I know…it's been awhile...I've been swamped with work and volunteering and Harry and James weren't cooperating. Reviews would be much appreciated for this chapter…since it was the hardest one for me to write so far. It would be nice to know ways that I could improve it .

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James had been waiting at the front door for nearly an hour, so his response time was instant when Harry knocked on the door. He yanked the door and grinned when he saw Harry, who was obviously overwhelmed by the trunk and the huge owl cage he was holding. James reached out and grabbed the trunk, nodding his thanks at Hagrid, who was at the end of the front door walkway. The giant nodded back, seemingly uncomfortable. Must have brought him the owl, James thought, smiling. After yanking Harry's heavy trunk inside and closing the door, he carried Harry's trunk to the living room, where he saw Harry poking owl treats through the bars of the owl cage.

"Harry, not in the living room!" He complained. Harry shrugged and stopped.

"Sorry Dad." He muttered. James felt worried. Had he been given a hard time in Diagon Alley?

"What's wrong champ?" He asked softly as he sat beside Harry, putting his arm around his shoulders. Harry slumped down and asked softly,

"Why didn't you tell me about Mum?" It felt like an icy hand had gripped James' heart. He cursed himself for not going with Harry. They must have seen his scar and told him bits and pieces of the story. Harry was a smart boy. He must have pieced the whole thing together.

"Look Harry, about that-"

"Don't try to explain!" Harry snapped. "I know what happened to Mum and me on that night. I've heard it once- I don't need to hear it again. I want to know why it took you eleven years to tell me something important like this. Could you imagine if I went to Hogwarts not knowing how much of a 'hero' I supposedly am? You were really out on a limb for me there Dad, thanks." James felt his own anger growing at Harry`s accusations- that had not be his intention at all!

"Listen here young man. I had my reasons for not sharing this with you. You're not old or mature enough to handle that kind of story." James' voice should have closed the subject. Until now, Harry would have stopped interrogating his Dad, because he knew he was treading on sensitive and private property. But now, Harry barrelled right on with his next question.

"So when would I be? Twenty? Thirty? Don't you think I have a right to know what happened to my own mother?" Harry said, his voice rising. James' voice rose too, from the shock of Harry bringing up Lily.

"Not if you barely knew her!"

"That's a lame excuse Dad!" Harry shouted. James exploded.

"Harry James Potter, don't act like you know everything. You know NOTHING on what happened that night, how HORRIBLE it really was. You were only a child. You STILL are. So when I think it's the RIGHT time to tell you, THEN I'll tell you. But FIRST you have to SHOW THAT YOU ARE MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS INFORMATION. THE CONVERSATION WE'RE HAVING NOW IS DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT!" James' rant turned into a shout. Harry jumped up and started shouting.

"I'LL BET YOU WISH IT WAS ME THAT DIED THAT NIGHT- NOT MUM!"

"HARRY POTTER-" James roared. That accusation had stung.

"I WISH IT WAS YOU WHO DIED THAT NIGHT! NOT MUM!" Harry screamed. James fell silent. Harry was breathing hard.

"I wish it was me that died that night too." He said quietly. Harry barked a laugh.

"So you wouldn't have to deal with me- right."

"You're grounded Harry. You're grounded until term starts." James said, authority ringing in every word.

"That's all? You're just going to send me away? Is that how you deal with your problems Dad? What's wrong with facing them on? Why can't you just tell me the real reason why?" Harry said, his voice breaking at the end. But he stood strong. He refused to cry over something as stupid as this. He needed to show his Dad that he could handle this.

"I told you the reason why-"

"THAT'S- NOT- THE- REASON!" Harry bellowed. "THAT'S AN EXCUSE!" Harry had never been so angry in his life. "TELL ME THE REASON WHY I HAVE THIS STUPID SCAR ON MY FOREHEAD. TELL ME WHY HE CAME TO OUR HOUSE THAT NIGHT! TELL ME THE TRUTH! STOP LYING TO ME!"

"YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH!" James roared.

"TRY ME!"

"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU'RE THE REASON VOLDEMORT WAS THERE THAT NIGHT! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY YOUR MOTHER'S DEAD!" With horror James realized what words he had just uttered. He clapped a hand over his mouth, becoming engulfed in guilt. He had never seen his son look so broken. And he had caused that. To his son, to his lifeline. Harry's face was white with shock.

"Okay." He said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Harry, wait I-" But Harry wasn't listening. He grabbed his owl cage and dragged it up to his room. He set it down on his bed and slammed the door. James ran upstairs after him, putting his hand on the doorknob in a move to open it. He thought better of it.

"Harry please, those words weren't true! It wasn't your fault at all!" He heard quiet sniffling on the other side of the door. "Please Harry I-"

"Just leave me alone." Harry whispered. James released the doorknob, slumping. He retreated downstairs and fell back on the couch, not caring that he had split all of the owl treats. He put his face in his hands. What had he done? He was a horrible father. What father could say those words to their only child- the only thing they had left in this world? Tears leaked form the corner of his eyes.

"I don't know what to do now Lily," He whispered. "I need you here. You would always know what to do in this situation. You knew what was wrong with him when he cried while he was a baby. You had the instinct. I don't have that. Should I tell him the truth?" He sat there, as if waiting for a sign that would give him direction. None came. He heard Harry's owl hooting softly up in his room. The thought of Harry made him come to an unlikely conclusion. Telling the truth to Harry was the right thing to do. That's why he couldn't think of another option to help fix things between him and Harry. James stood up slowly and climbed the stairs to Harry's door.

"Harry? Can I come in?" He asked softly.

"Fine." He heard the quiet mumble. He opened the door and closed it silently behind him. He looked up to see Harry sitting on his bed. His owl was perched on his headboard. He sat down beside his son hesitantly. Harry didn't protest. James gestured to the owl and asked,

"Did you name her yet?"

"Yeah."

"What?"

"Hedwig." He answered.

"Hedwig? Where'd you come up with a name like that?"

"Book."

"Oh. Okay." James said, noticing the closed Hogwarts textbook sitting behind Harry.

"Look, Harry, I'm so sorry about what I said, it's just, your mother is a hard topic for me to talk about. I don't blame you Harry. If anything, I blame myself for not being there the night you two were attacked. I didn't tell you the truth because I wasn't ready to face it myself yet, to revisit that night." James took a breath. "Harry, I loved your mother so much. I miss her everyday. For the past eleven years, you are the only thing that keeps me going Harry. I love you so much. I'm so grateful that some sort of power decided to spare you that night Harry." Harry looked up at James, who put an arm around his son and continued. "When you were born Harry, you were so small, yet the love your mother and I felt for you was staggering. I loved you more then I loved your mother- it's not something I was guilty about because I knew she loved you more then she loved me as well. It's what happens when you become a parent, when you become responsible for this little body filled with life. If you died instead of your mother, we would have both been devastated. We would have been off so much worse. You were so tiny then, just getting to know the world. At least with your mother, I can take comfort that she had a happy life and she died fighting for what she believed in and loved. You- you didn't know anything yet! You hadn't gone to Hogwarts and you hadn't flown a broom yet. You hadn't picked your first wand! A parent should never have to bury their own child. I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you Harry. Another reason why I didn't tell you, was because I wanted you to have a normal childhood, not having this boy- who- lived crap hanging over your head as you grew up. I wanted you to be able to go places without people coming over to shake your hand. But I guess, that's impossible. I'm sorry for being an awful Dad, Harry and I'll make it up to you someday." James bowed his head waiting for the worst.

"You're not an awful Dad, Dad. You're a real good one." Harry said softly. James let out a gasp of relief and gave harry a one armed hug.

"Thanks son." He whispered.

"But…if you really want to make it up to me…I saw a Nimbus 2000 in the broomstick shop today…" James laughed.

"Next summer Harry. And it's still going to be a Bluebottle." Harry groaned and James slapped him on his back. "And Harry…that owl can't stay up in your room. Take her down to stay with Merlin- I'm sure he'll like the company."