Chapter 12 – Craving

I laid awake all night, and then I pretty much stayed in bed the entire next day. My mind was so busy with everything from memories of my mother, to a replay of Jacob's words of indifference. I wondered if perhaps Jake had been in shock over the news that I slept with Edward, and maybe he was more upset about it after having time to really think it through. But when I checked my phone for any secret texts from him, there were none. There weren't even any texts from Edward, which I thought was odd, so then I got worried. What if I fucked everything up with the way I jetted out of the garage?

I stressed about facing Edward again up to the very moment I was leaving for school Monday morning, but then I was shocked to find the shoes I had left in his garage sitting on my front porch. At some point, Edward must have come and dropped them off, but the fact that he didn't knock on the door or attempt to let me know he was there was just more proof that I seriously fucked up.

In a way, I was relieved; If Edward didn't want to see me anymore due to my moronically awkward departure from his garage, then there was nothing I could do and I was off the hook from having to spend any more time with him, but when he actually ignored me in art class, my chest tightened and I knew I couldn't let go…

"Hey," I said to him nervously after school. I had given him his space and kept my distance all day, but after school I usually gave him a ride home, so I didn't want him to be stranded. "Um…where have you been all day?" I asked awkwardly, trying to play off our day's worth of separation as nothing more than an accident.

He narrowed his eyes at me so I braced myself for the return of his previous cold persona, but then his face unexpectedly softened. "I'm sorry…I was in the library doing research for my Lit exam."

"Oh… That's okay… Are you ready to go home?" I asked with forced casualness.

"Uh…I was thinking about just calling Emmett. He's out running some errands right about now anyway…"

"Why would you do that when I'm right here? We have to finish the statue anyway, it's almost due."

"I…" he cleared his throat, "I finished it over the weekend.

"You finished it? Without me?" I asked, feeling strangely disappointed.

"Yeah well, I figured I'd just work on it a little, but once I got into it I got carried away and finished it without even meaning to."

"Oh…Well that's cool, I just wish you would have waited for me."

"Sorry…By the way, how was your dad's appointment?" he asked, abruptly changing the topic. "It's amazing that they were able to get him in on a Saturday, I thought those kind of things were always during the week."

Fuck, he was right. I bit my lower lip…

"Well, he's a cop so they work around his schedule…as a favor," I lied horribly; he didn't buy it. "Okay, you're right, he didn't have an appointment. Edward, I'm sorry….I just…freaked out." I took a deep breath and then started walking towards my truck intending to get to a more private location to have that conversation. He followed and waited for me to explain. "It's just…when I broke up with my ex, it was really hard and I wasn't intending to…get back into something like that yet…especially with you. It's just…you're my best friend…my only friend at this point, and I don't want to ruin it. I mean, I can handle not having a boyfriend, but I need a friend-friend…I need you, and I have no idea why I initiated that…. I mean, I am attracted to you and all, but…"

"I get it," he interrupted my barely coherent ramble. "And I agree with you."

"You do?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah…Look, I didn't want to go there with you either."

I scrunched my face in confusion. "Why not?"

He laughed at my perplexed expression. "Why would anyone not want you, right?" he teased.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I feel the same way you do… I mean, I'm not trying to get over a douche of an ex or anything, but do think it's better to keep things platonic between us. I've got my own shit going on, so I'm certainly not in any position to have a romantic anything right now either."

"I don't want it to get weird between us," I murmured.

He shrugged. "Then we won't let it. I was just trying to give you space because I thought that's what you wanted."

"Edward…I'm really sorry. This whole thing was my fault, and I hate that I just ran out like that afterwards; it was rude and immature."

"Let's just forget any of it ever happened," he said quickly.

"Okay," I agreed, sincerely hoping we could go back to the way we were before. "So let's go to your place, I want to see our statue," I told him as casually as possible.

He surprisingly agreed, so that's what we did, I only wished pretending away our last meeting was really as easy as it sounded…

The car trip to the Cullen's house was quiet, and once again, full of tension - though, I refused to admit it was of the sexual variety the way I realized it was before. But once we got to the garage, instead of feeling the tension escalade, I became unexpectedly relaxed.

"Wow…she's amazing!" I said in awe as I walked around our statue. He had sculpted her face entirely himself over the weekend, and she was absolutely breathtaking. She looked like some Greek Goddess statue, but her eyes were more alive than any I had ever seen in the art books. Strangely enough, her naked body, which mirrored mine, didn't even make me blush the way I thought it would. The statue was nothing but beautiful.

"What should we name her?" I asked Edward as I continued to marvel over her.

"Name her?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, we have to name her."

"Bella, it's just sticks and clay…it's not a real person."

"Shhh! You're going to hurt her feelings," I chided him playfully.

He smirked. "Fine, what do you want to name her?"

"Well, since we made her together that means she's like our kid, so we should name her something meaningful. I always wanted to name my daughter after my mom, so how about Renee?…Oh, and her middle name could be after your mom. Renee Esme Masen. Aww, look at her, she looks just like a Renee Esme…Hey, we could squish the names together and make it Renesmee. Oh, that's cool, it would be perfect for her," I said excitedly while looking up at the piece.

Edward was quiet for a moment, so I looked over at him and was surprised to see a disturbed expression on his face.

"What?" I asked, wondering what his issue was. And then it hit me; I was talking about my mother…I even said her name. What the hell was wrong with me? Her death was kept out of the papers, and as far as we knew Edward thought Billy was alone in that car he slammed into, but what if we were wrong?

And then I saw something in Edward's eyes that immediately made me relax. I didn't know how I knew, but I was sure that his disturbance from my suggestion was nothing more than light playfulness, and thankfully he decided to voice it - "Okay, first of all, Esme isn't my mom, and even more importantly, why the hell would you look at this statue as our kid? It's naked and obviously…womanly. Hell, she looks more mature than you."

I scrunched my face in mock offense. "Hey, what the hell is that supposed to mean? She has my exact body, so how could she look more mature than me?"

"Well, you're so…prissy and bashful with all your prudish clothes. Look how confident she is with the way she's standing there completely unapologetic and proud to let it all hang out."

"My prudish clothes? I suppose any amount of coverings would seem prudish compared to that birthday suit she's got on there. And, uh, I think you're conveniently forgetting the fact that I'm the one who fearlessly stripped down to model for her in the first place."

He laughed. "How could I forget that? I've thought of nothing else ever since."

My face flooded with heat, and several beats of awkward silence passed between us. Suddenly the garage seemed way too small, and that wall…the one he had me pressed against as he pounded into me only a couple days prior, seemed strangely large and almost loud as the memory of those moments screamed out at me with intense longing. It was too strong…

I cleared my throat. "So, uh…since our project is finished, why don't we go into the house," I suggested, and even before he could answer, I was already darting for the door.

"Oh good, you two are here," Esme said to Edward and me the moment we walked into the house.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her somewhat concerned.

"Everything is perfect, but I was just redoing this photo collage frame and I realized I don't have any pictures of the two of you together…Well, I actually don't have any of you Bella, and Edward…well Edward looks so grumpy in all of the pictures I have of him so I'm hoping your presence will cheer him up," she said to me sweetly.

"I don't want to take any pictures," Edward protested.

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss," Esme chided him. "I have pictures of everyone else with their S.O.s, and you're part of the family so you need to be up here."

"What's an S.O.?" I asked confused.

"Significant Other," she said with a huge grin, before stepping closer and pinching my cheek. "Edward is so lucky to have snagged himself such a beautiful girlfriend."

"Uh…" I glanced over at Edward, and when he gave me a slight head shake I decided to just go with it. "Well, I consider myself to be the lucky one," I told her with a shy smile.

"Oh…young love," she said adoringly. "Now, go stand over there together so I can take your picture."

I smiled again and obliged, but Edward had to grumble about it a bit more before he finally conceded and stood next to me awkwardly by the stairs.

"That's pitiful! Put your arm around her; she's your girlfriend, not some stranger off the street."

Edward rolled his eyes but otherwise did as he was told, but the moment his hand made contact with my waist, I was once again overcome with an intense wave of aching desire. It was overwhelmingly strong and electric, and every single muscle in my body tensed in order to attempt to defend myself from it.

"Wow, you both look like you're in pain," Esme said after snapping the first picture of us. "Is something wrong?" she asked suddenly concerned.

I glanced up at Edward, and at the same time he glanced down back at me. The instant our eyes locked my heart jumped, and for a second I forgot everything - I couldn't remember where we were, or what we were doing, or why I'd ever want to resist him. Nobody could argue that he wasn't good looking, but I never realized just how utterly perfect his face was, or how incredibly deep his eyes were until that moment when I found myself completely lost in them.

And then there was a snap…I only wished it was enough to snap me out of my daze. "Got it!" Esme said excitedly.

Edward turned his head towards her, but I could do nothing but stare at the new angle of his face that I was privileged to. "Got what?" I vaguely heard Edward ask his foster mother.

"The picture. I was actually able to capture that sweet look of love I see you two give each other all the time," she cooed.

She continued to speak, but I couldn't really hear her nor did I really care to. My entire body was buzzing with need, and when I unconsciously rotated my body to be flushed against his side, I was fairly certain he knew exactly what was happening with me….I only wished I did.

"We're going to go do homework," Edward told Esme before grabbing my hand and beginning to lead me up the stairs.

"Hey Edward…" Esme called after him, so we both stopped. "You're being safe, right?"

I was not in the proper frame of mind to really comprehend what she was asking, but I was sure I would have been mortified if I were.

I had no idea how Edward responded or how Esme responded to his response, but the next thing I knew we were up in his bedroom, and once again, in an uncontrollable fit or frenzied passion.

It suddenly felt like there was absolutely nothing in the entire world except the two of us. Everyone and everything could have disappeared outside that room and I wouldn't have even cared. When I was in Edward's arms, I was truly and completely with him, and when it came to its glorious end, there wasn't a single inch of me that didn't automatically start craving more. It was all so very confusing...