Parallax

by Celtican

Two: When Science Experiments Meet for Drinks...

2183 – Kaidan & Joker

K – just hit dirtside...meet me for drinks the usual in about 30? - Joker

Kaidan shrugged into his civilian clothes, wincing as he reached over his head to put on his favorite brown leather jacket. Joker wouldn't accept 'rampaging migraines caused by shitty brain hardware' as an excuse, not when he essentially needed boots with inertial dampeners to walk down the street in natural gravity without breaking an ankle. He swallowed some pain pills, checked his amp out of habit, and stepped out into the cool October evening. After he'd flagged down a cab, he popped open his omni-tool and fired back a reply:

J – I'll be there; you still owe me a couple from the last time...not that I'd be *that guy* and remind you of it. Heading out now. - Alenko

Kaidan did find himself grinning through the pain; he didn't go out often, preferring his personal time paid out in ways he remembered afterward. He broke that rule for the loudmouthed flight lieutenant he'd met on Arcturus – damn, was it only a few years ago? - because Joker was one of the few people who treated him like a person, not a science experiment. He would poke fun occasionally, which Kaidan gave back just as he got, but Joker knew when to ignore the bullshit and look for himself, to use his instincts and make his own opinion. It was probably the reason he was the best helmsman in the Alliance Navy.

The Usual – the name of the bar, not just Joker avoiding its name – was an old dive bar frequented by new arrivals to Vancouver. These visitors usually stopped in first, since The Usual was the first non-commercial place to get food back on Earth within a mile of the spaceport. A faded "thanks for 75 years of more than the usual!" banner adorned the plate window near the entrance.

Some of the other biotics Kaidan knew didn't go there often, since the hum of the drive cores (though distant) made some of the more sensitive L2s either flare up, get nosebleeds, or set their teeth on edge. Kaidan, who was quietly known for his excellent control over his abilities despite the wiring he'd been given as a teenager, felt nothing more annoying than chewing on a piece of aluminum foil. The beer usually killed that off quick, and it did ease his migraines a bit if he had one. The dubious question of eezo flavoring or not, the food was good enough to demand a return visit, but not enough to damage a man's paycheck for the month.

After an uneventful cab ride across the city, Kaidan dodged around a small group of smokers idling outside the bar and made his way inside. The warm, pleasantly unpleasant aroma of stale beer and fried food slid into his nostrils. There weren't many patrons this evening, and those Kaidan saw were ones he'd seen before; not quite regulars, but not quite strangers. He caught sight of a familiar hunched figure in a hooded sweatshirt, and pulled up a stool beside Joker.

"Long cruise, sailor?" Kaidan joked. He didn't often catch Joker off guard, but when he did, he made sure to take advantage of it.

"Yeah man, but I'm not on that side of the..." Joker began, stopping short as he realized he wasn't being hit on by a drunken bar fly. "Screw you too, Alenko," he groaned. The two men shook hands and ordered their beers. "How the hell have you been?"

Kaidan shrugged. "Things have been...well, quiet, until recently" he said.

"Still seeing that contractor? Kayla? Kylie?"

"Kiera, and no. She turned out to be...well, contracting with other interested parties, if you get my drift."

Joker grimaced sympathetically. "Ouch. She was a bit of a bitch anyway."

"Tell me about it. You still seeing that physical therapist?"

"Ha-ha. Hilarious reference to the cliché cripple dating his therapist."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "You were sleeping with her though."

"Yup. Human pretzel named Lee. Sadly, she transferred to another station and we needed to break it off."

"Must be nice to enjoy things casually."

Joker feigned offense. "Alenko, please! I'm a professional!"

"Uh-huh. So nothing new going on?"

"Well...I finally got another frigate posting, which I have no shame in saying that it's about damned time." Typical Joker – boast when the boasting's good.

"Really? That's great! Which one?" Kaidan took a swig of his beer. He'd heard of a few frigates needing helmsmen, but nothing noteworthy enough that he thought Joker would crow about.

Joker grinned a Cheshire-cat smile. Kaidan suddenly felt nervous, since Joker smiling that smile usually meant a misadventure or two was about to come out...or embarked upon. To Kaidan's surprise, he pulled out a small OSD and held it between two fingers. "Scan this beauty, my dear Alenko. I basically kissed ass to deliver this to you, so make sure you appreciate my sacrifice."

Kaidan's anxiety level went up another notch. "Joker, if I wind up in the brig..."

"Fuck the brig and scan the disk."

"Alright, alright, I'm scanning it mom." Kaidan brought up his omni-tool, scanning the file from the OSD. He did a double take when he saw the file. "Joker, these are transfer orders for me. How the hell did you get them? I knew I was getting a new assignment but..." When he didn't get an answer, he skimmed the orders. He nearly spit his beer out when he saw what they were for.

After a minute of stunned silence, Joker let Kaidan off the hook. "You're sitting with the helmsman of the newest and most bad ass Alliance frigate, and you have in your hands the golden posting on said frigate. Captain Anderson graciously allowed me to deliver the orders when I found out you were posted there too, pal." Joker gave him a hearty slap on the back. "See, those fancy magic powers of yours are good for something after all!"

Kaidan raked a hand through his hair. "Holy shit," he breathed. "SSV Normandy, Staff Lieutanant 1st class...shit this is a pay grade bump, too...wasn't that frigate supposedly a classified black ops project?"

"Supposedly, but most of the classified stuff is still under wraps. She's a new frigate, co-op project with the Turian Hierarchy...and god damn is she sexy. Can't wait til Friday's launch."

Kaidan chugged the end of his beer and flagged the bartender down for another. "Man, I don't need to know about how you've already christened the pilot's seat, Joker," he quipped, still floored by the news. "And Anderson's the CO? This is the ship that's going to the 5th fleet for recon, right?"

Joker cackled. "Yes, and yes-"

"But-"

"They got Shepard for the XO."

Kaidan's eyebrows discovered escape velocity, almost disappearing into his hairline. up into his hairline. "You're shitting me."

Joker scooted his glass between his hands. "No-ope," he said, elongating the word for emphasis. "Dances with Thresher Maws herself."

"Man, that's harsh. Where'd you pick that charmer of a nickname up?" Officially, he was an officer and therefore above giving credence to scuttlebutt from the enlisted contingent. Unofficially, he'd heard that as a superior officer, Sabrina Shepard was as hard and uncompromising as a desert. She played by the rules, rarely deviating unless there was enough cause indicating she should do so. From all accounts, she wasn't a bitch or a hard ass, but she held a command presence that made even the most outspoken sergeants lower their voices when talking about her. It wasn't something she'd cultivated after Akuze, either.

"You're obviously not rattled by this in the slightest," Kaidan continued, taking a pull from the beer.

"Hell no," Joker scoffed. "If I got rattled by every potential hard case that came down the pipe, I'd still be in basic." He waggled his empty glass at the bartender. "Believe it or not, I do know how to shut up and salute occasionally."

Kaidan snorted. "I'll remember to remind you of that when you make an ass of yourself next time."

"Gee thanks, Kaidan. Fucking ray of sunshine you are."

"All part of the basic service package. Hot towels and consideration for your dignity cost extra."

Joker flicked condensation from his hand at Kaidan's face.