Chapter 25 – Here and Now

"Oh my god, is that what I think it is?" I asked with a laugh. It was funny that I didn't notice it the first time I was in his room, but it definitely caught my attention this time around.

"Uh…yeah," Edward replied awkwardly. "I usually cover it up any time I know someone is going to be over."

"So you really weren't expecting me to come here tonight, were you?" I said amused. I didn't actually expect an answer, and I didn't wait for one either. I walked over to the beautiful piece of art in the corner of his room, and leaned in to get a closer look. "Aww, Renesmee is just as gorgeous as ever," I said with earnest adoration. Edward truly was an amazing artist.

"Yeah, well I tried to get her to stay home when I came here, but she refused," he joked.

I reached out, careful not to touch the actual statue, and then tugged on the SPU shirt it was wearing. "Wow, she's all about school spirit, huh?"

Edward chuckled. "When I was sharing a room last year I had no privacy, and anytime someone new came in they'd molest the poor thing. But I couldn't get the shirt over the arms, so Tanya cut it and sewed it on for me."

I peeked in the back of it and saw the horrible stitching job on the shirt. "I bet you could have done a better job by yourself."

"Probably," he agreed. "Remember what I told you about learning to sew in Home Ec class?"

I thought about it and then giggled. "Moving the needle in and out," I said suggestively.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose a lesbian may have a hard time with that concept."

I laughed out of my nose, but then I became serious. To be honest, it rubbed me the wrong way that someone else had contributed anything to Renesmee, even if it was just a cover, so I reached around and grabbed a loose thread on the shirt, and pulled it. The seam came apart easily, so I gently removed the shirt and threw it to the other side of the room.

"Now you've exposed her again," Edward said in a playfully disapproving tone.

"Well, lucky for her, you have a private room here so no one else will see her."

I turned back to the statue and wanted nothing more than to touch her, but for whatever reason, I just couldn't. The muddy hands of her conception had haunted my dreams since the day it happened, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it anymore. In the beginning it was guilt, and then it was forlorn longing, but now….

Suddenly I felt Edward's warmth as he stood behind me and reached around my body to do what I couldn't – he ran his long fingers down her torso. I looked at his hand and briefly pictured it covered in clay once again, but I blinked away the memory and the present sight of his clean hand was all that remained. My chest tightened.

Our relationship wasn't dirty hands anymore; we started over, a clean slate, and in doing so we had something that wasn't possible before – the hope of a future.

"Edward?" I breathed.

"Yeah?" he asked as he let his hand drop from the statue.

I turned to look at him and my breath caught when I realized just how close he actually was.

"Sorry," he said before taking a step back.

I took a step closer to him, and closed the distance he had just given me. "Tell me it's going to be different this time?" I whispered. "Tell me you haven't lied to me at all today?"

He stared at me for a minute, and then he gently brought his hand up to my face to brush away the hair that had fallen there. He took a deep breath. "I can't," he said unexpectedly. "I have lied today…" My entire body tightened as I braced myself for whatever he was going to admit, but then he smirked. "When I said we never met before..." he leaned closer to whisper in my ear. "It wasn't true. We met in high school."

Every muscle inside me relaxed with relief, so I playfully shoved him. "Ha. Ha. Very fu -" But before I could finish my sentence he grabbed my arm, and pulled me into him, and smashed his lips against mine. My hands automatically found their way to the back of his head, and knotted themselves into his newly grown out tresses.

And there it was -That heart speeding electric zing that I had been searching for. That feeling that I had only ever had with him was still there, and I knew without a doubt that it always would be. The kiss was intense and passionate, but as much as I didn't want to stop I needed to be sure of one thing... "You're done with the scheming, right?" I asked him, but then kissed him again as I waited for his answer.

He pulled back but kept me in his arms. "Bella, I'm not going to lie to you… I helped Tanya because I thought it was necessary to protect you…and I'd do it again. You have to understand, I've been alone most of my life, and I've only ever had worry about myself, but now…now that I actually have people that I care about, I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep them safe. I'm not saying that I'm going to go looking for a fight, but I'm not going to run from one either."

I took two steps back, moving out of his arms, and then just stared blankly as I tried to come to terms with what he just said. He wouldn't promise to stop, so that meant I couldn't continue to be with him…

"I have to go," I said somberly, and before he could argue I was out the door.

I was running, and I was doing it on autopilot. Deep down I knew I should have stayed there and talked it out with him, but I needed to escape before the entire room closed in on me. So I decided to go back to my room for the evening, but I never made it. Instead I stopped by the school fountain and just sat there for a while, alone with my thoughts, as I tried to clear my head…

If Edward wasn't willing to give up scheming completely, then I couldn't be with him…Except, what if I was overreacting? I already knew that my psychotic break wasn't just the result of a scam gone bad, it was a combination of a dozen different things - not dealing with my mom's death, and obsessing about things, and having people I trusted use me, and falling in love with someone I thought had killed my mother, and then ultimately losing that person whom I loved more than anything.

The truth was, before my mother died I had my entire life planned out. Jake and I were going to go to college together and end up getting married. We'd settle in Forks to be close to our giant extended family, and life would be simple. I never, in all my years growing up, imagined something different or that there could be better. After my mother died everything changed, and I was completely reckless with my emotions. I could blame my breakdown on the scam, but I think more than anything it was the loss of love. My mother, Jake, Edward - nobody loved me anymore, and as unfair as it sounded, had Edward stuck by me I don't think I would have fallen so far.

My breakdown was necessary. I needed to hit the bottom before I could strengthen myself again; I needed to know that I could be alone and rely on myself…but now I was ready to trust again.

I went back to Edward's dorm and I was about to knock on the door, but something made me just walk right in, and was shocked by how I found him. He was sitting on his bed, with his head in his hands looking absolutely broken. He didn't seem to hear me enter, but finally he looked up at me and his features shifted to relief, and then desperation.

"Bella?" He stood and moved to embrace me, but then paused. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you. I...I don't know what the hell I was thinking. That was stupid, and insensitive, and I honestly don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Bella, I swear to you, I won't do anything like that again. If shit comes at us, I'll…hell, I don't know what I'd do, but no more scheming…"

I raced to him and gently put my hands on his face to quiet him. "I'm sorry for leaving like that," I murmured. "I just…I got scared."

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," I said while caressing his lips with my thumbs. "I honestly don't care what happens in the future…as long as we do it together. Just…just promise that we'll always be honest with each other about everything from here on out. Just tell me that I can trust you, then I will…and I'll promise you that you can trust me in return."

"I promise that I will never give you a reason to doubt me again," he said intensely. "And it's okay if you don't believe me, because I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you."

"I do believe you," I said with certainty. "Is it ironic that I trust you more than anyone, even though you've lied to me more than everyone else combined?"

He brought his hands up to cradle my face, and then he rested his forehead against mine. "I guess it is ironic, but it doesn't matter as long as it's true."

"Can you trust me?" I whispered

"Of course I can, and I do."

I slid my hands down from his face, to his chest, and finally let them come to a rest at his waist. "Edward…I love you," I breathed.

He smiled. "I love you too… Ever since that first time you told me off."

I giggled, but then he shut me up by kissing me again. My hands were already resting on the waist of his pants, so I just moved them to his fly and unfastened it.

"We don't have to do this yet," he whispered against my lips.

"We should take it slow," I agreed. "Nice and slow," I told him seductively while pulling him down onto the bed.

"I don't have a condom," he said pained as my hand crept down his underwear.

"I'm on the pill," I assured him, but then I thought about how I begged him to get me pregnant the last time we were together, and I wondered if perhaps he wouldn't believe me. "I promise…I've been on it consistently since I got out of the hospital."

"I trust you," he murmured. And to prove how much he trusted me, he pressed his lips back to mine and kissed me passionately as he began stripping my clothes off.

Being with Edward again was a wonderfully strange mix of something exciting and new, and the feeling of coming home. I knew without a doubt that every time with Edward would feel like that, and I couldn't imagine a better feeling in the world.

As promised, we took it slow, very slow, and savored every moment of being reunited. I was so thankful that I didn't settle for something less, because missing out on Edward's touch would have been the greatest regret of my life. The pain of our past didn't matter, and there was no predicting the future, but in the here and now, I was beyond happy to be tangled in Edward once again…