A/N: Tolkien-themed titles? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of importance other than my own mind.

Back Again

Act One in a Tale by readerADV

Chapter Three: Roast Mutton, or That Little Blonde Demon

The fat man, the man in glasses, and the woman in red looked back and forth between Ash and Dawn. "Whoa, what did you do to her?" the fat man asked.

"I knocked her out. I don't think Ashley needs to hear that kind of language."

"How?"

"I put the feeling of drowsiness in a sphere of aura and threw it at her. It's damn tricky."

"How do you do that?"

"Aura is more than just life energy; it's the essence of who you are. At a certain level, you're always changing, influenced by your surroundings. That includes emotions and sensations. If I put a particular feeling into an aura sphere and throw it at someone, it can cause a change in their aura and change their emotions, but it takes a lot out of me. It really helps if I'm feeling whatever emotion I'm trying to put into the sphere. Of course, the more drastic the change, the less likely it is to work." Ashley sneezed again. "Let's get Little Miss Blondie to Anabel's house and dried off."

It was dark outside when Dawn woke up with a start. "-ucking son of a bitch!" She looked around at her darkened surroundings. "What just happened?"

"You fell asleep in the middle of insulting me, so we dragged your sorry ass to Anabel's house and got May and Little Miss Blondie into dry clothes," Ash said from a doorway. "By the way, if I ever catch you using that kind of language in front of her again…" He left it hanging, and the Twinleaf native was suddenly very conscious of how muscular Ash had gotten since she'd last seen him. "Anyways, your dinner's gotten cold."

"Dinner?"

"Yeah. You know, the meal eaten in the evening? You've been snoring for hours now. Honestly, how could May sleep next to you? You snore like a chainsaw." Dawn glared at him and got up off the couch she'd been sprawled on. "Oh, and nice underwear. I knew you like showing off, but waving Piplup print panties around in your sleep? It makes me wonder if you ever spent time in a brothel." He walked out of the room.

The Twinleaf native followed him through the doorway and found a bowl of ramen sitting on the table. "Just cold ramen?"

"Hey, it's not my fault it's cold. Be glad there's anything left; you know how much May likes ramen." He whistled, and the yellow mouse sprinted out of another doorway and up onto his shoulder. "I'm going out to train. Don't wait up for me."

The next morning, Ash received a very rude awakening. "Daddy, Daddy, wake up! Uncle Max wants to battle Anabel but she won't battle until you're there."

Ash groaned and rolled over to face his daughter. "Why does it have to be so early?"

"It's after eleven, Daddy!"

"...Still too early." He shut his eyes and rolled back over, only to have Ashley jump on him.

"Daddy!"

Ash groaned again. "I don't wanna get up…"

"Ash, your pancakes are getting cold!" May called from the other room several moments later, making Ash leap out of his bedding and scramble out to the dining room, but the only pancake he saw was going into his daughter's mouth.

"Where are the pancakes?"

"You took so long that Ashley already ate all of them. She definitely takes after you."

Ash glowered at her. "Not nice." He started to head back towards the room he and Max had been given to sleep in.

"Oh no you don't!" She grabbed him by the collar and tried to stop him.

Ash laughed. "You think you can overpower me? I've been working out every day for years now." He picked her up easily. "Hmm, you need to eat more. I'd swear you're no heavier than a feather."

May stuck her tongue out at him, then sniffed. "Ew, go take a shower, stinky!"

"I just took one last night!"

"And you smell like it was the first time since-" she cut off. "Just go take a shower, please?" She gave him a pleading look she knew he couldn't resist.

"Alright…"

An hour later, the mouse sat on the wild man's shoulder as he stood leaning against a wall near a bench on which sat May, Dawn, and Scott.

"Daddy, why are your eyes closed?" Ashley asked from her mother's lap.

Ash smirked. "I can see more of the battle if my eyes are closed."

"Really?"

"Really really." Ashley giggled as the referee finished announcing the rules of the battle.

"Go, my friend!"

"You're up, Ampharos!"

A yellow and brown fox-like Pokémon standing on her hind legs and holding a spoon in each hand appeared on the field opposite a materializing yellow sheep-like creature also standing on his hind legs, the blue gem atop his tail glowing faintly.

"Begin!"

"Ampharos, let's finish this in one hit! Discharge!"

"Alakazam, turn it back with Psychic and follow up with Focus Punch!"

The Light Pokémon quickly built up a massive electric charge and hurled it at the Psychic-type, but she just focused on the crackling attack and turned it back with her mind and as the tendrils of electricity hit the electric-type, kicking up a cloud of dust, she sprinted at her opponent with her fist glowing white.

"Ampharos, dodge and use Volt Change!"

"What's Volt Change?" Ashley asked curiously.

"It's a hit-and-run attack. After hitting the target, the user returns to its trainer, except when the trainer has no other Pokémon available."

Ampharos ducked under Alakazam's punch and spun, lashing his sparking tail at Alakazam's legs and knocking her off her feet, then turned into red light and returned into her Poké Ball.

"You're up, Mightyena!"

A grey and black hound materialized on the field behind the Salon Maiden's Pokémon and voiced a strangely vicious howl. Alakazam was visibly intimidated.

"Mightyena, use Crunch!"

"Alakazam, Focus Punch!"

Mightyena pounced on his opponent and sunk his wickedly sharp teeth into her left arm, but the spoon-carrying Pokémon's right fist began glowing again before she slammed it into the side of his head, forcing the Bite Pokémon to let go and back off.

"Use Focus Punch again!"

"Dodge and use Poison Fang!"

Alakazam kept her fist glowing and charged at the Dark type, whose fangs were now glowing dark purple. As the black Pokémon sidestepped around his opposite's fist and bit into her arm, Ashley asked, "Why does Anabel keep using the same attack over and over?"

Ash smiled at his daughter, though his eyes were still closed. "Alakazam's psychic-type moves won't do anything against Mightyena since it's a dark-type." He indicated the two Pokémon as they stood facing each other on the field, panting. "You see how Mightyena's head is turned so his right side is facing Max?" Ashley nodded. "It looks like that Focus Punch to the face deafened his left ear a bit. And see that second bite wound on Alakazam's arm is slightly purple?" Ashley nodded again. "It means Alakazam's poisoned. She'll keep taking damage from that if the battle drags on too long."

"Daddy, you know a lot about battling, don't you?"

"You could say that…" he admitted, making her giggle.

"I think I'm going to puke," Dawn commented.

"Why? You been looking in the mirror too much lately?"

"Why you rotten little co-"

"Alakazam, finish this with Focus Punch!"

"Mightyena, Fire Fang!"

The two Pokémon leapt at each other suddenly, one with a glowing fist, the other with flaming teeth. The latter sank his teeth into his opponent's left arm again, right on the previous bite wound, but she responded by beating on his nose a few times with her glowing right fist. Mightyena yelped in pain and let go, backing off once more. The two stared at each other for another moment before both collapsed.

"It's a double knock-out!"

The trainers returned their defeated Pokémon to their respective Poké Balls and called out their next picks.

"You're up, Ampharos!"

"Go, my friend!"

The yellow sheep-like Pokémon appeared again, this time facing a pink-hued butterfly with rounded wings.

"A pink Butterfree?"

Ash opened his eyes and stared at the Salon Maiden's Pokémon. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Daddy, you know that Butterfree?"

Ash sighed. "Yeah. In fact," he pulled a Poké Ball from his belt and looked at it, "I met her a long time before your mother got her first Pokémon."

Ashley hopped down from her mother's lap and walked to her father. "What's in there?"

"This is the first Pokémon I ever caught." He bent down, picked her up, and placed her on his shoulders. "I'll show you later."

"Ashley, get down from there! It's not sa-" Dawn cut off as Anabel ordered her Butterfree to use Silver Wind on Ampharos, which had the side effect of lifting the Twinleaf native's rather brief skirt. Dawn blushed and pushed her skirt back down.

Ash chuckled. "Is that really the shortest skirt you could find? I thought you could put that creative mind of yours to use finding an even shorter one instead of," he created an blue-white orb on his finger, "implying that I'm going to let my daughter get hurt." He threw the sphere past her just in time to intercept a stray tendril of Ampharos' Discharge. The resulting explosion knocked her flat on her face.

"Why you…"

"What, you'd rather that Discharge had messed up your hair? Oh, I get it. That's why you wear a hat that looks like a used-" he glanced at the girl who apparently thought his head was a drum, "you get my drift."

She glared at him and picked herself up off the ground as May asked, "Can't you two get along?"

"No," they said in unison, looking at her as if she was crazy to suggest such a thing.

She sighed. "Three… Two… One…" Ampharos's Discharge, missing its target, came flying at the two quarrelers. Ash, seeing it coming, leapt up out of the way just in time to avoid getting hit, but Dawn got the full blast, making her hair go everywhere and sending her to the ground, twitching.

The Pallet trainer landed on his feet, using one hand to steady himself and one to keep Ashley from falling. "Do it again, Daddy! Do it again!" she laughed, banging on his head some more.

He glanced at Dawn and groaned. "Great, now we'll have to listen to her whine about her hair for the rest of the day."

"Butterfree can't continue! Ampharos wins!"

"Dammit Dee Dee, you made me miss the battle!"

"Don't call me Dee Dee!"

"Go, my friend!" A cream-colored fox with nine tails appeared on the field facing the visibly tired Ampharos.

"That one looks really cute, Daddy!"

"That one's called Ninetales, Ashley," Ash smiled. "It's said that if you grab one of its tails, it'll curse you for a thousand years." Hearing that, Ashley gulped and hid her hands in her father's long hair.

"Ampharos, Charge and then Discharge!"

"Ninetales, Extrasensory and Heat Wave!"

The Light Pokémon built up a massive electrical charge in a heartbeat before unleashing at his opponent. The kitsune didn't flinch, but with his eyes glowing blue directed the supercharged bolts into the ground midfield, kicking up a huge cloud of dust, out of which came a wall of superheated air which slammed Ampharos back into the far wall.

"Finish him off with Heat Wave!"

"Ampharos, use Fire Punch!"

"Fire Punch? What are you thinking Max? Volt Change would be the best option!"

The sheep Pokémon deftly sidestepped his opposite's attack and charged forward to strike him with his flaming fist, but despite taking several direct hits from the attack, the fire-type didn't seem fazed at all. Indeed, the nine-tailed Pokémon seemed to be glowing with an internal fire.

"What?"

"Max, you idiot! Ninetales has Flash Fire! That boosts the power of his fire-type moves whenever he's hit by another fire move and prevents him from taking damage them!"

The challenger struck his face with his palm. "Oh, right. Duh."

"Ninetales, Purgatory!"

"Ampharos, get away and use Volt Change!"

The kitsune's body started glowing and giving off an incredible amount of heat as a fireball formed in his mouth. The sheep Pokémon tried to put some distance between them, forming a sphere of electricity between his forepaws as he went, but the kitsune propelled the huge fire-sphere towards him with an even larger stream of flame coming from his mouth, striking the sheep right in the back.

"'Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrer!'" Ash mock-griped in a deep, hoarse voice and odd accent, making the other spectators look at him strangely. "What, you never read Tolkien?" Scott chuckled.

"Ampharos can't continue! Ninetales wins!"

"Aw, man!" The young man returned the unconscious Pokémon to his Poké Ball.

"You're up, Gardevoir!"

What looked like a green slender woman in an elegantly simple white ball gown appeared on the field, gracing her opponent with a smile.

"Ninetales, Heat Wave!"

"Gardevoir, stop it and use Psycho Shock!"

The kitsune pushed another wall of hot air at his opponent, but she concentrated on it and it stopped half-way between them. The Embrace Pokémon's eyes glowed for a moment, and waves of psychic energy crystalized as they hurtled at the fire-type, dispersing the Heat Wave as they passed through it.

As the psi-blades struck Ninetales, he started creating another blast of Purgatory. "Ooh, it looks like Anabel's started giving orders mentally," Scott observed as the psychic-type glowed white briefly before starting to form a ball of purplish-white energy between her hands and hurling it through the fire-type move to slam solidly into the many-tailed creature as the powerful fire-type move engulfed the psychic-type.

Ash realized Gardevoir was reading Max's mind as the fire-storm died down, revealing that Gardevoir was slightly singed around the edges. However, the ground around her wasn't so lucky; it was glowing red and looking lightly fluid.

"Sorry Max, but it looks like this battle is over!"

Far from looking disappointed at his impending defeat, Max chuckling, softly at first, but becoming a full-fledged laugh as a light appeared above them, near the ceiling.

"Um, Daddy, is Uncle Max crazy?"

"Well, to be hanging around Dee Dee, he'd almost have to be."

"Seriously though, I think the heat's gotten to him," May said.

"Yeah, he's definitely got a few screws loose right now."

"Hey, we finally found something Dee Dee and I can agree on!"

"Hmm, I dunno guys," Scott opined. "He looks like he's got something up his sleeve."

"Two words," Max said.

"What?"

"Future Sight." He pointed up at the light. It was huge now and hurtling straight for the Salon Maiden's Pokémon. He tried to run, but the light caught up with him at midfield, picking him up and carrying him all the way to the opposite wall and leaving him in a Ninetales-shaped depression several inches deep. The fire-type seemed to melt out of the hole to the ground.

"Ninetales can't continue! Gardevoir wins! Max is the winner!"

"Holy crap!" four voices rang out in unison.

"Heh, knew it."

"You don't have to sound so smug about it, Scott," Ash groaned.

"You're just upset he beat Anabel in one try when it took you two."

"Well, that too, but-" he was cut off by Dawn laughing in his face.

"It took you two tries to beat Anabel?" She laughed some more.

"Hey Dee Dee?"

"Yes, Ashy-boy?"

Ash's fist connected with her nose. "Ow! You broke by dose!"

"Of course. I try to always do what I set out to do."

"Ash, be nice."

"Trust me, I am being nice."

The Salon Maiden walked around the superheated battlefield to congratulate the victor, fishing something small out of her pocket. "Max, that was a great battle. If you keep it up, you might become as great as Ash someday." Ash chuckled and Max spluttered. "Here, this is yours: the Ability Symbol." She held the small object out to the victorious trainer.

"Alright!"

A/N: 'Little Miss Blondie' is what I sometimes call my little blonde niece… who's not so little anymore. =( She also sometimes jumps on her father to wake him up. Mostly 'cos I suggested it. *evil laugh*

I realize Mightyena can't learn Crunch anymore, but it could learn it in Generation III and is therefore able to know Crunch in Generations IV and V if it is traded forward.