The warriors. The knights of the darkness. One fights in the name of Light and the other - for the puns.

Yes - it was me and Laito. And today we had a mission - to get Reiji out of his room so I could steal... I mean borrow something that I needed for an exorcism of fedora. But the problem was - how in the world were we supposed to do that?

There was one time I needed a potion that would turn everything you ate taste bitter. Especially if the original flavour was sweet. The reason? Revenge on the hysterical bastard who ate all of my ice-cream! Being a poison genius he was, Reiji had this kind of thing in his room. But did I get my sweet revenge? No, because even touching that cursed bottle made my situation very bitter - a night in the dungeons with that 'so watch me whip' vampire. And let's just say that he's not that gentle.

So, this time I had to do it like a ninja. And this time I had a pretty good comrade by my side. I didn't want to admit it, but Laito was pretty damn good at convincing people to do what he wanted them to do. Bastard stole away my girlfriend... ON THE VERY FIRST NIGHT I GOT INTO THIS DAMN HOUSE. So I figured out that if I didn't want to be cheated on - I should stay single. Long story short - Laito would do the talking and I would do the other things.

Back to the main story of the night. The plan was simple:

1) I do something stupid to get called into Reiji's room;

2) I recieve punishment from Sebastian wannabe;

3) 10 minutes later Laito comes in and gets Reiji distracted so I could take what I need;

4) I leave Reiji's room with stuff I took in secret.

Simple, right? Smiling toothless fortune says 'Girl. think again!'.

"It has to be fast, stupid enough to draw his attention, but not too stupid so he wouldn't have to punish me all night long. Yeah no. Not in THAT way, you pervert." I cut Laito off before he could even say a word, but his smirk said it all. Because Laito's room was being ruled by a spider and my room still had some holes from the last stupid thing that happened to Subaru, we had to find hideout to plot our scheme. Kitchen was perfect.

"Nfu~, Bitch-chan, who would've thought that you, of all people, would be lacking stupidity right now. I thought that being stupid is like your second nature."

"Oh shut up you. I am sure that my head will cook something up... THAT'S IT!" I shot up from my chair, slamming my hands on the table, knocking the chair down. "I will cook something," I said in victorious voice.

His usual smirk deepened. "I knew that you could do it, Bitch-chan~."

"And I will do it *DUM DUM DUMMM* WITHOUT A COOKING BOOK." Laito's eyes widened in pure shock.

"Oh look at the time," He looked at his non-existent watch. "I have a few things to do. Good luck, Bitch-chan~" And he was gone. Lil' bastard. So now all I had to do was make food and not explosives. Easy. I think pancakes should be fine. Third time never lies, you know.

Sound of items splashing all over the place, tools clanking together and the sound of baking batter splashing around were in a perfect synchrony with the smoke coming out of the pan.

I had been trying to bake tasty pancakes, I swear, but here I was, sitting in my own failure like a puppy in its puddle. I was able to make one pancake that was edible and not burned to crisp. I gently put it on the nicest plate I could find and all I was left with was waiting.

STEP ONE

Meanwhile in Reiji's room.

Okay... Steady... Steady.. I think that I will be able to finally create the potion to make that dead-beat deaf. I only have to pour this carefully. One drop. Only one drop and that good-for-nothing will suffer. I can already see that expression of desperation on his face as his only pleasure in life is fading away...

A horrendous noise of metal clashing together echoed through an entire mansion.

My hand shook a little. I was used to the crashing sounds in this mansion like a fish was used to fingers tapping to its aquarium walls. But this time sound was somewhat different. It didn't come from Subaru's direction. It came from the kitchen.

Suddenly, my potion started smoking. I looked down and instead of one drop, I had poured everything that was in a bottle. What a waste. I sighed as I poured the whole thing into a teapot. Let's see what kind of impact this will have on that annoying girl.

Fearing for the worst I head out towards our kitchen. Whipping or blood sucking? Which punishment should I use today. Maybe I should ask Ayato for some toys of his or tell Kanato, that she ate the last cookie and let the problem solve itself. But no, we just got a brand new white carpet and that would be a waste.

I opened the door. Whipping it is. There was a bowl of some kind of weird mixture all over the floor... Walls...

*Drop*

And my nose tip. I took a glimpse at our ceiling while cleaning my nose. How was it even possible? Ceiling is more covered with that thing than floor. And finally I turned to face the one who created this mess.

Standing there, innocently smiling like an idiot she was. I rubbed my temple. Here comes the headache again. I walked closer to her. She was holding something. IT'S MY NICEST PLATE! If there was even a little scratch on it - she would regret having arms and legs to commit such crime.

"Reiji-san, I made you something!"

Her cheerful voice filled the kitchen. The same voice I couldn't wait to hear screaming for mercy as I whip her to a bloody pulp.

"Will you take a bite?" She asked me with eyes sparkling as if she was a child waiting for her parents' approval. "Remember that time, when you said that lady should know how to cook? Well, it's not like I have a lot of experience with girly things, but I really wanted to give you something back for the food and tea you've been giving me."

She tasted her own cooking. There was no other reason why she would be spouting out nonsense like that. He definitely ate something she made. It was impossible for her to make something edible. IMPOSSIBLE! If it involved fire and microwave - beware for trouble, because she would make it double.

"It always gave me such a good night sleep." She walked towards me. "So please, tell me what you think." There was no way I was going to eat that thing, vampires might be immortal, but we still didn't know what kind of impact her cooking would have on my well-being

I slowly took the plate from her hands. Delicate things and her was a really bad combination. I took a look around once more and sighed.

"I-I will clean everything so don't worry about that... Or that... *Drop* O-or t-that," she said while climbing the ladder. I must admit it - she became quite good at cleaning her own mess. I guess it's truth that practice is everything.

I looked down at that thing on my plate. What was that? I shook it a little bit. It didn't move as if it was glued to the plate. I turned my plate upside down. Indeed it was. What even was that? It looked like an infected moon that was about to die. That would probably happen if someone actually ate this thing. It didn't really matter if the poor victim was a vampire or demon himself... I think I will make her our chef the next time father visits. I guess I was staring at it for too long, because she was already done cleaning everything up. She was standing there nervously.

"S-so?" She asked. I snapped my eyes at her. If it wasn't glued to the plate, I would have thrown it at her stupid face.

"I wouldn't even give this to that good-for-nothing, much less eat this..." I waved my hand around the plate, "Mess myself. And what was it supposed to be?" I might have been strict, but I was also a curious man.

"A pancake," she whispered. If that thing on the plate was a pancake, then I was a pigeon.

"This deserves a punishment. Go to my room." She wasn't moving. "Now."

"Okay, Reiji-san." I swear to Lucifer she smiled. I guess even being near this so called 'pancake' was dangerous to your sanity. It will be perfect with my tea.

STEP TWO

"Sit down," Reiji gestured towards a fancy cushion chair. I gladly did so, because I was tired. Cooking, dodging an explosion, cleaning everything up was tiresome after all.

A sound of plate hitting the table got my attention.

I looked down to see a plate with my pancake. Reiji then proceeded to pour some white tea. It was literally white. I didn't like the way it was smelling. I could already feel fear creeping up my spine.

"Now eat, later I will give you your real punishment... If you survive, that is," He smirked. For a first time in my life in here, I was more afraid of my own pancake than Reiji's obviously poisoned tea. So I figured out an easy solution - chit-chat until Laito decides to show his fedoraless head and ironically save me.

"So, Reiji- san, I can see you have a new brand of tea. What is it called? Drop-dead Earl White?" I asked while trying to pick up a cup for a sip, but he slapped my hand away.

"Not so fast. Eat up first," He ordered. I looked down at what I've created. I'll be honest with myself and all my dead relatives - I will meet them once again pretty soon. I tried to make this pancake edible, but I failed. My first mistake was choosing cinnamon instead of flour. One might ask 'How the fu..nny did this happen?!' I don't know. My second mistake, that I knew about, was using syrup instead of oil. How did I manage to do that? Miracles happen. Third mistake... Let's just say that I added some poisonous mushrooms by an accident. How do I know this? I checked it on the Internet later on. And some other things that I found in the kitchen.

I picked up my fork. I looked up at him with a begging expression that said 'Please, I'd do anything but this.' The bastard only smirked, folded his arms and leaned back on his seat.

Come on, Laito, come on. Dead person can't kill spiders. YOU NEED ME ALIVE, SO WHERE ARE YOU?!

My hand was shakily bringing my fork with a piece of pancake closer to my mouth, but then my prince with shining fur finally arrived.

STEP THREE

"Nfu~, I never knew you were suicidal, Bitch-chan~." Laito was in my room, he also had his back pressed against my door.

"Laito, it would be nice if you knocked next time," I let out a sigh of annoyance. "And it was getting interesting." I fixed my glasses with a middle finger. That was a little secret of mine - I do it on purpose.

"Huh? But that would be no fun~" Laito pouted. "Anyways, Reiji I have to talk to you about something little, so if you could please come out into the hallway and..."

"No." I cut Laito off.

"Nfu~ are you afraid that your little rat will escape?" I was not afraid of that, because my room had only one exit, I was worried that she would destroy something.

"Okay, I'll go, but I'm not stepping out of my room." I walked towards the entrance of my room only to stop at the doorway.

Even though he was doing a pretty good job at hiding it, Laito was a little bit distressed. He also wasn't wearing that ridiculous thing on his head.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk about?" I asked, getting more and more irritated.

"You see, the last girl I had at my place was so wild that she broke my bed. I need a new bed." I could feel my anger rising, but I tried to keep myself as calm and composed as possible.

"Very well, I will make an order for a new thing right now." I was about to turn around and grab my phone, but he caught my hand forcing me to face him yet again.

"A-and I need something else, something, that only you can give me." I didn't like his expression. I really didn't.

"And what would that be?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Suddenly, I heard a clank. It was really faint, but I heard it. I was about to turn my head around to look at what was happening behind me, when...

"I'm trying to talk to you, damn it!" Laito shouted into my face with desperate eyes that ere getting watery, one hand was on my shoulder and the other one was under my chin, forcing me to look at him. That felt really weird.

"Laito, what kind of things do you think you are doing?"

"Shut up," Laito ordered me. I had never seen him like that before. He was so serious, I could see his unreadable feelings pouring out of his eyes.

"Do you know what kind of torture you've been giving me lately? I can't stop thinking about you, I've been having dreams about you that only you and me can make come true." I've never been THIS mortified in my entire vampire life.

'What kind of nonsense are you blabbering about,' is what I tried to ask, but he pressed his finger against my lips. "Shhhh, It's alright, you must be confused right now, but it's temporary, I promise." He. Winked. At. Me. I swear, I regretted not eating that pancake right now. I was in shock. Laito was a pervert, but I never thought that he would be into this kind of thing.

"Now," He took a look at my room and smiled.

"Now, I need you to tell me one thing?" Oh god why am I here?

"What do you think..." No no no...

"About me acting in a romance drama?" ...What?

Laito took a few steps away from me. Thank you, Lucifer.

"Judging from this expression of yours I can be sure that I will be chosen as the main love interest~." I have never been this relieved. This bastard was only acting.

"Do what you want, just get out of my sight!"

"You're the boss here, nfufufufu~" And he was gone. I needed to rest for a little bit. I turned around just to see another annoying thing in my bedroom.

"Reiji-san, I'm feeling nauseous..." I walked closer to her, took a glimpse at her food. One piece of pancake was missing. And tea seemed to be touched. She drank some, even though it was a very small about, but I could tell that some was missing. I was too tired to deal with her dead body right now so I allowed her to leave.

STEP FOUR

"Get out," Reiji said in a worn out voice. I shakily stood up and wobbled out of the room while clutching my stomach. When the door behind me slammed shut, I let out a sigh of relief. That was a close one.

No, I did not eat that creation of devil. I hid a piece of pancake in my bra. And no, I did not drink that tea either. Finding a syringe was hard enough, especially seeing that little performance of Laito. I had no time to find the poison, so I simply got some of the tea into that syringe. Win win situation. Now, all I had to do was reach Laito's room. He was already waiting.

And the second chap is here! There will be a lot of chapters going on, so we are going to have lots of fun!