying to keep me from finding out the truth? Fools! Liars! Is that it? Take the innocent forms of sweet baby Furies to get me to put my guard down? Well, I'm not fooled! No!"
The psychotic Lord of Change raised both his taloned hands, and I heard screams and laughter in the air as he began to cast a spell. I prepared for my annihilation with a wince, but then, there was a knock at the sealed door. Jet-Fuel instantly seemed to forget what was going on, and transfigured back into his smaller vulture-fury form with a comical little puff of smoke. "Who's there?" he sweetly asked the closed door.
"Justin," an unfamiliar voice replied from behind the door.
"Justin who?" the Lord of Change asked. He was now giggling. I looked at Joe. He had literally turned bright white from fear.
"You're just in time for the the speech, Jet-Fuel-Can't-Melt-Steel-Beams-But-I-Can," the voice said as the door opened. Behind the door was another vulture-fury, who grinned happily.
"My, who is this handsome fellow?" Jet-Fuel remarked as he faced the new daemon before him. "Such luscious feathers and such a soul of dappled truthy brilliance. Why, it's like I'm looking in a mirror!"
Joe and I exchanged nervous glances, but we dared not say anything.
"That's because we're both the same debonair neverborn split in two, Jet-Fuel-Can't-Melt-Steel-Beams-But-I-Can. We split ourselves into two pieces so that we could cover more ground in our search for the truth!"
"That makes sense and you are both smart and cool, Jet-Fuel-Can't-Melt-Steel-Beams-But-I-Can!"
"I know!
Both daemons then saw that we were both still stuck inside the floor, and scared out of our wits.
"You should probably fix that," the new vulture Fury suggested, and the one that had been leading us nodded. With another wave of his claws, we were above the floor again. Joe was still white, and he puked something that resembled cotton candy all over the floor. Both vulture Furies laughed warmly with no trace of homicidal mania whatsoever.
After their bout of giggles at our terror, they stopped laughing. "You ready?" one of the Furies that was Jet-Fuel asked the other that was also Jet-Fuel.
"Yes, sir!" the second Fury saluted the first, and then opened his beak impossibly wide, all the way to the floor. With a happy nod, the first Fury then proceeded to pull the second's beak even more widely open, as if it was made of elastic. When the second Fury's mouth was large enough, the first actually crawled inside the other's gullet, and he was swallowed whole.
Joe looked at me, and vomited more cotton candy. Before us, the second Fury patted his stomach happily, which then shrank back down to a more reasonable size.
"Are y'all done out there?" yet another new voice called out to us from beyond the open door. Unfortunately, this new voice belonged to an older female, and because of that, I cringed. As if Joe wasn't upset enough. I noticed that he had begun to shake near me, absolutely terrified. Joe got triggered around older human women because he told me that he thinks he used to be one, and because of that, they caused him incredible anxiety. This didn't make sense, him being terrified of old female mortals but not being similarly afraid of greater daemons and Chaos Marines. Normal mortals scaring the shit out of daemons was ridiculous. It really shows how shitty we Chaos Furies are, I guess. But, I try not to judge because I am also sort of a loser with a lot problems. But, at least I don't lose my shit when the wrong kind of grandma crosses our path.
Jet-Fuel was oblivious to Joe's terror, and faced the newcomer. Happily, he said "Oh, hello there!" in a cheerful greeting to the female mortal, who I couldn't quite see yet.
"Are y'all gonna stand outside yelling and doin' magic all night? We await your presence as we hear the words of General Manson!"
This slight scolding caused my friend to continue to melt down. I had tried to teach him about mindfulness meditation and facing his phobias, but he never listened, so he just remains upset most of the time when something sets him off.
"Joe, relax!" I hissed through my beak.
Jet-Fuel turned around, and faced whoever it was behind the door, who I could now see. It was indeed an older human female, possibly in her 60's, and wearing very tawdry silks. She was of average height, and had fair skin and long frizzy blonde hair. I didn't see any marks of Chaos or anything. Maybe she was just weird, and that's why she was here? Whatever, I didn't care. I already ate so all of this was just entertainment now. "Madam, I assure you, we'd be delighted join you in our quest for the truth!" the disguised Lord of Change said warmly.
I stepped through the door after Jet-Fuel motioned for us to follow him. Joe still couldn't move, frozen with fear, and staring at the older woman with wide eyes. When Jet-Fuel noticed this, he snapped his fingers, causing some kind of magic to glow around Joe. Suddenly, the smell of cheap booze suffused the air, and Joe was now walking drunkenly next to me. Somehow, Joe had been enchanted with drunkenness, even though as daemons we could not get drunk in the conventional sense.
"I feel funny!" Joe said with a hiccup and a giggle. Our little group made our way down a short hall into another small lobby. It appeared the main throne room of the castle was beyond this door. I could make out that a man was speaking as if addressing a large group of people inside.
"Liquid courage but without the liquid so you won't be anxious, little Fury! I take care of my minions! Rest assured, there is no need to fear this woman, for she is a truth seeker, worthy of my respect! I have been manipulating her entire life in order to bring her here to this moment. Her name is Inquisitor Janet Reno, undercover Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus for the Imperium of Mankind. She's been living undetected on this beautiful world for years already, and look, not a mutation on her and no one has tried to kill her yet! How admirable, smart, and hopeful!" the disguised insane greater daemon whispered with excitement to us. Miraculously, the woman who led us appeared to either not hear what Jet-Fuel had said, or she didn't care.
It took me a few moments to understand what Jet-Fuel had said to us. What the fuck? This lady was an Inquisitor? What in the-?
Before I could get upset, I found myself also afflicted with drunkenness. This actually felt great, and I started to giggle! Joe jabbed me in the ribs, and laughed. "Did you hear that, Bob? This lady, she's an-"
"Shh!" Joe's beak was glued shut again. "We have to keep her secret! I don't want to keep removing her memories as we walk along! That gives my poor precious human nightmares later! She's my favorite mortal and if you both continue to upset her, I will crush your souls into dust, and scatter your thoughts to the Warp," Jet-Fuel had begun yelling at us while we were right next to the woman. He realized what he had done, and turned to the woman. "Beg your pardon, Lady Inquisitor. There, I tore those memories out!"
The Inquisitor stood blinking and confused right before the main door for a few moments now. Joe was moaning in anxiety behind his sealed beak. "Huh," she said, bewildered. "I'm sorry y'all. I think I've just been having a bad day. Let's go inside."
Jet-Fuel gave us both stern looks as we stumbled drunkenly through the door, and into the throne room of Castle Waco. This was definitely shaping up to be quite an interesting evening.