Shawn sat on the living room floor, playing with a small Na'vi doll and a stuffed cat. She could hear her parents in the kitchen, talking as they made dinner. Shawn paused, for, under the clatter of dinner plates and silverware being taken down from the cabinets, she could hear something strange in her mother's voice. She didn't recognize what it was, because had never heard a grown-up sound afraid before. She put her doll down and listened.
"Soph, you're being ridiculous," her father said lightly. "It was just a dream."
"There's nothing ridiculous about being prepared," her mother insisted. "We should have made arrangements for Shawn before now, just in case. And they aren't just dreams. I knew before my mother died..."
"Honey, she had cancer."
"She'd been fighting it for five years and nothing like that ever happened," her mother argued. "Not even a sniff of gloom or doom in five years. Then I have this dream and she's gone two days later."
"She was in the toilet; it was obvious she couldn't hold on much longer," her father argued back. "Your subconscious was just telling you what you didn't want to hear."
"Exactly!" her mother cried, exasperated. "The subconscious is aware of so much more than the conscious mind can process. Whatever these dreams are, we should pay attention. And it's not exactly far fetched that someone means us no good, not in our line of work."
"Fair enough," her father conceded. "But let's not get too alarmed; I don't want to upset Shawn. That kid catches every stray vibe that comes her way."
"Of course not," her mother agreed hastily, and in a bright, cheerful voice called, "Shawny, baby, dinner is ready."
Shawn blinked and she was once again surrounded by the People, welcomed as one of their own. At the time she had been too tired to be aware of anything but profound gratitude and the need to sleep. This time, however, she felt an unpleasant prickle between her shoulder blades. In her mind, two pairs of malevolent eyes glowed in the darkness. Shawn trembled and her breath came faster as the eyes grew both in size and intensity until it seemed they would swallow her up. The terror was sickening; she had never in her life encountered such unadulterated malice.
"Sha'ni," a distant voice said urgently. "Sha'ni!"
Shawn shot upright and lurched away, sprawling in the leaves.
"Mawey," her mate said soothingly, helping her to sit up. "You're alright."
"Rai'uk," Shawn gasped. "I—I dreamed...my mother...they did not die, they were killed. She knew...she dreamed also. And now... something wants to kill me. Someone..."
"I think you should show me," Rai'uk said gravely, and offered his queue.
Shawn connected her queue to his and huddled against him, tremors running through her body like aftershocks from the nightmare. She could feel Rai'uk sifting through the images and felt better knowing that he was between her and the evil presence in the dream. When he was through, he didn't disconnect his queue but instead lay down and drew her down with him so that she was just close enough to feel the warmth of his body. He rubbed a hand up and down her arm in a comforting rhythm.
"You do not tell me there is no truth in the dream," Shawn noted sleepily, soothed by the physical and mental contact.
"Perhaps there is, perhaps there is not," Rai'uk shrugged. "It doesn't matter; no harm will come to you while I breathe, Sha'ni."
"I know," Shawn realized, and felt the fear suddenly leave her. "Rai'uk?"
"Mm?"
"What was your Uniltaron like?" she asked curiously, not quite recovered enough from her nightmare to fall asleep just yet.
"Amazing," Rai'uk said, and she could feel his satisfaction and pleasure at the memory through the link. "Much too exciting for sleep, however. Will you show me yours?"
Shawn gladly remembered her experience and enjoyed Rai'uk's wordless amusement at the image of her hand passing through his head. She relived the experience with satisfaction doubled by Rai'uk's appreciation and curiosity. He wanted to swim with her, she discovered with surprise. He was looking forward to exploring the rivers with her once they were settled. For some reason this thought was accompanied by a sensation she couldn't quite wrap her head around. Though the sensation was gone almost as soon as it appeared, it unsettled her.
"You should try to sleep," Rai'uk murmured. "We will reach Hometree tomorrow and there will be much to do."
"What will I do?" she wondered with a pang of unease. "There is so much still to learn."
"You will keep learning," Rai'uk said simply. "That is all you can do. Sleep now, yawne."
Shawn took his advice and had a short but satisfying sleep before it was time to get up and move on to Hometree. Upon their arrival, Mo'at immediately took her aside and began explaining the process and chants for the ceremony that night. During breaks from memorization, Shawn meditated. While she found the exercises calming and even pleasurable, it was also exhausting in its own way. When Ninat and Syulang came to claim her company for a short foraging expedition before the evening meal, she was thrilled by Mo'at's response.
"Go, my child," Mo'at told her with a smile. "Relax for a while. You have worked hard, and you are ready."
"Thank you, Tsahik," Shawn said fervently, and the three friends dashed away like children from the school-yard.
After a short while, they slowed down and settled into an easy, ground-eating lope that carried them through the underbrush and along enormous tree branches. They spent the majority of their time simply exploring some of their new home but did remember to gather both fruit and small game long the way. Ninat, though not a sky hunter, was skilled with a slingshot and promised to teach Shawn, who contributed her share of protein in the form of mollusks and eggs found along the river's edge. Syulang peppered Shawn with questions about her Uniltaron and expressed great surprise at Shawn's spirit animal.
"Is it very strange?" Shawn asked, biting her lip.
"It's not unheard of," Ninat quickly assured her, knowing how sensitive her sister was to anything that marked her as different. "But it is rare."
"It fits, though," Syulang mused. "The yom'payoang is a spirit-traveler...like you, when you dream."
"Not the same," Shawn said with a frown, wondering how to explain her dreams.
"Well, not exactly, but close enough that it makes sense for the yom'payoang to be your spirit animal," Syulang amended, then grinned. "My old aunt always blamed my getting in trouble on the fact that my spirit is a nantang. What are you, Ninat?"
"Fkio," Ninat said with a fond smile, and Syulang snorted.
"I should have guessed," she said, rolling her eyes. "I wonder what Neytiri and Peyral are?"
"Peyral is angtsik," Ninat informed them, and Shawn remembered with some surprise that she and Syulang were newcomers to an already long established friendship between the other three. "Neytiri is ikran."
"They will not be angry for telling us?" Shawn asked tentatively. "Mo'at said spirit animal is secret..."
"We are tsmuke'awsiteng," Ninat assured her. "They would want you to know."
"It is almost time to meet again," Shawn remembered. "Three eight-nights."
"You're right!" Syulang exclaimed. "It's gone by so quickly."
The three young women continued back to Hometree with steps lightened both by the prospect of seeing their sisters again and the end of their long trek. They joked and laughed at every little thing, and Shawn did her best to restrain Syulang's glee when Ateyo crossed their path apparently by accident and struck up a conversation with Ninat. After extracting themselves (not altogether tactfully), Syulang went off to help prepare other hunters' kills for the feast and Shawn sought out her teacher. She found her perched on a massive branch that overlooked the central meeting area beneath the tree's monstrous roots.
"Look, Sha'ni," she said without turning around. "Look at your people. This is your home—it is a wonderful thing, is it not?"
"It is, Tsahik," Shawn replied softly, and seated herself next to Mo'at. "Only..."
"There is still danger," Mo'at acknowledged. "Rai'uk spoke to me of your dream. I am sad to say I am not completely surprised."
"What?" Shawn said, blinking. "You knew someone..."
"I have felt a...wrongness, a disturbance in the clan's energy," Mo'at explained. "I was not certain of its origin or meaning, but now...I think you should take heed, Sha'ni. The Sky People have destroyed many lives; it is not incredible that some should bear you ill will, even to the point of seeking you out to do you harm."
"What should I do?" Shawn wondered worriedly. As much faith as she had in Rai'uk's promise to protect her, he couldn't babysit her every hour of every day.
"You should pay attention," Mo'at said succinctly. "I will teach you how to See. Motive, intent, emotion...much is visible to those who know what to look for. You already See much without realizing it yourself, but you must learn to do this consciously so that you don't rely only on dreams. Do you understand?"
Shawn considered for a moment to be sure that she did, in fact, understand all that Tsahik had told her. Her language skills had improved enormously, but it still took some time to process unfamiliar words and longer speeches. She looked forward to that hazy "someday" when she would achieve complete fluency.
"I do, Tsahik," she affirmed, and thought of what Syulang had said about the yom'payoang being a spirit traveler.
"No, it is not the same," Mo'at agreed when Shawn shared Syulang's observation with her. "But it is a possibility for the future, certainly. Many never acquire this skill, but I think it very probable that you will."
"Oh," Shawn said, very much surprised and not undaunted by the prospect of yet another (no doubt difficult and time consuming) skill to learn.
Mo'at smiled. "Go now and rest a while before the ceremony, my child. It has been a long day for you."
Shawn wandered away to find some privacy, pondering her conversation with Mo'at and wondering if she was angry that Rai'uk had told Mo'at about her dream. While she hadn't sworn him to secrecy or even told him in confidence, exactly, she was more than a little uncomfortable with something so private being divulged by anyone but herself. He was just trying to help, Shawn told herself firmly. And it had helped, she had to admit. Left to her own devices, she probably would have kept the dream to herself out of embarrassment, never knowing that Mo'at already suspected something.
"Why are you always right?" Shawn grumbled, kicking an empty seed pod in annoyance and watching it bounce down through the branches.
"Sha'ni?" a voice called from somewhere below her. "Is that you?"
"Yes," she called back, and a few moments later Rai'uk appeared, looking pleased about something.
"Come with me," he said, grabbing her hand. "I have something to show you."
Rai'uk led her upwards through the tree's inner spiral until they were nearly in the canopy where the ikran roosted. In a less formidable specimen, the springy energy her mate exhibited could have been described as bouncy. In Rai'uk it was slightly disconcerting. It put her in mind of a large predator at play, full of potentially lethal exuberance. But it could only ever be lethal to others, never to her. The thought brought a smile to her face along with a strange thrill of wonder and pride.
"Here," he said, pushing aside a curtain made of ferns to reveal a natural hollow in the tree.
Shawn stepped into the chamber, gazing upward. It wasn't one body, Shawn realized. The chamber was made from vines grown around the massive branch and one another, winding upward toward the sun. Sunlight slanted through the cracks, creating intricate patterns of light and shadow on the floor and walls.
"It is beautiful," she murmured, feeling Rai'uk's hands on her shoulders.
"It's ours," he replied, squeezing gently. "This is where we will keep our belongings and hear any who wish to speak with us."
"Those who wish it enough to climb so far," Shawn suggested slyly, looking around to grin at her mate.
"Any who have need of our council," Rai'uk said gravely, though she thought she heard the slightest stress on 'need'. "Look up there, do you see the opening? We will hang our sleeping platform out there...and here are the handholds to climb up."
"As if it has been waiting for us," Shawn murmured, brushing a hand along the vines.
"Just so," he agreed. "Does it please you, yawne?"
"Very much," she assured him, feeling guilty for her irritation with him earlier.
"That is good," he said, reaching out to cup her face in his hands. "I want you to be happy, Sha'ni."
"I am happy," she insisted, wondering if he was standing closer than usual.
"Your eyes say otherwise," Rai'uk said with a frown.
His thumbs moved gently over her freckles. He was definitely closer, Shawn thought nervously. She lowered her eyes, staring without sight at his chest, only aware of the gradual invasion of her imaginary bubble of personal space. She stood motionless, torn between the desire to lean closer and a growing urge to flee.
"Sha'ni, look at me," Rai'uk commanded, and she found herself obeying without thought.
"I...I don't..." Shawn licked her dry lips and tore her gaze away from him, stepping backward. "I must go to Tsahik now. The ceremony."
"It won't start without you," Rai'uk said with a slight smile, reaching for her once more. "Or me."
"I must study," Shawn mumbled, trying to edge around him.
"Sha'ni..."
"Leave me be," she snapped. "You do not control, do not...you should not tell Tsahik my dream."
"What?" Rai'uk blinked at the seemingly unprovoked attack. "I told you I would protect you, Sha'ni."
"My dreams are mine to share. And so is my...my..." Shawn fell silent, unable to find the right words in her distress. She could feel the blood rushing to her face, causing her freckles to shine so brightly she almost thought they could light up the whole chamber. "You are not master."
"I am your mate," Rai'uk reminded her, his face darkening. "I have been patient. I have done everything I can think of to make you happy and ease your fears. If I have made mistakes, I have done my best to correct them. I am trying, Sha'ni. Yet after nearly three eight-nights still you flinch from my touch and cower like a child. You hide your eyes whenever I would make myself known to you...even in tsaheylu, you hide from me."
"You wish me to mate with you?" Shawn sneered weakly, struggling to hold onto her anger—and her courage. "Is that what you want?"
"No," Rai'uk said curtly. "I want a woman, Sha'ni, not a child. I am tired of watching where I step for fear of scaring you away. I will not stalk my mate like a yerik." He sighed heavily. "Go, then, as you plainly want to. Go and prepare for the ceremony, Tsahik'tsyip."
Shawn whirled away and all but threw herself down through the branches of the kelutral in her haste. When she reached the bottom, she skidded to a stop, barely stopping herself from knocking over her teacher.
"Steady, child," Mo'at cautioned. "I thought you were going to relax."
"I was," Shawn said quickly. "I am. Where are Ninat and Syulang?"
"Why do you not spend time with your mate?" Mo'at suggested. "He is worried about you."
"I—um—"
"Sha'ni," Mo'at said with a frown. "Whatever it is, running away will only make it worse. Did you quarrel with Rai'uk?"
Shawn wished she could say nothing, but she knew her guiltily swishing tail gave her away. Mo'at sighed and drew her away to a secluded alcove.
"Tell me," she commanded.
Reluctantly, Shawn recounted her argument with Rai'uk. She could practically feel the freckles on her face ignite individually as she went on and realized how juvenile it all sounded. To her surprise, however, Mo'at laid a sympathizing hand on her arm.
"We ask much of you, Sha'ni," Mo'at said. "You are so very, very young to take on this responsibility. My daughter is your age—slightly older, even—and she has been preparing herself for this role since she was an infant. And still she will not take my place for another season or two at least. I was older than either of you when I became Tsahik. Never mind the fact that you were not born to our ways or to the clan you are to lead. It is too much to ask of you alone, Sha'ni. You must let your mate support you."
"I do!" Shawn cried. "Or... I want to. But he want-"
"He wants a mate," Mo'at said gently. "A partner, not a ward."
Shawn shrugged helplessly, but had an uncomfortable feeling that she could probably guess at what the unfamiliar word meant.
"A child he must care for," Mo'at clarified with ruthless honesty. "It is unfortunate that your first experience with a man is in circumstances such as these, but you chose to stay when you could have gone back to the Sky People. You chose him. Now you must live with that choice."
"But what do I do?" Shawn asked, feeling very small. "I don't—I have never-"
"I'm not saying you should run off into the bushes with him right now," Mo'at said bluntly. "But he is your mate, and he cares for you. Let him show you. And, Sha'ni...remember that the burden he carries is as heavy as yours. He needs your support as much as you need his. Now go."
"Go?" Shawn asked stupidly.
"Yes, go," Mo'at said, flapping a hand impatiently. "Fix this."
"But—the ceremony-"
"The ceremony requires the clan's leaders to be united and strong," Mo'at informed her. "Do what you must to make it so."
Mo'at left her with a final pat on the shoulder and a stern look. Shawn groaned and leaned her head against the cool bark of Hometree. She had absolutely no idea how she was going to "fix this". Kiss and make up—literally? No, the thought of offering a hollow gesture left a sour taste in her mouth. And anyway, Rai'uk would see that it wasn't her idea and be even more angry with her. But what else was she supposed to do?
Shawn wandered back up Hometree's central spiral as she pondered her dilemma. Perhaps she would see Rai'uk and suddenly be moved to some spontaneous act of passion. Or better yet, perhaps she wouldn't see him at all until it was too late to do anything but proceed with the ceremony...Shawn clapped a hand to her forehead with a groan. It was precisely this kind of cowardice that had put her in such an uncomfortable situation in the first place.
"Something wrong, Tsahik'tsyip?"
Shawn whirled around so fast she nearly fell off the branch she was standing on.
"Iley!" she cried. "No, nothing. Do you see—have you seen Rai'uk?"
"I believe he went downriver," Iley said with a twinkle in his eye. "Something about needing some berries for the feast."
"Irayo," Shawn said earnestly as a light bulb went off in her head. "Which river?"
"The eastern one," Iley told her. "Take your time, Tsahik'tsyip. We want the feast to be perfect, do we not?"
Shawn hurried in the direction of the eastern river, hoping she would find Rai'uk before she lost her nerve. She had only a vague inkling of a plan; the particulars were beyond her and frankly too scary to think about anyway. So she embraced the blank wall of nothing that was her immediate future and slipped along the riverbank until she came upon her mate staring moodily into the water.
"I see you, Sha'ni," Rai'uk said gravely when she emerged from the forest. Shawn made the traditional gesture of greeting, unable to speak. Rai'uk didn't notice or didn't mind, for he continued as if nothing were amiss. "You have learned well; I didn't hear you until you were quite close."
Shawn nodded, aware of a faint flicker of appreciation.. In the beginning, Syulang had been fond of comparing her to a baby talioang charging through the forest in search of its mother. It was good to know she had made some improvement. Shawn stared helplessly at her mate, hoping he would keep talking while she tried to gather her courage. When it became obvious that he would not, she felt her ears droop and her tail tuck itself hard against her legs involuntarily. Then, with conscious effort, she forced herself to breathe deeply and straighten her shoulders.
Shawn ducked into some concealing vegetation and removed her garments, grateful for the fact that the forest had fallen into its own peculiar twilight; the sun had set but the plants hadn't yet begun to glow. She draped her clothes over a conveniently placed branch and slipped into the water. She felt instantly calmer and more secure. Nothing could touch her here...unless she let them. Him. Figuratively, anyway.
"Rai'uk?" she called softly, and glided away from the river bank where he could see her. "You will swim with me?"
Shawn focused on the smile that lit up her mate's normally grave countenance rather than on the way he removed his loincloth with absolutely no indication of embarrassment or hesitation. He waded into the water until it reached his chest, then hesitated. Shawn frowned in puzzlement. Was he waiting for her to do something? It wasn't until he took a deep breath and pushed off into the deep water that she understood: Rai'uk couldn't swim. Not well, anyway. The realization made her laugh.
"Had I known this is what it would take to make you happy, I would have swallowed my pride weeks ago," Rai'uk said wryly as he paddled awkwardly toward her. "This pleases you, yawne?"
"Yes," she said with a smile. "Here, I am strong."
"You are strong wherever you are, Sha'ni," Rai'uk admonished.
"I mean stronger than you," Shawn said mischievously, and abruptly submerged herself. She swam underneath Rai'uk's feet and came up behind him, tweaking his tail. She laughed at his flailing, then immediately felt guilty. She was probably being mean.
"It's alright," Rai'uk told her, reading her expression with typical ease. "It is good to see you this way. Besides, with such motivation I will learn all the more quickly. I will be able to catch you in no time at all." Rai'uk made an awkward grab for her, which she evaded easily. Rai'uk smiled. "Ah, well. I must practice more, I suppose."
"Yes, practice," Shawn said eagerly. "Like this."
Shawn showed him a few basic strokes and made him practice against the current while she corrected his form. What she really wanted was for him to join her underwater where they could investigate the luminescent plant life and colorful pebbles in the riverbed, but Rai'uk wasn't anywhere near ready for that yet. She sighed and looked longingly at the gently waving plants which seemed to be beckoning her.
"Go on. I'm fine here," Rai'uk urged. "Let me see what I have yet to master."
Shawn grinned at him and dove, arcing gracefully toward the bottom. She spun like a top as she went, heedless of the show she was giving her mate. The plants' gentle light wasn't particularly bright, but it was enough to see...probably everything. Oh, well, Shawn thought. Let him look. He was up there, and she was down here. She really did wish he could join her, though, so she could show him the interesting pattern on this plant's fronds and the funny little curlicues clinging to the rocks.
After several minutes—her lung capacity was considerably better as a Na'vi than it had been as a human—Shawn propelled herself toward the surface. Rai'uk was still practicing diligently as her head broke the surface. She smiled happily, glad her quasi-apology had apparently been accepted. She wondered briefly if they would ever actually utter the words "I'm sorry" or if it would always be like this. Then she wondered if that was even a bad thing. In her experience, words rarely solved anything, anyway. She decided she rather liked their olive-branch method.
"We should probably return to kelutral for the feast," Rai'uk said. "We will be missed."
"It will not start without us," Shawn reminded him with a playful smile.
"No," Rai'uk agreed. "So we should not keep our people waiting."
Shawn sighed and turned toward the shore. "You are right, of course."
"Sha'ni," Rai'uk said, and she turned around. "We will do this again soon, yes?"
"Very soon," she said, nodding vigorously. "Tomorrow."
Rai'uk nodded. "Good."
Shawn returned to shore and did her best to dry herself off with some absorbent moss before putting her wrap back on. Perhaps she would start wearing the necklaces the other women wore. It would certainly be less uncomfortable after a swim. No one seemed to care much about boobs anyway, and hers weren't truly so big that she needed to bind them for support. She had gone along with Ninat's joke mostly so that she could could continue to cover her breasts completely.
"Sha'ni," Rai'uk called.
"I am here," she said, stepping out from the bushes. "Come, you were right. We should hurry."
"One more thing before we go," Rai'uk said, reaching out—she thought—to stroke her hair. The corners of his mouth quirked upward as he plucked a dripping weed from her queue. "I know what the river is for you. I am honored that you shared it with me, Sha'ni."
"You are my mate," Shawn said shyly, looking down.
"Sha'ni," Rai'uk said, cupping her face. "I am going to kiss you now."
Before she had time to think (or protest), Rai'uk's mouth was pressed firmly but gently against hers. It was nothing like the sweet, light kisses she had shared with Norm so many times. Even when getting what she considered to be hot and heavy, with Norm there had always been a certain lack of substance that she had found both comforting and irritating. Rai'uk's kiss, while not aggressive, crackled with restrained power, just like the rest of him. It was passionate and possessive...and it was just the slightest bit more terrifying than it was wonderful Just before panic struck, Rai'uk released her and stepped back, smiling.
"I see you, Sha'ni."
"Um," she replied, blinking dazedly.
"Run with me," Rai'uk urged, and held out his hand.
Shawn hesitated only a moment. Then she took his hand, twining her five fingers with his four.
"I see you, Rai'uk."