Anger carried Andy as far as the parking lot. Wordless fury that clouded her vision and set the blood roaring in her ears. Ander at Jo for daring to challenge Andy's love for Luke, for being at the hospital, for making Luke laugh. Anger at Luke for sulking, for shutting her out, for being happy tonight with someone else. But most of all, Anger at herself for being less than Luke needed, for resenting his happiness, for wishing she'd let Sam take her home.
Anger was followed by guilt. Guilt that weighed so heavily she nearly turned around and walked right back in to apologize to Luke and Jo then and there. He was in the hospital, recovering from two gunshots that could have killed him. Gunshots meant for her, though no one else had said it, she was certain he had been looking for her. And yet here she was, resenting him and wishing she'd gone home with someone else. She was the worst fiancé in the world.
Today had been terrifying. Trapped in a smoky office with a dead body and a grief stricken widow, worrying that any movement would bring the rest of the roof crashing in on their heads. She'd known she had to stay calm, both her life and Lydia Hannah's depended on it, but knowing how important calm was hadn't helped her achieve it. Her pulse had raced, and her bran had spun in endless panicked circles.
She hadn't thought about Luke once. Not when she was speaking with Jo, trying to tell if Ron Hannah had died in the fire or before it began. Not when she'd tried to distract Lydia by getting her talking about her husband and how she'd loved him. Not even when the fireman began sawing through the wall and for a split second she thought they were both going to die.
She hadn't thought about Luke, but she'd thought about Sam.
Sam. No matter what happened between her and Luke, somehow it always came back to Sam. Luke was the safe choice, the 'right' guy, she still believed that, but when it came down to it, Sam was always the one she reached for when something went wrong. A fact that was getting harder and harder to deny. He was always there. Never too close, but always just within reach. With every crisis, and she had to admit she'd had more than her fair share lately, no matter if it was her father's drinking, or her fiancé in the hospital, or even a burned out building threatening to come down around their ears. Sam was the first one she reached for, and she'd never come up empty.
His voice, steady and familiar over her phone, had been the only thing that had managed to cut through her panic today. Even when she'd slipped it into her pocket so she could focus on keeping Mrs. Hannah calm and she couldn't hear him anymore, knowing he was on the other end of the line and all she had to do was pick it up and say his name and he would be right there had been the lifeline she'd clung to.
She hadn't even been surprised to see him standing there, inside the burned out laundry mat where no one but fire fighters should have been allowed. She'd expected him to be there, his familiar face, attempting a smile that couldn't erase the concern in his eyes; and his strong hand reaching out to help her through the hole they'd cut in the wall. She would have been surprised if he wasn't.
Andy leaned wearily against Luke's car. When had her life gotten so complicated?
Me, I like to keep the ones I love close. Hold them in a death grip. Never let them go.
Was that what she was doing to Luke? To Sam?
She didn't know anymore. What she wanted. What she needed. Who was the 'right guy'. Did it even matter?
She was engaged to Luke. They would get married. It was what was supposed to happen. She would have a family and no one would take that away from her. Sam was her partner. Her friend. He would always have her back, but there was nothing more than that between them. He'd made that abundantly clear more than once. Every time she came to him with troubles in her relationship with Luke, Sam gently pushed her back into the other man's arms.
And yet when he'd found out she was engaged...
She shook her head. There was no point in thinking about it. Sam was her partner. Anything else she was reading into it was just in her head.
A/N: Sorry this is so late and so short. 204 may have been the best episode yet. There wasn't a single thing about it I wanted to change, which made this incredibly hard to write. I hope you enjoyed this meagre offering. Please review :)