The new Anurai had been packed and ready to go for nearly a full day, gathered at one end of the camp and no doubt gossiping gleefully about their prospective tsahik and their olo'eyktan. Now that they were mated, there was nothing to do but head out. Shawn and her sisters gathered to say farewell. Although, as Neytiri reminded everyone, it wouldn't be for long. They would see each other again in just a few weeks.
Shawn stayed with Ninat and Syulang as the party set out, glad for an excuse to stay out of Rai'uk's way. Today he seemed like a completely different person. Which one was the true Rai'uk? She much preferred the one from the night before. The thought of sharing her life with this imperious and somewhat grouchy creature was not a happy one. Ninat and Syulang, seeming to sense that it was not a good time, didn't ask her about her mating and instead talked eagerly about their new home as they gathered their belongings. Syulang was the only one of the three who had seen it and took great pleasure in holding it over both her friends' heads.
Since Shawn had literally nothing but the clothes on her back to call her own—her shorts and tanktop seemed to have disappeared—she merely sat quietly, listening to her friends banter back and forth. She took a moment to thank God (or Eywa, or whomever) that they were her friends and that they were coming with her. She didn't think she could have faced the prospect of being married off and sent away to be shaman to a clan of strangers had it not been for their support.
Mo'at soon came to find her new disciple and chide her for being antisocial. The Anurai needed to learn to trust their Tsahik, Mo'at adminished her, and how could they if Tsahik only spent time with Ninat and Syulang? Seeing that Mo'at was not going to chaperone her, Shawn took a deep breath, picked a group of women, and went to introduce herself. They were very pleasant and eager to meet their Tsahik. They asked Shawn many questions, some of which would have been considered rude on Earth, but Shawn could see they were not mean-spirited and answered them all as best she could. If they weren't embarrassed to ask, she shouldn't be embarrassed to answer.
As she made her rounds, she found herself not only talking to people but helping them carry their belongings and gather food along the way. She even held a baby for a short while, trying to resist the urge to drop it and run the minute its mother turned her back. The baby—she had no idea if it was a boy or a girl—stared solemnly at her with wide golden eyes and she stared warily back, wondering how in the world she was ever going to procreate.
"You hold him as though he were a kali'weya," the baby's mother laughed, settling the child more firmly in Shawn's arms.
"This is first time," Shawn said stiffly, wishing the woman would take the baby back.
"No," she replied, sounding shocked. "You've never held a baby?"
Shawn shrugged. "No babies around."
"Nonsense," the woman scoffed. "Babies are everywhere."
"Not in...in...where I am, to learn," Shawn tried to explain. "Adults only, toktors."
"But in your village...someone must have had a child," the woman pressed.
"On tawtute home world I live alone," Shawn said, intrigued yet slightly sad at the woman's complete inability—or unwillingness—to grasp how humans lived. It brought home how depressing her existence truly had been.
"No wonder Eywa called you here," the woman said, gazing at her with troubled eyes. "Keep Txepvi for a little while. It will do you good."
When the woman finally reclaimed her offspring, Shawn beat a hasty but polite retreat and found some older, blessedly baby-less women to talk to. As the day wore on, Shawn found it harder and harder to make herself start conversations with new people. Although she genuinely enjoyed getting to know her people, the constant strain of trying to understand and formulate coherent replies was exhausting. When they finally stopped to make camp for the night, Shawn was glad when Mo'at advised her to relax with her friends. Shawn found Ninat and Syulang and flopped down beside them, gratefully accepting a food wrap—nikt'chey, she reminded herself. She doled out some fruit that she had found along the way and the three enjoyed a pleasant, if light, meal.
"What is kali'weya?" Shawn asked when they had all finished.
"It's a little animal with many legs and a sharp stinger," Ninat told her. "You've probably seen it."
"Yes," Shawn affirmed. "I have seen it, but do not know its name. Kali'weya. This sting is poison, yes?"
"No, not poison, exactly," Syulang said. "It's used for Uniltaron."
"Dream hunt?" Shawn asked, frowning.
"Yes," Syulang said with a frown, then brightened. "But of course, you wouldn't have had your Dream Hunt. I'm sure Tsahik Mo'at will hold a ceremony for you when we reach Hometree."
"What is it?" Shawn asked, not liking the sound of this at all. It sounded like some kind of ceremonial acid trip.
"The sting of the kali'weya will send you on a Dream Hunt to discover your spirit animal," Ninat explained. "All Na'vi must do this to pass into adulthood and become one with the clan."
"Will all do this to become Anurai?" Shawn asked curiously.
"I don't know," Ninat said, looking surprised. "I hadn't thought about it. I don't think so...not the adults, anyway. I'm sure Tsahik—Tsahik Mo'at, I mean—will know what to do."
Once again Shawn was reminded of how woefully unprepared she was for the role of Tsahik. Whose crazy idea was this, anyway, she thought furiously, hating the feeling of inadequacy that suddenly overwhelmed her. Ninat, seeing she had upset her friend, steered the conversation away and continued chatting with Syulang, determinedly upbeat. Shawn tried to follow her example, but was not as successful as she would have liked. Her mood was not improved when Rai'uk suddenly appeared out of the darkness and jerked his head, clearly indicating that she was to follow.
Pursing her lips, she bade her friends goodnight and went to her mate, who led her to a comfortable looking patch of moss. Rai'uk stretched out on the grass and sighed, closing his eyes. Shawn stood there awkwardly, wondering what he expected her to do. Rub his feet? Mate or not, olo'eyktan or not, she would not stoop so low, she thought grimly. Rai'uk opened his eyes, looking at her questioningly.
"Are you not tired?" he asked.
"I am," she replied shortly.
Rai'uk frowned. "Then come and sleep."
"Is this all you want?" Shawn asked expressionlessly.
"Yes, I suppose so," Rai'uk said, frowning irritably.
"Then I will return to my sisters now," she said bluntly, and suited action to words.
If Ninat and Syulang were surprised to have her back, they gave no indication of it. They merely smiled sleepily at her and shifted slightly to make room for her between them. Shawn swallowed the lump in her throat and lay down, sternly reminding herself to count her blessings. At least she had Ninat and Syulang. It was obviously asking too much to have Rai'uk as a friend as well. She missed Norm with an intensity that surprised her. He would never treat her with such callous disregard. He was sweet and kind and gentle and made her feel like the most precious thing in the world. Suddenly she couldn't think how his fussing and clinging had ever bothered her.
Shawn woke early the next morning with red, swollen eyes and a headache. She rose quietly so as not to disturb her slumbering friends, and made her way to the small stream which had decided this place as their campground. She splashed water over her face and breathed deeply, determined not to let anyone see that she had been crying even if Ninat and Syulang probably knew perfectly well how she had spent her night.
It was too bad the stream was too shallow to really swim, Shawn thought with a sigh. A dip would have done her a world of good. She lay on her side for a while, drawing a hand absently through the water. They would be traveling for well over a week, Shawn thought unhappily. Was she going to avoid Rai'uk the entire time? If not, how should she handle the situation? Pretend that everything was all right? It wasn't! But how could she possibly explain what was making her angry when she didn't fully understand herself?
She was angry because...because he didn't act like he loved her? He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. How was he supposed to act? Less like the master of an ill-trained dog, she thought with a snort. But what if that was how Na'vi males were supposed to act? She wanted to fit in, to be one of the People. She had known that she would have to adapt and that it wouldn't always be comfortable...but this? Could she adapt to this? Shawn's musings were interrupted by the object of her ruminations.
"Here," he said brusquely, handing her a seemingly freshly made nikt'chey. "You didn't eat much last night."
Shawn sniffed it and found that it contained the clams and berries she had used the night they were mated. She looked up at him sharply, but he merely stared at her impassively. When she took a bite, his posture abruptly relaxed and he seated himself next to her. She ate her breakfast in silence, wondering if this was an apology. An olive branch, at least, she decided, but damned if she knew what to do about it.
"I think you will like our new home," Rai'uk offered.
"Why?" she asked, grateful not to have to break the ice herself.
"It is near the birthplace of the Great River," he told her. "You can see the water coming out of the cliffs even from the kelutral. It is very impressive. The kelutral itself is between the two biggest tributaries."
"Biggest what?" Shawn asked, for she hadn't understood the word he used for 'tributaries'.
"The Great River comes from the many rivers that come out of the cliffs and down the mountains," Rai'uk clarified. "The kelutral is between the two biggest."
"Mesopotamia," Shawn murmured, and smiled.
"What did you say?" Rai'uk said curiously. "That word is not Inglisi, is it?"
"No, Greek," Shawn said. "A different tawtute language—ancient. No one speaks anymore."
"What does it mean?"
"It means for our kelutral," Shawn explained. "It means 'between rivers'. Tawtute...first songs...begin in this place. Long ago."
"Me'so...potami'a," Rai'uk said slowly, as if tasting the word. "Interesting. I think would enjoy learning more of the Sawtute's songs, Sha'ni."
"I will tell what I know," Shawn agreed. "But Tawtute...Sawtute do not sing the stories of the people—not the true stories."
"But they do sing," Rai'uk stated, seeking clarification.
"Yes," Shawn said. "But mostly for feeling good...like Ninat and Ateyo at the feast."
"Perhaps...perhaps you will share a meal with me tonight, and explain," Rai'uk suggested, with an air of one offering a biscuit to a potentially dangerous animal.
Shawn smiled slightly. "Perhaps."
"Come," Rai'uk said, and got to his feet. He held a hand down to help her up. "The clan will soon be ready to be on its way. I would have you meet some folk I have spoken with. There is much to learn, and I think they will be of great help to you once we are settled. Besides, you shouldn't only talk to the women of the clan."
"Men are..." Shawn tried to think of an adjective that wouldn't be offensive or make her sound like a wuss.
"Just as curious about their tsahik as the women are," he finished for her. "And just as worthy of her attention. Will you come?"
Because she couldn't say no without being rude, Shawn reluctantly agreed and was pleasantly surprised when Rai'uk took her hand to lead her back to camp. Rai'uk introduced her to the men in question, who were much less terrifying than she had originally supposed. One was an expert fletcher and spear-maker and would teach her the rudiments of his craft, as would the tanner and the carver that were introduced to her. Rai'uk was still somewhat distant, but at least wasn't acting like she was an errant child. A more than acceptable improvement, in Shawn's mind.
Now that Shawn would have welcomed being whisked away by Mo'at, the elder tsahik was of course nowhere to be found. Unable to excuse herself gracefully, Shawn stayed with Rai'uk and met many more men and some of the fierce huntresses, who, like Peyral had at first, seemed aloof and haughty. Shawn shivered at their lethal grace even as she envied it. It occurred to her to wonder if she was expected to be a huntress as well as a shaman. If so, she thought grimly, everyone was in for a very rude surprise. Even if she tried her hardest—and she would, at whatever they asked her to do—Shawn was certain that she simply did not have it in her to be a sky hunter. She would have to clarify this point with Tsahik sometime soon, and she was not looking forward to the conversation
At midday, Syulang and Ninat came to rescue her. While Shawn welcomed the chance to relax, she felt the slightest reluctance to leave Rai'uk. What if everything changed again the next time she saw him? But worrying would do no good, and neither would clinging to him like a leech. Besides, how many personalities could one person have tucked away? Shawn sat down beside her friends with a troubled sigh, wishing she could be more confident on this point.
"Here," Ninat said, handing her some fruit. "Tomorrow I'll have to insist that you need to start learning the ways of the forest so you can do your own gathering."
"And give yourself a break from all those people," Syulang added. "Even you must find it wearying eventually."
"I like learning new people," Shawn objected, but a small break did sound lovely indeed.
"Perhaps one in particular more than others?" Ninat suggested with a grin. "I assume you've made up with Rai'uk?"
"What?" Shawn asked, confused by her informal language.
"Reconciled," Syulang provided. "Forgiven."
"Oh," Shawn said, trying to formulate a coherent thought through the rush of doubt and anxiety that had plagued her all night. "I think yes, but I am not...not..."
"What's the matter?" Ninat asked earnestly, clearly concerned.
"I—he-it was...he was different, when we were away," Shawn said, beginning to get upset again. "By the falls, one person, yesterday a stranger; today, different stranger. Who is my mate?"
"Mawey, sister," Ninat said soothingly. "What do you mean, he was a stranger?"
Shawn explained as best she could her confusion over Rai'uk's behavior and her refusal to take her rest with him the night before. Although she hadn't realized it until then, she was anxious for her friends' approval. She lived in fear of making some fatal cultural blunder that would prove her unfit to be tsahik or even a member of the clan. To her great relief, her friends more than approved of her actions; they were positively gleeful.
"Men need a firm jerk of the tail sometimes," Syulang said, grinning. "I'm proud of you, Sha'ni."
"We saw how he was treating you yesterday," Ninat assured her. "I'm sure he is feeling stressed, but that's no excuse for treating his mate like a pa'li. You did just what any self-respecting woman would do."
"You did it more quietly than I think most of us would, though," Syulang observed. "It's an interesting approach."
"But you've made up?" Ninat pressed, ignoring Syulang's musing. Apparently passive aggression, the most trusted weapon in many a human woman's arsenal, was a novel concept among the Na'vi.
"Yes?" Shawn said uncertainly, and told them about the peace offering.
"I think that's as much apology as you're going to get," Syulang said frankly.
"But more important is the fact that his behavior has changed very much for the better from what we've seen," Ninat added firmly.
"You'll have him tamed yet," Syulang said with a grin.
"You should share tsaheylu often," Ninat lectured her, shooting Syulang a quelling look. "It will solve many of these problems as you come to know each other. You must form a strong bond with your mate, especially since it isn't yet physical. "
Seeing the look on Shawn's face at the mention of a physical bond with her mate, Syulang swiftly changed the subject.
"So," she said, looking even more cat-like than usual. "Ateyo is to be Anurai."
"I can't think of any other reason he would be traveling with us," Ninat replied with raised eyebrows.
"Ateyo is the Tipani's best singer," Syulang continued thoughtfully. "His family lives and he has many friends. I wonder why he would choose to come with us?"
"Strange," Shawn agreed, finding it pleasantly refreshing to be the tease-er rather than the tease-ee for once.
Ninat blushed deeply. "Perhaps he wants a fresh start, like you."
"Perhaps," Syulang allowed. "It could be a pretty lonely fresh start, though."
"That would be sad," Shawn said solemnly. "Perhaps he will find a mate."
"I don't know," Syulang disagreed with a sigh. "It can be hard with so many new people. Not like in one's own clan, where everyone grows up together. I fear for my clan brother."
"He is very handsome," Shawn pointed out. "Women will be...how did you say? Like nantang after little yerik."
"They were like that already," Syulang informed her. "Strange that he would leave behind an entire tribe of swooning women."
"Perhaps there is one very special woman?" Shawn suggested innocently.
"Now, that, my dear sister, is exactly-"
"Oh, be quiet, both of you," Ninat burst out, but she was trying not to laugh. "I don't know that Ateyo came because of me."
"That's alright," Syulang assured her. "Everyone else does."
"Anyone can see," Shawn agreed.
"You really think so?" Ninat asked shyly, giving up all pretense.
"Don't be coy," Syulang chided. "You know perfectly well he wants you. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"
"I...I don't know," Ninat said, looking worried.
"Talk?" Shawn suggested.
"Sha'ni, you're so boring!" Syulang cried. "Ninat, you need to just drag him off into the forest and have at it. You'll never catch a mate by talking."
"I did," Shawn muttered darkly.
"Yes, well, not all of us are chosen by Eywa," Syulang said, waving a hand dismissively. "Some of us need to take a little more initiative."
"I think some of us need to mind their own business," Ninat said primly. "Anyway, it looks like we're heading out. Let's go see if Mo'at will let us take Sha'ni into the forest for the afternoon."
Mo'at agreed that Shawn should be sent into the forest, but qualified it with a suggestion—and it wasn't really a suggestion—that Shawn go with anyone but her two friends. Shawn sighed at this, but she realized that she could not show such blatant favoritism, even if it was in reality only shyness. For a moment she wondered if she would ever be allowed to acknowledge her friendship with Syulang and Ninat. Mo'at saw her anxiety and patted her on the shoulder.
"Tsahik is allowed to have friends, my child," Mo'at said. "I only want you to take advantage of this time to get to know as many of your people as possible. Once everyone settles down it will be more difficult."
"I understand, Tsahik," she said quickly. "It gives me joy to know my people. Only..."
"It is difficult," Mo'at finished gently. "And new. It will pass, my child. Go now, and when you return you will tell me all you have learned."
Shawn went out with a group of children tended by a man who was perhaps just old enough to be someone's grandfather. She thought it reasonable to start from the bottom up, but the children giggled madly at the idea of Tsahik Sha'ni sharing their lesson. Shawn suffered a moment of acute embarrassment, but the warm approval in the elder's eyes quickly eased the sting of the children's laughter. The elder, Iley, made a point of providing Shawn with extra information without singling her out or drawing attention. Shawn was grateful for it, and made sure to thank him when they returned to camp.
"Irayo, ma' Iley," Shawn said humbly. "You are a very good teacher."
"And you are a good student, Tsahik," Iley replied with a smile.
"Please, no," Shawn said nervously. "My name is Shawny. Sha'ni."
"You are Tsahik," he said firmly.
"Only...only little tsahik," Shawn insisted. "I do not know enough."
Iley threw his head back and laughed. "Very well, Tsahik'tsyip. Sha'ni, then."
Shawn was trying to think of a reply when they were hailed by Rai'uk.
"Kaltxi, ma' Iley," her mate said pleasantly.
"Kaltxi, ma' olo'eyktan," Iley returned. "I have not yet congratulated you. You are lucky in your mate."
"Yes," Rai'uk said simply, with a faint note of pride that did much to dispel any lingering anger on Shawn's part.
"I would be honored if you both would share my family's fire tonight," Iley offered. "My sons have brought home a fine catch."
"The honor is ours," Rai'uk assured him. "Pass the word that we will soon stop for the night. We will join you at your fire."
"I like this man," Shawn commented shyly when Iley left them. "He is very kind."
"Yes," Rai'uk agreed. "I am told he was a great warrior in his youth—that's how he got his name. But come, we should find something to bring to the fire tonight."
"Oh," Shawn said, remembering. "Tsahik has said I must come to her, to tell what I learn."
"That can wait until morning," Rai'uk assured her.
"I will forget..." Shawn said uncertainly.
"Then tell me," Rai'uk said reasonably. "It will help you remember, and I am curious to know what you have learned today."
"Tam," she said, delighted that Nice Rai'uk seemed to be making a comeback. "I will show you."
Shawn scampered off into the forest in a fit of high spirits, thrilled at the chance to escape the clan's scrutiny for a short while. Rai'uk followed with what might have been a laugh and quickly caught up with her. Shawn proceeded to show him all she learned that day, chattering away both from nerves and enthusiasm. Rai'uk remained silent for the most part, only adding a tidbit of information occasionally when the opportunity arose. They gathered food as they went so that they would not come empty handed to Iley's fire.
Although it was somewhat unnerving to be alone with Rai'uk, Shawn was glad of the opportunity. As long as she didn't think too carefully about it, she could almost pretend that he was just a new friend. She wasn't so comfortable in her skin—both figuratively and literally—that she could afford to turn down a potential friendship even if she hadn't had a very pressing reason to pursue this particular one. Shawn thought of making tsaheylu with him again and stumbled slightly, blushing when Rai'uk steadied her.
"You are anxious again," he commented. "What is it?"
"You know all my thoughts?" Shawn huffed somewhat irritably.
"I think everyone knows your thoughts," Rai'uk said dryly. "They are all over your face like freckles."
"Oh," Shawn murmured, said freckles shining brightly with embarrassment.
"What is bothering you?" Rai'uk pressed.
"Tsaheylu," Shawn whispered.
"Ah," Rai'uk said with a frown. "You still fear me."
"Not fear," Shawn muttered. "Not like...not like danger fear. I fear I cannot trust, can never...love."
There, she had said it. And so what if it sounded foolish, she thought defiantly. She was going to spend the rest of her life with this man. Surely there was no shame in expecting love in time. The future seemed too bleak to contemplate, otherwise. Shawn watched Rai'uk warily as he gazed thoughtfully back at her. He motioned for her to put down the basket of fruit she carried and took her hand.
"Sit with me," he said. "We will face this fear together."
"Now?" she asked nervously.
"Why not now?" Rai'uk shrugged.
"Iley waits for us," Shawn pointed out.
"We have time," Rai'uk said dismissively, and tugged her down next to him. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. "I am your mate. You must not fear me."
"You give me reason to fear," Shawn challenged.
"Show me," Rai'uk insisted, holding up his queue.
Shawn hesitated, thinking uneasily of the intense sensations she experienced had the first time. While not exactly painful, it wasn't something she was eager to repeat, either. Don't be a baby, she chastised herself. You have to try to make this work. Shawn took a deep breath and brought her queue to Rai'uk's, bracing herself against what she thought was coming. What she actually felt was both more and less than what she had experienced the night she joined with Rai'uk. It was thankfully less intense, but this time she got more coherent thought and emotion from her mate. Most prominent was a great deal of stress and worry over the vast number of people he was now responsible for.
There was also considerable anxiety concerning his mate. She saw a brief flash of herself turning her back and disappearing into the forest. She felt his confusion and disappointment as well was his eventual realization of what had offended her. She wondered what he was getting from her. The thought of him seeing how...pathetic she had been was unsettling, but she pushed it away. That was the whole point of this exercise, after all. His eyes were closed and he was frowning. Feeling her mental fidgeting through the link, he opened his eyes and looked at her solemnly.
"Trust me, Sha'ni," he said quietly, "and I will not disappoint you."
"I will try," she promised.
"That is all I can ask," Rai'uk said, squeezing her hand. "For now."
"Iley is waiting," Shawn commented, quickly becoming uncomfortable now that the initial exchange was over.
Rai'uk obligingly disconnected his queue and stood, pulling her up with him. They made their way back to camp silently, both absorbed in their thoughts. Somehow her promise to Rai'uk smacked of apology. How had that happened? Wasn't he the one who ought to apologize? But he had, Shawn remembered. At least as much as he was ever going to, if Syulang was to be believed. And he had corrected the problem, for the most part. The ball was in fact in her court. Shawn didn't know whether to be relieved or frightened.
"Good evening, Olo'eyktan," Iley said as they approached his fire. He smiled warmly at Shawn. "Tsahik'tsyip."
"Good evening," Shawn said with a smile in return. She held out her basket of fruit. "We bring this for you."
"I see you have learned well today, Sha'ni," Iley said as he passed around the fruit, many of which he had shown her earlier in the day. The young man sitting beside him flicked Iley with his tail surreptitiously and the older man smiled fondly. "Olo'eyktan,Tsahik...I present to you my sons, Tirantu and Zerok."
"I am honored to know you both," Rai'uk said solemnly. "And I am grateful for the meal you share with us. I see your father did not exaggerate—it is indeed a fine catch."
"It was Zerok's kill," Tirantu said proudly, grinning as his brother's freckles glowed. "Once we have settled at Hometree he will make Iknimaya."
"Well done," Rai'uk said sincerely.
"We will celebrate, yes?" Shawn said tentatively, looking to Rai'uk for confirmation. "When we are home. It will be a good way to begin new...new place, new life."
"Indeed," Rai'uk agreed. "We will celebrate several new hunters, I think. Iley, my friend, do you know who else will be going through their trials? I know of one other, a young woman named Winyayo..."
Shawn listened to the men talk, absorbing information and language passively as she people-watched. Several people joined them for the meal; presumably friends of Iley and his family. Most had something to contribute, but not all. She wondered how strict the Na'vi were in terms of reciprocity and made a mental note to see if they brought Iley anything the next day—if she remembered and if she could do it without looking like a creeper, anyway. She had a lot of watching—and learning—to do if she were to pull this off.
"Tsahik?" someone asked in a tone that suggested it was a second or even third attempt.
"Apologies," Shawn said quickly, shaking her head to clear it. "Say again?"
"We were hoping you would share a song with us," the woman—what was her name?-said shyly. "All we know of the Sky People are doctors and gunships."
"Oh," Shawn said weakly. "Um...I am not a good singer. Not like Ninat."
"Not many are," Iley said dryly. "Come, Tsahik'tsyip, grant us a song. We wish to learn more of our new sister."
Shawn hesitated, making demure noises of protest. Rai'uk leaned over to whisper in her ear.
"You should do this," he urged. "Remember our vision—we will have to live with the Sky People as brothers and sisters. It begins now, with people who are willing to learn."
Shawn sighed. "You are always right."
"Not always," he disagreed with a small smile, and brushed a hand across her back.
"Tam," she said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "I do not know many songs, and I am not a good singer. But there is one...all Sky People from my—my clan- know this song. They sing for Pandora...for this world. Rai'uk, you will speak my words?"
Rai'uk nodded solemnly, agreeing to translate. Shawn cleared her throat nervously and after a couple of false starts, began,
"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true..."
When she finished, there were several beats of silence. Shawn looked down, surprised by the tears pricking her eyes. It wasn't homesickness, precisely. It felt more like mourning, perhaps for the people left on that cold, dead rock who would never see the magical land over the rainbow. Shawn shifted uneasily, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable and alone. For the first time since leaving Hell's Gate, she felt not only like a stranger, but like an alien. She wished someone would say something.
"Tsahik," someone asked very seriously, granting her wish. "What is 'lemondrops'?"
Shawn, shocked out of her depressing thoughts, struggled to keep her composure. She cleared her throat several times and did her best to explain about human confections. Luckily they grasped the concept quickly and went on to praise the song and the singer, picking apart the phrases and admiring the imagery. Iley made her promise to teach it to the tribe's singers so that they could honor their Tsahik. Shawn was touched by the sentiment and readily agreed.
"Sha'ni," Rai'uk said as they left Iley's fire. "You are very quiet. The song made you sad, didn't it?"
"Yes," she admitted. Her lips quirked as she remembered her clan mates' confusion over lemon drops and chimneys. They were so earnest, thinking that these words they didn't understand had some spiritual meaning. "But after, I laugh."
"You are still sad," Rai'uk pressed.
"Little, only," she assured him. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and bit her lip. "Perhaps...I show you?"
"I would like that, Sha'ni," Rai'uk said, granting her a rare smile. "Come, let us find a place to sleep."
Shawn let Rai'uk take her hand and lead her away. They found a relatively secluded patch of moss and sat down. Shawn fiddled with her queue, unsure of how to begin. It felt awkward to just hand it to him. Rai'uk patted her hand comfortingly and stretched out on his back with a sigh. Shawn followed suit and turned her head to look at her mate.
"I enjoyed your song," Rai'uk said, staring upwards. "And I think you chose well. Too many see the Sky People only as demons."
"Many are," Shawn said regretfully. "Many souls...twisted. By greed, selfishness. Fear."
"Not yours," Rai'uk said, rolling over to face her. "And I can't believe a clan with songs like your Rainbow is full of demons. Will you show me why it upset you? I never felt any homesickness when we joined..."
"It is not that," Shawn sighed. She pulled her queue forward and held it out to him. "I show...I cannot explain."
Rai'uk connected their queues and she let her mind open, letting him feel what she felt. She thought of the news broadcast she had seen in her parents' data files from when they were in college and Pandora had just been discovered. They had played the original sung by Judy Garland and from then on the song became associated with Pandora and with salvation. Somewhere over the rainbow no longer meant munchkins and lollipops but the future of a species.
After several minutes Rai'uk opened his eyes and reached out to stroke Shawn's hair. The look in his eyes was equal parts pity, compassion, and firmness.
"I am sorry for your birth world, little one," he began.
"But we did this," she finished. "I know."
"Not you," he disagreed. "You have only sought to learn and to do good. I have seen this. You are not one of them anymore, if you were ever truly one of them to begin with. You are Na'vi, Sha'ni."
"I am lucky to be here, whatever I am," Shawn sighed, and fell asleep with her hand clasped in her mate's.