CHAPTER 4

Suddenly she woke up, it was a dream. She looked at the clock. 4:39 am. She realized that she never actually told the rest about her and Liam. Sadly, she couldn't remember a lot of what she dreamt, something about Chandler's reaction and that he didn't liked it.

Monica got out bed, she was barely walking because of her tiredness. She went to the window from her room and looked outside. Her view wasn't amazing, but she always watched it when she tried to remember something, but in that case, that wasn't the reason. She just wanted to look outside, even it was really early, there were a lot of cars on the street.

She freaked out when the clock started ringing. It was 4:50 am. The time she always wakes up on every morning, but today it was a special day, she was free from work so she could stay all day at home.

Monica went to the kitchen to see a couple of beers and tiny bottles of alcohol on the counter and table. She knew that Liam came over yesterday and that she went to sleep and he stayed a bit in the apartment after she went to bed, but she didn't realize how much they drank the other night. She remembered everything and she didn't have any headache so it was clearly that she wasn't drunk.

She went to verify her messages. None. It was already 6:00. She overthought that much that she didn't even realize how fast the time passed. God, it was so overwhelming for her, but her thoughts were interrupted when Ross came in, surprised about the view of his sister's kitchen

"Wow, what happened here?" he said smirking a little bit while he gave her a half hug.

"Oh…I was….ummm…..just happy that today I have a…..free day, so I drank…for celebrating." she said trying not to look suspicious, she didn't like to lie to his brother, she didn't like to lie in general, but now that was the only option.

Ross looked at her a little bit, but shortly after, he sat down on a chair waiting for the rest.

Her mind was going in two directions, first one, "should she tell them that she and Liam are together?". And the second one, "what happened the night before that there were so many bottles of alcohol there?".

"So what do you think I should wear on the plane?" he said looking directly at me.

"What? What plane?" she said actually surprised

"You know. Mom and dad called me a few days ago that we should go on a family trip in France. At Paris." He said excited

"What trip?"

"Well, mom said that she called you and I thought that she told you about it, that's why she cancelled plans with us, they went to buy plane tickets." he said with a kinda shaking voice.

"Well, no, mom never told me about any trip and neither dad!" the girl said trying to stay calm.

She knew that sooner or later this would happen. But the fact that Ross didn't knew and that they kept it as a secret made her blood boil. Of course, what would she except, Ross was always their favorite, but she couldn't do anything, it was too late and it always have been.

"Are you sure they didn't left you a message, I mean, I don't think they would do such a thing" he said trying to figure it out too

"Well I checked my messages this morning and guess what, there weren't any." Monica said trying the best I could to be calm. But in her head she was burning. It wasn't about the trip, it was about of them not telling her and all the bad things they did to her as a teenager and even as a child. Like everything that happened in the past came straight back to her. She felt the urge to cry and lock herself in her room like she always does when she didn't want anyone to see her crying or miserable. She couldn't walk away because then Ross will tell the rest and she didn't want that.

"Alright, let's just change the subject." Monica said trying to make him stop talking about why they didn't invite her too.

"Ok…let's do that" he said

Phoebe shortly came in after a few seconds, followed by Joey who was wide smiling

"Guys, guys, guess what?" said Joey with pure joy on his face

"What happened?" Ross said excited that they came

"I will go to an audition in a movie with Hugh Grant!"

"What? That is so cool!" said Ross hugging him

"Great job Joey, we believe in you that you will be cast!" Monica said trying to pull a convincing smile. She was genuinely happy for him, but she was so sad because of the past few minutes. She couldn't take it anymore so she excused herself and went into the bedroom.

The moment Monica entered the bedroom, she locked the door and went straight to the drawer, took the Prozac bottle and took around 6 pills. Then, she tried not to cry, she didn't like to express her feeling, not even when she was alone. Her head fell in her free hand and stood in that position for a few minutes, her mind was going wild. The only person who she cried in front of was Chandler.

It was when she was fired from her previous job and she also had problems eating, but she never told him about that problem. She was still having problem eating sometimes. She often eats a tiny portion of food, even that she made loads of food for her friends. And, when she eats like a normal person, she often goes to the bathroom to throw up everything she ate. Monica used to that a lot in her teenage years, that's how she used to lose weight. Now it wasn't the case for her to lose weight, but every time she puts on a few kilograms, she uses that method.

Chandler understood her very well, actually, better than any of her friends. He also had trauma when he was a teen and a child, so maybe that was the reason that they understood each other that well. But, that wasn't it. She knew they had a special bonding. When they stay up all night on the balcony till the rise talking about everything that came in their minds, made her feel good about herself. Or when they are both sad, they knew how to make each other feel better. That's what Monica thought, now she doesn't know what it's in Chandler's mind. They didn't spend that much time together anymore, she was at work, he was talking all night shifts, so they didn't spent that much time together for the past two months.

She took the pills and found near her bed a half empty bottle of water. She swallowed them and then went to the window waiting for the effect of the Prozac to hit. She wasn't feeling anything yet, it was 8:00 am, too early for her to go back to sleep. She still wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She was weak if she cried, weak. That's what her mom said to her all the time, that she is weak all the time and weaker if she cries. God, how much she hated that line Judy used to tell her every day.

She leaned on the bed and called Liam, to ask him about the bottles, yes, she didn't forget about that. She dialed his number, wondering about what he was going to say.

"Fuck it"

And then she called him. He didn't pick up the first time so she called him again, this time he answered.

"Hey Liam, it's Monica."

"Oh…hi, how are you?" he said kind of surprised for Monica to call, at least that's how he sounded like.

"I'm good, I was wondering if you…um…if you could tell me about those bottles from the kitchen." Monica said

"Oh, I am sorry, I just…wanted to…I mean…I…just got carried away. I am sorry." His tone was very fake, and also the apology, wondering why was the lying to her.

"No, don't apologize, it's fine" she said relieved.

"Would you like to go to a movie together tonight? It's a horror one, but I think it would be nice. And I also have a few other ideas."

"Sure, I would love to. But, other ideas do you have?" Monica said smiling, she was feeling a little better

"Well, one of them would be to go to a really beautiful restaurant a few block away from the cinema. Trust me, you will love it."

"Well, if you say so, I believe you." She said laughing

"I'm glad! I'll come to your apartment at six."

"Yes, sounds good, I can't wait!" Monica said with a smile on her face. When she closed her phone her smile faded, the feeling of happiness was temporary. It wasn't about Liam, she just, didn't feel it, and by the tone of his voice neither did him. Yes, she loved talking to him and the night before was awesome, but she wasn't feeling the spark. Maybe because she was too depressed or maybe because he seemed hangover.

She went back to the living room, seeing that everyone left. She started cooking cause that's what she was doing when she was sad. After a few minutes she heard someone enter.

"Wow, hard day already?" the voice said almost laughing. It was Chandler. He was wearing a deep blue shirt, with beige chinos and brown shoes. He definitely just came back from work.

"How did you know it was a hard day? Monica said

"Well, first of all, you are cooking and second of all Ross told me about some family trip and I thought that maybe that was the reason." He said also smiling

"Yes, you are right." She said and then stopped from cooking "Did Ross told you already about it?"

"No, he wanted to, but I need your story, not his." Chandler said sitting on the couch followed by me

"Well, my parents were planning a trip in France and apparently they didn't invite me." The miserable feeling came back. "And it's not the fact that they didn't invite me to the trip, it's the fact how they hided from me. It's..." Monica was trying not to cry. "I mean, I invited them a few days ago and my mom called me to see how I'm doing, well not me, how Ross was doing…"

Monica studied his face while she talked, he was looking directly in her eyes, that feeling again, the one that she felt on the balcony. He was truly listening, now thinking about the night before with Liam, he wasn't actually focused on what was Monica saying, she remembers now, he was just nodding, but lost in space, he wasn't looking in her eyes, not even at my face, something was wrong with him that night, maybe he was drunk, God, her mind was messed up again. But on the night they kissed he looked so, normal, why it has to be so hard?

She somehow finished her story and Chandler still looked at her the same, in her eyes.

"You are too good for your parents." He took my hands into his. "I don't know and I can't imagine what you feel right now, but you will see that one day, they will see what they missed, alright?" he said smiling "I mean, you are much stronger then Ross is, in every way, you know how to grow by yourself without any kind of support, you did these all alone."

I could resist the urge of it, I hugged him tight and I put my head in his chest trying not to cry, then I felt his hand on the back of my head and the other on my back, also hugging me tight.

"You have friends that care about you, you work on one of the most famous restaurants in Manhattan and you live in this big apartment near Central Park. I know that you have been struggling a lot the past few months, I can see that even that we didn't spend so much time together in the past few weeks, but I am here for you now. You are brave, really brave so don't let anyone think that you are otherwise."

His words were really meaningful, she thought that she might be ready to tell him about Liam.

"I appreciate it Chandler, but I can't stop myself from asking, why did you take those night shifts?"

"Well, my wonderful boss said that is I go to work at night, it would be less for me to work. Well, it wasn't, so I had for 2 moths to work at night, but today or yesterday was my last day. I'll come back to the normal schedule in 2 weeks, so two weeks from now I'm free." He said looking up with his arms wide. Monica laughed at his reaction.

"Chandler, I have to tell you one more thing."

But in that moment her phone rang, she knew she wasn't ready to tell him about Liam, because she didn't know what she thought about him yet.

Monica picked up the phone

"Hello?"

Hi guys, sorry for not posting a new chapter in two months, but now I am in my summer vacation so I'll post a chapter or maybe two every week from now on. I know that it didn't happen much between Monica and Chandler, but in the future episodes there will be some surprises. I know that it doesn't make sense with the actual series, but I have to clarify two things, Richard will not appear and Liam won't be a really good guy (as you've already seen). I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it is the longest I wrote in this story (2300+), but I promise that there will be longer chapter. Hope you have a great day, see you with the next chapter. ByeJ!