Chapter 28 – No Going Back

I never thought having sex with Edward could be so difficult. Of course, my struggle only made him laugh. "What are you doing? You look like you're in pain."

"Shhh," I hissed at him. "It's bad enough that everyone knows what we're doing in here, I certainly don't want them to hear anything." – And god knew I wanted to be vocal – It was hard not to be while straddling Edward and moving in that incredible way.

He just laughed again. "You never care how loud we are in my dorm room, and those walls are paper thin."

"That's different," I argued while rolling my hips to reach that marvelous spot, and then biting my lip to keep myself from moaning. "Most of your neighbors are doing the same thing."

Edward grunted from the sensation, and then he smiled. "What the hell do you think everyone is doing in this house right now? They're all fucking like rabbits, just like they do every other night."

I paused my movements and tried to listen. "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly. The guy that built this place a decade ago was some millionaire recluse that insisted people were always trying spy on him, so he had all the rooms soundproofed. But trust me, Carlisle and Esme are grateful, we all are. Their place in Alaska is a nightmare at night. You can't walk down a hall without hearing beds squeaking and moaning."

I giggled. "That's…"

"Disgusting, I know," he agreed, and then he shocked me by screaming at the top of his lungs. "See? No one can hear….Well they might have heard that." We both froze as we waited to make sure no one was coming to see why he was screaming, and when we were satisfied we were in the clear we both giggled and then resumed our perfect love session.

The next morning I decided to leave for home fairly early, because I wasn't sure what time Charlie got off work - Sadly it wasn't early enough.

"Oh, hey dad," I said, surprised to see him sitting in the kitchen when I walked into the house.

"Are you okay?" he asked evenly.

"Uh…Yes," I said with a guilty smile. "I just…lost track of time," I lied horribly.

"Bella, you are an adult and you don't have to explain yourself. I was just worried, that's all."

"I'm sorry. You said you were going to be gone all night, so I didn't worry about coming home."

"Okay let's just move on," he said uncomfortably, obviously coming to his own conclusions of where I was and not wanting details. "What do you want to do today?"

"Well, I thought I'd see if I could help with your party planning. Who's putting it all together?"

"Uh… Sue Clearwater," he replied awkwardly.

"Sue? Harry's wife?"

"Ex…They just finalized their divorce a few months ago."

I huffed, and then exploded. "Dad, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you and your friends? You all switch partners like it's nothing!"

"Now hold on, that's not what happened here."

"No? Then what?"

"Sue and Harry have been separated for a long time, and I didn't officially start dating her until a month ago – after their divorce was final. Look, I didn't intend for it to happen, but we were friends first and we've both been through a lot in the past couple years. It just sort of…happened."

I swear, he gave me a fucking migraine, but at the same time it was his life and I certainly wasn't in a position to judge him for his choice in significant other.

"Well, since we're on the subject of questionable relationship choices, I have something to tell you," I said, deciding it was a good time to break the Edward news.

"What is it?... Oh wait, hold that thought," he said as he checked his cell phone. "Ah shit! Honey, I have to go for a little while. I'm really sorry."

"What happened?"

He hesitated, and then sighed. "It looks like there was an accident up by Coyote Bend," he said carefully. "A hit and run."

"What?" I nearly choked. "The same place where mom…"

"You know what? I'm retiring; I'll just let someone else handle this," he said while pulling out his phone.

"No dad, I'm fine," I insisted. "Really, just go. You're the best at handling situations like that around here."

"I'm not leaving you here alone, I shouldn't have even told you."

"I'm fine," I repeated strongly. The truth was, it did make my chest ache and my stomach twist, but feeling those old familiar pains just made me want to go cuddle into Edward and let him kiss it all away. "You know, I think I'm just going to go meet up with my friends again for a while," I told Charlie before grabbing my keys and practically racing for my truck.

When I arrived at the Cullen's place, I didn't even feel uncomfortable about just walking inside. Edward and Carlisle were standing in the archway between the living room and the kitchen, and looked to be in some kind of serious conversation, but I couldn't stop myself from grabbing onto him and molding my body to his regardless.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward asked as he held me tightly and kissed my hair.

"There was just an accident up at Coyote Bend," I mumbled into his chest.

There was a few beats of silence, and then he started rubbing my back. "Babe, I'm so sorry," he murmured. "Come on; let's go up to my room."

Edward did exactly what I needed him to - he just held me for a while. I didn't cry, and I never felt like I was on the verge of losing myself, but I needed him; I needed his arms to hold me and remind me that something truly beautiful could come from such tragedy. I truly believed Edward and I would have ended up together even without the scam that initially inspired us to meet, but we did meet the way we did, and we were stronger for it.

"Bella?" Edward asked after a while, but then hesitated.

"What?"

"I know that we've started over and all, but… Is it possible for you to even ever truly get over what happened?"

"Of course…I already have. I know you were just protecting yourself; hell, if anyone needs forgiveness it's me."

"No, I'm not talking about the lies and the double scams."

"What do you mean then?" I asked confused.

"I didn't cause the accident and it wasn't my fault, but I was still there. I mean, maybe it was my car that made Billy swerve, maybe if I wasn't there that night he would have somehow made it home and your mom would still be…"

I put my finger on his lips to quiet him. "You didn't kill my mom. None of it was your fault, and I really hope that someday you'll truly believe that too."

He caressed my face tenderly. "I thought you came here so I could comfort you, how did it turn into you comforting me?"

I smiled. "That's what we do, right? Comfort each other."

He kissed me sweetly. "That is exactly what we do…and we always will."

"Always," I agreed.

We never really discussed the future or said anything close to 'always' or 'forever', but I believed he wanted that with me too, and it was nice to actually hear him say it.

A few hours later I got a text from Charlie saying he was done for the day, so I left Edward at the Cullen's house and went back home. I didn't ask him about the accident, and he didn't offer any information either; it had nothing to do with us so it just wasn't necessary.

Sue joined us for dinner, and I was surprised by just how not uncomfortable having her there actually was; Charlie seemed really happy, and I'd never be upset at anyone for that. When it started getting late I told Charlie I was leaving again, which made him grimace, but he didn't question me. I think he was really trying hard to prove that he trusted my sanity by giving me some space. I appreciated it.

For the rest of the week things pretty much went the same. I spent most of my days with Charlie, except for when he illogically went into the job he was supposedly retiring from, and then I always left after dinner to Edward's, much to the dismay of Charlie. I had one entire week left to tell him the truth, so I decided to wait until after the big party that weekend; I didn't want to ruin his time. But when the day of the party did come, I regretted putting it off…

"If I would have just not been a coward and told him the truth, you could have been coming with me today," I pouted to Edward that morning.

"We can just surprise him by me showing up," he offered playfully.

"I don't want to give him a heart attack at his retirement party," I grumbled.

"Bella, even if you had already told him, I highly doubt I'd be welcome there today," he pointed out.

"Well he's going to have to accept you, because I'm not willing to give you up just because he disapproves."

Edward abruptly became quiet, and the atmosphere between us tensed.

"What is it?" I asked concerned.

But he just clamed up. "Nothing. You should get going; you're going to be late."

"I don't care about being late, I care about whatever the hell just upset you," I said sternly.

"I'm not upset."

"We promised we wouldn't lie to each other," I challenged him.

"Bella, you're going to be late, we'll talk later." He didn't really give me a chance to argue anymore; he practically dragged me to my truck and kissed me goodbye.

"Well…I love you," I said after rolling down my window.

"I love you too," he replied, and then he leaned in and kissed me again, before turning and going back into the house.

I didn't understand his sudden mood swing, but he was right about one thing, I was going to be late if I stayed any longer, so I grudgingly put my car in drive and headed to the diner. Sue had rented out the entire place for a retirement brunch, and half the town was slated to be there. I was actually really nervous about being around all those people again; it would be the first time I saw many of them since before my breakdown, and I definitely wasn't looking forward to the obnoxious stares and intrusive questions.

And I was definitely right in my sour prediction; not even ten minutes into the event I had already been asked about my current emotional state by several nosey people. It wasn't their concern that bothered me, it was their excited hunger for any type of information they could use to gossip about. I suppose some things about small towns would never change.

When the speeches were over and everyone was finished eating, the smaller conversing resumed so I went outside for some fresh air, but what I was really doing was hiding; I didn't feel like talking to anyone anymore - I only wished the damn thing would end already so I could go back to Edward.

"These things always seem to drag on," someone said from behind me. For one brief moment I was excited to think it was Edward, but I knew his voice better than anyone, and that definitely wasn't it.

I turned to see Jacob Black standing there smiling at me. "Hey," I said awkwardly. "I didn't know you were here."

"Nah, I just got here a little bit ago. I pretty much just hovered in the back so I wouldn't disrupt anything."

"Oh…cool… I'm sorry, I didn't realize you and my dad were friendly again," I said with a bit more attitude than I intended. "Are you crashing the party, or something?"

"No, he invited me."

"Really?" I said surprised.

"Well…I asked to come…I was hoping to spend a little time with you."

"Why?" I asked disturbed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to… Well, actually I did. Why do you want to spend time with me?"

"Just to catch up…I have something for you."

I couldn't help the slight moan that escaped my lips. "What?"

"Wow, don't sound too excited. I know you hate gifts and all, but jeesh," he said while pulling out a small rectangular box and holding it out towards me.

"Um…it's not my birthday…and we're not friends anymore - We haven't even seen each other in almost two years, so this is more than a little odd," I said honestly, refusing to take the gift from him.

"Two years isn't much on the grand scale of time that we've spent together. I guess I was just hoping we could try to be friends again."

"So this is what? A peace offering?" I asked while gesturing towards the box.

"I guess. Actually I made it for you a while ago…hoping I'd get a chance to see you again."

"Jake, look, I appreciate it, but I can't accept anything from you. It's just…I'm all about moving forward with my life, not taking six steps back."

"So there's just no hope for us to ever be friends again? Ever?" he asked incredulously.

"I wish you the best…really I do, but I just don't think it's a good idea, at least not now."

"I thought…I thought there had been enough time since all that went down that you'd be able to forgive me."

I sighed. "I do forgive you Jake…but my life is in Seattle, and I really don't want to get involved with anyone around here."

"But Charlie said you've been reconnecting with your friends here?" he questioned.

I clinched my jaw. "He really doesn't know much about me these days," I mumbled.

"Is everything okay?" Jake asked concerned.

"Yes!" I growled at him. I was so sick of people asking me if everything was okay. "Sorry," I added, feeling like a moron for losing my cool. We stood there silently for a bit, and just watched the light rain fall outside the cover of the diner's porch.

"Remember your sixteenth birthday?" he asked suddenly.

I grimaced, but when he started laughing at the memory I couldn't help but crack a grin. "It's not funny," I tried to pout.

"Oh, yes it is. You were so fucking stubborn; it didn't matter how deep in the mud your tires got, you were determined to drive that truck out of it."

"It was my first outing as a licensed driver; I didn't want to have to call a tow truck."

"So you made me get out in the pouring rain to push the damn thing, and when it wouldn't budge you actually thought you could help…as if your lack of strength would somehow make a difference," he said through his laughter.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "We ended up covered in mud from head to toe, and had to call the tow truck despite it all."

"Remember the tow driver's face when he saw us," Jake snorted as his laughter reached his belly.

We both laughed so hard that it was difficult to catch our breaths, but when we finally got a hold of ourselves Jake got serious again. "Man, I think about stuff like that all the time. We had a lot of great times together."

I hesitated, but finally nodded to acknowledge that he was right. We did have a lot of great times together, and perhaps it was wrong of me to bury those better memories out of fear of the worse ones. "Maybe we can be friends again…someday."

"I can wait… But you still have to open your gift."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

He smiled triumphantly, and then handed it to me.

The intricately braded bracelet with the carved wooden wolf charm was really beautiful, and I honestly couldn't believe he actually made it himself.

"So how much did your sister do of this?" I teased.

"None. I made the whole thing myself…just for you. Took me a long time, but it was worth it and I really hope you'll wear it."

"Jacob, it's really pretty," I said uncomfortably as he grabbed the bracelet from the box and automatically attached it to my wrist. "Um…I'm not sure how much I'll wear it though," I said honestly. "It would be a little strange for me to walk around college wearing a friendship bracelet that my ex made, and all."

"I doubt anyone would ask you about it, or even notice," he argued.

"Yeah well, my boyfriend would surely notice," I told him bluntly.

Jake sighed. "Boyfriend, huh? Charlie said he didn't think you were dating anyone seriously."

"I don't exactly offer that type of information to him," I said as I tried to open the clasp of the bracelet so I could take it off.

Jake grabbed my wrist to help me. "You don't have to wear it, but just promise me you'll always keep it with you…Like in your sock drawer or something."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I know that you made it and all, but why is me keeping it so important to you?"

He pressed his lips together and looked around as if he was trying to come up with a way to stall his explanation, but then he shrugged. "It's not a friendship bracelet…it's the Quileute's traditional version of a promise ring," he admitted sheepishly.

"What?" I nearly spat. "Why would you give me something like this?"

"Because I still love you, and I know now I always will," he said, completely blindsiding me. "We both know things got fucked up between us, but that doesn't mean we're any less meant to be. I've dated a lot of other girls, and none of them ever held a candle to you."

"Jake, I have a boyfriend," I told him again, hoping it would knock some sense into him.

"I don't care. So, it's still not the right time for us, but I truly believe that someday it will be. You can date a thousand guys…"

"I love him," I told Jake, but he didn't even pause.

"You can fall in love a hundred times, but you and me…we're each other's end game. We're the real deal, and I know someday you'll realize that."

I actually felt bad for him. As much as I didn't return his feelings, I still understood them because that was similar to how I felt for Edward.

"Jacob…I'm sorry, but…I really love my boyfriend…Like in the forever kind of way. I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked."

Jake shook his head. "Even if you did marry him, it wouldn't last because we belong together."

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I just don't feel that way."

"Because you're still not over everything that happened, and those emotions are getting in the way. But someday we will be together again."

"Fat chance of that, chump," Edward said, appearing out of nowhere and making me jump. His abrupt presence made me anxious, but not out of fear of Jake's opinion, I was worried of upsetting Edward that I was even talking to him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jacob snarled.

Edward and I ignored him.

"I thought you didn't want to come?" I murmured while unconsciously curling myself into him. I rarely ever tried to reach for Edward; it was always just an automatic response, as if my body wanted to be close to his without my mind even telling it to. It was instinctual.

"Emmett and I were heading to the store, and I saw you standing out here so I had him pull over and let me out," Edward explained in the same affectionate tone I was using. His hands had found their way to my hips, and he had slowly pulled me even closer into him, though I wasn't sure how unconscious his movements were.

"What the fuck!" Jacob shouted unexpectedly. I twisted my neck to look back at him, but my hands refused to break contact with Edward's body, which only seemed to make Jake that much more angry. "You're with him? Masen is your fucking boyfriend?" he fumed.

"It's Cullen," Edward corrected him evenly. My mind suddenly flashed back to all the times people had called him Cullen in high school and he would correct him by saying his name was Masen. For whatever reason the change was funny to me, and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep myself from laughing.

"What is so funny?" Jake spat.

I turned back to Edward and saw him trying to muffle his laughter as well, which only made me laugh harder.

"Bella, what the hell is wrong with you?" Jacob exclaimed, making my laughter die down. "You just told me a few minutes ago that you wanted to move forward with your life and leave the past behind you, or some shit like that, and here you are, fucking around with Masen again?"

"Cullen," Edward corrected him again, sending us both back into another fit of laughter.

"This is ridiculous," Jacob said full of irritation, and then he headed for the diner's front door.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked him, having a fairly good idea what his answer would be.

"I'm going to go speak to your dad; it's obvious you're having another mental meltdown."

Edward moved to stand in his way. "You're going to go tattle to her dad? Are you fucking kidding me? What are we, five?"

"You're sure acting like it," Jake retorted.

"Me? Why, because we're laughing?" Edward asked with a humorless chuckle. "Grow the fuck up, Black. You're just pissed because you're still in love with her, and she's with me."

"This is no different than senior year," Jake argued. "You're still messing with her emotions and taking advantaged of her vulnerable state."

"Vulnerable state? I'm not vulnerable," I told him confidently.

"Clearly you are if you started dating him again."

"And if she went back to you she'd be sane?" Edward snapped at him. "Please. You fucked her over far more than I did. At least she went into our relationship back then guardedly. She fucking trusted you, and you were willing to steamroll her just to get to me. You're fucking pathetic."

"Edward," I said, trying to get him to stop. There was no need to rehash everything, and I did feel bad for Jake; he looked horribly heartbroken, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

"No, he's right," Jake admitted. "I did hurt you more because you trusted me more, and because you loved me more. Bella, you know I'm sorry, I went to the hospital and apologized, but I will apologize every day for the rest of my life if that's what will make you better. We belong together, and we can't let one horrible mistake get in the way of that. If we end up with anyone else it would just be settling, and that's no way to live."

I reflexively looked at Edward because I was expecting him to rebut Jake's claim, but he just pressed his lips and then whispered – "That's all on you. You're the only one who can say if it's true or not."

He was right; it wasn't really his place so I smiled at him somberly. I was in no way in love with Jacob and I wondered if I ever really was, but I hated having to hurt anyone, though I guess there was no avoiding it.

"Jake…Look, we did have a lot of good times in the past, and I think I can finally look back on them fondly, but that doesn't mean we have a future so you need to stop waiting for me. I do forgive you for what happened, but even if I wasn't in love with Edward I still wouldn't want to try again with you," I said as gently as possible. "I'm sorry, Jake; I think that what we had before was just…I don't know, a childhood sweetheart thing, and nothing more. I really believe we would have grown apart eventually, even if it didn't end the way it did."

He shook his head in denial. "You think you love him right now, and I'm sure that's all you can see, but when it's over you'll realize what I already have. We do belong together."

"Jake…I don't know how to convince you," I said honestly. "Maybe you're holding onto this because you haven't found real love with someone so you think what we had is the best it can get…But I promise you, someday you'll understand."

"And I promise you, someday you'll change your mind," Jake replied unwavering.

"Okay, let's get out of here. Goodbye Jacob," Edward said, obviously frustrated by Jake's persistence.

"No, you don't speak for her!" Jake shouted, and then shoved Edward away from me.

"Oh, that's it," Edward fumed as he recovered himself. He lunged for Jake, but thankfully Emmett came out of nowhere and grabbed him before he had a chance to fight him.

"Whoa, relax little brother. No need to ruin the party," Emmett tried calming him. I mechanically looked through the window into the diner and saw that we had drawn the attention of a small crowd inside. And because things weren't bad enough already, that's when my dad ran out…

"Bella? What the hell is going on here?"