In the end, Harry ended up having something of a panic attack in the Room of Requirement when he realized that he was screwed over ten ways to Sunday and beyond.
Here's the math Harry did in his head in those small seconds before he flipped:
Harry + Mum's sacrifice + sneaky Voldemort= Horcux (Harry Flavored)
Harry(Horcrux)/ Voldemort= Death
Harry(Horcrux)/ Basilisk Venom= Death
His math is more than likely wrong, numbers were never his forte, but he knew his answer was correct. Which sort of made him want to cry. Here he was doing math in his head to try and stop a full on mental breakdown. It didn't help that that it was probably the reason he started panicking in the first place. Merlin, he hated math. After screaming this several times at the top of his lungs, despite the frightened looks it earned him from Ron and Hermione, he decided since he was already half way to bat shit insane he should just go ahead and take the plunge.
He doesn't really remember how he ended up in the corner of the room rocking back and forth crying his eyes out, muttering "Harry times horcrux divided by Voldemort equals death" over and over again, but by the time he came to, he realized his friends where in the corner diagonal to his and that the room was more or less destroyed.
"What happened here?" Harry asked, standing up looking perfectly normal. They didn't answer. Instead Allen, ever the calm person, simply smiled at two other students who looked like they had been scarred for life.
"See?" He told them cheerfully. "I told you he'd be all right! People come out of crazy fits all the time!"
"Again, what happened here?" Harry tried to regain their attention.
"Well," Allen started with his trademark smile, obviously the only one ready to think back on the tragic memories. "The moment you realized you were a horcrux, you let loose this terribly high pitched, girly scream-"
"Surely you're exaggerating." Harry put in with the role of his pretty green eyes.
"-started jumping satanically on the furniture like it was a fad about to go down in flames-"
"I don't think I believe you." Harry interrupted again, feeling the need to defend his pride.
"We thought you had worn yourself out after a while," Allen continued with that annoying smile, not looking the least bit irritated that he had been cut off twice. "Ron was about to shake you, when you began to growl like a dog! I was beginning to think you were intoxicated. Wasn't too much of a concern, really, until you ripped into the couches with your teeth. Sent stuffing everywhere-"
That's why his mouth tasted so dry! Here he thought it was dehydration.
"Began laughing manically about how bad you were at math. Then went on about how it wouldn't hold you back; you'd still pass that cooking class. Last time I checked, though, Hogwarts didn't have a cooking class and you aren't in Arithmancy. You sure you're not drunk?" Allen asked suspiciously.
"Of course not!" Harry snapped.
"Oh," Allen shrugged, unconcerned at how annoyed Harry was. "I, being who I am, felt the need to point out you were not in a cooking or math class." He stopped for a moment before continuing. "Crazy you didn't take that so well. I was expecting anger, but you grabbing the sword off the wall and trying to hack everything in your way to death and beyond was a bit extreme don't you think?"
"Sorry." Harry mumbled, abashed. The room was in shambles. Did he do all that? If he had any appetite or appreciation for destroying things, he'd be pretty proud of himself.
"Believe it or not, something good did come out of this! Look!" Allen chirped, shoving the piece of paper that started this whole mess into Harry's hands. He didn't really want to look at it again but did anyway. At first he didn't see a difference until he actually read it.
"What? This says four of the horcruxes were destroyed by me in a fit of hysterical panic onset by bad math." Harry raised an eyebrow at this.
"I know! Turns out the room also brought in all the horcruxes that hadn't been destroyed. You broke them with the sword when you were tearing up the room." Allen explained.
"But how could a sword destroy them? I thought basilisk venom was. . ." He trailed off, confused at how he managed to annihilate something he thought was going to be a major problem in less than 15 minutes.
"It's the sword of Gryffindor." Hermione spoke up, still looking like she was ready to dodge in case Harry tried to impale her. Looking at the sword, he realized she was right; this was the same sword he used to defeat the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets. That still didn't explain how it got rid of the horcruxes.
"That blade was dipped in the venom of the basilisk when you killed it." Hermione explained as if she read his mind. "Normally it wouldn't mean much, but I've read up on that sword. It's very special Harry. Godric Gryffindor's sword has the ability to absorb things that will strengthen it." She ended quietly kicking Ron to wake him from his trauma filled trance.
"Merlin mate," Ron whispered in fearful awe. "I can't tell if that was the temper tantrum of the ages or if you just decided to see what is what like to act like you just escaped from the psych ward at St. Mungo's, but I beg you not to do it again! 'Specially not in the company of others."
"Sorry." Harry cringed, feeling bad that he had scared his friends that badly. Surely he hadn't been that bad, had he?
"At least that means there's only one horcrux left!" Hermione tried to cheer him up.
"Yeah, me." Harry said darkly, not too keen on dying to save the world. "How am I going to survive this?" He sighed. Ron and Hermione tried to come up with different ways, but all ended with him dying some painful death.
"Please stop." He said after Ron speculated on feeding him to the giant squid. "Not like it has teeth, you'd come out all right; smelly but all right." Ron tried to reason.
"I think I have an idea." Allen spoke up. "But before I tell you what it is, we need to speak to Dumbledore and my friends."
"Is this idea going to hurt, main, or leave me in death's loving embrace?" Harry asked warily as they stepped back into the hallway and began the trek to the Headmaster's office.
"Possibly. Won't know 'till we try." Allen said casually before laughing.
"How'd he end up in our House again?" Ron whispered to Harry who just shook his head; suddenly afraid of what the white haired exorcist had in store for him.
"No clue."
It had taken some time to get everyone to the Headmaster's office. Professor Cross had been drunk and didn't want to go anywhere with 'that loathing, lying piece of filth otherwise known as my apprentice'.
Allen felt the need to point out that he took a bath every day. Cross smacked him upside the head.
Ravi wasn't hard to convince. He enjoyed watching things unfold and had a feeling that this one would go out like a firework. Kanda had been asleep when they found him. Why he was napping behind a statue, they weren't sure but the moment Allen went to tug on his shoulder ("You sure you don't want me to do it?" "Trust me Ravi, he hates you more than me no matter what he says.") a sword almost went right through the boy's stomach, but years of living in the same building, going on missions, and improving his sword skills with Kanda, gave Allen enough knowledge to intercept the move and catch the blade with his hand.
"Hi sleeping beauty." He cooed to the irritated, sleepy swordsman. "Any reason why you choose to fall asleep behind some statue in a random hallway?"
"None of your business." The Japanese man grunted standing up not caring in the least that he was getting frightened looks from three students. "What the hell is so important that you had to wake me up?" Kanda asked his comrades in a cold tone. He mentally swore that if they asked him again why he was asleep behind a stone statue that someone was getting skinned alive. They didn't need to know he was felling drowsy and just didn't feel like trekking back to his room.
"Ah, now that I think about it, I haven't see you all day." Allen commented as the group began to move towards the Headmaster's office.
"'Course you haven't stupid Moyashi." Kanda told him with a smirk, ignoring Allen's offended 'Hey!' at the nickname. "I was out looking for the Innocence while you were sulking about. What are you three doing here?" He asked sharply, finally noticing the three tag-alongs.
"Jeez Yuu, you really need to work on your observation skills." Ravi commented. "They've been here the whole time."
"For you information, I wasn't sulking." Allen added in before giving Kanda a sly smirk of his own. "And while you were out looking for the Innocence, I found it." Allen stated making Kanda's eyes widen in shock.
"You lie!" He hissed at Allen.
"It's already with Komui and the others back at headquarters."
"I don't believe you." Kanda said stiffly.
"Would you stop your whining?" Cross snapped. "Stupid apprentice isn't lying. He found the Innocence. Komui already confirmed it and everything."
"How'd Moyashi find it so fast?" Kanda demanded, because he had spent his whole day looking for that stupid thing and found zilch.
"Brat cheated." Cross shrugged as if it explained everything.
"I did not!" Allen huffed.
"Asking a room to find it for you is cheating. Now shut your mouth. You're pissing me off." The General snapped right as they reached the Gargoyle that guarded and Headmaster's office. "I don't remember the damn password. You have 5 seconds to get out of my way before I neuter you with my gun." He threatened the stone guardian.
Harry had never seen the Gargoyle move that fast in all his years at Hogwarts.
"Works every time." Cross chuckled darkly as they made their way up the spiral stairs.
"My, I am quite popular today aren't I Severus?" Dumbledore commented to the Potions Master who had been drinking tea as the group tumbled into the office.
"Indeed." Snape sniffed in disdain as his eyes took in the golden trio. "In trouble again already, Mr. Potter?" He asked in an amused tone.
"We don't have a clue why we're here." Cross said before Harry could respond. "Ask the brats. They said it was important." The red haired man finished as he sat on the couch.
"Then by all means, don't keep us in the dark." Albus said looking at the students. The three took turns explaining what happened in the Room of Requirement. Ron and Hermione had been kind enough to leave out Harry's fit of insanity, despite its importance.
"I see." Dumbledore said gravely after they had finished their tale. "For him to go such lengths. . ." The old wizard sighed sadly. "It makes sense though. The Room of Requirement does not lie or deceive."
"What about me sir?" Harry asked softly. "Do I really have to die?"
"Nonsense Potter!" Snape snorted. "As if he would sacrifice you like that."
"I'm afraid you're wrong Severus." Albus said sadly. "Harry there is no other way. I'm sorry." The words were like a death sentence to Harry.
"What?" Snape snapped at the Headmaster, coming to Harry's defense, but the boy was too numb to be shocked. "Don't be stupid. You wouldn't actually-" He cut himself off as he took in Dumbledore's grave look. "You would actually send this boy to the slaughter like he was a pig?" Severus asked, voice raised in anger.
"There is no other choice. It is for the-" Albus blinked when he found a wand pointed at his neck.
"Do not finish that statement." Snape hissed angrier than anyone in the room had ever seen him. "I did not spend my days risking my life for this child just so you can offer him up as a sacrifice! Leader or not, that is not your decision to make."
"Serverus, there is no other choice!" Albus tried to get his spy to understand but he could see that the man wouldn't budge. "I know you think you're breaking your promise to Lily-"
"This has nothing to do with that." The Potions Master cut in, clearly upset that the other man brought it up. "Despite what you think, I do have morals and it does not sit right with me to send any child to war with the intention of having them die! I don't even like the thought of children going to war in the first place but I can't stop that. This though, this I can."
"Severus-"
"He's right Headmaster." Allen cut in before Dumbledore could upset Snape even further. "I think there might be another, safer, way. One that won't lead to Harry's death."
"What are you talking about stupid apprentice?" Cross asked suspiciously. He had been listening to the argument and the Headmaster were sounding more and more like the people at Central; willing to sacrifice anything and anyone if it meant they were closer to winning the war. A glance at the Bookman and the swordsman let him know their thoughts were the same as his.
"Master," Allen started. "I'm not sure if it would work but my Innocence, when it's in sword form it can only affect the Noah's. It can't hurt anyone who is not a Noah. At least that's what we think."
"What are you getting at Allen?" Ravi asked seriously. Hearing people talk about using children as throw away pawns always left him feeling sick.
"I think my sword can cut through anything considered evil." Allen took a deep breath and looked at Dumbledore. "I think I could destroy the horcrux without killing Harry, if he's willing to try."
"Are you mad?" Ron yelled angrily. "I've seen your sword! It would cut right through him! You'll have to go through me if you want to kill Harry!"
"Ron," Allen smiled gently calming down the raging red head slightly. "My sword can't hurt people. You saw my sword cut through akumas. An actual person it shouldn't hurt. In the end, it's up to Harry. If he says no then that will be the end of it. I'll never bring it up again. Promise." The boy playfully crossed his heart. Several people opened their mouths to speak but one beat them all to it.
"Do it." Harry told Allen.
"Harry!" Hermione hissed. "It's dangerous. We don't know what will happen."
"Worse comes to worse, I'll die." Harry replied glaring at Dumbledore. "And if that's the case then at least it will be on my own terms."
"Harry. . ." Dumbledore started to say weakly as Harry turned his gaze on him.
"Shut up. I can't even look at you!" Harry snapped, turning back to Allen. "Come on Allen, do it. You have my permission and that's all that matters."
"Are you sure?" Allen asked, summoning his sword.
"Yes." Harry insisted before turning to his friends. "Guys, I know you mean well but don't try to stop this, ok?" He gave them a smile to reassure them. "I have a feeling everything will be fine."
As he turned his head back to Allen, the blade swiped through his forehead, slicing right through his scar. He heard Hermione scream and several people yell. In truth he himself was in shock until he realized that there was no blood on the floor and he was, in fact still alive.
"It just went right through." He heard Ron whisper. "Like a ghost." Harry brought a hand to his forehead and found that Ron was right. There was no indication that he just had a sword in his forehead.
But he still felt his scar and his heart sank.
"It didn't work." He heard Allen say sadly as he deactivated his sword. "I'm so sorry Harry. I was certain it would work."
"It's fine." Harry said, before a pain shot through his scar. Gasping, his hand immediately moved to his forehead.
"Harry?" He heard Hermione ask with panic and worry in her voice. "Harry, what's wrong?"
"It hurts." He rasped, still clutching at it. "It feels like it's burning-ow!" He yelped, his head shooting up for everyone to see.
The area around the scar was a bright red as if Harry had been scratching at it for hours. The scar itself had turned green and was smoking slightly. They all watched on in amazement as the scar glowed and slowly began to fade away. As it did, some swore they heard what sounded like a far off scream that stopped abruptly when the scar completely vanished.
"It worked." Harry heard someone whisper. "It really worked!"
"How do you feel Mr. Potter?" The boy heard Snape ask as he came forward to get a better look.
"I feel. . .great actually!' Harry said, surprised. He thought he would be low on energy or in pain but he never felt better. "Wait a tic," He said, eyes widening as he looked at Ron and Hermione. "I don't have to die now! Yay!" He shouted jumping for joy.
"Yay!" They screamed back, trapping him in a bear hug.
"Huzzah." Cross said sarcastically has he gave a lazy clap. "Now what? This Voldemort man is still out there, yeah? What are you gonna do about him?" At the mention of his name, the trio sobered.
"We will think up something." Dumbledore spoke up. "A way that won't involve the children." He gave Harry a small bow. "Forgive me child, I should have searched for another method. Can you forgive an old foolish man?" He asked.
"Um," Harry glanced awkwardly at Hermione and Ron, unsure of how to respond. Dumbledore, one of the most powerful wizards in the world was not only apologizing to him but bowing! Then he remembered how adamant the man had been about using him as a sacrifice and the bitterness came back.
"Not today," Harry told the old man gravely. "Not tomorrow, but someday." His statement made everyone in the room realize that the relationship between the two would never be the same.
"Hey!" Cross yelled. "Don't get off track! Old Voldo, Vortex, whatever his name his. What are you going to do?"
"Since all the horcuxes are destroyed, Tom is simply an ordinary wizard again. Still a powerful one but death shall come to him as it does to all and this time it shall keep him." Dumbledore explained.
"Oh! Are you going to storm his place?" Ravi asked excitedly. "Bet that would scare him! Hey, what if you caught him in the bath, how funny would that be?"
"It'd be disturbing." Kanda muttered.
"Does Voldemort even take baths?" Harry wondered aloud, suddenly thankful that Voldemort never thought to send Harry pictures of him naked.
It would have broken Harry for life if he had to see that every night.
Simultaneously, every head swiveled to the spy, who's black eyes blinked in confusion before scowling.
"How the hell would I know?" He asked in anger. "I'm a spy not his servant. I don't follow him everywhere. That would make me, oh I don't know, suspicious." He pointed out logically before continuing. "I wouldn't recommend storming the place either. If he doesn't know he's human, then the best way to take him out would be subtlety. None of that charging in and becoming martyrs crap."
"Poison his tea?" Allen suggested after a moment of thinking.
"Naw, I reckon a Dark Lord would be prepared for that." Ron replied. "Though I don't think he'd check the crumpets. Does he even eat crumpets?" Ron wondered.
"Oh Ron, I imagine he checks anything he consumes for spell and poisons." Hermione sighed. "What if we simply made the building unstable? To the point it that it would collapse?"
"If you do that you might as well blow it up." Cross snorted. "Even then you'd have to make sure he didn't apparate away."
"We can't just Avada him?" Snape muttered.
"No! You don't want to sink to his level do you sir?" Harry asked aghast.
"Potter, I've been at his level for years. You're all thinking up ways to kill him anyway so why not?"
"Because it's unoriginal that's why! Right guys?" Harry asked the others.
"Right." They all said.
"Idiots." Snape sighed under his breath.
"You've been out voted my friend." Dumbledore chuckled before sighing sadly. "Oh Tom, if only I had paid closer attention to you. Such a brilliant wizard. Good at everything, except for herbology that is." The old man chuckled.
"I'm sorry Albus, could you repeat that last sentence again?" Snape asked, a plan already forming in his mind.
"Good at everything except for herbology?"
"Was he now?" The Potions Master had a sly look on his face.
"Oh yes. Never could get the hang of it I'm afraid, and the more lively plants never took a liking to him. That's probably the only class he ever came close to failing." Dumbledore explained.
"I see." Severus turned to Cross. "I heard you had some . . . interesting plants in your class. Tell me; are they still in your possession?" He asked.
Cross grinned, already seeing where the other was going. "No, but I know where they are. Allow me to escort you to them."
"Good, good." Severus returned the grin, scaring Harry, Ron and Hermione who had never seen the man smile let alone grin. "Here, sign this all of you." He told the three and Dumbledore after he summed a blank parchment. "And I'll be needing to borrow Mr. Potter's cloak." He told a bemused Dumbledore.
"Severus, dare I ask what you're planning?" He asked as he gave the spy the cloak and signed parchment. The said spy let loose one of the best evil laughs heard in the history of evil laughs.
"This," He said as headed towards the door with Cross. "Will be the best prank ever to be pulled."
"Oh?"
"Yes, I imagine you'll hear all about it in The Prophet tomorrow. By the way, I have the address of all the Death Eaters in his service. It's in that draw in my desk, you know the one. Feel free to send the aurors there."
"How did you manage that?" Albus asked, impressed. Death Eaters were notoriously good at keep their locations secret.
"I can be very charming when I feel like it." Was Snape's vague reply.
With that, the two most feared teachers of Hogwarts left laughing loudly.
"What do you think he's planning?" Ron stage whispered.
"I'm more worried about why he had us sign our names." Harry admitted.
"Trust him, children." The Headmaster told them gently with a smile. "I have yet to see a plan made by Severus fail."
Voldemort was furious. Not only had the failed sneak attack made him look weak, the next day he found the Noah's gone and Nagini in pieces. Several paintings and walls had suffered dearly for that discovery. He was so upset that he spent most of his day soaking in the bath. Just when he was about to truly calm down, he felt someone pass through the wards on the mansion. Snarling in anger, he quickly dried himself off and summoned his black robes before stomping down the steps. The wards he had up were very detailed, so he knew it was a death eater that had passed through. What they were up to he hadn't a clue, but by the time he was done with them they would be begging for death.
"Who dares enter without my permission?" He bellowed loudly has he entered into the main meeting room. Frowning at seeing no one but feeling their presence, he was about to cast a revealing spell, when his eyes saw something on the table. Walking closer, he discovered it was a beautiful plotted flower. Its petals where a blood red with stripes of dark burgundy tastefully intertwined. Seeing a note attached, he muttered several spells to make sure it wasn't cursed. Discovering it was a normal piece of paper and feeling touched (not that's he'd admit it) that one of his followers had tried to cheer him up after this horrible, no good day, he bent closer to read it.
With hugs, kisses, and lots of love,
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley wish you the best of luck in hell.
X's and O's
Before he even had time to scream, the plant had grown and suddenly become equipped with rows upon rows of sharp teeth, long thorny vines that had a thing for squeezing, and some very destructive saliva.
All those bad memories from Herbology hit him full force and he dropped his wand as the vines rapped around him and threw him into the plants mouth. Screeching in rage and cursing at everything and everyone, Voldemort never stood a chance and became plant food.
From the corner, Snape removed the invisibility cloak from his body and walked closer to the plant. Checking his left arm, he smirked at seeing only his pale white skin.
"And this is why everybody loves Lucy." He cooed to the plant as he caressed it. "My, you are messy." He noted, looking at the blood splattered walls and a lone hand that had fallen on the floor. "No matter. In fact, this hand and his wand should more than enough proof to show the Ministry that he was, in fact, back. That and all the death eaters they're about to receive. I cannot believe that silly girl wanted to fight me on this." He snorted. Ginny Weasley had been adamant that they find another way to do the Dark Lord in after she found out they wanted to take her plant. It was only after promising to bring the plant back and letting her and Longbottom sign the paper that she agreed.
"Ah, one more thing." He said to himself, taking out an empty vile. Putting his wand by his ear, he took out the memory of Voldemort's demise and put it in the vile. Setting it on the table with a note saying: You may want to look at this. He took the plant and apparated but not before making sure all the wards were removed. There was so much dark magic here that the Ministry would be able to find it without his help.
VOLDEMORT KILLED BY MYSTERIOUS MAN EATING PLANT!
. . . was the headline that the Daily Prophet sported the next morning. The Great Hall was filled with excitement and newspapers.
"Damn, Snape's good." Ron muttered under his breath as he read the article. It talked about how authorities had found and empty mansion riddled with dark objects, one bloody room, and a small vile with a very important memory. The three giggled when the article mentioned that the plant had a note attached wishing Voldemort love but the names on it had not been disclosed. Right after the article was a list of Death Eaters that had been found thanks to an anonymous tip.
"Hey, Malfoy's dad isn't on here." Ron said after scanning it. The three looked up at the head table to see Snape calmly eating his toast as if it was a normal day.
"Maybe Malfoy helped him?" Hermione suggested.
"Maybe."
"In any case Harry, you need to be prepared!" She warned him. "People were expecting you to defeat Voldemort and while I don't think anyone will mad that he's gone, they will want to know why you didn't fight him."
"Just tell them it was for personal reasons." Allen yawned as he sat down next them. "If they still give you trouble, ask why they didn't do it if they wanted him gone so badly."
"Heh, I might just take that advice." Harry chuckled. Hermione was right though; the moment people calmed down, they'd want answers.
"As you should." The white haired boy grinned. "My advice is always good. Without me you'd probably be fighting Voldemort forever." He joked.
"Maybe. But Allen, really, thank you." Harry said softly. "Without your help, I would have more than likely died for the greater good along with countless others."
"He's right mate. Thanks for helping us out; for saving my friend. It means a lot to me." Ron said seriously.
"It's no big deal." Allen tried to shrug off as he gobbled up his toast and oatmeal.
"It is a big deal. If you ever need a favor, tell us and we'll do it." Hermione volunteered and the boys nodded their heads in agreement. Silver eyes took on a mischievous glint and after swallowing his bacon he spoke.
"There is one thing. Though, I don't know if you can do it. It takes a lot of courage you see. . ." He trailed off.
"Thankfully for you we have that in spades. Name it." Harry boldly stated and faltered slightly at Allen's grin. Suddenly, he was regretting this very much.
"I dare you to make friends with at least one Slytherin by the end of the year." He challenged the jaw slacked trio.
"Pardon?" Ron croaked out.
"Me and the others are staying until the end of the year just in case the Earl left behind any akumas." Allen explained. "In that time, show me you made at least one friend in Slytherin. I'll even help you out if you ask."
"Deal!" Hermione said excitedly as she shook his hand, sealing their fates.
"Mr. Walker seems to be in good humor this morning." The Potions Master commented to Cross before taking a sip of tea.
"What? Oh, he just conned someone. Che, what stupid bastards-"
"Professor Cross!" McGonagall cut in, appalled at what she heard. "Watch your language! There are children about, considering this is a school, and I highly doubt Mr. Walker is conning anyone; he's a very kind young man." Cross gave her a one over before grinning roguishly.
"Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?" He asked her flirtatiously.
Severus quietly choked on his tea.
'This is going to be an interesting year.' He thought with a small smile.