Disclaimer: The Phantom of the Opera does not belong to me, only my own characters do.
Author's Note:
I'd like to extend a special thanks to jonpooky, without whom this chapter would have been much more difficult to write.
To foxgodess07: You're about to see just how "not good" that mouse nest was/is.
To xXThAnKs-FoR-tHe-MeMoRiEsXx: This one isn't so sweet, but I think you'll enjoy it just the same.
To xX-Crayola-Xx: I hope this is soon enough for an update, I've been a roll lately with writing this.
Also if I get enough requests, I'll see if I can manage a picture of S'ray and Erik. But remember if you want to see it, you have to ask by writing a review *wink*.
Thanks to all who have read and reviewed; the more you review, the more I write. Now, on with the show and remember, it's the little things that get on your nerves.
Phantom of the Glen
Chapter 7 - It's the Little Things That Get on Your Nerves
Erik opened his eyes to an amazing sight. Reclining on the stones in front of the fire was a tiny naked woman with iridescent dragonfly wings. He blinked twice and she was still there. Then she turned her head, smiled and waved at him. He shook his head and rolled over muttering about having to slow down on the whiskey before going back to sleep.
That morning at breakfast Erik announced, "I have to start taking it easy on the whiskey."
"Why is that?" she asked over her coffee.
"It's making me see things," he said spreading jam on his toast.
"Really? Like what?"
"Tiny, naked women with wings."
S'ray almost spit out her coffee.
"That was about the same reaction I had."
"How tall would you say she was?"
"It was hard to tell, but I would say about a foot."
"They're back, it must be spring," S'ray muttered.
"Who's back? What are you talking about?" he asked puzzled.
"Hey! What idiot cleaned out the piano?" an angry and heavily accented voice said from beneath his chair.
"Who said that?" Erik demanded looking around for the origin of the voice.
"Erik, you're covered in Brownies," S'ray said setting down her coffee cup.
"I'm what?" he asked gaping at her.
"You've got Brownies on your shoulders," she repeated pointing.
He stood up quickly and knocked the chair over. "Hey, quit rocking the boat," said a voice on his left.
"Yeah, sit still or we'll fall off," said a different voice on his right.
Erik swatted at first his left shoulder and then the right, both times connecting with something solid that went flying across the room. S'ray was on her feet too, trying to catch what had flown off his shoulders. "Thank you for the coffee," said a tiny female voice and both coffee cups along with the pot disappeared.
"Brandji and Brule! Front and center both of you!" S'ray barked.
"Should we run or take the tongue lashing?" one Brownie asked the other from their temporary hiding place.
"I'd like a tongue lashing," the other lecherously replied.
"Now!" S'ray barked again.
"First day back and we pissed her off already," the first one stated.
"Yeah, new record," the second smiled and both Brownies began a celebratory dance.
"Luniana, bring all the coffee back!"
"Including what I already drank?"
"Just get back here!"
Suddenly their two, now empty, coffee cups reappeared on the table along with the pot.
"What in the hell is going on?" Erik shouted after righting his chair.
"It's spring," S'ray replied innocently.
"What does spring have to do with this…this…this waking nightmare?"
"The little people are back," she answered simply.
Erik just stared at her with a mixture of shock and horror on his face.
"I guess some introductions are in order," she sighed as two Brownies climbed onto the table. "Luniana, where are you?"
"Here," came a little voice as the lid of the coffee pot fell to the table top.
"Erik, this is Luniana. She's a pixie. Luniana, this is Erik and he is a guest here."
"Hi," she squeaked, poking her head out of the coffee pot. "We met earlier, but you just rolled over, said something about whiskey and went back to sleep. ~BUUUURRRRPPP!!!~ Good coffee, none left."
"And these two Brownies, or morons as I prefer to call them, are Brandji and Brule," she said rolling her eyes.
"Why are you so grumpy?" Brule, the shorter of the two, asked.
"Didn't you get laid this winter?" Brandji chimed in.
S'ray clapped a hand over her eyes and groaned in frustration, Brownies were not known for being subtle or having any tact at all.
Phhffffft!
"We should have warned you, we came back in a keg of ale!" Brule said proudly.
"Yeah, they caught us before we could even get into the Francesca and they threw us out. Again!" Brandji complained.
"We weren't even in there. Can you get thrown out of someplace you're not even in?" Brule asked.
"Dorks!" Luniana chimed in from where she sat hanging onto the rim of the coffee pot.
"Stay out of this you little winged…whatever you are!" Brandji said shaking his fist at her.
"Mouse fucker," she replied.
"That was a secret! Who…who told you that?" Brandji demanded.
"He did," she said pointing at Brule.
"Why did you tell her? You swore you wouldn't tell anyone!" Brandji yelled at his partner.
"Cause she asked."
"You idiot! And if she asked you to cut off your pee-pee too, would you do that?"
"No, why would I do that?"
"Because you're an idiot!"
Erik watched the whole exchange dumbstruck. He knew he should say something, but he wasn't sure what or to whom.
"So S'ray, back to the original question," Luniana chimed in. "With tall, dark and handsome here, did you two have sex or not this winter?"
"I never touched her!" Erik exclaimed, almost horrified at the thought of such improper actions toward his hostess.
"Well, why not?" the pixie asked looking up at him quizzically from the coffee pot.
"Are you a Munich?" Brandji asked, happy that the conversation had turned away from his indiscretions with small rodents.
"What's a Munich?" Brule asked.
"Someone who has their twig and berries cut off," Brandji explained.
"Why would they do that?" Brule questioned puzzled.
"Because they're idiots, like you!" Brandji yelled stamping his foot.
"You're both idiots! It's Eunuch, not Munich!" the pixie corrected, now sitting on the rim of the coffee pot, naked and dripping with coffee.
Erik couldn't believe what had happened to him in the short space of 3 months. He'd gone from being the terror of the Opera Populaire, to the most wanted man in Paris, to a ghost again, and now he was in the middle of some sort of bizarre and twisted fairy tale.
S'ray looked over the table at him, sighed and said," Erik, welcome to my world."
I should have stayed in Paris. I should have let Raoul catch me. The world would still be sane in the confines a prison cage. "Thank you…I think," he replied over the argument that was still going on in the middle of the table.
Later, Erik had retreated to the quiet of the study. He sat down at the piano and caressed the keys with his musician's hands. He played a chord, it was out of tune. He frowned, he'd just tuned it a couple weeks ago and it shouldn't have gotten out of tune again so quickly. He ran his fingers across the keys, the piano was definitely out of tune again.
"Cut it out! We're trying to sleep!" Brule yelled from beneath the piano top.
"Yeah, it took a long time to rebuild our house that you wrecked," Brandji added.
"Son of a bitch," the phantom cursed under his breath. Then an evil thought came to him, a malevolent smile lit up his face as he slammed his fingers onto the keys and began playing the 1812 Overture.
"Hey that string almost cut off my pee-pee," Brule howled from inside the piano.
"What do you care? You never use it," Brandji replied.
"Yes I do, I pee-pee with it and at least I don't stick it in mice."
"Why do you always bring that up? And you…" Brandji said pushing up the lid of piano and shooting Erik a dirty look, "enough with all the noise!"
Grinning maniacally, the phantom slammed down a chord directly in front of the upset Brownie. Brandji squeaked and the lid fell back down with a thud. "Brule, why are you naked?" he groaned.
"I was sleeping like you, till the big, stupid man woke us up."
"No you weren't sleeping like me, I'm not naked!"
"You don't complain when the pixie is naked."
"She's female, you're not! Brule, put some clothes on. Ohhhhh, everything is vibrating and your wobbly bits are making me sick Brule," Brandji complained.
"He can't play this thing forever," Brule said nearly avoiding a string hammer.
"Yes, I can," the phantom roared at the piano.
S'ray looked up from her stove as the first loud chords reached her ears.
"I thought you said he played better than that," Luniana protested hovering in front of her with her tiny hands pressed over her ears.
"He does, but he didn't have two Brownies trying to set up housekeeping in the piano either," she replied as she took the stew off the flame.
"You still didn't answer my question S'ray," she said perching on the window sill.
"What question was that?"
"Did you take him to bed yet?"
"Luniana, that's none of your business," S'ray scolded.
"I'll take that as a 'no'," she sighed. "Well, why not?"
"It would be taking advantage of him," she replied. "He had his heart broken by a young mortal girl only 3 months ago."
"But he's very handsome, in spite of being half-goblin," she chirped. "Can I make some clothes for him?"
"You'll have to ask him. And did you say half-goblin? Are you sure?" S'ray asked bending down to look the pixie in the eye.
"Of course I'm sure. Maybe if you dressed more like a woman he would have bedded you already," the pixie frowned. "But dress as you like, you always do anyway."
S'ray rolled her eyes and noted that the music was getting louder and worse than that, she could now clearly hear Erik yelling from the study. "Sounds like I should break that up before someone winds up hurt," she said taking off her apron. "Luniana, can you fly around to the windows and check on the carnage?"
"Yes, Ma'am," she saluted before buzzing out the open kitchen window.
S'ray got to the study just in time to see the two Brownies scurry out of the room, Erik right behind them.
"And stay out!" Erik shouted slamming the door.
"I think you offended him," Brule said to Brandji.
"Finally chased you out I see," S'ray said, her arms crossed over her chest.
"He's scary when he's mad," Brule said looking up at her.
"Yeah, why didn't you tell us he's half-goblin?" Brandji demanded straightening the rat skull he wore on his head.
"What did you call me?" Erik snarled ripping open the study door.
Both Brownies let out a shriek and hid behind S'ray. "Thanks guys," she groaned shaking her head. "I was hoping to put this off a bit longer Erik, but we need to talk."
"I agree completely," he said glaring at the Brownies cowering behind her legs. Then he stepped aside to permit her to enter the room. He slammed the door as soon as she was in, nearly knocking the Brownies off their feet.
"Was it something we said?" Brule asked.
"How should I know? He's half-goblin and goblins are always cranky," Brandji said.
"Dorks!" the Pixie laughed from a shelf high on the wall.
Brandji made a face at her, turned and headed into the kitchen.
Author's note: To get an idea of what Brownies sound like, watch either Willow or Monty Python and the Holy Grail (and pay special attention to the French). The Pixie has a high, often squeaky voice.
Coming up in Chapter 8 – Revelations