Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious
Jade's POV
We finally made it. We finally made it to the last official day of Basic Correctional Officer Training. Tomorrow morning, we walk across the stage and receive our official certification. I honestly cannot wait to leave. That's something I thought I would never say. I start having a flashback to the Friday we first got to go home. The instructors took longer than their promised 15 minutes to get situated and dismiss us. When Captain Horn told us about our opportunity to go home, everyone talked about how much we hated Mercy College. Everyone but me. I was enjoying my time here. Training at Mercy has been more fun than on sight training I did at my facility in October. We got into formation a little earlier because we wanted the instructors to count us immediately. In our groups, we were still going back and forth about how much everyone missed home. I didn't say a word. It's not because I hated my home life. I'm completely content with how my home life is. I knew it wasn't going to get better after we moved from LA. I just liked training. The one thing I remember doing at that moment was looking across the gym. I was in the Bravo section. Vega was across the room in the Alpha section. I didn't realize it until now, but I was staring at her. While she talked to Makayla about God knows what, I was staring at her from across the room. I think it was me realizing why I loved Mercy College. Vega made this place better for me. She made everything better for me. I don't know where I would be without her. Fast forward to now, I'm staring across the gym in the area where most of the kids in the Alpha section sit. Vega is sitting with Riverman and Makayla, talking about God knows what. I'm over here, staring at her, realizing how much I miss her. Staring at her now made me realize how much of a hell this place actually is. Knowing I can't be by her side has made Mercy College the worst place on the planet for me.
"Hey West." I look to my left and I see the class leader walking toward me.
"Hey, Cadet Crews. How you've been." I responded.
"Pretty good. How have you been Cadet West?" He answers in a business casual-like tone.
"I'm doing fine." Crews gave me a puzzled look. Does he not believe me? I have barely spoken to the man. Why would he think I'm not ok?
"West. As class leader, it's my job to make sure that everyone is doing well here at training." He explained to me.
"And I'm doing fine. My grades have been immaculate, and I'm on track to becoming a certified officer." I thought he is supposed to be checking on someone if they are failing. I'm not. I have no idea why he's here.
"That includes socially as well." He says. The air around us starts to thicken. I can tell we're going to have a conversation about something I'm not ready to talk about. I'm praying I can talk my way out of this. I haven't talked to anyone about my situation with Vega. The reason why is I don't think anyone would give me a legitimate answer. Everyone would tell me to stay with Beck because it's been 5 years. No one would try to truly analyze how I feel about either of them.
"What do you mean socially? I have friends." I said defensively. I wasn't lying. I did have friends. Me and Riverman are cool. I've also started hanging out with a new group of people. I was on my way to sit with them until Cadet Crews came and stopped me.
"You haven't hung out with Vega since before the New Year. I would like to know what happened because you look completely miserable." Cadet Crews had a concerning look on his face. He looked at me like I was a close friend going down the wrong path. I'm surprised he noticed. Back at Hollywood Arts, no one could read me. No one could tell when I was mad at Mr. Sikowitz for not giving me the lead. No one could tell when I'm arguing with Beck. No one could tell when Cat got on my nerves. People could only tell when I was mad at Robbie and Rex because I went after them when I was angry. At Hollywood Arts, there was mean Jade, and not as much in a ganky mood Jade. They called that one the nice Jade. This is the first time someone could read me. Our guidance counselor couldn't even get a read on me, and he went to school for that type of shit. I'm a little upset at myself. I'm not supposed to show my emotions. I didn't think it was this obvious.
"We just stopped talking." I thought that would be enough, but Cadet Crews was standing there waiting for me. "I caught feelings for her, and I panicked because I've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years now. I thought catching feelings for her meant there was something wrong with my relationship, so I told my boyfriend. He said to stop talking to her, and here we are. I told both of them the truth, and now I feel like shit."
"No." Cadet Crews is looking at me like I'm insane. "You don't tell someone, 'my boyfriend told me to stop talking to you.' That only makes things worse." I couldn't believe it. Someone who's not taking Beck's side on this. I guess I was wrong after all.
"But telling the truth is the right thing to do," I explained. Being honest has to mean something.
"What truth did you tell?" I looked at Crews confused. The truth was that I liked her. "Sure, you caught feelings for her but catching feelings isn't lying. Did you kiss her?"
"No."
"Did you have sex with her?"
"No." I turned red at that question.
"So you did nothing wrong. You didn't deceive anyone. You panicked because you didn't know what to do with these feelings. If you tell someone you like someone else, it's because you want to leave." Crews explained. "Look, it's like this. I'm married. I love my wife with all my heart. My best friend is a woman. I don't tell my wife everything about my best friend because I trust myself not to leave her. Did you want to leave?" I couldn't think of a truthful answer. I do love Beck. I really do, but if things ended between us, I wouldn't be upset. It would be like a chapter in my life finally completed. If me and Vega were to never talk again, I'm not sure how long it would take to get over her.
"No. I don't want to leave my boyfriend." I answer, knowing that I just told a huge lie.
"You sure? This moment could be the last time you can face these feelings. You have to have a definitive answer." I didn't know what Crews meant by being the last time to face these feelings. I already went through that last Friday.
"What do you mean by 'last time' to face these feelings?" I ask for clarification.
"I'm going to talk to her for you." Crews says like it's a good idea.
"No." I'm close to freaking out again. "Why would you do that?"
"Because you need to talk to her. It's either talk to her again or be miserable for the rest of your life." I hated how right he was. I need to talk to her to feel better, but there's no way it's going to work.
"She's not going to give me the time of day. It's not going to work." I pleaded.
"Trust me, it's going to work, and you're going to thank me when it does." And with that, Cadet Crews leaves to check on more cadets. I'm praying to whatever God that listens that he doesn't talk to her. I get it. Life fucking sucks now. I constantly think about every moment I've spent with Vega. I get this weird feeling of loneliness sometimes. Even though I have so many people I could talk to, including a boyfriend, not talking to Vega just hits me hard. I've already tried to fix things with her, and it failed. I'm just going to have to get over her. I can't think about one person forever, right? Soon, I should be able to look at this as a little school girl crush. Something that just passes with time. I just need time. That's all.
After a long day of nothing, we're finally dismissed. After eating some dinner from the chow hall, I head towards the dorms. Every cadet is either scrambling to hang out with their friend group or packing their belongings for when we leave tomorrow. My friends are standing near the smoke receptacle. I don't smoke, but a lot of them do. I feel out of place sometimes when I'm around them. They're all country folks, and I'm from the biggest city on the West Coast. Some of them are parents, and all of them are not Tori Vega. I appreciate the hell out of these guys, though. They invited me to Waffle House on Monday because they noticed that I looked pretty depressed. We even watched the College Football National Championship Game together that night. Georgia was playing Alabama, so he was probably out with his college buddies watching it. I know he wasn't at the game. If he was, I would never hear the end of it. A hilarious time but again, I start thinking about Vega when I'm alone.
"You guys missed it." Cadet Redmond started. Redmond is the section leader for Alpha. We always call her a born leader because she looks like Barbara Bush. All the Cadets even call her the long-lost Bush daughter. "Me, Forrest, and West got to walk the campus at night. Some places look like a damn ghost town, but the rest is gorgeous. This place is really underrated when it comes to architecture and beauty."
"Why did you guys walk the campus in the dark last night?" Cadet Locks asked us.
"It was West's idea." Redmond points at me, and now the entire group is looking at me. I did not want to be put on the spot like that.
"It's because Cadet Forrest complained how we can't hang out after curfew. Being the only guy in the group puts him in a different dorm than the rest of us. Just tried to do something fun so he wouldn't feel lonely." I explained.
"Looks like Westside got southern hospitality pretty quickly," Cadet Heart jokes.
"West is lowkey, a wild one. Some of the buildings were unlocked, and she tried to go in. She even tried to go into the guest houses." Forrest chimes in.
"It's called exploring for a reason," I said. Exploration is fun when you commit to the entire experience.
"Oh my God. You guys are crazy." Cadets Marks says. A comfortable silence came over us. I think it was the realization that this could be the last time we ever see each other.
"Let's all take a group picture together. I know the perfect spot since we found it last night." Cadet Redmond suggests.
"Sure, but after I'm done with my cigar." Cadet Marks pulls a fat cigar out of his pocket, and we are just wondering where the hell he got it from. I stepped away because the smoke started to get too much. These guys are going to get me killed one day. While I patiently waited, Cadet Crews walked up to me.
"How are you doing, West?" he asks.
"Fine," I say calmly. I'm fighting the urge to ask him if he talked to Vega about me.
"Hey, Vega." He shouts out. Speak of the fucking devil.
"Hey, Crews." She responds. I'm waiting for her to say hi to me, but she acts like I'm not there. It's not going to work.
"You need help with your things." Vega has her comforter and her suitcase. Looks like she's headed towards her car to pack up.
"No, I'm fine," Vega says
"You sure," Cadet Crews insists.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Vega leaves after she answers. I guess she didn't want to have this back and forth with Crews. He's a helpful guy, but he won't leave you alone until you accept his help. I learned that the hard way this morning.
"Girl, you missed your chance." Crews looks at me, and I stare at him in confusion. "You were supposed to offer her some help and walk with her. I already talked to her for you, so everything should be good."
Clearly, Crews hasn't been paying attention to anything I said. "It should be good? She didn't even look at me or say hi to me. She fucking hates me."
"She doesn't," Crews interrupted. "You're panicking again. When she comes back from her car, go talk to her."
"What do I say to her?" I need to know what he told her so I can have a starting ground.
"The words will come to you. The words always come out whenever you're around someone special." After minutes of waiting, Vega finally makes her way back. I take several deep breaths and make my move.
"Hey, Vega," I said softly.
"Hey, Jade." She says back. She's talking to me, so it's a start.
"Cadet Crews said that he talked to you about me." It's probably the worst way to talk to her, but I don't know what I'm doing. "And I just want to know what he said about me."
"Nothing specific." Vega rolls her eyes at me. I can tell she doesn't want to have this conversation. It's like she's pushing me away. In the corner of my eye, I see Cadet Redmond running. It looks like she's taking everyone to go take the picture. "Where are your new friends going?" She says it in an emotionless tone. Like hanging out with them somehow hurt her.
"We're supposed to be taking a group photo together," I explain quickly. I don't want to talk about them right now. It's about this tension-filled version of us.
"Welp looks like it's time for you to go." She's trying to brush me off
"No," I say, immediately.
"They're your friends. Go be with your friends." Vega is putting her walls up. I know exactly what she's doing because I do the same thing. The problem is her walls are bigger than any of the walls I've ever put up.
"I know, but I don't want to go." Vega looks at me, confused. "I want to be here. I need to be here. I don't care if it's the last thing I do. I have to talk to you."
"So talk." Vega brings back her dismissive attitude.
"First, you have to tell me what Crews said to you." Vega is annoyed by now. I just need a starting point. I have so much to say to her. Probably too much to say to her. I just need a guideline to know where to start.
Vega lets out a slightly defeated sigh. "He said that you fucked up by telling me your boyfriend doesn't want us talking." It wasn't the starting point I expected, but I think I can make this work.
"He's right. I shouldn't have told Beck about how I felt. I shouldn't have cut you off." I admitted.
"Then why did you?" Vega says with a lot of venom in her voice. She takes a moment to recompose herself. She has a real angry side to her that she's been trying to hold back this whole time. I hurt her way more than I could imagine. "I look back at our texts. I think about the time we had together. There were no signs that I could've taken you from him. Why did he freak out? Why did you freak out?"
"It's because of the way I am around you. It has him worried." I responded. Vega instantly gives me a puzzled look.
"What do you mean?" Vega asks slowly.
"Around everyone else, I'm dark, depressing, evil, vindictive, destructive, and just an outright gank."
"No, you're not." Vega cuts me off.
"That's the point. Around you, I feel energetic, optimistic, and lively. It's like something was missing in my life, and you just filled it. When I started realizing this, I panicked and told Beck. Then he said, ``Stop talking to you."
"I still don't get why you panicked?" Vega asks, trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together.
"Because, I've never felt like this before," I started. These feelings feel different from a little crush or the first time me and Beck got together. "So, I thought something was wrong with my relationship if I could feel this way after 5 weeks when I've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years."
"Did you ever figure out what the problem was?" That was the last question I expected Vega to ask. I don't think there's an answer to that question.
"No. I didn't." I say defeatedly. I've been thinking about the answer to that question for weeks, and I still can't find it. What's wrong with me?
"So, what is it about me?" I look up at Vega and see a serious look on her face. "Tell me what it is that makes you feel this way."
I instantly smile with all the thoughts that go through my head. There's so much to Vega that I've learned in such a short amount of time. There's so much more I want to know. "You have this infectious energy that's just so captivating. Everything about you is mesmerizing. Your smile lights up the room, and I can feel the genuine care and passion you have for others. I also feel like our personalities just gel together. One of the reasons I love talking to you is because I oddly feel like I'm supposed to be."
"I'm like that with everyone," Vega says, trying to brush off everything I said. She's still trying to be cold to me, but I don't think she can keep it up. I can see her demeanor lighten up the more we talk.
"I don't believe you. I don't believe that this was just a routine friendship." I told her. There's no way in hell what we had was anything special. The way we smiled at each other during class. The countless little things we did together had more meaning than just a friendship.
"I told you before that I'm a straightforward person. If I didn't tell you I like you, that means I don't like you." Vega says.
"Then tell me you don't like me." For the first time in weeks, I have a confident demeanor with Vega. I stand up straight and look her dead in the eyes. For a much-needed moment, the old Jade is back. The Jade that commanded dominance is back, and she's needed to conquer Vega's bluff.
"What?" Vega responded.
"Tell me you don't like me. Tell me it's over. Tell me it was all in my head." I don't believe that she can do it. There's no way she can.
Vega looks away from me. "I can't tell you that when you're giving me that look?" I smile a little because I haven't intimidated someone in a very long time. I lose that smile because I realize who I'm doing it too. The last thing I want is to push Vega away.
"What look?" I say, softening my demeanor.
Vega looks at me. "That starry-eyed look you always have when you look at me. It's like you're in love with me." At that moment, I wanted to say I was. I wanted to say I love you, Tori Vega, but I didn't. There's so much I need to work out before I tell her those words. There was a silence between us, but it wasn't awkward. We're usually so talkative when we're around each other. This moment is the first time where I can have a comfortable silence around Vega. I think she fully understands where I'm coming from. I also think she knows that there are things that need to be said. Some things would be better left unsaid. "So, what are you going to do now?" Vega asks, breaking the silence.
"What do you mean?"
"About your relationship Jade," Vega rolls her eyes at me. "What are you going to do with your boyfriend and me?"
I could feel my cheeks start to burn when Vega said and me. I know what she really meant, but my mind started racing with so many thoughts. I wanted her to mean that I can choose her. I wanted the option to take the biggest risk of my life for my own happiness. I wanted the option to explore my true self. "I don't know." Those were the only words I could muster up. I never thought that far out. I didn't even plan this conversation out.
"I know what you're going to do." I liked eyes with Vega because I was desperately looking for answers. I just need one small piece of advice that could make this easier. "You're going to stay with your boyfriend. Not because you love him…" I wanted to say something, but Vega held her hand up because she had more to say. "Let me finish. Not because you love, no. Because it's easy. That mean Jade you told me about earlier that's the person you turn into when life gets easy or boring. You say I challenge you, but you're not going to take that risk for me. You're going to be coasting in a relationship that's already run its course while you hold your boyfriend to impossible standards that he can't meet. Then, in about 5 months, you're going break up with him, and I'm going to be the first person you text." Vega laid a bombshell on me. As much as I wanted to argue, a part of me wants her to be right.
"Can I ask you something?" I say tentatively.
"Go ahead," Vega responds. The strict tone she had earlier has completely disappeared. We're talking like we used to.
"Would I have a chance with you after those 5 months?" I say half-jokingly.
"No," Vega says before we both start laughing. It felt good to be able to have fun with her again. It's something I've been wishing to get back. The joyful, innocent times I would spend with her. It's moments like these I remember the most. "You owe me for this therapy session, by the way?"
"How much?" I say immediately.
"25 bucks." The look on Vega's face tells me she thinks I'm bluffing.
I pull out my phone. "Type in your CashApp," I say, handing my phone to Vega.
"Are you serious?" Vega asks.
"Yes, you helped me out a lot today. I'll throw an extra 2 bucks as a courtesy fee." I changed the total to 27 bucks and hit send. Unfortunately, the app wasn't working. "Shit, you got Zelle."
"Jade. You don't have to." Vega says.
"But I want to." I pause for a second. "I want to." Saying those words out loud felt so empowering. I don't know why but I needed to say it.
"Fine." Vega gives in. I sent her the 27 dollars through Zelle, but it took a while. She didn't have her account fully set up, so she took the time to call her bank to make sure she received the money. Vega then makes another phone call to my surprise. A couple of minutes later, cadet Riverman shows up. "Hey Riv, can you sign my shoes?". We have graduation tomorrow, and our shoes have to be shined. Another dumb standard by the Georgia Department of Corrections.
"That's what you called me out for?" Riverman looks over at me, and we both start laughing.
"What's so funny?" Vega says, looking annoyed at both of us.
"You wouldn't understand," I say. Riverman gives me a fist bump because he knows exactly what I mean.
"Fine. I got you." Riverman agrees. Vega takes off her shoes and hands them to Riverman. He leaves, and I'm left alone with Vega again.
"Can I ask one more thing, Vega?" The nerves I felt before the conversation started hit me like a freight train.
"What, buddy?" Vega responds.
That's the first time she called me Buddy in nearly a month. It felt so good hearing her say that. It's like things are going back to the way they were. "Can things ever go back to the way they were between us?"
"With the way, you were so fast to say fuck our relationship because your boyfriend said so, no." I wasn't as heartbroken as I expected to be. I grasped that things won't be fixed after one conversation. It would be too naive to think that. However, I still had one big risk to take.
"So can I kiss you goodbye then?"
"WHAT!? NO! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!? YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" Vega snaps immediately. I can tell that she thinks I'm being dense. I understood every word she said, but I need this for me.
"I know, and it's not about him…"
"So it's about you." Vega interrupts.
"YES!" I was taken aback for a second. I never raised my voice at her. I felt like I committed a major sin. "Yes. It sounds weird, but I need this. I want this. If I don't kiss you goodbye, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Please, Tori. You've done so much for me. Just one last thing for me." I pleaded.
Vega looks me in the eyes. It's like she's staring into my soul, and I'm letting her in. I have no idea what she's thinking, but I have a weird feeling it's something good. Out of nowhere, Vega grabs my wrist, and I'm being dragged to a shaded walkway. We stand behind a brick column. I look around and see there are no windows and no cameras in sight. I don't even hear other cadets wandering around. We are in a completely private place. I catch Vega's eyes again, and her look is completely different. Ironically, she has a starry-eyed look with a small smile. She quickly glanced at my lips, and it gave me the answer I was looking for. I slowly wrap my arms around her waist, and she slowly wraps her arms around my neck. We both lean in slowly until our soft lips finally meet. It was light and delicate. Like we were trying not to break each other. I always had a feeling that our relationship was something more because I couldn't stop myself. I pull Vega in closer. She pulls me in closer. Her lips slightly part, and I slip my tongue into her mouth. I hear her moan through the kiss, and Vega starts running her hands through my hair. Our tongues are dancing in harmony feverishly. We're holding each other close enough in a way that people would think it was impossible. I can feel every emotion through this kiss. Every movement of our tongues was like her telling me the things that were left unsaid between us. It was as heated as it was loving. The best kiss I've ever had in my life. A kiss that reassured our past and wrote a thorough novel of our future. A kiss that fills us with life but also leaves us breathless. You need to breathe. Vega pulls away to catch her breath. "That wasn't a goodbye kiss," she whispers.
I lean in and give her another deep kiss. "It was a, see you in 5 months kiss," I say before giving her one final deep kiss. We let go of each other and part ways. Again, I wanted to tell her I love her, but I think the kiss did the talking. The kiss also told me she loved me. That kiss also told me that we will see each other again. I don't know when but there's no way we can be separated for this long. I head back to the dorm, lost in my thoughts. The realization that I just kissed Tori Vega has dawned on me. I just kissed a girl. I just kissed someone I consider the girl of my dreams. On my way to the dorm, I see Cadet Crews talking to a few other Cadets. They look all giddy since we graduate tomorrow. I didn't want to go over there because I didn't want my business to be out there. I've been really private about my feelings towards Vega. Marlborough and Crews are the only two people I've told. I wave Crews over my way, and he excuses himself from his conversation. The minute he reaches me, I give him the biggest hug of my life. I'm not even a hugger.
"I'm guessing you fixed everything." Cadet Crews assumed.
"It's way too complicated to fix in one conversation," I admitted. It took me several weeks to realize it, but I'm going to have to be ok with the way our current relationship stands. I want more with Tori, but that's going to take time. I got to kiss her, though, so there's potential for something greater. "But talking to her felt so good. I haven't felt that happy in weeks. Thank you for setting this up."
"Glad I can help." I give Crews a big hug before he heads back to his group. I owe a huge favor to that guy. He looked out for me when he didn't even know me. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. I'll be grateful forever.
Back in Manning Hall, I stop by the common area to get a drink from the vending machine. It's going to be a long night since I still have to pack my belongings. I totally forgot about it when I was talking to Vega. "There you are," Cadet Redmond's voice scared the shit out of me. I look behind me and see a group of my friends, all shining their shoes at a table. "You missed the picture."
"I know, guys. I'm sorry. Something came up." I said
"We know," Cadet Samuel chimes in. "You were out there with Cadet Vega for about 3 hours." Was it really that long? "You must really like the girl or something." she jokes.
"I really do. I probably would've left my boyfriend for her." I admitted. A few of them started laughing, but Cadet Samuel gave me a nod of approval. I guess I wasn't as private as I thought. Looks like several Cadets knew about my feelings. It feels great that they're telling me to follow my heart. One day, I will, and I won't regret it.
A/N: Thank you to everyone for reading. This chapter is the final chapter of the story. One day, there will be part 2 of the story. This story was probably my favorite story of mine. Again, thank you.