"Care to explain why you four are late?" Professor Snape hissed at the four Gryffindors after they burst into his classroom five minutes after class had started. "Or do I even want to know?" The man ended with a harsh glare.

"Sir, we would have been on time, but Professor Cross-"

"Just sit down! 10 points each for being tardy." The man snapped, cutting Hermione off before turning towards the chalkboard. Angry, but more worried about losing more points if they disobeyed, the students meekly moved to four open desks in the front row. The only ones left.

"Bloody git." Ron mumbled as he set his school books on the floor.

"If you want be issued a detention that badly Weasley, you need only ask." Snape told the boy not even turning around to glare at the now blushing boy. After the chalk had finished writing Snape's instructions on the board, the man turned and spoke to the class.

"Since I highly doubt any of you bothered to retain any of the knowledge you learned last year, we are going to start with something fairly simple today. I feel that if I try to give you dunderheads anything challenging that my classroom would be filled with explosions. The potion you will be brewing today is. . ." As the professor continued to talk, the four tardy students started their own conversation.

"Not even lunch and we've already lost 40 points. I don't think our housemates are going to be very happy."

"If he would just let me explain what happen then we wouldn't have lost any points." Hermione hissed softly.

"Oh please," Harry snorted, "Snape's always looking for a reason to take points from us; it wouldn't have mattered."

"I think we got off fairly light." Allen pitched in, feeling a bit bad for the Potions Master. "I mean, 10 points each isn't too terribly harsh and Professor Cross didn't give us a note or even a pass. It was within his right to take the points away. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to earn them back." He ended, ignoring Ron's 'Yeah right.' All four yelped when it felt like a hand slapped them on the back of the head.

"How is it, that after four years of Potions, you still can't figure out that this class is not a place for personal chit-chat." Snape sneered, putting his wand back into his sleeve. He didn't use it often in class, but every now and then his 'Slap-You-Silly' hex needed to be used. "Since you four obviously weren't listening to me, you can have fun figuring out what potion you are supposed to be making on your own."

The four paled as they looked at the board realizing that, even if he left instructions, he did not leave the name of the potion.

"Oh, dear," The man said in mocked concern to no one particular, "I think I may have left out a few instructions. Well, the students are smart enough; I'm positive they'll figure it out."

Suffice to say, Potions did not end well for Allen. As it turns out, he's worse than Longbottom. Which was unfortunate because they ended up being paired together.

Between the two of them, they managed to blow up the potion, set their books and several ingredients on fire (they're not sure how that happened, considering they hadn't lit the fire for the cauldron yet and there was nothing flammable nearby) and damaged their supplies to the point where magic couldn't restore them.

Let's just say Professor Snape was not amused or pleased by this.

But Harry and the others were. And really, that's all that matters, right?

Allen had walked to History of Magic that day knowing he'd probably never be on Snape's good side.

"Finally! A class we can relax in!" Ron said joyfully as he made himself comfortable near the back. "Don't worry Allen, this class is a breeze." The red head said with a lazy wave of his hand.

"Ronald!"

"What? I'm only telling him the truth. This class is boring. He'll be asleep with the rest of us five minutes flat." Ron defended and Harry nodded in agreement. Hermione just glared at them and sat down.

"I don't know," Allen said as he glanced at the board. "Goblin Wars sounds fascinating to me."

"It won't be after you hear it hundred times over. It's the only thing Binns ever drones on about." Harry told Allen, looking for all the world like he was reliving a horrible experience in his head.

"Er, ok?" Allen responded hesitantly, unsure of how to respond.

"It's really not like that." Hermione piped up, having gotten over her silent sulk. "Professor Binns can be a bit tedious, but he does teach more than just the Goblin Wars . . . and I don't know why you two are wearing such frightened looks! It's not like you're ever awake during this class!" She snapped at the two boys.

"The words seep into our dreams." Ron whimpered, and Harry patted his back in sympathy.

"Drama Queens." Hermione mumbled under her breath just as Professor Binns floated in and began to speak. Allen looked on in amazement as most of the student put their heads on their desks and began to sleep. Shaking himself, Allen began to listen to the teacher and started taking notes.

They were right about one thing; the ghost's monotone voice made the subject boring. But Allen, who never had a chance to go to school, was determined to take this opportunity by the horns. Even if he ended up never using the knowledge. So it was through sheer determination that he stayed awake. Throughout the whole class time, Hermione shot him looks of amazement and glory.

"I don't know how you did it, mate." Ron said in awe after History was over and they were heading towards Transfiguration. "In fact, I don't think it's humanly possible-unless you're a nerd like Hermione."

The poor boy never saw the heavy book heading quickly for the back of his head.

"So Harry, did you do all your summer homework? Ginny already told me Ron didn't do his paper for Charms. Pity there isn't anyone around to help him write a rushed one during lunch-that would at least let him scrape by an Acceptable." The girl said with an angelic smile on her face. Ron shot her a wide-eyed look full of panic.

"Blimey. I'm screwed aren't I?" The red head questioned his best friend.

"Sorry mate. I'd let you borrow mine, but we both know Flitwick would be able to tell you copied." Harry replied as they walked into the Transfiguration classroom.

"I'll just take the zero." Ron said as they sat down, accepting his fate before he even had to meet it.

"Enough chit-chat." A voice with a Scottish accent filled the room as the students settled down. McGonagall glided into the room and immediately began talking about what they would be doing today.

"Since you are now fifth years, we will be starting to do more changeling things. You started out changing one inanimate object into another. Then, we proceeded to change inanimate things into animate objects and vice-versa during your third and fourth year. Hopefully you have grasped the theory enough by now through practice to be able to turn one animate object into another. Now since this the first class of the year, I won't specify what you have to turn it into; just so long as it can move on its own." The stern woman finished as she waved her wand and each desk found a tiny white mouse on it.

"You may begin. " And with that order, wands filled the air and magic began to flow throughout the room.

Allen felt sweat begin to fill under his collar at an alarming rate. While he had been practicing with his wand before the beginning of school, he could fully admit to himself that he was nowhere near what a fifth year should be. Discreetly, he shot a sly look towards Hermione who was in the process of turning her mouse into a lovely swan. He also had to hide a smile at Harry's mutant mouse/cat that seemed intent on scratching the Boy Who Lived to death, and Ron's piglet that still had the fur and teeth of a mouse and was trying to chew on the flustered boy's wand. Looking around, he saw that. Besides Hermione, most students weren't faring well. White hair shot down despairingly fast. If they've been doing this for five years and where still having trouble then he was screwed.

"Allen!" He heard Hermione hiss in his ear so he turned his head and saw concern in her brown eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Well," He shot her a nervous smirk before looking at the mouse again. "I didn't want to admit this- it's rather embarrassing- but, uh, Transfiguration wasn't exactly a cornerstone at my old school." He saw her brow scrunch up in confusion before shock flew into her eyes. Ah. She got it.

"You mean you don't know how to-" She cut herself off at the shake of his head. Shuffling closer to him she began feeding instructions into his ear.

"To turn an animal into a different animal, the incantation is Transfigus Animus. The wand movement is easy: twist, flick, twist. The key to Transfiguration is that you must have a clear image in your head of what you want the animal to become. Also, you need to have determination- it won't change unless you really want it too. There's so much more but I couldn't possibly explain it all right now." She ended, slightly out of breath.

"Thank you! You are a goddess." He whispered to her before returning to his mouse, missing the blush bloom across her cheeks from the compliment.

Now then, what did he want the mouse to be? What to be, what to be, what to-

A rather disturbed grin came upon his lips.

Oh, he totally knew what he wanted it to be.

That out of the way, he focused on building up his determination. Not that is was a hard thing to do. He had that in aces. Hermione turned to give him an odd look when she heard a quiet giggle from his direction. Was it just her, or was he on fire?

"Transfigus Animus!" Allen half-yelled as he did the wand movement, a fire in his blue eyes as the mouse gave a startled squeak, before beginning to morph. The students surrounding Allen watched in awe as the mouse grew bigger and bigger as well as have black spots appear on its fur. The desk began to groan under the weight as the transfigured animal continued to grow.

'I ALWAYS wanted to see one of these up close!' The exorcist thought excitedly, barely containing a girly squeal as a three hundred pound baby panda broke the desk it was sitting on. At the crash to whole class became silent for a second, before everyone began talking at once.

"Is that a panda?"

"Aw, it's so cute!"

"Cute? It's a bloody bear! It's gonna maul us! Nothing cute about that!"

"Enough!" McGonagall exclaimed, silencing the commentators as she made her way near Allen. Upon reaching the still starry-eyes student, she shook her head at the broken desk and yawning panda cub.

"Really Mr. Walker," She started with exasperation clear in her voice. "I know I said anything that moves, but a panda?" She frowned when no response was forth coming. Seeing the excitement in his eyes that were still trained on the panda, she couldn't stop the roll of her own eyes. "Allow me to turn it back for you." The witch said as she brandished her wand.

He heard that.

"NO!" He shouted, startling everyone and then shocked them even more by lunging towards the panda and hugging it tightly to his chest. "You can't!"

"Mr. Walker," McGonagall began, "I can tell by your actions that you like pandas, but that is still a dangerous creature!"

"No it's not!" The boy said desperately, shaking his head in denial. "It's perfectly safe; hasn't hurt a soul."

"It's chewing on your arm as we speak!"

"Puppies chew on shoes and nobody calls them dangerous!"

"That logic is dangerously skewed." The witch retorted.

"I'm sure you'd feel differently if you were the shoe." He replied, dead serious.

"Walker-"

"You can't turn it back! I've already name it!"

"I beg your pardon?" The Professor said with one eyebrow raised in disbelief. Was this boy insane?

"You can't turn Muffin Chunk back." Allen said seriously, ignoring the scoff from the Professor and the panda that was currently making a chew toy out of his arm. "Once you name it there's no going back."

"Oh for heaven's sake! Walker, that panda started out as a mouse; even if I don't change it back now, it'll return itself to its original form sooner or later." She told him.

"Lies!" He spat right as the panda shifted back into a mouse. Blue eyes blinked a few times as it squeaked up at him. "Oh."

"Yes, oh." McGonagall said dryly.

"Well," He started, slightly embarrassed at his behavior, but not really. After all, how often does one get hug a panda? "I guess I'll just have to re-apply the spell." Allen said nonchalantly as he began to wave his wand.

"I think you're done for the day." McGonagall informed him as she grabbed ahold of his wand to stop his movements and levitated the mouse away with her own. "Why don't you just go see Madam Pomfrey about that bite? I doubt she's ever had a student come in with a panda bite before."

"What? I'm perfectly fine. 'Tis but a flesh wound." He told her with such a charming smile that if it wasn't for the blood dripping off his arm and onto the floor, she would have believed him.

"Mr. Walker, I don't know if you have a high pain tolerance or just can't feel it do to an adrenaline rush, but it would be remiss of me not only as a teacher but as head of your house to just let you sit there bleeding! Now go to see Madam Pomfrey. That's an order!" She snapped at him as she pushed him out the door and slamming it behind him.

"But my stuff." He sniffed mournfully at the door before slowly moving towards the Hospital Wing. Hopefully one his housemates would grab it for him. Taking his mind off the matter, he began to wander through the halls. He had no idea where the Hospital Wings was, but he learned that wandering aimlessly usually got him to a destination faster than following a map. Sure enough, 10 minutes later he found himself in the right place. See, if he followed a map it would have taken him two hours to find the place.

Hesitantly, he walked into the all white room. The nurses at the Black Order always ambushed him and he expected no less here.

"Hello?" He called out nervously as he passed many of the beds. There were some students here but they all seemed to be asleep. "Er, Madam Pomfrey? Are you in? If not, I can come again another time. Or not at all even. It's not a big deal."

"Ugh, who's the looney talking to the air?" A snobbish voice laced with annoyance asked as a platinum blonde shot up from his bed to glare at the said 'looney'. His face grew blank at seeing Allen. "Oh. It's you. Figures." The blonde grumbled as he snuggled back down and closed his eyes.

"Hello Draco!" Allen said cheerfully much to the other boy's irritation. "Do you know where the nurse is?"

"Last I saw she was checking her stock room." The Slytherin replied just so the other would leave.

"I see, thank you. Are you ok?"

"Just a stomach ache." Draco grumbled, not bothering to tell the other he was faking it. Looking over at the disgusting Griffindor, one perfect eyebrow raised up in curiosity at the bloody arm. "What the hell happened to you? Get attacked by one of Hagrid's pets?"

"Hm? Oh! This? No, it was a panda. Such a cute panda too. I'll miss Muffin Chunk. Well, I'll talk to you late Draco!" Allen said waving to the boy as he went to find Pomfrey. "I hope you feel better!"

And Draco stared.

"Looney; most assuredly a looney."

Bonus Story: And An Army Of Pandas Shall Overwhelm You.

The Earl was old and power- that much anyone could come to after five minutes in his presence. Being so powerful had it quirks: he could scare people without trying, have raving groupies without trying, and eat anything he wanted without no matter how questionable. That being said, you should know that he was the one that started the dipping french-fries into ice cream thing.

Yeah, I said it. He was also rumored for starting the 'dip your pizza in ranch-'

Oh, uh, but that's another matter entirely. What you're about to learn is top secret; and no, it's not his eating habits.

You see, despite being so old and stupidly powerful like a Super Saiyan on steroids, the Earl still does things that most people do.

He dreams.

Normally these dreams are normal enough: world domination, smothering Allen Walker with a pillow, burning the 14th alive, ruling over Candy Land with an iron fist, y'know, that sort of thing.

Most know that with dreams, nightmares are to follow sooner or later. The Earl is no different.

The battlefield was scorched and the burnt flesh of humans and akuma filled his senses. Everyone one of his enemies was gone-except him.

Allen Walker.

"It seems we're at the finale of my play." The Earl said with a sinister chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess." Allen replied in a bored tone as he examined his fingernails. The Earl would never admit it, but his ear twitched in annoyance at the blasé attitude of his arch nemesis.

"If I were you, I would be a bit more worried about my soul." He warned the teenager.

"And if I were you, which thankfully, I'm not, I'd be a bit more worried about being eaten alive."

"Ha! As if you-wait, what?" The boy pulled out a red and white ball and pressed the button in the middle before tossing it in the air. A white light blinded the Earl and he heard what was to be his downfall.

"I choose you Muffin Chunk!"

'What the -f#!*- is a 'Muffin Chunk'? The Earl thought as his eyesight slowly adjusted. Once he had regained it, he looked around the battlefield. No new exorcist, no reinforcements, and no signs of any Innocence activated. . .

. . .just a baby panda cleaning its paw.

The Earl cracked up laughing.

"A panda? Of all the things you could have chosen, you pick a panda? And a baby one at that! Hah- this is-I can't even breath- it's just too stupid!"He said falling to the ground clutching his stomach as laughter overtook him.

"Ah! But you don't know Muffin Chunk's special ability." Allen told the still laughing Earl.

"Bwa ha hah-I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over my laughter."

"Muffin Chunk! Use x1000!" The exorcist shouted and immediately, that one panda became 1000.

The Earl stopped laughing.

"What the hell? Since when could pandas do that?" He asked the boy, honestly curious.

"Since it pushed my hit points to over 9000. Now, Muffin Chunk use Maul!" As soon as the command was said, all those cute little pandas turned into vicious man-eating bears. Which, technically, they were before but hey, who pays attention to small details like that? Frightened at the pandas coming dangerously close to him with their snapping teeth, the Earl spoke up one more time.

"Wait! I don't get the 9000 reference! Ah! That was my spleen you little bastard!" He screamed as the pandas overwhelmed him.

"And you never will." Was the last thing he heard of the snarls as death took him piece by tattered piece.

In reality, his eyes shot open and he jerked out of bed. Taking a moment to compose his breathing, he went to his personal bathroom to wash the sleep from his eyes.

'Since when did I use terms like 'hell' and 'bastard'? I'm much more posh than that. And what does- f#!-* even mean? Those symbols don't make any sense the way they are arranged.' He thought as he looked in the mirror before shrugging the thought away. 'Dream selves are always weird.'

That's right; it was just a dream. There are no pandas here. The Earl thought to himself as he went back to his bedroom. He checked underneath his bed anyway-just in case. He tried to will himself back to sleep but could find none. Finally after what felt like hours, he gave up. Time for a new plan.

"Tyki-pon!' He called, and immediately, the Noah had appeared before him, bowing slightly.

"You rang?"

"I have a mission for you. I need you to go to China and kill as many baby pandas as you can find." Golden eyes blink in surprise before the man spoke in a slightly shocked voice.

"You want me to kill baby pandas? For God's sake man, why?"

"Don't use God's name! We're against him anyway. . .as for the mission, you don't have to kill all of them, just enough to put them on the enraged species list. I would prefer if there were less than a thousand left."

"Not to sound whiny or anything, but do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Those mother pandas are not to be trifled with."

"Neither am I." The Earl growled at him and Tyki shifted slightly in fear.

"Your wish is my command. Even if I don't understand it." The Noah muttered the last part as he left to start a most regrettable mission.

The Earl giggled at the others antics and closed his eyes to sleep, no longer fearing his dreams.

End

Things you probably recognized

'Tis but a flesh wound! : Shamelessly taken from Monty Python

Allen's obsession with pandas. : Taken from the chapter where they go to China and Lenalee comments that he thinks that anything that moves is a panda.

+9000 : Seriously, if you don't know this, youtube it. Once you see the DBZ video you know you're in the right place.

"I choose you! : pokemon reference.