"Kaltxi, ma'Sha'ni," Rai'uk said softly.
"Kaltxi, ma'Rai'uk," Shawn whispered.
"Would it be easier for you to speak English?" Rai'uk asked with surprisingly little accent.
"Kehe," she replied with a bittersweet smile. "Na'vi are my people now. I must learn."
"Very well," Rai'uk said approvingly. After a few moments' silence, he said, "Your sisters tell me you enjoy the water."
"Very much," Shawn affirmed, trying not to look at the ground.
"There is a place I know," he said hesitantly. "With a small waterfall, and a deep pool. I find it very calming. Would you like me to take you there?"
"Srane," she replied, and swallowed nervously.
Rai'uk nodded once and turned, melting into the forest. Shawn hastily followed, wondering if he had done that purposefully to make her feel small. No, she told herself. He is a good man. They all said so. Good man or not, she was finding it hard to keep up with his longer legs. She had to break into a trot now and again just to keep him in sight, but she resisted asking him to slow down.
After a while, her breath began to grow labored. She would have to speak up soon, or fall behind. Hearing her panting, Rai'uk glanced back and abruptly slowed his pace. He stopped soon after, gesturing for her to drink from the water gathered in a line of flowers. She did so gratefully, avoiding his eye. He must think she was such a wuss.
They set off once more, this time at a slower pace and with frequent stops. After a few stilted, awkward attempts at conversation, both gave up and traveled in silence. It was probably better that way, Shawn thought. Wouldn't want to attract anything looking for a meal. They traveled until around midday and stopped to eat some fruit and dried meat that Rai'uk had brought along. Shawn accepted the food with murmured thanks and ate quietly, looking at the ground. When they were done, they set off again. Shawn might have felt the awkward silence to be unbearable, but the thought of actually saying something was worse.
They hiked through the afternoon, severely straining Shawn's depleted energy stores. By the time they arrived at the waterfall, Shawn's limbs were trembling like leaves. Shawn reminded herself that Neytiri knew better than she did and was right to keep her in bed, even if it meant looking like a complete noob in front of her mate-to-be.
"Sit," Rai'uk said, gesturing to a patch of soft moss. "I will bring you water."
Shawn did as she was told and gratefully accepted the water Rai'uk brought from the pool.
"I'm sorry," Shawn murmured.
"For what?" Rai'uk asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.
"For weakness," Shawn muttered.
"You think yourself weak?" Rai'uk now sounded amused.
"Do you not see what I see?" Shawn asked, holding up a shaking hand.
Rai'uk seated himself beside her. "I see a woman who nearly died not so long ago resting after a long day's journey. There is no weakness in that."
"You make a kindness, only," Shawn muttered. "I was stronger—before."
"Time and patience are the only cure," Rai'uk shrugged. "I know this; I have been wounded many times."
"Other women say you are great warrior," Shawn said shyly. "They tell stories—is it truth?"
"I cannot say if it is the truth if I don't know what they've told you," Rai'uk pointed out.
"They say you hate tawtute—you kill many," Shawn said.
"I have killed many sawtute," Rai'uk said slowly. "They killed my entire clan, all but my sister and me. For many years I made it my sole purpose to learn the ways of my enemy so that I may be better able to kill them, especially the one who destroyed my village. I did kill him...but it did not bring my family back. It did not bring back my sister's severed queue, nor did killing the warrior who shot her down put life back into her body when the great battle was over."
"You hate tawtute still?" Shawn asked, looking down.
"I know not all sawtute are evil. There are those like Grace, who could have been tsahik had she been born to the People. There are those like Toruk Makto, who will fight to defend what is good." Rai'uk hesitated. "There are those like you."
Shawn looked up in surprise. "Me? I do nothing."
"You gave up your life to answer Eywa's call," Rai'uk disagreed. "You surrendered your right to choose a mate. I am not a complete skxawng, whatever your sisters might have told you. I have some small idea of how difficult this must be for a young woman. I...I will not..."
"I know. Neytiri said," Shawn assured him hastily. "She said it is not...she said, tsaheylu only is needed."
"Ah," Rai'uk said, looking relieved. It made him look more like a real person. "It will be dark soon. Rest, and I will build a fire for our supper."
Shawn lay back and stretched, feeling at once easier and more nervous than ever. At least she had talked to him. That was one hurdle down. The next... Was it absolutely necessary to touch him? Was it acceptable to sit on opposite sides of a bush while making tsaheylu? Somehow she suspected it was not. But if a shrub buffer was not to be, how, exactly, was it supposed to go down? Hand holding? Cuddling? One arm or two? God, what if there was spooning? There was quite a spectrum between the bush scenario and losing her virginity. How much was she comfortable with? For that matter, how much was he comfortable with? Maybe he didn't want to touch her either if they weren't going to have sex. Not all men were sensitive, snuggle-bear types like Norm.
"You look unhappy," Rai'uk commented as he laid the fire.
"No," Shawn said. "Fear. Small fear, only. Like...before difficult task."
Shawn blushed at the tactlessness of her statement, but Rai'uk only nodded in understanding.
"You are anxious," he said. "As am I."
"You?" Shawn shook her head disbelievingly. "You do not fear."
Rai'uk shot her an amused glance while he blew gently to coax a flame from the tiny embers. He didn't reply until the flame caught and started consuming the kindling. He added slightly larger pieces, appearing to gather his thoughts.
"I fear many things," he said. "I fear that my past has made me unfit to mate before Eywa. I fear that because of this I will not be able to rebuild my clan and the Anurai will die with me. I fear I will not please you."
"Oh," Shawn said, feeling silly for worrying about cuddling.
"What is making you anxious?"
Shawn blushed and shook her head.
"You must not fear me," Rai'uk said softly. "I do wish to please you, Sha'ni. We will be together for a long time if Eywa blesses our bond."
What could she say? He didn't please her...he didn't displease her, but the fact remained that he was an extremely recent acquaintance and a rather intimidating one at that. What the heck was she supposed to say? 'I'm sure you'll please me eventually' seemed harsh, even if she could say it properly. Shawn sat up and turned to face him, but couldn't quite bring herself to look him in the eye. She felt rather than saw him reach for her hand and snatched it back involuntarily.
"You must not fear me," he repeated, sounding frustrated for the first time.
"No, no," she protested. "Not fear. My hands...they are Sky People hands."
Rai'uk reached for her hand again and this time she let him. He examined it carefully, bending each of her five finger and tracing the lines on her palm. At last he put the hand back in her lap with a brisk pat.
"It's just a finger," he said. "It is no more alien than the rest of you."
"I do not like to be different," Shawn sighed. "And I am. My finger and all of me."
"It is difficult to be singled out," Rai'uk agreed. "But you are not as different as you think."
They fell into an almost comfortable silence and Shawn gathered her courage to reach out and grasp Rai'uk's hand. He merely squeezed her fingers lightly in return. They sat a few moments more, each contemplating their own thoughts, until Shawn's stomach gave an embarrassingly loud rumble.
"Forgive me," Rai'uk said. "You will think I cannot provide for my mate. Perhaps...perhaps you would like to bathe while I fish downstream?"
"Yes," Shawn said eagerly, and accepted a helping hand to her feet.
Shawn waited until she was sure Rai'uk had gone and stripped, hoping she would be able to put her top back on by herself. One thing at a time, she reminded herself, and slipped into the water. Immediately she felt more secure, as if the water carried the weight of her troubles as well as her own floating body. Shawn drifted for a while, enjoying the sensation, then dove, exploring the rocky bottom of the pool lit by glowing weeds. To her delight, she found a few mollusk-like creatures tucked away in nooks and crannies. She had often made a meal out of the chewy, tasty things while "researching" in the field. She gathered enough for both herself and Rai'uk and deposited them near the fire.
Shawn dried herself off as best she could and struggled into her clothing, hoping her top would stay put. She wiggled her shoulders and bounced slightly. It seemed secure enough. Seeing that the fire had burned to embers and was unlikely to start a forest fire, she stepped into the forest and poked around, looking for some leaves she knew were edible. She came across some spicy berries and took those too, grateful for her Na'vi night sight. It wasn't cocktail sauce, but it might just do.
Rai'uk was laying a fish wrapped in leaves over the embers when she returned. He looked up and nodded in approval as she emerged from the forest. She squatted on the other side of the fire and gathered up her oyster-things, opened by the heat. Scooping out the meat, she made little wraps out of them with the leaves and berries. She took a bite of hers before offering one to Rai'uk, just in case it was hideously disgusting. But no, it was actually quite good. She thought so, anyway.
"What have you made for us, little one?" Rai'uk asked, examining the wrap. "This is almost like nikt'chey."
"I do not know," Sha'ni said humbly.
Rai'uk eyed the wrap warily for another moment and then took a bite. Shawn giggled at the look of delighted surprise that crossed his face. Glowing with satisfaction, she watched as he ate the rest with gusto. She ate hers more slowly, half-fearing that Neytiri would materialize and snatch it out of her hands if she did otherwise.
"What was in it?" Rai'uk asked, and Shawn showed him the empty shells. "Interesting."
"You do not eat these?" Shawn asked, wondering if she had given him the Na'vi equivalent of escargot or frog legs. But then, they ate larvae almost daily. Surely these wouldn't bother him.
"Not like this," Rai'uk said. "My mother used to make a soup out of them. I haven't eaten these in many years."
"You like?" Shawn asked shyly.
"Very much," he assured her.
They lapsed into silence once more. Shawn stole furtive glances at him out of the corner of her eye, growing nervous again. She wished he would smile, or laugh. Her sisters were right—he was a good man. He was kind and compassionate and certainly more understanding than the average human male. But he was so serious. Was it because he was older? He wasn't old, of course, but he was certainly several years older than she. What if he thought her terribly childish once he got to know her? What if he had no sense of humor, or play?
"You are anxious again," Rai'uk said, watching her closely as she picked at her food. "You do not wish to eat?"
"I do not eat much since I was sick," Shawn excused herself. "Neytiri does not allow it. You eat?"
"We mustn't waste it," Rai'uk agreed, and polished it off in two bites, making Shawn smile. Perhaps he was not so different from human men, after all. He came around the fire to stretch out next to her. "Tell me about yourself."
"What do you wish to know?"
"Your family?" Rai'uk suggested.
"I have no family," Shawn told him. "Mother and Father die, long ago. That is why I am allowed to come with sawtute—no family."
"Are all the sawtute orphans, then?" Rai'uk asked in surprise.
"Not all orphans," Shawn said. "But no mates, no children. Tawtute home is far, far away. Six years journey."
"Six years!" Rai'uk exclaimed. "The black rock means so much to them?"
"Yes," Shawn said, fiddling with her hair. "Tawtute planet is dead. Great Mother is dead. Black rock is only energy left."
"The Sky People had a Great Mother once? Like Eywa?"
"Yes and no," Shawn said uncertainly. "Sawtute never speak with her, not like Na'vi. But long ago, they pray and honor."
"What was her name?" Rai'uk asked curiously.
"Many names," Shawn said, trying to remember. "Ki, Terra Mater...but most remembered name is Gaia."
"Ngai'a," Rai'uk repeated. "I like this name."
"Me too," Shawn agreed.
Silence fell yet again as she tried to think of something more to say. It was getting late, she thought nervously. They couldn't put it off all night. Was he waiting for her to make the first move? If so, they might have some explaining to do when they returned to camp, because she didn't think she could bring herself to do it. Whether she could do it even if he initiated was something of a toss-up.
"You have wet flowers in your hair," Rai'uk said presently, reaching up to touch one.
"Oh! I—I forget," Shawn said, trying to disentangle them. "My sisters put them there."
"Here, let me," Rai'uk said, and sat up.
Shawn hesitated but allowed him to gently remove the the flowers. She sat stiffly, her heart racing at the feeling of his fingers moving through her hair. The sensation was unfamiliar and strangely invasive, and yet not completely unpleasant. When his hands drifted down to brush her arms, she tensed and flinched away, only to have the hands settle gently but firmly on her shoulders. She sat for a moment, tensed as if to flee, then breathed deeply and relaxed with a conscious effort, allowing him to pull her gently back until she leaned against his chest.
"Are you ready?" Rai'uk asked quietly.
"No," she said bluntly. "But we must."
Rai'uk squeezed her shoulders bracingly before taking her queue gently in his hand. Shawn's breath hitched and she nearly stopped him. But she felt Rai'uk's heart pounding through his chest and realized that he must be just as frightened as she was. Well, perhaps not quite, but nervous enough. She found this thought comforting.
Rai'uk connected their queues... and the world fell away. Sensations she didn't have a name for crashed through her like a riptide, carrying her away. Instinctively she pressed herself against Rai'uk, seeking something solid in the mad rush of emotion. His arms came around her and held her tightly as she shivered with fear. His own heart was racing madly...she could feel it as if it were her own. And she could feel it banging away against her spine. She felt—everything. She feared it would drive her mad.
The storm raged, growing increasingly stronger until tears trickled down her face, then eased abruptly, softening into images. She played with her sister Kyuna on the shore of a great lake. She received her first bow from her sempul. She cried out in exultation as she flew her ikran for the first time...she was told by Mo'at that she might have the dreamwalker Sha'ni as a mate.
The images came all at once in a confused jumble, childhood mingling with adolescence and adulthood. But they were all happy, and filled her with a feeling of peaceful contentment that she had never even dreamed of. All at once, the weight of her fear dropped away and she was left with an abiding sense of rightness. Slowly she became aware that she was lying on her side, Rai'uks body curved neatly around hers. Shawn twisted around to face him, looking him fully in the eyes for the first time.
"I see you," she whispered.
"I see you," he replied, leaning his forehead against hers.
"That was...big," Shawn said, wishing she had words to describe what she felt.
Rai'uk smiled, lighting up his normally solemn face like a candle.
"Big," he agreed, and brushed his fingers against her cheek. "My mate..."
"This pleases you," Shawn said wonderingly, remembering the vision she had experienced through tsaheylu. "Why you want me to be your mate? I am a stranger...and uniltiranyokx."
Rai'uk's eyes traveled over her face, his hand absently rubbing small circles on her back. It was making her sleepy. Whether it was Eywa sending her to sleep, as Neytiri had said, or simply the natural product of an extremely long and stressful day, she was rapidly losing ground in the battle to stay awake. She wanted to know why Rai'uk was pleased that she was his mate. She could sense his thoughts moving about through the link, but couldn't quite catch their content. Shawn closed her eyes—just to rest them while he gathered his thoughts—and sighed, squirming to find a more comfortable position.
"You have pretty freckles," he said finally, but she was already asleep.
Shawn looked around, shocked to find herself back on the Avatar compound. Tears pricked her eyes. Had it all been a dream, then? Was she truly insane? But no—there was Rai'uk. Why was he holding a gun? And who were those others? Some were avatars, but many were Na'vi. Jake barked an order and the weapons came up as one. The scene shifted to a village where an avatar male played with a child who could only be his offspring, watched by a laughing Na'vi woman. Shawn called after her own daughter to slow down as she ran off to play hopscotch with her friends, several of whom, Shawn saw, were five fingered.
She was back at Hells Gate, only to find the place populated almost solely by avatars with only a few humans in sight. And yet, there seemed to be remarkably few linkpods. The Avatar Compound, strangely, was deserted. She was in a village again, this time populated not by Na'vi but by avatars in a strange mix of native and human clothing. They were engaged in a variety of activities that ranged from smoking meat to examining samples of...whatever... under microscopes. Rai'uk turned and smiled at her, beckoning for her to come see something that an avatar was showing him. With a start, Shawn realized it was Norm.
The images came and went, almost too quickly for Shawn to process them. She could not shake the feeling that this was not normal. The images were too clear, too...purposeful. Why was she seeing these things? Was Rai'uk seeing it, too? Shawn twitched and thrashed in her sleep, disturbed by some of the images she was seeing. Jake approaching a Valkyrie shuttle with Rai'uk and the Tipani clan leader at his side. Avatars in AMP suits and Na'vi loaded with guns and grenades, packing humans back into their ship along with massive crates of ore. What did it all mean?
When Shawn opened her eyes the next morning, the first thing she saw was Rai'uk's worried eyes gazing back at her. She sat up, gently disengaging her queue. The ease and comfort she had felt in the aftermath of tsaheylu was gone, banished both by her unsettling dreams and the more mundane "morning after" awkwardness.
"Did you see..."
"Yes," Rai'uk replied curtly, and stood up. "We must speak to the council of tsahiks, and to Toruk Makto."
"What means this?" Shawn asked worriedly as she followed suit. "Are we not...not blessed?"
"Of course we are," he said, as if this were obvious. "We are mated before Eywa. Come."
"I slow you," she said regretfully.
"No, you will not slow us down," he disagreed, and threw his head back, giving a wild cry that made her hair stand on end. A distant roar answered, followed by another. "The palulukan come. Do not be afraid. You have made tsaheylu with the female and I with the male—they will not hurt you."
"That is not what she think," Shawn replied nervously. "Not for sure."
"She was just playing," Rai'uk said impatiently. "Her mate tells me he will eat me every time we meet."
Rai'uk set off in the direction of the palulukan and Shawn followed, hoping he was right. Her bonding with the thanator seemed like a dream. What little she remembered was not comforting. If presented with the possibility of being eaten, she was certain she would not view it with quite the same equanimity as she had the first time.
Once again Rai'uk set a hard pace, and Shawn hoped she wouldn't have to keep it up for long. She resolved to start getting back in shape, no matter what Neytiri said. Rai'uk continued on as if he had forgotten she was there. She didn't want to find out whether or not he would notice if she lost him, and gave up trying to simply walk quickly. She trotted after her mate, panting, glad to put Rai'uk's apparent personality transplant out of her mind.
When the thanator pair burst through the trees to meet them, Shawn was too winded to be afraid. Instead she put her hands on the back of her head and tried to resist bending over. She gulped for air and patted the thanator female almost absently in thanks as the fearsome beast knelt for her to mount. Shawn clambered onto her back and made tsaheylu, marveling at how intelligent the animal was. She was nearly sentient. She wondered what an ikran felt like in comparison. Not that she had any intention of bonding with an ikran, of course. Just the thought of flying one with nothing but a tiny saddle made her sick.
She would stick to the palulukan—she thought could even learn to enjoy it. It was certainly exhilarating, if completely terrifying. She imagined skydiving must be something like it. On the one hand, a total adrenaline rush. On the other, a very real possibility of agonizing, inglorious death. Shawn felt the palulukan's amusement through the link. Clearly, she had gotten the gist of things, and Shawn wondered how much of her rider's thoughts she really understood.
This time, when the thanator decided it was time for her to disembark, Shawn managed not to be tossed head over heels. She disconnected her queue and slid off the thanator's back almost gracefully. The thanator nudged her gently and Shawn smiled, running a hand over her crest of quills gently. Rai'uk called for her sharply up ahead and she sighed.
"Eywa ngahu, ma' tsmuke," she said, and both went to join their mates.
Shawn passed through the camp at Rai'uk's side, determined not to follow behind like a puppy. He wasn't make it easy, though. His longer legs covered a surprising distance with each stride. They found Mo'at sharing the noon meal with her family. They all looked up and smiled in greeting, but Neytiri's and Mo'at's smiles melted away at Rai'uk's grave countenance. Jake seemed to be oblivious to everything but his lunch.
"Yo," Jake mumbled around his food.
"I see you, Olo'eyktan, Tsahik," Mo'at said, eyes flicking between the two. "What troubles you?"
"What is it, Sha'ni?" Neytiri asked, rising and reaching for Shawn's hand.
Shawn shrugged helplessly and looked to Rai'uk to explain. Jake's face turned puzzled, then grim as Rai'uk told them what he and Shawn had seen in their dreams. Mo'at looked hard at Shawn, frowning, while she answered Jake's questions about her visions. Some parts she could tell better than Rai'uk, and she broke her rule about only speaking Na'vi to explain what she had seen.
"The next ISV will be here in little under a year," Jake said thoughtfully. "I've been thinking something similar, actually...we need to kill any hope they have of taking back Hell's Gate by force right from the start. If we'd had access to that kind of firepower in the first place, we would have destroyed them. But the rest..."
"Toktor Patel said that you cannot make your dreamwalker bodies here," Neytiri said, looking at her mate for confirmation.
"We can't," Jake said. "I don't know..."
"Can whatever equipment we need be transported on an ISV?" Shawn asked. "I mean, we have a huge honking pile of unobtanium just sitting in the refinery. Can't we trade for it?"
"But why?" Jake wondered. "Why would..."
"It is the only way," Mo'at murmured. "My son, you say the Sky People will come again."
"Yeah," Jake affirmed. "They've put way too much money into this place to back off after one fight."
"The People cannot fight the aliens by themselves," Rai'uk said, surprising everyone. "Not forever. But with human minds in dreamwalker bodies, loyal to us...we can keep the worst at bay."
"It is the only way," Mo'at repeated.
"Mother!" Neytiri exclaimed. "You mean this?"
"Things can never be as they were, my daughter," Mo'at said sadly. "We must learn to live with the Sky People and teach them to live with us as children of Eywa. They cannot do this and remain hidden behind their masks. In return, they will help us defend our home against those who would take it from us. It will be their home, too."
"Will the clans accept this?" Neytiri asked, looking troubled.
"They must," Mo'at said simply. "But it will not be easy."
"Well, they have plenty of time to get used to the idea," Jake said. "Assuming we can get the RDA to play ball, it will be years before we even get the equipment. Now that we've found a new home we can get to work. In less than a year the RDA will come calling...lets just focus on one thing at a time, folks."
"It is a beginning," Mo'at agreed. "I know you will lead us well, my son."
"Let's hope so," Jake sighed.