7. SADDLE UP!
After Asuka tucked Kazuya in, she went back into the living room and cut the DVD off. She then saw Lili asleep on the couch and put a blanket on her and left.
"In just several more hours I will have my pony!" Asuka beamed.
Lili heard her and smiled, "In several more hours me and you will be doing it and doing it and doing it. Hey, there's someone at the door, who cares, cuz we're doing it and doing it."
Several hours later, it's now time for Lili, Asuka and Hwoarang to go to Rochefort Ranch. Lili told them to meet her at Jin's Mansion at 9 am. When Asuka and Hwoarang finally arrive, it's 1 pm.
"What the hell took you so damn long!" Lili shouted at Asuka.
"I couldn't find the meeting location." Asuka said digging in her ear with her index finger.
"Asuka, the damn meeting location is right at the fucking door!" Lili said pointing at it. "The fucking door of the house YOU live in, YOU sleep in!"
"Oh, well I was here." Asuka said flicking her finger.
"When, huh? When were you here Asuka?" Lili asked.
"Uh, duh Sherlock, I'm right here, right now aren't I?" Asuka said still flicking her finger. "Shit."
"Oh well I know that dumbass and now we're fucking late!" Lili fumed.
"Well I'm sorry." Asuka said still flicking her finger furiously.
"You're sorry? Don't tell me you're fucking sorry cuz I already knew you were sorry! And—"
"I'm really sorry, can I have a hug?" Asuka asked.
"Well….okay." Lili said wrapping her arms around Asuka. Asuka hugged her and wiped her finger on the back of Lili's blouse. Asuka smiled to herself and let go.
"Okay, now where the fuck is that pugly loser we call Hwoarang." Lili asked.
"I'm right the fuck here and I got some peeps who wanted to come too!" Hwoarang said.
"Julia and Steve, no, the answer is fucking no!" Lili said.
"Aww, come on the more the merrier!" Steve said.
"Hey, if you want to have a gay old time, you do that by your damn self, I'm just trying to let you and Jules go so we all can have a good time!" Hwoarang said.
"Hwoarang, you dumb piece of shit, that's what the hell I was saying!" Steve shouted.
"Aigh, aigh, aigh, you have no fucking right to call me a dumb piece of shit, only fellow dumb pieces of shit can call me that!" Hwoarang said.
"What up dumb piece of shit!" Xiaoyu said slapping him on the back walking pass.
"The sky my dumb piece of shit!" Hwoarang shouted. "See?"
"All I see is two fucking idiots!" Lili shouted. "Now, if you're going get your asses in the damn car!"
They all pile into the limo and are on their way. On their way to the ranch, Steve tells them a story.
"When I was little, I was in the mall with my mother. I had to pee really badly, so I ran from her and bumped an old lady into a pyramid of cans. The old lady hollered for the manager and police. I couldn't get away because she was holding onto me. Anyways, the manager came and told me to apologize and pick up every last can. I did, and afterwards I really had to go bad. I walked this time and I looked up and saw the bathroom sign. I walked quickly to it and got stopped by a little girl crying. She grabbed on the back of my shirt and told me to help her find her mommy. I sighed and pointed to a lady that was right behind her and she smiled and ran to her. Now I really, really had to go, so I walked closer to the sign. When I got there, I had found out that the men's bathroom is out of order. I turned to see if anyone was looking then proceed on. I walked into the ladies' bathroom and—"
"I'm sorry but, where are you going with this story?" Hwoarang asked.
"I'm going nowhere with this story, how is that even possible to go somewhere with a story?" Steve asked.
"No dumbass, that's not what I meant, I mean, what does you telling this fucking story have to do with anything?" Hwoarang asked.
"Ummm, nothing, I was just trying to pass the time. But if you want to be a little bitch about it then never mind." Steve said huffing.
"Finally, thank you Hwoarang." Lili sighed. "I don't think I could take his accent any longer."
"MY ACCENT? You're fucking accent is a heluva lot worse than mine!" Steve shouted.
"No, my accent is sexy; yours reminds me that I haven't watched American Idol and Hell's Kitchen in three years!" Lili said.
"Wrong, you're fucking accent sounds like if I were to touch you or breathe the same air as you that I would get a fucking incurable disease." Steve said.
"Bzzt, wrong, you accent is so fucking annoying, that I rather go and talk to a prostitute than to talk to you because at least she would have better hygiene!" Lili shouted.
"You're accent is so fucking annoying that I would rather get anal raped and have the brute whisper sweet nothings in my ear than to hear you say a fucking word!" Steve shouted.
"Oh yeah, well every time you open your fucking mouth to talk, whoever you're talking to gets gingivitis!" Lili said sticking her tongue out.
"Oh yeah, well every time you open your fucking mouth I get drunk from your hot ass wine breathe!" Steve said pointing at her.
"Look, both of your fucking accents are annoying, now shut the fuck up!" Hwoarang shouted.
"YOU'RE ACCENT IS FUCKING ANNOYING!" Steve and Lili shouted.
"That may be so, but at least my voice isn't!" Hwoarang shouted.
"Oh my god, could you all shut the fuck up! Every last one of your fucking accents are annoying, but when every last one of your fucking accents are going at once, it's like you're writing my fucking suicidal note as we go!" Julia shouted. "Now shut the fuck up!"
"You know who I can't stand, Americans, who the fuck do they think they are? Telling us that our accents are annoying?" Steve said. "You feel me Lili?"
"No I don't, no American has ever told me that my accent was annoying, maybe it's just you." Lili laughed.
"Oh, I see….well who cares, my accent is always a charmer for the gals." Steve said raising his eyebrows at Asuka.
"Fuck off pest, the only British guy I'd go for is Simon Cowell." Asuka said.
"No, Gordon Ramsey is my game, growl!" Julia growled. Then she looked at Steve. "Uhh, I mean you are Steve!"
"Whatever bitch, just know you have to come home soon." Steve said pissed. "And that there's no stopping."
"Sigh, you know what, I don't give a damn, besides I'm not coming back, we were a one time thing, and nothing more." Julia said moving to sit next to Asuka.
"Oh really, well that's fine with me! Good luck with finding a cure for ho!" Steve shouted.
"Oh yeah, well good luck for finding a cure for poison oak herpes bitch!" Julia shouted.
"Sigh, can't I hang out with someone normal?" Asuka said shaking her head.
"NO!" they all shouted.
After the long and horrible ride, they finally make it to the Rochefort Ranch. Everyone plied out of the car and looked up at the ranch.
"What the hell? This isn't a ranch, this is a fucking resort!" Julia shouted.
"Yeah, and the ranch is this way." Lili said walking.
They walk pass the old, rich couples and pick up a few sandwiches on the way. Lili looks puzzled and mumbles to herself and then turns and walk in the other direction.
"Lili, what the hell are you doing? Where are we going?" Hwoarang asked.
"Umm, I made a mistake, it's this way." Lili said walking.
"Oh my god, please don't tell me that your ranch is the fucking Netherlands ranch, because if it is the Netherlands, I'm going to kick your ass for lying." Asuka said.
"Umm, was that supposed to be funny?" Steve asked.
"No, it was supposed to be a fucking threat!" Asuka shouted.
"Look, if you want to go the damn ranch then follow me!" Lili shouted.
Everyone followed her and went pass the old couples once again. They had reached the other side and still saw no ranch.
"Okay Lili, we've been walking for like days, where the hell is it?" Julia asked.
"Okay, first of all, it's only been an hour and fifteen minutes, secondly, I don't know." Lili said scratching her head.
"Oh my god, please don't tell me you lied." Asuka cried.
"Okay, I won't tell you that I lied." Lili said walking.
"Oh my god, you bitch!" Asuka cried.
"Oooh, I knew I shouldn't have trust you! You make my butt itch!" Steve said scratching his ass.
"Actually that would be the herpes babe." Julia smiled. "And I have calamine lotion and you can't have it, what up now bitch?"
"Oh my god, you were fucking serious about the damn poison oak herpes?" Steve shouted.
"Well, it's not herpes, but I did fuck you up with some poison oak, so it does look like you have herpes." Julia explained.
"Damn, you are one crazy ass bitch, you are now number one, and someone tell Xiaoyu that she is now number two." Hwoarang said writing it down.
"Okay back to the main problem, Lili you said you had a ranch!" Asuka shouted.
"I did have a ranch, but now it's a resort!" Lili smiled. "So, you can still ride the horses, but it's not necessarily a funking ass ranch!"
"Okay Lili, where are the horses?" Asuka asked.
"Umm, I don't know." Lili said looking down at her shoes.
"Well get the looking, you're not going to find them staring at your shoes are you?" Asuka said with her hands on her hips.
"No ma'am, umm, no." Lili said. "Well, I think there's a horse track around here somewhere and if we find that, then we can find the stables."
"Okay Lili, is this even your ranch?" Asuka asked.
"No, as a matter of fact, we are trespassing." Lili said sheepishly.
"Wait, did she just say that we were trespassing?" Hwoarang asked.
"Yes, I did, we are trespassing and umm the landowners here are fucking screwballs." Lili said twisting her wrist, so she could do the crazy sign.
"Umm, how crazy?" Julia asked looking around.
"Let's just say, they're so crazy that they are the definition of-MAD!" Lili said dramatically.
"What the fuck is all this? Aunt Samantha, we have trespassers on our estate!" A boy yelled.
"Man shut the fuck up!" Hwoarang said hitting him in the back of the head. They boy rubbed where he hit him.
"Oh, it's you, now what the hell do you want, Emily?" the boy said.
"Nothing from your thieving family!" Lili shouted.
"Then why are you here, on my estate?" he said.
"Because I felt like it, now what the fuck are you going to do about it?" Lili said.
"This, RELEASE THE HOUNDS!" he shouted.
Out of nowhere, five aggressive, nasty, horny dogs jumped up in the air and land right in front of them. Each dog looked at the Tekken fighters, deciding on which one they will chase. The boy held up a hand and they stayed behind him.
"Okay, now, is that what you want? My dogs to eat you and your sexy buddies?" He said smiling deviously.
"OH MY GOD that is it, FRIENDSHIP OVER!" Hwoarang shouted.
"Umm, Lili, do mind telling him sorry so he can keep these hellhounds away from us?" Julia asked.
"Lili, if you ever wanna have sex with me, you'd say sorry so we can live!" Asuka shouted.
"Shit, I'm sorry Bradley." Lili said clenching her teeth.
"That's better, so do you mind introducing me to your sexy ass friends and the girls?" he said.
Everyone looked at one another and had a confused look on their face.
"Especially the red head, he heh." He giggled.
"What red head is he talking about?" Hwoarang asked.
Everyone looked at him confused.
"You, you idiot, you're the only one with red hair in our gang!" Steve shouted.
"See; don't you want a guy with a faggot ass voice like that?" Hwoarang asked.
"Nooo, I like my men, well, rough around the edges." Bradley said winking.
"Well hell, take Asuka, she's rough around the edges, hell Lili too!" Hwoarang said pointing at them.
"Actually, all the KOIFT girls are rough around the edges." Steve stated.
"See, there you go again, shut the hell up!" Hwoarang shouted. "Or stop talking to me and do your thang!"
"Sorry, he has his eyes on you." Steve said.
"Yes, I do, and I will do anything to have you." Bradley smiled.
"Okay, dude, slavery is over, get the fuck on with that." Hwoarang said.
Lili nudged Hwoarang in his side hard and told him to shut up.
"Would you let us ride your horses, if you can spend time with Hwoarang?" she asked.
"Oh yes! So, is that all?" he asked.
"Yes, for now." Lili smiled.
"Then it's a deal!" he beamed.
Hwoarang looked pissed and said, "Nope, nuh uhn, that's it I'm fucking out for real now."
"You mean you were out for fake?" Asuka laughed.
"Don't piss me off anymore than what I am, okay? Now you, you punk ass ranch owning bitch! I do not accept, which means to hell with your deal!" Hwoarang shouted.
"Shit." Steve said.
"What?" the girls asked looking at Steve.
"Emm, remember back in the car and we were drinking Monsters?" he asked.
"Yeah." They said confused.
"And remember, how Hwoarang pissed me off about the story?" he asked.
"Yeah." They said putting it together.
"Okay, good, I thought I was losing my mind." He smiled relieved.
"That's it, I'M GONNA RIP HIM TO SHREDS!" Asuka said grabbing his shirt.
"Umm hello, back to me!" Hwoarang said flinging his arms.
"What now bitch, it doesn't always have to be about you." Asuka said snapping her neck.
"Hold up, who does this beeyotch think she's talking to?" Hwoarang said looking around.
"Umm, honey, I think, hold on, I am….talking to….Y-O-U….you!" she said.
"No she just didn't, you little—"
"So, you are sexually ambiguous?" Bradley asked.
"No I'm not any damn sexually ambiguous person, bitch!" Hwoarang shouted.
"Hwoarang, do you even know what the hell sexually ambiguous means, hell, ambiguous for that matter?" Asuka asked.
"No, I don't!" Hwoarang shouted. "But I do not care, I'm not!"
"Hwoarang being sexually ambiguous is like saying you're sexually confused, y'know, bisexual." Julia stated.
"Ohhh, well you mean what Asuka and you are?" Hwoarang smiled.
"I'm not sexually ambiguous, I know what the fuck I want!" Asuka shouted.
"If you say so…." Hwoarang said looking around. "I mean, why else would you have me as your boyfriend and Lili as your girlfriend?"
"Because I like dick and tits, 'nuff said!" Asuka shouted. "Anything the fuck else you want me to add?"
"No, you have summed it up for me, thanks." Hwoarang said.
"No problem, just doing my job." Asuka smiled.
"Umm, hello, what about my date?" Bradley asked.
"Look, if you want to take me out, then you got to make me feel special, I want a damn lobster and to watch monster trucks crash and battle." Hwoarang said.
"Is that all?" Bradley asked.
"Hell no, shit, let a bitch finish? And I want some bling and for you to pimp my ride—"
"Hwoarang, you don't have a ride." Steve said.
"Shut the hell up! Oh, and I'm going to need you to get me a ride and I want a million dollars in my bank account and then when all that shit is together, then I will go on a date with you." Hwoarang said.
"Hwoarang, you prostitute." Lili said.
"Bitch don't get mad because I'm getting paid!" Hwoarang said snapping his head.
"Oh whatever, so Bradley, are you going to do it or what?" Lili asked.
"Yes, so come on Hwoarang let's go, everyone else the stables are right there." Bradley said pointing right behind them.
"Well ain't this 'bout a bitch!" Hwoarang said stomping his foot. "We passed the bitch like two fucking times!"
"So that's what the hell was funking, hell I thought it was Steve's breath." Julia said waving her hand.
"You all and these damn stereotypes!" Steve shouted. He started to cry and ran away.
"Aww shit, somebody go find the little bitch. Wait, never mind, he just went to sit under that tree, okay let's go ride!" Asuka shouted.
So Asuka, Julia and Lili all rode the horses. Steve was still sitting under the tree crying and Hwoarang went on his dream day with Bradley. In the next chapter certain some ones are going to fall—for each other and fall as in, well, fall. Maybe Asuka and Lili will finally do it in the next chap or maybe Asuka might stall it for just a little bit longer. There's only one way to find out, and that's to read the next chapter.