My Obsession, My Possession
~Chapter Six – Reflected in The Ice of His Dreams~
Kakashi found that his body did not handle stress well. It had been three weeks since Sasuke went missing. Three weeks. And every time he went back to Detective Morino the man assured him that he had a lead, soon he would show the results. But Kakashi was beginning to lose faith as each day passed and he still seemed so far away from ever seeing Sasuke again.
His nights had become long and restless; his appetite had completely disappeared. Dark circles framed his eyes and his ribs became more and more prominent and it felt as though his entire existence was just slowly fading out.
He told himself that he had to get out of this funk. He had to be strong, he had to keep up the fight, for Sasuke. But another side of him weighed him down, telling him that Sasuke was dead or worse and there was just no point anymore.
Pitifully, Kakashi found himself relying more and more on the comfort of Iruka these days. It helped somehow. That's all he cared about.
Iruka was doing a great job holding up both a broken Kakashi and a devastated Naruto as well. The thought of the blonde boy made Kakashi grimace. Naruto seemed to be in even worse shape than Kakashi; his eyes were sunken in from not eating, his naturally tan face was sickly pale, and about a week or so ago he completely stopped going to school, making some speech about not wanting Sasuke to be the only one behind on his studies "when he came back."
Iruka had, as to be expected, completely disagreed with the boy's logic. But Naruto was completely adamant and nothing Iruka said or did could change his mind. Sakura came by a couple times to drop off the work he missed (even though he refused to do it) and said she would make a habit out of it until Naruto came to his senses, much to Iruka's chagrin. Oddly enough, whenever she stopped by Naruto would barricade himself inside his bedroom and refuse to even say hello. Iruka, being the all-knowing mother hen that he is, began to suspect that Naruto skipping school had less to do about Sasuke and more about some fight he had with Sakura.
Kakashi had paid witness to all this because a little over a week ago, Iruka had practically forced him to move into their house. Kakashi had objected of course, but he didn't have very much strength to argue with a stubbornly concerned Iruka, so he ended up sleeping in their guest bedroom the last few days. When he could be bothered he would go to work, but his boss had practically given him free time off due to the situation. Kakashi was grateful. When he wasn't at work, he would stop by his house to check his phone messages and get the mail, (and don't tell anyone, but whenever he walked down the hallway that led to the den, he would always stop to open Sasuke's door and stare into his empty bedroom that smelled exactly like him, eventually succumbing to grief and allowing himself a few moments to wallow as he sat on his lost son's bed with a wet face.)
It was on this particular day, as he sat on Sasuke's neatly made bed, fighting back tears with a phone pressed to his ear that he received a message from Detective Morino. Phone me as soon as you get this, the message said, Good news.
Needless to say, Kakashi's spirits seemed to soar as he speedily dialled the number he'd already memorized. After a brief chat, he hung up and made a beeline for the front door, almost forgetting to lock it in his emotional frenzy as he literally sprinted to the car and began pulling out of the driveway with his door still open and his seatbelt undone.
Driving like a madman the way he was, it was a miracle that Kakashi made it to the police station in one piece. Ibiki didn't fail to notice the subtle instability of the man's emotional state and politely offered him some water. Kakashi accepted gratefully.
"So?" Kakashi asked breathlessly, before he even sat down, "What's the news?"
"Before that," Ibiki replied, lacing his fingers together on the desktop, "What do you know of the secret investigation Uchiha Fugaku was leading prior to his death?"
Taken aback, Kakashi stuttered a moment before replying, "He was the superintendent general; he investigated a lot of things. I don't know of any particular one… especially if it was kept secret."
Ibiki nodded, his expression unchanged. "That's what I expected to hear. Three months before the murder, Fugaku began investigating a mysterious criminal organization that makes the Yakuza seem like a bunch of schoolgirls. He didn't tell anyone about it—except for his second-in-command at the time; a smart move on his part. I'll get right to the point. I suspect this organization is responsible for the murders of Superintendent Uchiha and his wife and the abduction of Uchiha Sasuke."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in his chair slightly. "What about Itachi?"
Ibiki didn't say anything, his lips tightened into a tense frown. "Have you ever heard of Uchiha Madara?"
Kakashi thought for a moment. The name sounded a little familiar, but he found no memories of ever meeting the man so he shook his head briskly. Ibiki silently observed him for a moment before he stood, lacing his hands together behind his back and began pacing around the room slowly, pretending to browse the numerous wall decorations.
"Uchiha Madara was a business phenomenon thirty years ago. His companies were vast and powerful, and despite his young age, he was clever. Charismatic, too. A natural leader, apparently. He had no rivals. His talents as a businessman quickly made him the wealthiest among the Uchiha. But he had a darker side. People began labelling him as a ruthless tyrant, and not long after his success reached its peak, he was convicted of indulging in drugs and sex trafficking. Evidences pointed to him being behind countless crimes, some more unspeakable than others."
Kakashi nodded. It wasn't an uncommon story. Wealthy businessman is exposed for being corrupt and depraved, the public is shocked and appalled, the businessman loses everything and the cycle repeats. He'd seen it happen many times.
"Ashamed, the rest of the Uchiha family shunned him. He was sentenced to twenty-five years in prison, but before he was apprehended, he disappeared. They never found him."
"What does this have to do with Itachi or finding Sasuke?"
Ibiki's jaw twitched as he suppressed a scowl. "Not long after his disappearance, crime rates sky-rocketed. The highest Tokyo had seen in decades. Police were beside themselves trying to keep order, and civilians became more and more restless. It seemed like it was getting worse with no end in sight, but when Uchiha Fugaku became superintendent, everything changed. He dominated criminal activity in ways most people had never seen. It was after he lowered crime rates that a rumour began to spread; a rumour that Madara had become heavily involved in gangs and was recruiting criminals for his own means. Fugaku went after him a few times, but he always managed to slip away."
Ibiki approached his desk and poured himself a glass of water, holding the glass without drinking from it. "The secret investigation that Fugaku began before he died was centered on finding and exposing Madara. If he managed to gain a lead and Madara found out about it, well, there's the motive for a murder right there."
Kakashi stared at him. "Why now? Why wasn't this considered after his death? Did anyone bother to accuse Madara until now?"
"Of course they did," Ibiki quipped, his jaw tight, "but there was nothing they could do. All the files Fugaku had that documented everything he knew about Madara went missing at the time of his murder. And like I said, Fugaku didn't tell anyone about the private investigation."
Kakashi's brow dipped in confusion. "Then how the hell do you know about it in the first place? How do you know there ever even were such files?"
"I mentioned Fugaku told his second-in-command, didn't I?" The detective took a sip of his water without breaking his fixated stare on Kakashi. "That was me."
Kakashi's face contorted incredulously. "You? You were Fugaku's second-in-command?" Ibiki fought the urge to smirk at Kakashi's disbelieving expression. "Then why aren't you Superintendent General now?"
"I turned down the position. I'm not suited for the cushiony life of a desk job and letting my underlings do all the work. Don't get me wrong, Fugaku was a brilliant man and hell of a cop, but he wasn't a detective. He didn't have the interrogative mind and natural decisiveness that is necessary for being a good detective. I felt that there were better things I could do if I remained where I am."
Kakashi's thoughtful face watched him carefully. Ibiki continued, "I knew that Fugaku kept his files at home. I also know that those files went missing after he was murdered. Add that to the fact that I know Fugaku had gained some sort of lead, which was undoubtedly in those files, and I am 100% sure that Madara and his criminal organization are behind the murders."
Kakashi failed to suppress a snarl. "Detective Morino," he hissed, his fists clenched tightly in his lap, "Are you "100% sure" that this investigation is still dedicated to finding Sasuke and not just some excuse to solve one of your only unsolved murder cases? Because we've been sitting here for almost twenty minutes, and so far the only thing you've told me that relates to Sasuke in the slightest is that you believe that Madara is behind it—which you haven't given me any evidence for."
"I already explained to you why I believe Itachi is behind the kidnapping, yes?" Ibiki replied curtly, setting his glass of water down on the desk. "If Madara or one of his lackeys killed the Uchihas, then Itachi is most likely with him, alive and well. If they wanted him dead, they would have just killed him there. But Madara is smarter than that. He probably saw Itachi for the young and brilliant mind that he is, and conned him into being one of his pawns."
Ibiki could tell by the impassive look on Kakashi's face that he wasn't convinced. "Why would Itachi give up his entire life to work for Madara? What could possibly be in it for him?"
Ibiki seemed uncomfortable for a moment, a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face. It was obvious that whatever his theory was, he didn't want to say it out loud.
"Well?"
Ibiki sighed. "Sasuke," he said, sitting down in his chair again. "That's what's in it for him."
Kakashi's facial expression jumped from confused to incredulous to disgusted and furious all at once. "You don't mean—"
"I'm not saying that," Ibiki cut in, crossly. "I'm just saying that it's the best theory we have so far. It lines up all the pieces to fit together the best."
Kakashi didn't say anything as he slouched in his chair dejectedly, his expression blank and empty. Ibiki watched him closely for a moment, fidgeting in his seat now and then. "Anyway. None of that is why I called you here in the first place. There's something else."
Kakashi perked up, but only a little. He'd had all the disturbing thoughts he could handle for one day.
"This organization of Madara's—naturally, being made of wanted criminals, it is heavily involved in illegal activities. This, of course, means that it interferes with common crooks now and then. Earlier this morning, we arrested a drug lord who apparently has some information regarding Madara's organization."
"A location?" Kakashi asked quickly, feeling his heartbeat speed up. "Does he know where Sasuke is?"
"Not a location," Ibiki replied, raising his hand, "A name. Two names, in fact."
Kakashi leaned back in his chair, urging the man to go on.
"Akatsuki." Ibiki said, folding his hands in front of him. "That is the name of Madara's gang. Akatsuki. Now that we know that, interrogating thugs and anyone else who might have information is much easier."
"And the other name?"
"Hoshigaki Kisame."
Kakashi silently mulled the name over in his head, but it rang no bells. "Who is he?"
"According to the man we arrested, he is a member of Akatsuki and very close to Madara himself."
Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "And how does he know this? More importantly, why was he willing to tell you all this information?"
Ibiki grinned a bit cruelly. "Because he isn't a very smart man. Apparently he has worked with this Kisame in several jobs that included trafficking contraband; therefore it's only natural that he would have this kind of information. However, as I just said, he isn't very smart. He traded the information in exchange for lessening his sentence, but whether he is set loose or thrown in jail, either way, if Akatsuki finds out that he sold the information to save himself, he's a dead man. Madara wouldn't hesitate to have someone like that killed. Not for a moment."
Kakashi was quiet for a long minute. "And you think this will help us find Sasuke?"
Ibiki, for the first time, offered a smile. "I know it will. With this information, we're a stone's throw away from finding Madara. If we find Madara, we find Itachi, and if we find Itachi, then we find Sasuke. We're close, Kakashi. I can feel it. Trust me."
Sasuke's eyes were open, but all he saw was blackness.
He wondered if this is what it felt like to be dead. He knew it wasn't. You don't feel anything when you're dead. You don't feel anything at all. That's how Sasuke knew he wasn't dead.
He felt hands. Countless hands, roaming over his body, coiling around his neck, caressing his back, on his thighs, his stomach, his—
He shifted, willing the fantasy away. It didn't help. He could still feel the hands crawling up his body, gently, cruelly; could still feel the hot sugared breath on the back of his neck. He could smell it, too. Fuck. Not sex—that was different. Sex was hot and sweaty and left a pungent stench in the air that lasted for hours. This scent was fuck. It was a distinct, petit smell that sometimes appeared whenever he had hands crawling on him. It slithered through the air like a snake in tall grass; coiled around him and imbedded itself in his sheets, made his head dizzy with an onslaught of blurry memories. He hated the smell, even more than the hands.
He wanted his clothes back. Itachi took them, some days ago. Itachi had taken everything from him, literally. Even the busted bookshelf and the mountain of books inside it were taken away. He wanted his meds. He wanted to overdose on anti-anxiety pills so that the sickening feeling of being numb would lull him to sleep.
His mind was pleasantly blank. He was so thoroughly exhausted that he didn't even have the energy to think. He knew he should get up, have a shower, try and sleep, but the tired ache in his muscles kept him grounded, not to mention he was warm and bundled up beneath the heavy comforter Itachi had given him. He didn't want to move.
He trembled as the hands continued to roam. They were Itachi's hands, he knew. The memory of them, caressing his body in sinful ways—his mind played it out as a physical feeling instead of a visual flashback. A kinetic memory it was called; he read about it once at school—soldiers who lost limbs during war often had kinetic memories of the moment they lost their appendage. A physical sensation. Almost always unpleasant and unbearable.
He would have clenched his fists, but there wasn't even enough strength left in him for that. He had no idea why his eyes were still open, they should have given up and closed a long time ago, when the rest of his body had. But they stayed persistently open, staring into an endless darkness that separated Sasuke from the rest of the world.
He curled up tighter into a ball. At least he had strength enough for that.
The door opened, and as the sound of familiar footsteps loomed closer to him, the hands began to slowly fade off, as did the smell, leaving only a headache in their wake. Sasuke closed his eyes, knowing that it was pointless because Itachi knew he was awake, (knew that he hadn't slept at all since then—knew that he never again would) and even if he wasn't, that wouldn't have changed anything.
His brother's hand gently touched the top of his exposed head, rubbing it gently. He gave no reaction as Itachi withdrew his hand and went to the bathroom, beginning to prepare a bath for himself and his brother.
Sasuke could hear the water running in the bathroom and knew what it meant. But he didn't want to leave his bed. He was warm, and even though it smelled like fuck and there were ghost hands molesting him, it was a better fate than the one that waited for him behind that door. Anything was better than that.
Itachi re-entered the room and walked right up to Sasuke, effortlessly tearing the blanket from him and sweeping his naked little brother into his arms, making a mental note of how low Sasuke's body temperature was. He carried him to the tub and set him down inside the steaming water, getting undressed and joining him afterwards.
Like a puppet, Sasuke let himself be handled and washed, simply deadweight in the hands of his older brother. He didn't even flinch when the large hand holding the soapy washcloth began to fondle and stroke his newly-cleaned parts; in fact, he hardly noticed, telling himself it was all the ghost hands, not his brother, not the rapist, just an unfriendly ghost.
Itachi was speaking to him. More like whispering, but even if he was yelling, Sasuke wouldn't hear it. He was dissociating himself from the reality where he sat bathing with his wayward rapist-brother in a basement in the middle of Gods-know-where.
Sasuke wasn't listening. That was okay with Itachi, he knew that Sasuke had cut himself off and was currently untouchable. But that was all right, he had expected that from him, of course. It's not like their pillow talk was important, anyway. Itachi just liked to remind himself that Sasuke was really here in his arms, and not some figment of his imagination.
And Sasuke was so soft. Itachi loved bath time; he loved the feel of his brother's smooth, flawless skin lathered in soap and hot water, tender in his hands. He couldn't resist littering the back of his neck and shoulders with warm kisses. If only Sasuke wasn't hollow on the inside, it would have been so romantic…
When they were both clean and fragranced by the scented soap and shampoo, Itachi carried his little brother, still dripping wet, over to the bed and laid him down. He placed Sasuke gently on his back and tucked a strand of hair out of his face, placing a kiss on his forehead. Then he threw the comforter over his wet naked body and went to clean up the bathroom.
Sasuke was brutally brought back to reality by a violent shiver. He was so fucking cold. He wrapped himself in his blankets, curled into a ball and tried to warm himself back up, but it was in vain; his wet hair felt like ice on the back of his neck and the sheets, soaked from his dripping body, clung to skin and did nothing to warm it. His teeth began to gently click together as his body was wracked with waves of shivers. It felt like his insides had been turned to ice.
And then, suddenly, there was warmth pressing into his back—a body. Itachi.
Itachi barely pressed against him—just enough, to let him know he was there, to let him know there was warmth. Sasuke reacted at first by recoiling, but the further away he moved from Itachi, the colder he became, and instinctively he found himself inching back towards the coveted heat of his older brother's dry body.
He turned around, his face still buried in the blankets, to face Itachi though his eyes were closed, and pressed the front of his body into his brother's chest. Itachi smiled, his plan a success, and threw his arm and leg over his brother's body to pull him closer and warm him up. Sasuke flinched from the feel of his nudity pressing against him, but he was too numb to care.
He didn't feel the hands crawling up his back, because this time they didn't belong to a ghost.
He was sinking in black water. It wasn't really water, he thought, because it was too thick—it felt more like paint, but it was smoother.
He decided he liked the black water. It pressed against his entire body without suffocating him, something Itachi never seemed to be able to do. It was comforting, like a big warm blanket protecting him from the cold.
As soon as he thought that, a white hand shot through the black paint-like water and touched his chest; its feel like ice, spreading needles of frost across his torso, so cold that it burned. He flinched and struggled away from the hand, but it followed him, frozen to his body. He felt the heat leap through the black water, away from him, leaving his bare body numb and immobile. He coughed, his lungs filled with ice, his eyelashes heavy as if snow weighed them down. He was so cold.
Shards of ice exploded through the blackness, embedding themselves in his back. He felt his blood begin to seep from the wounds, mixing with water, thickening it even more. He could taste it, as he breathed in the heavy black liquid, the distinct metallic flavour of blood.
He stared at the white hand, still frozen to his chest, as it seemed to grow an arm before his very eyes, and that arm was attached to a shoulder, and that shoulder to a chest, and it continued on like that until an entire body had formed; a body wearing the face of Itachi, a carbon copy of his cold perfection.
Sasuke stared, his own hand reaching forward to skim the chest of his brother's, and once it did so, he watched as the icy layer covering Itachi's skin immediately melted away with his touch. The stark whiteness of his skin returned to its normal peach color; his frozenly stoic face erupted into bright eyes and a shining smile. Itachi said something to him, though Sasuke didn't hear it, but somehow he knew it was a thank you.
The warmth from his hand spread across Itachi's whole body, down his arm, and to his hand that was still frozen to Sasuke's chest. The hand thawed out, the warmth spreading to its fingertips and across Sasuke's skin, melting away the ice shards in his back, soothing the bleeding wounds. The water became tasteless and Sasuke wondered, for the first time, why it was that he could see Itachi through something so pitch black?
Itachi's hand trailed over his skin and wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer, his face only an inch away as he closed his eyes to accept the kiss.
Sasuke was alone again when he awoke. He was also still cold.
Despite trying to avoid it, the rest of the day was spent with his mind jumping back to that dream; to that frozen corpse-like version of his brother, staring at him through hollow, dead eyes…
He didn't want to think about it. He didn't. He knew that face. It wasn't just something his mind had conjured up in a dream—it was his face. The face his brother wore that first night after his run-in with Madara. The face that those ghost hands belonged to. The cold rapist.
Sasuke trembled. The hands were back.
His head felt like it was swollen on the inside; like it was pulsing and engorged. He felt a burning sensation behind his eyes and knew that a migraine was coming. God, he wanted some painkillers.
He closed his eyes, his head snuggled into his pillow, his body cocooned in the thick blanket, as if he was ready and preparing for sleep. But he wasn't. The moment he closed his eyes, he felt his nerves light up painfully, as if each one was being stabbed with shards of ice. It burned horribly from the base of his neck all the way down his spine; and of course, his lower regions hurt the worst, his stomach, lower back, thighs and ass felt like they had been beaten with a metal baseball bat. He clenched his teeth and pushed his head further into the pillow, forcing his mind from his body, away from the phantom hands and growing migraine; away from reality entirely.
And like that, he waited for tomorrow.
Author's Note: You guys are all going to hate me. I had this chapter on my computer for like 3 weeks, 98% done, but I didn't get around to finishing it until now because… I found my new favourite thing in the world. No.6. Have any of you guys seen/read it? It's so freaking awesome! I just want to rant and rave about it forever but I won't, but basically, you guys should all go watch it and then write me pretty Shion/Nezumi fanfiction. Because Nezumi is everything I have ever wanted, and I love him, and every time I see him I want to take off all my clothes and roll around on top of him.
Ahem. Sorry. Go watch No.6! School starts tomorrow and it's my last year of high school, so, usually that would slow my updates down but I am promising to dedicate more of my free time to working on my fanfictions, because I promised you guys I would have faster updates—and I shall!
P.s. Don't worry guys. I'm not leaving the Naruto/ItaSasu fandom. I love it waaaay too much. :D