"Girls and boys, we all know about how your body works so don't be shy and ask any question you want."

This is it - the downfall of a human kind. A long time ago people thought that babies were given by God, then they realized the truth somehow. In the medieval times adult things were considered as impure and evil. But that's in the past. Right now, people are becoming more and more free about their views, but not as free as the Ancient people - good old greeks and romans. A lot of different civilizations had created entire traditions for THAT, but Christianity and other religions like that stopped everything. But human kind didn't stop celebrating their reproduction. They brought back their ancestors philosophy and teaching about THAT. In this, twenty first century, you can't even listen to the radio without THAT. You can't even buy a single journal without facing at least one article about THAT. Even TV and computer games are stuffed with THAT. So why, oh why do I still have to listen about IT from no one other, but HIM?!

Laito Sakamaki was obviously enjoying himself. He even had fake reproduction organs models, both male and female (let's note the fact that school was against having these 'indecent' things so it wasn't from our school). Our PE teacher got sick and Reinhart sensei was busy with a few drunk to death students after the chemistry class about alcohols. Some wanted to test if methanol was really that poisonous. So, long story short - teachers decided to ask Laito for some help. He agreed a bit too easily for it to not be suspicious.

"And please, call me Laito-sensei."
"Okay, Laito-sensei." All girls, including the substitute teacher immediately said.
"Over my dead body." Hissed Ayato.
"What was that? A naughty boy wants to get detention~?" Laito smirked, knowing that he had the power over all of us. Three classes were brought to the auditorium for this. It was a work of fortune or the devil itself, but Reinhart sensei picked out classes with all of the Sakamaki brothers. And so all of us were watching this little show.

I could visually see Reiji's rage. He was shaking, his fists were clenched so hard they were whiter than his gloves he usually wore at home. I didn't know why, but I was sandwiched between two weird guys: one with a choker and the other with an even more ridiculous hat than Laito's. Reiji was in front of me and Subaru was seated behind me so it was really easy to see Reiji's reaction to Laito being his 'sensei'.

"For me to fall this low. For me to be taught by him." I pat Reiji's shoulder to comfort him.
"I know, right. We're all in this together. Do you remember me waking up screaming and running straight to your room?"
"Yes, I remember."
"This scene was in my nightmare."
"Now I do understand why you were so disturbed."

When I was a little girl, like all kids, I was suffering from nightmares. Some were nothing, but three stood out to this day. Two dreams contained dead, headless bodies trying to kill me and the entire world being consumed by flames. I woke up terrified and frightened, so I did what all kids after a nightmare do - I ran to my mom. And since this mansion didn't have my mother somewhere hidden - I ran to mama Reiji.

At first, he wanted to cuff me in the dungeons, but soon he changed his mind. Apparently, my pathetic trembling and stuttering state was something unusual to see. The only time I cried in this mansion was the time with Laito when that monster landed on his bed. Not even beatings and whippings made me cover in fear, so Reiji, being a natural sadist, decided to entertain himself for a little bit.

"Please don't talk in my lesson. Now, when explanation part is over, ask anything you want." A boy to my right raised his hand.
"What is it, Azusa-kun?"
"Is it true... that girls... are in a lot of pain... from time... to time?" Looking at him more closely - I could see scars on his face and his arms were bandaged.

"Yes. Some experience terrible pain and some don't feel a thing. Any more questions?" The same boy raised his hand again.
"What is it again, Azusa-kun?"
"Can I... turn into... a girl?" I sat there, thinking 'He's either masochistic or crazy to want period cramps'.

"Nfu~ you might, but there would be no pain. Getting a surgery won't change your insides, so you wouldn't be able to..."
"I beg you pardon," Reiji interrupted Laito-sensei, "You are wrong. There is a way to turn him into a real girl. I've developed a gender changing potion. Everyone can change into the opposite sex. Even vampi..." I slapped my hands over Reiji's mouth.

No one needed to know that they were vampires. There were lots of girls who still cared about Twilight, Vampire Diaries and Vampire Knight. I was surrounded by the vampires right now. Literally. If fangirls found out about real vampires - I would be turned into minced meat immediately.

I leaned closer to Reiji's ear, still holding his mouth shut and his head turned straight at Laito.
"Do you wanna die? Don't you understand the power of fangirls? They would cut you to pieces and sell you on eBay. Now, be a good boy and shut up before I sold you to the Buffy the vampire slayer fandom myself."

Reiji calmly removed my hands from his mouth, almost crushing my fingers but didn't let go of them.
"As you wish, milady." He bit my pinky finger with one of his fangs. I bit down my bottom lip to suppress my voice.

"I wasn't expecting to see Reiji Sakamaki acting so unsightly in a public place." Boy to my left with a black choker said cheerfully.
"Who are you to talk, mongrel?" Reiji snapped back. He was obviously not in the mood to care about his image right now. I had to do something about this and fast or this will turn into a vampire fight... Wait... THIS GUY WAS ALSO A VAMPIRE?!

"Reiji-san, Mongrel-san, please be aware of your surroundings - fight somewhere in the woods when all of this is over." Reiji sighed, fixing his glasses.

"Fine, but you'll get punished when were back home."
"What did you just call me, you human pest?"
"Reiji-kun, for the last time - stop interrupting my lesson or you will get detention and Ruki-kun - same goes for you." Honestly, I wasn't expecting Laito to be so professional and serious about giving sex education, but here I was - sitting there, listening about the wonders of adult life that I wished to avoid in the future.

My mom has always dreamed about having grandkids. She has talked about holding my or my brother's little baby in her hands for the first time for ages. She has even picked out 'perfect' names and room decorations. Every single Christmas she talked about how wonderful it would be to have some little bundles of joy running around once again. Even my grandma tried to hook me up with my childhood friend.

A shiver ran down my spine. Thanks not. I could barely keep my head on the neck (with a few bumps and bruises I must say), so how am I going to raise a needy and delicate child?

"Why do I have to listen to this crap?!" Finally, Subaru informed everyone about his existence.
"If I have to put up with another five minutes with this pervert - all of you will need a lecture about CPR." He was shaking in rage. I was waiting for Reiji to step in, but he didn't. The cocky bastard was waiting for someone to knock out Laito for good.

But a knight in gold and pink rose up from his seat. The same idol guy I've met before.
"Subaru-kun~ There's no need for violence. Now, come on - take my hand and..." *WHACK* Subaru hit him.
"Oh look - a first volunteer." Subaru grabbed poor idol by the hair and pulled him towards the stage where Laito was showing a proper way to use contraception.

"Now, the first thing you have to do is check if your victim, oh sorry, a beating bag is still conscious." Subaru slapped Kou on one cheek.
"Why is it alway me?!" Kou cried out.
"If your victim is still able to talk - *SMACK* give him anesthesia." Kou was still standing on his own, but already swaying from side to side.

"Now, you have to make sure to open his airway." Subaru grabbed poor guy by the neck and squeezed it.
"Shu-Shu-ba-ru-kun, I-can't breathe-"
"Very well, now, give your Balboa meat two rescue breaths." He slapped Kou on both cheeks. Hard. Really hard.

"Now, let's begin the chest compressions, shall we." Kou was shaking his head, trying to free himself from the iron death lock of Subaru.

"And remember, kids, you have to do this to the ryhthm of a few songs, like
Stayin' Alive by Bee Gees, I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor or Heartbreaker by Mariah Carey ft Jay Z . That's 100 to 120 beats per minute." Subaru cracked his neck, getting ready to bring a vampire boy back to life and then dead once again, but a much taller guy interfered.

"You should not do that." It was the same tall guy from the previous time. He seemed to be strong. A lot stronger than Subaru. White haired vampire just stared at the tall guy for a few moments before letting Kou go.

(A/n - ATTENTION! This is not a proper way to bring someone from dead! But if you want to send someone to the other side... Don't tell anyone it was me who taught you this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

"Paramedics have arrived, so there's no need for the rescue from your side anymore." Subaru turned around to face a terrified substitute teacher.
"I told you this was a bad idea to force me into this 'event'," Vampire said with disgust and stormed out.

"Thanks, Yuma." Kou rubbed his neck.
"Why didn't you try to fight him back?" Yuma asked.
"Not in front of my fans. I have to keep up my image, you know."
"You just looked like a loser."
"You know nothing about show business. Just watch." And Kou was right - from all three classes about half of the girls were coming to see if their favourite idol was okay.

"Kou-kun, I was so worried about you!"
"That's right that's right."
"I was so scared when Subaru said he will give you a rescue breath!"
"THAT'S RIGHT THAT'S RIGHT!"
"Girls, please," Kou laughed nervously.
"Are you done now? Can I continue?" Laito was furiously tapping his foot.

"What do you want, Hat boy?" Laito just smirked at Yuma's words.
"To see you in a detention class. Miss Shihouni, the honor is yours." Yuma's eyes were already dissecting Laito on the spot like a pig.
"Yuma, you have detention."

"Bwahahaha, what a loser!" Ayato was rolling around in his seat, clutching his belly.
"Ayato-kun~" Laito said with a smile. "Detention."
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Ayato screamed out.
"He," Yuma cracked his knuckles, "I'll be waiting for you." Tall vampire left through the same door as Subaru.

"I ship them." I whispered.
"You what? What does that mean?" A guy to my left asked.
"Well, um, you see, when you want to get rid of someone, you say 'I ship you'. It usually goes with pairs, like Yuma and Ayato. I wanted them to get away, to be 'shipped away', so that's why I said that I shipped them." Kou was not looking at us, Reiji's back was slightly shaking - probably because of the laughter. Please, Mongrel-san, please buy this story.

"Is that so?" Mongrel-san raised an eyebrow. "So why did Kou fans say the exact same thing when we walked in? Aren't they supposed to adore him?" Oh damn it - he got me.
"Those? Those are no regular fans, oh no. Those are fangirls. They might get overprotective over their little idol."

"Fangirls? I've never read about them. What are those?"
"You don't know them?!" I screamed out my question.
"Bitch-chan~ I know we had a few ~private~ lessons, but could you please keep it down?" He winked at me. A wave of screams echoed through the room. Angry. Exited. Disappointed. You could pick up an entire list of emotions from that noise.

"What the hell is this?!" Mongrel-san covered his ears.
"One word - fangirls." I smiled, ignoring the heat of anger and embarrassment on my cheeks that were lit up by Laito's comment. And no - there was nothing between us. "And how do you not know what a fangirl is? Don't you belong to any fandom?" I was used to the stares of 'is she nuts?' from the older people, but never from my own generation... looking guy. Poor guy stared at me as if I was nuts.

"Should I answer this?"
"No need. I guess you're not an Internet person, are you?"
"I'm more into books." This was just too good.

So, for the past thirty minutes I've been teaching, apparently, Ruki slang words with incorrect meanings. And Reiji got a bit less angry at his student position. Guy to my right just didn't give a damn about his surroundings - he was too busy talking to his scars.

And finally - the bell rang, freeing us from the sex education.
"And remember, saying 'you are my bae' means 'you are my big-ass enemy'. Don't forget to use everything I taught you. See you later, Ruki."
"Yeah."

Reiji was waiting for someone near the exit.
"I must applaud you." He said to me once I was near him.
"For what?" I didn't stop walking, but he followed me.
"That mutt got his brains washed out. He will definitely make a fool out of himself."
"Yeah, that will be hilarious," I giggled.

"But why did you do this?" Reiji asked.
"He called you unsightly. You are the most sightly and gentlemanly person in this entire school. You might be a huge ass, yes, but sometimes, that little heart of yours melts even a litttle bit."
"Stop spouting nonsense."

"I'm not, I mean - when I had my nightmare, you could feed me drugs, but instead of them, you gave me some actual tea. This was my thanks to you." Please buy this please buy this. I did that for two reasons:
Reason number one - my own satisfaction. Reason number two - to avoid Reiji's punishment. But I said the truth about him - he could be kind, even if his kindness had terms and conditions.

"You just want to avoid the punishment, don't you."
"That would be a nice bonus." I laughed nervously.
"I shall grant it."

Ruki got into real trouble hehe.

Maybe I should stop with the whole Kou v.s. Subaru thing...
NAHHHH

And I don't know why I keep on writing about IT when our mc is ace. Maybe because I want to keep the story a bit realistic and in real life IT'S everywhere. Dunno...

Anyways, THANK YOU for reading this story/book and stay tuned for more adventures with the fang-gang!