Finn decided to commit social suicide and join Glee Club!
Mercedes could hear the (mock?) disdain in Quinn's voice at the final two words, but took it with a grain of salt. Mercedes knew how much Glee meant to Quinn now, they were (nearly literally) all she had left. She was merely giving her point of view on the group from that Quinn's perspective. She nodded at Quinn to continue.
"He wouldn't even tell me that he had joined, said he was doing some after school tutoring. I didn't doubt it, he needed it, his grades were atrocious. Puck was the one who told me. He followed all of you when you went to see Vocal Adrenaline perform."
Hey babe, followed your boy last weekend and guess what? He's in Homo-Explosion now. So what do you say, you, me? Let me show you what it's like to date a real man.
"I didn't believe him, I mean Finns not the brightest guy but surely he wouldn't do something that stupid. But sure enough, Finn bailed Artie out of a Porta-San and went on to Glee practice. Puck ran over to Cheerios practice and told me, I told Sue and she, I and Santana went to check it out. 'Don't Stop Believing'. It was awesome, but only in retrospect. At the time it was the worst song I'd ever heard. Or it could have been the choreography that I hated most. Just seeing him strut around the stage all smiling and making googly eyes at RACHEL. BERRY."
Quinn realized with a bit of shock that she had actually made it so far in her impromptu autobiography without mentioning the brunette night troll before now. She sat in silence for a few moments, thinking about all the ways Rachel factored into her story.
"What is it with you and Rachel?" Mercedes broke the silence. "Other than that fact that she's annoying and loud, opinionated…" she continued rolling her eyes.
"Keep going and you'll finish this "therapy session" for me" Quinn chuckled with a genuine glint in her eyes.
Mercedes smiled back before asking, "but really? Was it that or...some social food chain thing?"
"Yes…and no." Quinn scooted further back on the bed, sighing heavily as she rested her back against the firm pillows piled against the headboard. Her lips were slightly parted as if waiting for a word to form and her eyes were pensive. Mercedes could tell that she was thoughtfully preparing her next soliloquy.
Quinn's words were soft, when she finally spoke again. "I was…jealous of Rachel." Okay, so did not see that coming. Mercedes couldn't prevent the incredulous eyebrow that rose at this latest revelation, but Quinn continued, giving full reason for her envious inclination. "I….didn't know where my life was going. I knew what everyone thought I should be, what I should do, but was it really what I wanted? I had it all; the looks, popularity, the important family, the money, the trophy boyfriend, but no direction. High school is when you're supposed to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life, what career path you want to take. I thought that I knew all that, it had been laid out for me since birth but…being with Puck for that short time, doing something for myself, I began thinking about what I wanted. And I didn't know. Outwardly, I had everything under control. Inside, one more insecurity to add to the bunch. But I couldn't let it show because of what people might think."
"And then there was Rachel, walking around McKinley like she owned the place, I mean really. Like she was some great prize to be fawned over. Loud, overbearing, sickeningly enthusiastic with a seriously inflated image of her own self-importance. She knew exactly what she wanted out of life, exactly where she was going and I watched her take slushie upon slushie to the face, some by my own hand, and she never wavered. She had her dream, her eyes on the prize and she didn't care what anyone thought of her. She didn't let slushies or name-calling, gossip or…bathroom graffiti distract her…and I was jealous. This girl who was a nobody thinking she was somebody. I was somebody! I was Quinn Fabray, and this nobody had everything that I wanted. She knew exactly who she was and I was beginning to realize more and more that I didn't." Quinn's voice had developed a more pronounced tremor in it the more she spoke, and Mercedes saw moisture shimmering in her eyes, but Quinn refused to let the tears fall. She took a deep breath and blinked several times until the lights from the overhead ceiling fan no longer shone in her hazel orbs.
"So I did what any rational person in my position would do," she said tongue-in-cheek, her voice steady once again. "I took my insecurities out on her, tormented her. Then when I saw them dancing…and he looked so happy…with her….I just…" Quinn sighed. "I begged him to quit, tried reasoning with him, bribing him…he wouldn't quit. I hoped it would just blow over. Rachel started following him like a little lost puppy, bold as brass right in front of me, always with the pretense of talking to him about Glee stuff. She even started coming to the Celibacy Club meetings. She wanted him, no doubt, and I could tell he was interested in her too. He started sending time with her, always doing the aforementioned "Glee stuff". Mike threw a party we were supposed to go to, as the "it" couple you're expected to make appearances at these kinds of things but Finn had made plans with Rachel. Singing lessons or some sort of crap like that, so…we didn't make the party. I have to confess I entertained the thought of calling Puck to keep come keep me company. I was imagining the worst between Finn and Rachel and if he wasn't being faithful why should I? But I had no proof, so I sat idly by and did nothing. Puck was probably busy with some other girl at the party who would be willing to go further with him than I would anyway.
"I tried to have faith in Finn, give him the benefit of the doubt, but then a couple days later…you guys did the assembly with that…God-awful song!" she exclaimed with a hand to her face.
Mercedes couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Push It!" she said with a nod.
"It was like she purposefully took everything I was against and threw it in my face just to spite me! And she was all over him in front of the whole school! I knew then that I had to do something. So I joined Glee, brought Brittany and Santana with me. We got it past Coach Sylvester because we promised to spy for her. I thought that it would make everything better with us but… it only got worse. Now I had to watch firsthand them getting all the mushy duets and her throwing herself at him at every turn. It all started catching up to me. Trying to salvage our relationship, keep Rachel's paws off of him, maintain the image-ours and my own personal one, balancing Glee, the Cheerios, Celibacy Club, keeping straight A's…It was so hard though, especially the Finn part. It just got to where it seemed like Every Other Word out of his mouth was Rachel!" Mercedes could hear the contempt in Quinn's voice at the name of the starlet.
"Rachel thinks this or Rachel said that. I was losing him to her. Her of all people! I couldn't keep it together. At weigh-ins that Friday I learned that I had been so stressed with everything that I had gained two pounds. Of course as captain I was supposed to set an example, therefore Coach Sylvester made a spectacle out of me in front of the whole squad. It was the highlight of my year so far," Quinn said sardonically. "Puck was having a party at his house that night, Finn and I had promised to go but apparently Finn forgot and made plans with Rachel for bright and early the next morning and he claimed that he needed rest and couldn't make the near all-nighters that Puck threw. So I said 'screw it', I went to the party by myself. Well, I rode with Brittany, but still I was there. Without Finn, tired, frustrated, depressed, incredibly angry at myself for letting so many things slip out of my control and, to top it all off, feeling fat. Big mistake.